You are the reason!
by claira8683
Summary: Follow on from S02 finale. Chris and Street's broken relationship, will they ever get things back on track?
1. Chapter 1

Walking into the lobby in their dress blues Chris was deliberately staying as far away from Street as she could. She had caught his glance in the carpark outside, seeing him try to smile at her, but she looked away from him, giving him nothing. She was still a little angry and hurt, Luca and Tan had been ribbing him all day about being so quiet the last few days and not coming home the last two nights that he must have a new girl or girls on the go. He had tried each time to explain that he had been dealing with his mom and not on a date or with a girl but each time something had happened, and he never got the chance to set the record straight.

She knew it was juvenile of her and she had tried to brush it off and ignore it telling herself 'so what if he was with a girl? it's a free world', but then she would stop and think 'hang on how dare he though… if he cares about me half as much as he says he does, after kissing me, jeez how dare he…. jack arse'. The rollercoaster of emotions went around and around as she then felt awful because she had been the one who had caused that kiss. She was the one who went looking for him that night, she was the one who had gotten drunk, drunk enough that all of her inhibitions were gone, then just like that had gone running back to Ty and Kira leaving him standing alone to pick up the pieces of his heart which she was sure she had shattered. It was unfair of her to expect him to never look at another girl again, but she was angry, hurt, guilty, sad and a complete mess inside.

She did an amazing job though of putting up her walls and hiding all of that from the world. Except to Street…... he could see she was hurt and scared, but as much as he tried to reach out to her. To talk to her, all he got was a cold hard emotionless block from her. Little did he know that it was like a thin shell barely holding it all in.

She made small talk with Tan once they got inside, in order to avoid any need to look at or speak to him. Tan asked her if she had heard about Streets mother going back to prison this morning. She swallowed hard, as Tan explained that Street had been the one on his own, last night, who found her high on a cocktail of drugs, half-dressed living with some strung out dude called Brian in a filthy meth house. Tan told her that Street himself had reported her for parole violations and handed her over to go back inside. Chris knew that would have absolutely broken his heart. She knew he would have needed her last night and still be needing her as his friend right now, she felt awful that she was not there for him. She had seen a message on her phone around 6pm yesterday. It had read,

"Hey, I have a lead on my mom, thought you would want to know"

She had ignored it, she had thought it was him trying to make conversation and pry the door a little so that he could get his foot in the door with her. Chris glanced over her shoulder at him, she knew that he was in pain and would be needing her. She was his support person and had been for a long time, but she just stood there frozen and expressionless, hiding her pain as she watched him. She looked back at Tan,

"How's he doing?" she said gesturing her head to Street behind her. Tan was surprised Chris didn't just go speak to him, the two were usually inseparable.

"Um" Tan said shrugging…. "He ah…was pretty upset when I spoke to him back at HQ earlier"

Chris looked down at her feet. She felt ashamed. She felt guilty. She knew that he needed her friendship, she needed him too, but she couldn't bring herself to allow it, she didn't trust herself to even talk to him right now. He had made her feel such profound things that she was sure the only way of her not doing anything else stupid was to cut him off. No talking unless absolutely necessary! No socialising or being involved in each other's lives outside of work.

Hondo moved the group along,

"Come on…... we need to get seated they are about to start" he said.

She saw Hondo shoo Street and Luca towards the row of seats at the front and she deliberately held back, waiting to see where he sat, so she could sit a few seats away. As they approached the chairs, she quickly moved to stand in front of one, bagsing it, as it was several seats away from him. Tan and Luca would sit between them and be her buffer. Over the noise of the room she heard his laugh, instinctively she glanced quickly, seeing him take a seat next to Molly Hicks. The two of them laughing about something and smiling at each other. It made her chest hurt, and she swallowed hard looking at the floor to hide her pain. Chris hated these feelings. She felt like this pushing him away wasn't working because she also desperately wanted to keep him in arms reach. Seeing him look at another woman and be flirtatious made a sharp pain shoot through her heart. Street had not been flirting with Molly though. They were only laughing at a joke Tan had made about her father Commander Hicks.

Street sat there hearing Deacons words "we are more than a team….". He glanced across at her, Street knew inside that she had taken that seat deliberately, so she wasn't too close to him. As he sat looking at her briefly, he said to himself 'yeah we are more than just a team I'm in love with her'.

The way their relationship was over the last three days though was causing him to feel physically sick. It was strained and awkward and the way she had rejected him and seemingly discarded him was killing him. Not being able to talk to her, look at her or even get a smile out of her anymore. It felt like parts of him were slowly dying on the inside, he didn't know if he could go on like this. He desperately wanted and needed her back, even if it was only as friends, he told himself he would accept that and just be grateful to have her in his life again. Chris didn't look back at him, she continued watching Deacon up on the stage. 'Stop staring' he said to himself dropping his glance back away from her and inhaling deeply.

Chris had felt his eyes on her. She fought the urge to turn and smile at him. 'don't look at him… don't' she told herself. 'No point giving him hope or allowing him to think you have left that door open even a smidge'. She continued to look ahead to Deacon. Her mind was barely hearing anything he said. She was battling with the emotions and trying to focus herself. She knew deep down that she was running scared from the things he made her feel, she knew running away from him was making her miserable, it was probably making him miserable too. 'Stop it' she said to herself. 'Stop worrying about him… you need to focus on you. You need to keep him at bay and ride this wave out. It will go away, you will stop feeling these things soon enough if you give him some space and just focus on you, on you Ty and Kira and forget about him'

As the ceremony ended, she hoped she could exit quickly. She didn't want to have to mingle and be put in a situation where he might start to talk to her. Twice now he had tried to get her to talk to him about that kiss, but she had pretty successfully slammed that door shut in his face both times.

"No way…. I love them too" she heard him talking to Molly.

"We should go and see them one weekend" she said to him, touching his arm. 'Crap,' Chris thought 'she is definitely flirting with him'. Street smiled and nodded at her and was about to say something when Commander Hicks joined them,

"Dad, I was just telling Street about the friend I have in the LA Band Battle circuit"

Hicks raised his eyebrows at Street, "Molly has a lot of friends, some I approve of more than others…" he said with a tone in his voice that Street instantly knew meant keep away from my daughter. Tan had heard this unfold and feeling sorry for Street had intercepted the conversation going any further by steering him away.

"You okay?" Tan asked as he walked with Street away from Molly and the Commander.

"Yeah… thanks for the intercept" he said patting Tan's back

"Molly is definitely one girl you need to stay away from" Tan said sternly

"I…... ah…. I wasn't going after her… she was talking to me… I was just trying to …"

"Trying to what?" Tan said

"Trying to be polite" Street said with wide eyes, "why does everyone assume the worst of me?"

Tan chuckled, "you know I think maybe I need to tell her to stay away from you, she seems to be feeling your vibe playboy…if you know what I mean"

Street flicked his arm and they both laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

The event was coming to a close and the team began making their way out to the carpark. Street walked with Tan behind the others. He was watching her walking ahead of him. She was chatting to Deacon. Street was a little distracted as Tan began telling him about his girlfriend Bonnie moving in permanently with him and how serious they were getting. Street was happy for him, happy he had found someone and was falling in love. It did make him feel a bit yuck in his stomach though, and he knew that feeling came from the current way he and Chris were.

Ever since her lips had left his that night, she had pushed him away and each time he attempted to reach out to apologise or try to talk to her she had quickly shut him down. Severing their connection. She had pulled away any and all avenues she could. She didn't even return his text messages anymore. As the team got into the cars in the parking lot, he didn't even bother to turn and look where she was, he figured she had already sat herself in the other car that Hondo was pulling away in so she wouldn't have to be near him. He sighed heavily, feeling broken and hurt. He was surprised however as he lowered himself into the waiting car to find her sitting on the other side of the back seat, his eyes widen with shock, he froze not really knowing what to do. He forced a smile at her and a quick "hey" glancing at her and looking away quickly,

"Hey" she answered softly.

Luca was waiting in the driver's seat and Cortez sat in the passenger seat. Street felt really uncomfortable and awkward.

"Hurry up…. buckle up Street, we got places to be" Luca said.

"Sorry, I was talking to Tan about Bonnie moving in"

"What?" Luca interrupted. "They are living together, like for real" he said nodding "wow, that's a big deal… it's getting serious"

"Yeah" Street said nervously patting his hands on his knees and ensuring he looked out his own window away from her.

"Look man", Luca said glancing at him over his shoulder as he drove "That reminds me, please don't feel like you have to make any fast decisions to move out to go back to your apartment hey…. I am really liking having you bunk with me."

Street smiled. Right now, with everything that was going wrong in his life he needed one thing that felt right. Going home with Luca and having someone around him, helped and was making him feel better. To be honest it was the only thing getting him through the nights sometimes.

"Thanks man…" Street said "I really appreciate it…. I am kind of really liking having some company and someone to talk to right now"

Chris had been staring out her window, she closed her eyes as he said it. She knew that comment was meant for her, she knew that was Street saying, 'please stop ignoring me'. God it was hurting her, the pain she felt forcing herself to ignore him and hold up a wall to him was exhausting her, it was breaking her heart. The more she tried to push him away the more she wanted him closer to her. She so desperately wanted to turn her head and lock eyes with him. She knew through one glance she could say so much to him and begin to make it better, but she knew that would be wrong, that it would lead him to think there was still an open door there. She kept telling herself that there can't be, there can be no opening left at all for him to wriggle into. This was for their own good. She was still dating Ty and Kira, she was not going to be someone who makes a habit of cheating on her partners. She felt so ripped apart by guilt already. She told herself she had to push Street away and shut him out. If she let him in and things happened between them, she was sure one of them would be made to sacrifice their place on the team, as a part of this SWAT family, she couldn't do that to him. She cared too much and saw how much he needed this team.

'hhmmmm, SWAT family' she thought. It didn't feel like a loving SWAT family the last few days. It felt like a family going through a messy break up! She hated it.

Cortez turned to face Street, "How are you holding up Street?" she asked. The concern evident in her voice.

Street was trying to be careful what he said, "I'm …... I'm ok…... I mean I know I did the right thing and everything and that my mom needs that help, but …" he winced a little and Chris saw the pain physically move through his body from the corner of her eye, "I just …... I still hate myself right now…. I am all she has, and she is all I have…it ….it hurts"

Again, Chris felt what he said like a sharp pain in her heart. His mom was not all that he had, he had her, and if she was being honest, he had had her from the moment they met. It was just not an easy thing for her to come to terms with. She closed her eyes and turned her head away from him. She felt a tear in her eye and couldn't let him see.

"Hey…... You are right, you did the right thing Street, you did everything you could" Cortez said with compassion in her voice. "We are all here for you…... if you need anything"

'All here for you?' Street muttered in his head. 'Chris isn't…... she isn't here for me at all.'

Street swallowed hard and nodded back at Cortez though. "Thanks Captain, I just hope she gets the help and is ok".

The car slowed and turned into the parking lot, he was staring at a bus out the window and turning his head to follow it his glance caught hers. She held her eyes on him for a second before blinking slowly and looking down. He noticed her eyes were sad, she looked as if she too physically felt the pain he felt. He desperately wanted to say something to her, but what could he possibly say, sitting here in the car with Luca and Cortez.

"Captains right Street" Luca said pointing his thumb at Cortez. "You did the right thing …. And hey I am sorry for before man…. If I had known that you were staying at your apartment cause of all that with your mom, I never would have said …..."

"It's ok Luca… really it is" Street said cutting him off.

Chris glanced down and looked sideways at him. Street could feel her eyes again and mirrored her movement, tilting his own head down and glancing at her. He expected her to turn away and ignore him, but in that moment his eyes locked with hers. A shiver ran right up his spine. Her big dark eyes were still full of sadness and he could do nothing but stare at her. She kept her eyes on his and blinked at him slowly. It was a look that he would almost swear said 'I'm sorry'. He turned up the corner of his mouth and gave her a tiny nod as if to say 'It's ok… I get it'

At HQ, Street went about his business. He tried to just do his job and forget the drama but getting her out of his head felt impossible. He had been thinking about approaching her again, but her level of coldness towards him was making him doubt that move.


	3. Chapter 3

Street sat on his bike in the motor pool after shifts end, he was contemplating whether he should just ride home to Luca's and have a beer with him and a game of pinball or should he take a ride down near the beach to clear his head. He wondered whether Luca was going home or had made other plans. Luca had just started dating Kelly's mum and sometimes was out late with her. He was just taking his phone out to message Luca when he heard Chris's voice. She was coming out the doors talking to Tan and laughing loudly. God, he loved the sound of her laugh. There was nothing else quiet like it.

He slid on his helmet, it will help hide his face and emotions if nothing else he thought. Tan called out to him as he started the bike.

"Yo Street…..."

Street flipped up his visor and nodded, "what's up?"

"Where you off too?" Tan asked, kinda shouting over the noise of his bike. Chris stood next to Tan and shuffled her feet, but didn't look at him,

"I was just gunna go for a ride to unwind, then home probably". He quickly glanced at her, she was looking the ground and clearly uncomfortable. Before Tan had a chance to answer Chris cut in,

"I gotta go" she said tapping Tans arm and not looking at Street,

"Hot date night with Ty and Kira?" Tan teased her. She sighed and laughed a little, before flicking Tans arm,

"wouldn't you like to know" raising her eyebrows playfully, "night guys" she said giving Street a quick glance before turning and walking away towards her truck. Tan laughed and called after her "Night Chris, have fun"

"Night" Street called

"Night" Chris called back lifting her hand to wave at him without turning around.

God it hurt. He so desperately needed her in his life, he missed the way she used to joke and tease him. The awkwardness between them made every situation they both found themselves in together so frosty and uncomfortable. He watched her drive out and looked back at Tan. "You heading home to Bonnie?" he asked

"Nah, she's working nights, I might head down to the bar at the pier for a beer before I go home, Wanna join me?" Tan offered.

"Yeah, why not" Street nodded. "Meet you there." He text Luca first and told him they were going for a beer at the pier if he wanted to come, but Luca text back to say he was heading downtown already. Tan and Street sat out on the pier, dangling their feet over the edge and watching the waves, with beers in hand.

"So, if Molly Hicks is actually off the cards Street," Tan said giving him a suspicious glare like he still believed Street was gunna go there "who are you lining up next? Any conquests in the works?"

Street smirked and let out a little laugh. "Nah man, no one new in my life right now", he answered. That wasn't a lie at all. He took a swig of his beer and thought, Chris wasn't new in his life, she had been his interest for the last 2 years. He had merely been trying to fill the void while he waited for the right moment. Had the other night been the right moment he thought? No probably not, but it had happened now and there was no taking it back.

Street listened as Tan talked about how serious he was about Bonnie. He told Street all about thinking about taking those next steps with her, wanting to marry her and everything. Streets heart ached. He felt those things too, but for a woman he couldn't even get to look at him right now.

As much as he tried, he couldn't understand the thrupple she was in. How could that possibly work? How the hell did Chris have real feelings for them both? How strong could those feelings for Ty and Kira really be if she had sought him out that night and initiated that moment when she had kissed him? Why had she run off so scared if she didn't feel those amazing things? How can you be marrying one person and both dating another at the same time? When I ask a girl to marry me, he thought I want it to be only her and I for the rest of our lives. Ty and Kira were making a joke of it, he thought. He couldn't stand to think about Chris with them. He knew deep down that she had felt those feelings the other night for him. She could push him away and deny it, but he knew she felt it too. When he confronted her the next day in the kitchen, she hadn't corrected him when he said "That kiss, I thought that was a mutual moment we both had".

Finishing their beers and heading out Tan looked at Street. "Hey…... I really hope the right girl finds you soon, coz feeling like I do right now about someone special" he said looking at Street. "Its amazing". Tans smile was huge, and his happiness glowed for all to see.

Street smiled at him and patted his back "I'm happy for you man, night, see you tomorrow" he said.

As Chris drove home, she breathed in heavily. Her thoughts were full of Street and the awful way it was with him at the moment. She hated the way she knew she must be hurting him but told herself it was for their own good. This way I'm not going to find myself in a position again where in the heat of the moment I might cheat on Kira and Ty, no one will get hurt any further or lose anything like their spot on 20 David. But then she realised how much she hated the way she was losing her best friend. She chewed her bottom lip as she drove in the darkness. Were the others, right? Was she only setting herself up for heartache? Was she only wanting to commit to Ty and Kira and move in so she could push Street away and bury her feelings?

She remembered the conversation she had had with Street the morning of the fundraiser. She had sought him out in the kitchen at HQ to ask him about the moving in thing. He had said to her

"I'm glad you're happy now, but what happens after the honeymoon, after the wedding? What exactly are you to them?" She had never answered him though, because he had taken that call about his mom. But maybe he was right. Maybe they weren't right for her and she was going to get her heart broken. If that happened like he said, would he still be there for her, especially if she kept treating him like this?

Chris had to stop at some roadworks. She sighed and rolled her eyes. Tapping impatiently on the wheel she lowered her window and asked the traffic controller

"Excuse me, How long?"

"Um… another few minutes" he said. Chris glanced in her mirror, she contemplated reversing and turning around but there were cars behind her.

She nodded and wound her window up. She picked up her phone and opened it. There was a message from Kira saying her and Ty were already heading out to the bar and she should join them when she gets home.

"oh, they didn't wait for me?" She huffed and felt a pain in her chest. Was this more proof Street was right? Chris tried to shake it off. She stared out the window and wished she could talk to Street, he had always been her confidante, she realised she was really missing him.


	4. Chapter 4

As Street rode away from the pier, he didn't feel like going home to Luca's empty house, all he could think of was her. He decided to ride to the beach further down and try to clear his head. He pulled into a parking bay and hanging his helmet on the bike, walked slowly onto the sand. The night was cool, and he breathed in deeply, letting the fresh ocean air fill his lungs. He stood watching the waves roll in and wondered where she was right now. Was she with Kira and Ty at a bar, the movies, at home? It was hurting his chest not knowing. It was hurting thinking of her with them.

He sighed and sat down on the sand, watching the waves crash in front of him in the moonlight was calming, kind of romantic if only he had her here to share it with. He sat there thinking about her, His mind replayed the comment she had made a few days ago in the back of Black Betty about "dealing with rejection like a normal human being", she had muttered it in relation to a suspect they were looking for but Street, felt like she kinda aimed it at him too. Or was he just overthinking things. He thought he had handled it well. He had tried to talk to her twice face to face since that night, since that kiss. That first chat in the kitchen at HQ and then following that the next day asking her if they could chat about the awkwardness between them. He thought he hadn't pushed her too far, he hadn't tried to make her admit to feeling things or anything and thought he hadn't crossed the line. He just really wanted to fix it, he wanted her back as his best friend. 'Hmmmm maybe' he said to himself out loud 'maybe it was because I told her "They're not right for you, you know" maybe she is angry with me for that. I was just being honest'.

In all these situations however, Street hadn't seen her reactions once she had turned from him or left the room. She was feeling the heartbreak too, she had cried on her way home after telling him "Not your problem Street… See you tomorrow". In that moment when he had said to her "I don't wanna see you get your heart broken" she desperately wanted to go to him, to hold him again and tell him what she felt for him. She knew he deeply cared for her, and now that they were barely even speaking, she desperately missed him, and it hurt. She felt awful... she had not only broken their friendship she had broken her loyalty to Ty and Kira and was drowning in the guilt.

Street swirled his finger in the sand and glanced out to sea. His chest physically ached and he couldn't shake the sick feeling he felt. He suddenly remembered that deadly cold sideways look that had closely followed her comment. He had seen it out of the corner of his eye when Tan was teasing him about a" pity date". She had looked at him with anger. He knew she had assumed the worst, that he went and found a new girl to forget about kissing her and the things they both had felt.

He was good at reading her, even though she was angry he knew she was hurting too. The guilt she felt was eating her up, but he couldn't help her. She wouldn't let him.

Street's mind skipped to today, to that glance she had given him in the back of the charger earlier. He remembered how sad her eyes were, how he would swear she was trying to tell him she was sorry, that maybe she even missed him. He picked up a rock and threw it in the water in frustration.

"God, I need her" he said out loud looking up at the dark sky and twinkling stars. He was fighting with himself over whether he should just text her. He had sent her a few texts over the last few days. Mostly saying things like

"Chris, I know you are angry, and you want me to stay away, I just wanted to say please know I am sorry. I never meant for this to happen. You are important to me" …... Or after she walked away from him the following day in HQ saying coldly "We're not, we're just gunna do our jobs",

"I hate this Chris, I can't stand the awkwardness" she had not replied, and even when he found out where his mom was, he text her again

"Hey, I have a lead on my mom, thought you'd wanna know"

She hadn't returned any of them. He had not sent her one today and was feeling defeated like he should just give up and not try to force it.

He opened his phone and flicked to her messages. The last one she had sent him was the night of the fundraiser before she came to his place and before any of this started. It had simply read "Where are you?"

It made him smile a sad smile. He thought about that night. She had wanted him to be there and was clearly upset when he wasn't. Then after getting into it with Annie and seeing Ty and Kira mingling without her made her think about it all. Were people, right? Was this wrong for her? What exactly was she to them? Would they discard her after the wedding? That was when she he came to him, hurting, hurting about the comments Annie had made, her family's views and the concerned reactions from her team mates as well as her own doubts deep down. The fact that they had asked her to move in meant that it was feeling official and that scared her, because it would make her admit that she knew deep down they weren't right for her? Street had told her that a few times. He hoped one day she would see it too.

He twirled his thumbs above the keyboard on his phone.

"Hey, hope you are ok. I miss you" he looked at the words and then began deleting them. 'I need to give her some space' he said putting the phone down.

Chris sat in her truck watching the roadworks seemingly take forever to clear a path for her. She looked at her phone again on the seat next her. She would usually grab it in a situation like this a text him something silly, or a thought she had etc. Maybe I should now anyway, she muttered.

'oh, maybe I should apologise to him,' she said to herself. 'I know I've hurt him, what I've done is not fair but…. shit I have made a mess of this'. As she reached for the phone, she clenched her jaw and opened the messages, licking her lip she began typing

"I'm sorry Street. I just need some space. What I did was wrong of me. I put you in an awful position and the guilt I feel for cheating on them and doing that to you is killing me. I know now that I need to commit to them 100% and give this a go. I need to know if it can work with them. They make me the happiest I've ever been in a relationship and I really need to see if it can work. To do that I need to give you some space. I never meant to hurt you. …."

Then a tooting car horn behind her, made her look up. The traffic controller was waving at her to go ahead. She threw the phone on the seat and drove off.

As she pulled in to the garage at Ty and Kira's she climbed out and reached across the seat to grab her phone. Then she stopped. She remembered the message she had typed but not sent. She stood there pondering whether to send it. She reread what she had typed. She shook her head and turned up the corner of mouth, tapping the phone in her other hand she hit 'discard'.

'I can't', she thought, 'I just can't right now…it's not fair on him, it's just not right'


	5. Chapter 5

Chris closed the door behind her and walked into Ty and Kira's apartment, as the door clicked closed, she leant against it. Her stomach was in knots and she hated feeling like this. The silence and lack of life in the apartment hit her like a fist. She realised how much it actually hurt that they had gone to the bar already without her. If she was that important to them, why wouldn't they wait? was she being too precious about that? she was only 10-15 minutes behind them for gods sake.

She shrugged to herself and dropped her stuff on the stand before jogging up the stairs to shower and change. She text Kira as she entered the bathroom "Be there in 10, which bar?"

"Hey, Jacksons, sitting out the back, See you soon xx"

Chris saw the reply just as she jumped in the shower. She smiled and thought about seeing them both. 'I will feel better once I get there,' she told herself.

Meanwhile, Street had dusted the sand off his clothes and headed home to Luca's place. He undid his helmet and wandered inside. He felt lost, unwanted and lonely, as he unpacked his things, he again found himself thinking about her, where she was and what she was doing?

"God" he said. Putting his bag down. "Make it stop… I can't keep this up…." He slumped onto a chair and stared at the roof.

Ding….

He exhaled and looked at his phone which was on the table in front of him. It was a message, but from who… was it her? he found himself thinking as he reached out for it hopefully.  
'No …. she has forgotten I exist' he thought grimacing with pain.

Luca: hey man, I'll be home soon, just dropping the girls off home after the fair.

Street smiled, at least Luca had the girl he wanted. He clicked his mouth and threw his phone back on the table walking to the bathroom for a hot shower.

Chris meanwhile had dressed in her favourite black jeans and stood looking through the clothes in her suitcase on her bed in the spare room. It suddenly hit her that they hadn't pushed her to set up a real bedroom, to make a space her own, or even a wardrobe or anything more permanent yet. Chris slowly sat back on the bed.

"What exactly are you to them?" Streets words were ringing in her ears. Was he right? Was this not right for her? Was she just kidding herself and doing this to hide from what giving a real relationship a shot with Street would mean?

She swallowed hard and laid back onto the bed. If she was being honest, she knew Street made her feel such profound things. Things she had never felt with anyone else before, things that when he was around her, she could feel reverberating through her whole body. This was why she was holding up that wall to him and trying her best to cut him off. She knew that allowing him in, allowing him to be her friend would ultimately lead to more moments like the other night and if she let that happen, allowing herself to break her policy for not dating cops, any cops, let alone on the same team, she could be the reason that he loses it all... She knew how important 20 David was to Street, she knew and understood how deeply he needed them all as his family. If she started a relationship with him or even just got herself into another position like the other night again, she knew that he could lose it all, loose it all because of her and she couldn't live with that.

She hadn't been lying when she had told Street that she had feelings for Ty and Kira, she did. She was attracted to both of them, not just physically but on other levels too. She liked that they made her happy and being around them felt amazing but was he right. Would that wear off? Was that temporary? What would happen once they were married and been on a honeymoon?

Chris had always been strong willed, even as a child. She had been raised in a household that had the right values about how you behave and treat people, she hated that she had broken those values, by kissing Street like she did, while she was in a relationship with someone else. It was killing her that she maybe did that because she had doubts about this relationship. Why was she forcing herself to do this if deep down it didn't feel right?

Chris again sucked in a deep breath and lay there on the bed, she was thinking about how she had been close to tears telling Street in the kitchen at HQ the day after the kiss that she had moved in with Ty and Kira, not because of him, but because she hated herself right now and needed to make herself commit to this, she owed that to them. She was holding back tears and struggling to look at him, not to be a cold heartless ice queen but because saying "We can't be like that anymore Street…. it wouldn't be fair to them" had been her way of saying I can't be around you like that outside of work because I don't trust myself. She had told him shortly after that that she had to go they were waiting for her and she couldn't look at him as she knew the things she had just said had broken his heart. She walked towards the door swallowing hard, trying not to cry and when she heard him try one last time to let her know that he cared, that he wanted her, that he would do anything to just have her in his life "They're not right for you …. you know" she had spun and looked at him. That moment was etched into her brain. It had made her hold in her breath and struggle to speak. Her heart in that moment screamed at her to just go to him, go to him and tell him you want him, you feel things, but she didn't, she listened to her head which forced her to say "Not your problem Street…. see you tomorrow" and walk away. Leaving him standing their alone and broken. She remembered then sitting in her truck a few blocks from Ty and Kira's and crying for a while. She hated herself.

She thumped the bed next to her and grabbed the shirt off the pile, 'better hurry up' she said to herself 'they actually are waiting for you', as she sat up pulling it over her head, she saw it…... the shirt she had had on that night, the fundraiser night. It was laying on the floor in front of her, it must have fallen out when she grabbed the suitcase. She sat staring at it. Before she could snap herself out of it a stray tear rolled down her cheek. "Shit…" she said to herself quickly wiping away the tear, sniffing and grabbing up the shirt. She was about to stuff it back into the suitcase when a waft of it hit her…she hadn't dry cleaned it yet and it still smelt like him…... him with a tinge of whiskey…As the scent filled her nostrils, she closed her eyes and was suddenly reliving that night, that kiss, that embrace with him. She stood holding the shirt in her arms, hugging it, thinking about him.

Ding

As her phoned flashed she shook her head, feeling silly for behaving like she was. She stuffed the shirt in the suitcase, grabbed up her phone and slid on her shoes.

Kira: "Are you far away? I'll order you a drink"

She smiled, Kira was sweet and kind and so was Ty. They didn't deserve to be treated like this. She again felt bad for allowing herself to get swept away with Street in her head and threw herself a glare in the mirror as if to tell herself 'stop it Chris, just stop'

As she walked out the door she typed back "Just leaving the apartment…. Needed to shower and change… it was a big day…. I'll tell you about it when I get there xx"

Street had sat down on the couch and turned on Netflix to hopefully unwind and quiet down his thoughts about Chris when he heard Luca's truck pulling in.

"Hey man….." Luca said opening the door and seeing Street on the couch.

"Hey….. how was your date with Tuana?"

"….and Kelly" Luca added smiling and pointed at Street to correct him

"Oh…. Right… so it was PG then" Street teased.

Luca smiled and threw Street a glare before picking up the basketball that was on the floor and throwing it at him,

"Wanna go shoot some hoops? I'm too wound up to sleep"

Street caught the ball and chewed his lips thinking for a second, "yeah… ok…. only for an hour though… I'm beat"

"Nice…" Luca said helping him up and patting his back.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, arriving at HQ with Luca, Street was focused on just doing his job and getting through the day. He had told himself on the way in not to get swept up in trying to talk to her, just stay professional and it will be fine.

"Hey…what do you think about me asking Tuana to come to the LAPD Picnic day in a few weeks... too soon?" Luca said matching Streets stride as they made their way into the building. Street looked at him,

"Wow" he said nodding "You two are really starting to get serious I guess," he answered watching his friend for a reaction.

Luca smiled and nodded. "Yeah I really really like her… she is amazing …. and Kelly is great and I want you guys to hang out and for her to feel a part of my life you know"

Street smiled and nodded, "I think she would probably like that..." he said patting Luca's back. Luca smiled, happy Street approved.

"You gunna bring anyone?" Luca asked looking at him,

Street frowned…. 'Here we go' he thought 'come on suck it up…. don't start thinking about her like that now'.

"Nah, no one to bring right now" he said casually.

"Hey…. It's still a few weeks away…. You never know" Luca said pointing his fingers at Street. They met Tan coming in the doors and Luca started on him about Bonnie moving in. Street smirked at the two of them carrying on and walked ahead to get his gear sorted. As he opened the locker room door, he saw her. She was leaning on the bench lacing up her boots. Just the sight of her made his heart race and he was suddenly aware he hadn't caught his breath. He felt a smile on his face, unaware how that even got there he shook his head and repeated to himself 'keep it professional'. She quickly glanced up as the door banged,

"Hey" she said looking up briefly and then dropping her gaze back down and feeling a little uncomfortable. 'Chris…' she said to herself 'keep it cool…stay focused…. Come on'

"Hey" Street replied thinking the exact same thing. He walked around the long way, so he didn't have to brush past her and began unpacking his things in to his locker. As they both fussed about unpacking and getting ready the silence and feel of the room was thick and heavy. The tension was making it hard for Street to breathe and he hated it but kept repeating to himself to 'just be professional'.

As the door opened again and Luca and Tan came in, she closed her locker and quickly glancing back at Street said "I'll see you out there". Street nodded at her, "yep" turning up the corner of his mouth in a sad smile as she walked away.

As they gathered with Hondo for their shift debrief, she stood arms folded defensively across her chest, Street could read her vibe and made a conscious effort to stand away from her on the other side of the table.

"Deac" Hondo said, "What's on our recruit training schedule today?"

"Ok, we have Street, Chris and Luca running the movement exercises out the back, Luca you are taking the lead. Leaving, you, me and Tan to take the climbing drills"

"Right… make sure you're ready to roll if we get a call, otherwise let's go train up some new blood for the next academy intake" Hondo said tapping the table.

Street turned to walk, not looking at her, hating the fact that Deac had them both together on the same task. He wasn't sure if his plan to just stay professional for the day could work. He was worried that having to work this closely with her was going to bring all of that undone. Chris walked a few paces behind, next to Luca. She watched him ahead of her repeating to herself 'Keep your cool…. Give him space… you will be fine'

"Ok…" Luca began as they reached the training sheds "Can you two go and set up drill number 5 and I will go organise our first recruit team to go in"

Street nodded, patting the side of his leg nervously and Chris had no choice but to follow. As they made their way into the shed Street glanced at her, she looked terrified and annoyed at the same time. He wondered whether she too was feeling like he was.

Drill number 5 involved them placing some mirrors around for the team to try and avoid during their movements into the house. Street opened the storeroom with his swipe key and began looking for the mirrors. Chris moved to the doorway and watched him looking about. She wished the crazy sick feeling inside her would just go away.

"Here" Street said, reaching behind some boxes to grab the first of the mirrors. He lifted it out and passed it to her,

"Thanks" she said quickly turning and walking out of the storeroom to place it in position. Street continued to lift out the rest of the mirrors and stacked them near the door. As he grabbed one himself to go put in place, she was walking back towards him. He hesitated for a minute, 'should I put the mirror down and try to say something to break this suffocating atmosphere?' he thought but his inner voice screamed 'no…. leave her…... just go set up the drill…keep it professional'

"Which ones did you put out?" he asked her,

"Ah number 2 and 3 are in place in the entry and lounge room" she answered. He nodded and took two more mirrors. Chris watched him walk away. 'Shit…. this really is….is just' she sighed heavily, and her heart ached. 'What the hell am I going to do? I've pushed him, hurt him and now this between us, I just can't stand it! … barely being able to speak to him, or look at him, is just …. f&*k… what the hell am I going to do?'

She snatched up the last mirrors and followed him. Street was placing one of his, when in the mirror across the room he saw her reflection, she was 2 rooms away but the mirrors, like a mirror house allowed him to see her. He quickly dropped his eyes from looking at her in case she caught him staring, but as he peeked back up, he realised she couldn't see him. He stood watching her for a second. She looked so sad, maybe even angry. Was her anger aimed at him? Had he overstepped somewhere? Why was she so sad? Was she missing him (even just as her friend)? Were things with Ty and Kira weighing on her? It hurt him to see her like this. Usually he would just walk up and ask her? What's wrong? and being her confession booth, she would usually open up and tell him what was wrong, and he would help her to get over it and smile again.

Street sighed and went back to setting up his last mirror. He had put it in place when his phone dinged, digging it out of his pocket he stood reading a message.

Chris had walked out of the room she had been in when she heard his phone and glanced towards his direction. She then caught sight of him in a mirror and stood watching him read the message. He smiled a little smile, then frowned and shook his head, before he looked up at the roof, tapping the phone in his hand like he didn't know what to reply to the message he had just read. Chris stood watching him wondering who had messaged him, was it a new girl? Was he planning a date tonight? She looked at his expression. He looked confused, hesitant and sad. She inhaled and slowly closed her eyes. 'Come on Chris…...Luca will be waiting…. Get moving...' as she went to step towards where Street was to tell him they needed to hurry, Luca open the door.

"Okay…Okay…you two all set?" he called out.

"Yep….." she said "good to go", heading for the door out.

"All good here too Luca" Street said walking out as he stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

Outside Luca had rounded up two teams of the new and hopeful academy recruits.

"Officer Alonso, Officer Street and I will be putting you through a series of drills this morning to test your entry and movement skills" he began.

Street scanned the recruits, he stood with his hands resting on the top neck line of his tactical vest and breathed deeply to try and focus. He kept his eyes forward. 'Keep it professional' he said to himself. Chris was doing the same, though when Luca pointed behind them at the shed to point out the entry points for each team, and everyone turned to look, she stole a glance at him. He had turned away from her when turning and she desperately missed the way they used to be so in sync with each other, the way they used to lock eyes all the time. It was like they could speak to each other through just looks and glances, as her eyes ran over him, she said to herself 'Chris…...fix it…... you could fix this…if…...if…. No… No... No... Stop it'. As he began to turn back around, he caught her eyes briefly on him and she looked away quickly. 'Shit' she muttered knowing he had just saw her looking at him.

Street found himself smiling a little as he led the first team to their starting point. She had been staring at him, he had caught her, and she had been embarrassed when he caught her. It made him a little happy deep down that she still wanted to look at him, he was taking it as a sign of hope that she still cared, maybe just maybe enough that they would find a way to fix this mess.


	7. Chapter 7

Chris stood leaning on the sink looking in the mirror in the empty locker room, her mind again was full of him. He had just caught her staring at him outside, had he seen the way she was looking at him? She pondered studying her own reflection. Did he see the sadness and guilt that she felt? Sadness that she had broken their friendship and things were so awful and distant with him right now. Anger at herself mixed with guilt for causing the entire situation, the kiss, the awkwardness, the distance…She sighed and dropped her shoulders. 'How the hell do I fix this?' she whispered. She wondered if Street had seen the desire in her eyes too. She knew he could read her through a glance like they had shared. She wondered if he had read her clearly this time.

She had been doing her best to hide the way she felt and be emotionless, but she struggled when the feelings she felt were so intense, 'God,' she thought, 'I just can't shake it'. She missed him and she desperately missed their connection. As she turned away from the basins and walked to her locker to begin packing her bag, she wondered why she hadn't seen Street come in. Actually, she hadn't seen him anywhere at HQ since they finished their end of shift debrief. Had he already left? 'hmmm" she sulked 'he never said bye, he always finds me and says bye'. She then felt a bit childish, remembering that the last few shifts she had left without giving him much at all. A quick 'Bye, see you tomorrow' was all she had said. She had also made sure others were around so he would not try to pull her aside to talk. She knew she could not talk to him again at the moment. She wasn't strong enough and hadn't worked out her own head right now.

As Chris thought about him, she remembered a moment earlier, about Street making her laugh. Luca had asked them to pack up the drills and she had been collecting the mirrors back up when she saw him in one, he had deliberately stood where he knew she would see his reflection. When she moved her eyes to see him, he stared at her, jumping forwards and yelling "boo". It had made her jump a little and then laugh. Street had laughed too. She had really really liked it, a fun, light hearted moment with him again. It had felt right. She had needed that. He had needed that too. He had to break the tension, the iciness that he had felt growing somehow. So, he decided on the spur of the moment to push aside his 'keep it professional' mantra and just do something to make her laugh. It felt good to be himself again. It felt good to see her huge beautiful smile and hear that laugh.

Later during the team debrief she flicked her eyes up and saw him looking at her, and this time instead of just looking away coldly she had given him a tiny smile and a nod. It had made him smile too. She loved his smile, loved the way his dimples appeared, and nose sometimes scrunched when he laughed.

Street hadn't hesitated to reciprocate that glance and smile, but he had been careful to not make anything about their awkwardness or little glances, visible to the team around them. Street was worried about the sadness in her eyes, as much as she tried to hide it from him, he could see it. It was like torture to him. He so desperately wanted to make her smile, smile like she used to smile around him all the time. That smile and her laugh were so big and carried so much happiness usually that it made her whole face light up, her eyes smile and her laugh…. 'Wow…... her laugh' he thought. That laugh was amazing. He hadn't seen her laugh or smile very much lately, not around him anyway.

Then it hit him, Chris hadn't seemed really happy since the day after the fundraiser, since that kiss.

'Shit….' he had thought, 'had that one kiss, that one beautiful moment that they had both gotten lost in been the undoing of her that badly'. What did that mean? Had they truly broken their connection beyond fixing? Or was this uncomfortableness only temporary? Would it get better with time?

Chris had left that debrief early to go and see Captain Cortez about something and by the time she had gotten back to the locker room Street had already made himself scarce. She hated that she had missed him, that he had taken off and not said 'night see you tomorrow' like he always did. She wondered as she packed up her locker, where had he taken off too? A date? Maybe that's what the message she saw him reading and thinking about earlier was?

"Anyone coming for drinks tonight?" Luca asked as he entered the locker room with the rest of the team in toe.

"No… sorry Luca… Annie has an early start tomorrow and I need to get home to help with the kids" Deac explained.

"What about you guys" he said wrapping one arm around Chris's shoulder and the other around Tan's.

"I um…." Tan started and Luca pushed him playfully, "don't tell me you just wanna go home to Bonnie and ditch us!"

"No…. If you would let me finish" Tan said frowning playfully "I was gunna say we should go to the bar at the pier, it's really nice there, and have a quick one… you know…..."

"Alright" Luca said smiling… "Come on Chris…... come on…" he said squeezing her shoulders…." don't leave us hanging…..."

She scrunched her lips thinking, Street wouldn't be there she thought. Maybe, that's a good thing. If he isn't there we can't go and do anything else stupid again.

"Well…..." Chris started "Ty and Kira are both working late so yeah, one drink I guess"

"Alright, alright" Luca said punching the air happily as Hondo entered. Hondo raised his eyebrows at Luca,

"Okay… okay…. What'd I miss?" he said

"Coming by for a drink boss?" Chris asked

"Yeah… Tan's been raving about this new bar at the pier, we're" he said motioning to Chris and Tan "gunna go down for a drink"

Hondo nodded at them slowly, "yeah ok" he smiled.

As the four of them wandered out Chris thought about asking them where Street was, she was sure he would have mentioned why he left so quickly to one of them, but she worried. Would asking that make it obvious they weren't speaking, and something had changed? She wasn't focused on their conversation as they rounded the corner to the garage.

"What do think Chris?" Tan asked

"Huh…. What…... sorry I was miles away..." she said a little embarrassed. Hondo eyed her closely. He knew her well enough to know something was off lately with her.

"Who do you think we need to recruit for our team for the football match at the picnic this year? We have to beat Rockers team" Tan said.

As Chris snapped herself back to reality and joked with the guys, she realised Street was still in the back of her mind. She was still wondering where he had gone? What was he doing? Why didn't he say bye?

Chris stood at the bar and ordered drinks with Hondo and he glanced sideways at her.

"You okay?" he asked eyeing her.

"Yeah" she said maybe a little too defensively. "Why?" She went to pick up the glasses and walk back to the others, but he put a hand on her arm and stopped her.

"You seem…... different…a bit down…...a little upset lately" Hondo said quietly and with compassion in his voice. She knew he wasn't trying to pry into her business, she knew Hondo cared, but she didn't want to talk about it, she couldn't talk about it.

"I'm okay…. Just …... trying to work myself out" she said

Hondo nodded. "Chris, if you ever need or just wanna talk…. I'm here…okay" he said.

"Thanks boss" she said nodding and smiling at him before walking back to the table. As he lowered herself into the booth Tan said

"So where did Street disappear to so fast after shift? Hot date?" he looked at Chris, expecting her to know. Chris looked at Luca,

"I dunno I was with Cortez" she tried to say as casually as she could.

Hondo added "he said he had to go see someone…... dunno about what or who, must have been important though, he was in a hurry"

Chris took a sip of her beer and tried not to react. But her insides were racing with a million questions and thoughts. She hated so much feeling like she did. She wanted to find a way to fix it, but she continually told herself that 'we just can't be friends, like we were. It just won't work. I can't be that close to him, open up to him like I used to without …. Without part of me always wanting to go there again… and then if we do…. It just …... it will mean… I've ruined his spot on 20 David or mine… that he would lose it all again because of me…. That I would again do something that goes against my values… I just can't trust myself…...' She glanced away out the window trying to stop herself from spiralling.

The next morning when she woke up, she lay there staring at the roof. The sun was just rising, and the shadows slowly moved across her ceiling. Her heart was breaking. She knew that the longer this went on the worse she would feel. She was trying to tell herself that giving him space and time would make her feel better, would make the feelings that kiss had made her feel go away. But as she lay there, hearing Ty and Kira getting ready out there, she had doubts. She didn't want to even get out of bed and face him or them today. She was so fragile and emotional she wasn't sure telling herself to get it together or stay professional would work.

She rolled over and stared at the clock. She had an hour and half before shift. "Nope…" she whispered to herself, "I'm not going in today" she told herself. She picked up her phone and messaged Hondo.

"Not feeling very good, won't be in today, staying in bed"

It wasn't a lie. She needed a mental health day to work herself out a bit. She couldn't focus on work on being an effective part of the team with the way her head was right now.


	8. Chapter 8

Chris put her phone back on the bedside table and closed her eyes. 'God I hope I am doing the right thing!' she thought. Snuggled under the warm doona, she felt safe, but she knew this was only a temporary hiding tactic. Sooner or later she was going to have to get up and face the real world.

"You seen Chris this morning?" Kira asked Ty as she sipped her smoothie,

"Uh… no…Did she go in early?" He replied. Kira tilted her head and frowned, I thought if she did, she would have said something. Kira walked to her door and knocked,

"Chris? Are you in there?"

"Yeah, come in" Chris answered knowing she had to tell them she wasn't going to work today.

"You ok?" Kira asked as she opened the door.

"I'm…..not feeling myself" Chris answered. "I've called in sick". Kira nodded. "What's wrong? Can I do anything?"

"No, I just need to stay in bed today I think and rest to feel better, You guys go I'll be okay, I'll call if I need anything"

"Ok" Kira said, she sat with her for a while, trying to make Chris smile and feel better. Ty bought her a pot of tea and some toast and fussed over her before he left for work. Chris knew they cared, and she was beginning to doubt if she cared as much about them maybe she was just pretending.

Once they both left for work, the apartment was quiet. Chris propped herself up and sat looking out the window. How the hell am I gunna get this all out of my head and fix the way I feel? No matter what she did, which book she tried to read, what she watched on TV or even just trying to go to sleep she couldn't get him out of her head. She glanced at her table and saw the note pad and pen. Maybe I should write him a letter? I won't or can't ever give it to him but getting it out of my head will help. She wriggled off the bed and picked up the pen and note pad. She sat on the window ledge watching the street below bustle to life.

_Dear Jim, _

_Geez, where do I start? …...Honesty? I guess would be good. _

_I think you would agree we really need to start there. I know you already know that I have not been honest with you, with myself, with Ty or with Kira, and I feel like absolute crap. I called in sick today, so I didn't have to face you because I need time to work out my head and get this all out. _

_If I am being honest with you, something I cannot do in person right now! If only you knew, if only I had the guts to tell you and make this work somehow, someway. I so desperately want to talk to you, to fix what I've broken. I miss you, I miss you so much. _

_Jim, I know how much this all sucks between us right now. I used to tell you everything, I used to call you my confession booth. We were best friends. I want to say you are still my best friend, but I think I have broken that at the moment beyond belief, maybe even beyond repair and that is absolutely soul crushing right now. _

_The things I felt that night, they absolutely terrified me, and I had to run. Run from you, before. Well before I let myself completely surrender to you. You have no idea how I felt after that, it was amazing, and heart shattering at the same time. The things I continue to feel for you every time our eyes briefly meet or I see you from a distance are so profound it is difficult to explain with words. _

_I had to write this all down to get the feelings out of my head, before I explode. I am terrified it will affect me at work and I could get one of you hurt so I have taken the day off to just be by myself and think this out. _

_I guess, those feelings and emotions are also the reason I pushed you away and was so cold to you. If I'm honest Ty and Kira have not come close to making me feel this deep deep level of feelings. I mean I really like them I do, but do I love them like I know now that I love you? God damn this really scares me. I wanted this to work with them, but it seems every day since that night with you my feelings for you grow and simmer away and now I am worried that I am going to make a horribly wrong decision. I feel like whichever way I go I am going to lose something special. I don't want to lose you as my friend and If things continue the way they are then I am worried you will give up on me. If I leave Ty and Kira and try this with you, one of us is gunna lose our team, our SWAT family. I can't do that to you. _

_You and I, I wish I could see a way to make it happen. I hate the way we are right now. I really hate it. I couldn't face you at work today. I know how badly I have hurt you and you are still there like yesterday to try and make me smile. I wish I could be honest with you face to face in real life. But I think giving you space is for the best. _

Chris put the pen down and picked up her cup. She wondered out to the living room and flipped on the tv, before flopping onto the couch and taking a sip of her tea. She sat aimlessly staring out the window. Grey clouds had begun forming and she watched the rain begin to fall. 'mmmmm, reflective of my current mood' she thought, swirling the tea cup and finishing the last sip. As she sat contemplating going to get the letter she had left on the bed, to reread it, a news flash came on the TV.

"Breaking News – LAPD Metro SWAT racing to an armed bank robbery. This is the 4th bank alarm to be tripped in the last 2 hours" the well dressed presenter announced as she saw footage of the SWAT Gurkha hurtling down the freeway lights and sirens blasting. She exhaled deeply, 'shit…. Should have gone in… they are busy today.' She sat on the edge of the couch watching the footage from the news helicopters, she knew she couldn't be sure it was 20 David, might have been 50 David responding for all she knew. As she sat there, she realised she was thinking about Street again, 'who was he sitting next to? Benny probably' she said to herself. The news anchor continued to explain that these bank robbers had simultaneously attacked 2 banks already today, and this was one of two LAPD Metro SWAT teams responding, the footage swapped to show another Gurkha racing through downtown. Well he is in one she said, nodding.

'Shit Chris! she growled at herself. 'Stop it, just stop, today was about getting him out of your head!' she reached for the remote to flick off the TV when she saw it. An explosion…... the footage went full screen as what had to be a rocket hit the front of the Gurkha racing downtown. It flipped up into the air nose down and landed on its roof heavily. Chris sucked in a breath in shock and held it. "Oh shit" she said staring at the screen, as the smoke billowed, "Shit…. I …... ah…." She looked around not knowing what to do. "Should I go in?... no, I can't do anything anyway…... Should I go down there?" she stood up shaking. She picked up her phone and messaged Street. 'Are you ok? please tell me you are all ok?" she had hit send before she could stop herself. She stared at the TV, 'come on come on… get out of there… come on guys' she whispered.

Street was across town, he had taken the morning off to deal with some stuff that was happening with his mom and her rehab. He was sitting in an office at the rehab facility filling in some paperwork when he got her text.

Seeing her name on the screen made him excited, but as he opened the message, he couldn't help but think, why was she suddenly texting him after the radio silence she had insisted on. Reading her message, he was confused, what was she talking about? He messaged back, 'yeah I'm ok, why what's up?'

Chris saw his name flash up as a reply "Oh thank god!" she said opening the message. But now his message had confused her. "What's up?" she said questioningly scrunching her eyebrows. She was about to press call, when her phone began ringing. It was him.

"Hey" she said answering it, he could hear the fear in her voice, "Aren't you with the team, on shift, in the Gurkha?" she said

"Hey Chris… slow down…. I'm still out at the rehab centre with my mom…... and …"

"Oh god…... then who is with them if both of us aren't?"

"Chris…. hey…" Street said trying to sound calm and calm her. He stood up from the chair and moved to the window. "Slow down and tell me what is going on…..."

"Turn on the TV, is there a TV there?" Street went to the door and back towards the foyer. He had remembered seeing one there when he came in. "Your scaring me Chris" he said as he walked…. "what is…." as he rounded the corner, he saw the news broadcast. Smoke was still billowing from the Gurkha and it lay motionless, lifeless on its roof in the middle of the street.

"Oh shit!" he said. "What the hell happened?"

"A rocket I'd say from the armed robbery crew they are chasing. I don't know if the team are in there, the other Gurkha is on its way to another robbery, that's either 20 David or 50 David."

"Hang on" Street interrupted, "Why aren't you with them?"

"I um… I ah…. Took a day off to…." She couldn't answer him, she didn't want to lie, and she couldn't tell him the truth. Suddenly on the TV the back doors of the Gurkha flung open and figures began to emerge slowly.

"Is that them? I can't see…Oh god" Chris was shaking and barely able to get any words out. As she watched intently trying to tell if the injured officers were her team mates, she saw a figure she could identify. It was Hondo. He was walking, staggering a little, but he was alive. He was headed for the driver's door

"That's Hondo" she almost yelled, standing up from the couch. "I gotta get down there, and help them" she said grabbing her things

"I'll meet you there" Street said hanging up. He left the rehab centre and rode downtown, as Chris ran for her truck and navigated her way to the scene. EMT's had just arrived as Chris pulled up. She flung the door of her truck closed behind her and ran towards the Gurkha holding her badge up at the patrol cop standing guard.

"That's my team. I'm 24 David, officer Chris Alonso" The patrol officer let her pass and as she ran, she saw Street running to, he came side by side with her as they reached the team.

"Oh my god…... are you guys ok? who's hurt" Chris shouted. Hondo swung around hearing her voice.

"Chris? what are you doing down here? I thought…." He said

"Yeah, I saw this on TV and there was no way I wasn't coming down…" Hondo looked at Street confused,

"What she said." He muttered motioning to Chris as he helped Hondo support Luca to a gurney.

"I'll be okay guys" he said "It's just a scratch"

"It needs stitches" the EMT told him as he encouraged him to lay back.

Deacon had a pretty bad gash on his head, and a possible concussion and was already being loaded into another ambulance. I'll meet you at the hospital, Chris said as she headed back to her truck.

Sitting in the waiting room, across from Street, she could barely look at him. The words she had written in that letter this morning played on her thoughts. In her peripheral vision she saw him fidget uncomfortably and give her a few glances, which she chose not to return. She wasn't sure that was a good idea in her current mindset. She just might say or do something stupid again.

Street sat across from her, watching her fidget. He knew she was uncomfortable right now and that was mainly due to the fact that he was in the same room. He saw her glance through her eyebrows at him a few times, but he was careful not to push her for any meaningful eye contact.

Tan came into the waiting room. He had managed to get out of the Gurkha relatively unscathed. A few scratches and bruises, but nothing needing serious medical attention.

"They are just sending Deac for CT scan now, Luca is all patched up and staying with Hondo while they x-ray his arm" he reported to them. Chris let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank God none of you weren't seriously hurt" She said hugging Tan.

"Yeah you two both chose good morning to be MIA" he teased.

Chris dropped her glance, she hoped they didn't ask again why she called in sick if she isn't really that sick. She wanted to change the subject, but could not think of anything to say…

"Victor" …. Bonnie's voice made them all turn as she ran around the chairs to hug him.

Street motioned to Chris that they should leave them a minute. She didn't want to walk out to the hallway with just Street, but she knew she had to give Tan a minute to calm Bonnie.

"So, are you gunna tell me why you weren't at work today or do I gotta guess?" he said as he leant on the window ledge in the hall with his arms folded watching her closely. He could see how much she hated this right now, she chewed the inside of her lip and looked at the floor, 'shit' she said in her head.

"I uh… I needed sometime to…. to…." she flicked her eyes up nervously at him, and he immediately locked his eyes to hers. He watched her intently, he knew she was hiding something from him, he just couldn't peel back enough of her layers to see it all yet. "I just needed some rest, I wasn't myself" she managed. 'Shit Chris…. that was terrible' she said shaking her head.

"Hey…." Street said as she turned away from him. He gently reached out his hand and tapped her arm. She turned back to face him. Trying her best to be emotionless and unreadable. "Are you okay?" he asked studying her face…." I mean really okay?... I'm worried about you Chris…...and If it's me causing you to feel like you can't come in to work then we need to sort that out"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, looking away from him. He could see she looked pissed.

"Hey …. Look…. Chris …. I know this is …" he said as he motioned between the air in front of them "I know we are not what we used to be anymore, but I …. I still want you to….to be able to …."

"I'll be fine I just needed to sort out some things" She interrupted before he could finish that sentence, she was desperately trying to shut him down. She could feel him prying back that hard exterior and trying to find a way in. 'Chris don't push him too far, or he may just run like you did' her inner voice warned.

He blinked slowly, swallowing hard and looked down from her eyes. She could see she had just hurt him, again. Chris sighed heavily, Street went to stand and step away and she reached out touching his arm,

"I'm sorry…. I" she looked away and then back at him, "We can't…."

"Yeah I know …. Chris…. we can't be friends like that anymore" he said sadly and walked back to the doorway of the waiting room.

He had only been trying to extend the olive branch and connect, and she just slammed that door in his face yet again. She immediately felt bad, and wanted to go after him, to stop him from walking away and tell him that she cared and wanted to be his friend again, but she just stood there broken, watching him walk away from her. A stray tear fell down her cheek and she turned and looked out the window.


	9. Chapter 9

~ Chapter Completed with assistance and inspiration from fellow writer Chris Cody~

Street felt like his heart had again been ripped from his chest and squished in front of him. He exhaled deeply as he sat back in the waiting room. He placed his head back against the wall and closed his eyes. His jaw clenched as he swallowed hard, trying to stop himself from crying.

Every time he reached out to her, she was so cold, so shut down and he felt helpless now. He didn't know how to reach her anymore, he had no clue how to even begin to fix this. Chris was everything to him. She knew him better than anyone, understood him, better than anyone, she had always been there for him and now, with things like this, he felt like a shadow of the man he used to be.

His thoughts jumped back to the thing with is mom. He had gotten a message yesterday during the drills that he needed to come to her rehab facility. She had again been found to have smuggled in contra ban and she was in danger of being put back into a prison and the rehabilitation revoked. It was eating him up. He used to have Chris to talk to about this stuff. She would always help him and be there for support, but now with things like this…. he had no one. His mother was on a path of self-destruction and no matter how much he tried to help her she blamed him for putting her back here and pushed him away. Street felt so guilty about the way things were. His mother had done what she did all those years ago to save him, he knew that if she had done nothing his father would have one day killed them both. That guilt, the guilt he felt for confiding in Buck as a 12 year old and telling him the truth that ultimately led to his mother going to prison, killed him. Thinking about his mother and the mess he was trying to sort out with her, he realised how much he wanted to tell Chris, to talk to her and let her help. But she would not stop pushing him away and shutting him down.

From where he had sat, he could see her. She was still standing out near the window. Her back to him, he watched her. As his eyes traced over her, he knew he had gone from being attracted to her, when they first met 2 years ago, to loving her with every part of him, but he couldn't pinpoint the exact moment it all changed. He had realised pretty early on that Chris was special, she was strong willed, confident and compassionate. He glanced across the room to Tan and Bonnie, they were so involved with each other, he didn't think they had even noticed he had come back in.

Street took out his phone and twirled it in his hands, before looking back at Chris out there. He stood up and wandered to the other end of the waiting room to place a call. A call he hoped would be the start to fixing this. He spoke quietly he didn't want anyone to hear him. He knew this would be something he needed to talk to Chris about at some point. Hanging up he wandered back down towards where he had sat before. As he took his seat again, he flicked his eyes back to where she was, she hadn't moved, as he sat watching her, he would swear he saw her shudder. She picked up her foot and kicked a small frustrated kick at the base board.

Street stood up, his instincts were to go to her, he could see her upset, he began taking a few steps back towards the door and hesitation hit him. 'shit she will be pissed if I get back in her face… but she is hurting…. I can't pretend I don't care…'

He walked slowly across the corridor, tapping his leg with his hand. She heard his footsteps approaching behind her, she glanced down and sideways at him as she sniffed and wiped a tear, "What?" she said with kind of a harsh tone as he stepped beside her.

"Chris…..." he said slowly exhaling…. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, before turning to her. She stayed exactly where she was. Arms folded across her chest, her short, soft dark hair framing her face, kind of acting like a curtain, hiding her from him right now.

"Will you look at me?" he asked softly. Kindness and care filled his shaky voice.

She closed her eyes, his tender words had been exactly what she wanted to hear, but looking at him now, letting him see her like this…. she looked away out the window and exhaled deeply. 'Shit Chris…... just look at him…. Stop being a bitch …... he is human, he can only take so much of this….'

She slowly turned to face him, though she hung her head and didn't meet his eyes. Street didn't mind, it was a win that she had turned. "Hey…" he said softly, "I'm…. I'm sorry If I upset you" he reached out his hands tentatively to her shoulders "…. I was only trying to talk to you… to tell you that…I"

She glanced up and her eyes met his and he lost his words for a second. Her huge beautiful brown eyes were full of tears and sadness. The tears had smudged her mascara and Street was heart broken looking at her.

He paused and swallowed hard, glancing around them. "Walk with me?" he said motioning toward the elevators. He knew standing right outside the waiting room like this was a bad idea. If the rest of the team came back or Tan overheard….

He began to step away and she looked at him, he motioned for her to come "Please…... Chris" he said. She could see how broken he was, and she knew how broken she was herself. 'Chris go with him…... just hear him out' her inner voice screamed. "Please I just need to tell you something, I want you to hear this from me"

She suddenly swallowed hard, what was he talking about…. Hear what? What did he want to tell her so badly? It sounded serious and she was scared. She blinked at him before taking a step to follow him. He smiled at her and noticed he was shaking all over. "Thank you" he whispered as they stepped into the elevator. She didn't say anything, just nodded.

As it began to descend, he reached out and stopped it between floors. Her eyes widen as she glared at him,

"I'm …... I'm not gunna try anything…" he said holding up his hand as if to surrender or to calm her. "I just need somewhere to talk to you without being interrupted" he said. She stood uncomfortably toward the back of the elevator staring at him.

"Chris…. I hate this…. I can't go on like this every day…I can't work side by side with you when things are like this. I tried yesterday, I really did. But we are so broken, and I can't get passed it. So, until we work out a way to get through whatever this all is, I've asked Hicks to move me to 50 David". The words came out a bit easier than he thought. He was watching her intently.

As the words hit her ears she flinched, blinked and her shoulders dropped. She blinked slowly and looked up at the roof. Before dropping her head into her hands and crying.

"Hey…." He went to step to her and then hesitated. "I'm sorry" he said again. It broke his heart watching her cry. She dropped her hands from her face as she spun around away from him. She placed her hands on the railing at the back of the elevator and lent over looking down between her arms at the floor. She blew out a slow breath and tried to compose herself. Streets heart was broken, watching her so upset, not being able to hold her and comfort her. He bit his lip and felt a tear fall from his own eye.

"Chris…." he whispered. She could hear the emotion in his voice, but she couldn't stop shaking, crying and reeling from that bombshell.

She finally stood back up and turned to face him. It took her a while to lift her eyes, he knew she was rehearsing her words in her own head before she said them out loud.

"this is all because of me, this is all my fault" she said looking at him. "why? Why did you do that without….?" She didn't finish that sentence. She knew why he did that without talking to her. Because she kept pushing him away and shutting him down, he couldn't talk to her. She dropped her eyes and leant back against the elevator wall.

Streets phone began to ring in his pocket. He pulled it out. It was Hondo.

"Hey Boss" he said answering it.

"Where are you? where's Chris? We are out now and ready to head back to HQ if you two are coming"

"Oh um, we just went to get some air, we will meet you in the carpark"

As he put his phone back in his pocket, he looked at her.

"We um… they are all fixed up and ready to head back to HQ," he said

Chris heard him, but didn't care, she was so shattered, so angry with herself right now. Street noticed she didn't move or react, so moved to her. Not too close, about a foot away.

"I'm sorry Chris…. I hate seeing you like this, I hate this between us right now, I want you back as my friend I honestly do, I wish I could take back everything that happened that night and go back to what it used to be, before that kiss. Before that f*#ing night" he said

She briefly looked at him, "I hate myself" she whispered, "This is exactly what I didn't want to happen,"

"Chris" he reached out to touch her arm. "I'm sorry, I know you probably hate me right now, but I just can't do this every day, I can't focus and do my job when we are so broken….and you are right there. It is breaking my heart and I am so distracted that I am scared I will cause someone to get hurt, that's why I called Hicks"

Street watched her, she shook her head at him and looked away.

"Come on, they will be waiting for us" she said beginning to pull herself together. She was shaking all over, her face was red and blotchy, and her eyes were still damp with tears.

"Chris…" he said standing with her "I'm…. I'm"

"Stop apologising" she said turning and glaring at him with anger and frustration in her voice. Street was a bit taken a back by it. "None of this is your fault, damn it!" she continued not looking at him. "All of this is on me, I hate myself, you don't deserve to pay the price because of me, you deserve so much better" she said hitting the button on the elevator for it to continue.

Street stood behind her, watching her, he desperately wanted to reach out to her to hug her, but she was so far passed being comforted. She was furious with herself and was in no mood for him to try. He knew her well enough to know that. She fidgeted, wiping her eyes with her sleeve and breathing in a few deep breaths. As the elevator approached the ground floor, she briefly turned to him

"You good?"

"Yeah" he said, she heard the sadness in his voice.

The doors opened and they both walked out to meet the team. She smiled and put on her best act. She didn't look at Street, she couldn't. She felt so guilty and shattered about this. She had to hide that from the team, so she playfully began teasing Luca about not being allowed to drive, whilst Street spoke with Deac and Tan about their injuries.

"Hey…." Hondo called approaching the team. "Hicks wants us back at HQ ASAP" he said to the group. "You two coming in?"

"Yeah I'll meet you there" Chris answered pointing to her truck.

Back at HQ they were all walking to the situation room when Cortez came out, "Hondo, Street, I need you two now, Hick's office" she said. Hondo glanced at Street confused but motioned for Street to follow Cortez. Street swallowed hard. He knew what this was about. He was terrified Hondo would be upset and disappointed with him. "Shift debrief when I get back, stay put Chris?"

"Yeah" she nodded, flicking a quick glance at Street. He gave her a small smile and nod and turned to follow Hondo.

Chris stood back with the others for a second. She stared at the floor, she knew what this was about. Their shift officially ended in 30 minutes and she looked at the clock thinking 'shit this is the last 30minutes that we will be on the same team together'. Her eyes again felt teary and she turned away from the others before they saw.

"What's that about?" Tan said tapping her arm.

"Dunno" she mumbled. "I'm gunna go dump some stuff for tomorrow in my locker" she had to get out of there.

She sat in the empty locker room for about 10 minutes. Trying to pull herself together. 'If you had just opened up to him, told him how you were feeling, instead of shutting him out this would never had happened. I've ruined SWAT for him now too. He has lost my friendship, lost his mom, lost his SWAT team, his SWAT family all because of me'.

Street followed Cortez and Hondo into Hicks Office. Hondo swallowed hard as he stopped near the table and looked at Street.

"What's this about?" he asked looking from Street, to Hicks to Cortez.

"It's about me" Street said stepping forward, looking at Hondo who genuinely looked confused.

"I dunno if you have actually noticed," he said shrugging and maintaining Hondo's eye contact "but there is some stuff, some tension, some awkwardness between myself and Chris at the moment, We um…. Have some things to work out so today I made a decision and called the commander" he said nodding to Hicks "to ask if I could swap teams to 50 David until I see if I can sort it out"

"Kid," Hondo said, "I mean yeah... I've seen you two a bit snappy with each other…... but for this…..."

Street knew Hondo couldn't see the whole picture. Street swallowed hard glancing down at the floor. He knew he should be honest and tell Hondo what had caused this, but he didn't want to do that in front of the Captain and Commander,

"Hondo…... It's a personal issue, difference of opinion I guess, it's distracting me at work, and I don't wanna do something wrong and get someone hurt because of it… it's for everyone's good"

Hondo could read between the lines and gathered something might have happened between them. He decided not to push, If Street wanted to talk to him about it later, he could somewhere else away from HQ. Cortez explained that Rocker had agreed to swap Street for Benny on a temporary switch til they re-evaluate later on. Hondo reluctantly took the form from Hicks,

"Are you sure about this Kid?" he asked looking at Street.

"Yeah" Street nodded.

"Okay we tell them all together now". Street nodded and followed Hondo back to the gym to find the team.

Chris stood up and slammed her locker, frustrated, angry and hating herself. She walked out to find the others. As she approached them near the gym, she heard Hondo

"Gather round, I need to talk to you all" he called. He stood there next to Street, Street stepped forward.

"I want you guys to hear this from me. ….I am temporarily swapping with Benny, to take his place on 50 David and he will take mine on 20 David with you guys"

Luca, Tan and Deac all looked at each other in surprise. Chris stood staring at the floor her arms folded and head down. She shook her head as he said it.

"What? why man?" Luca said stepping closer to Street. Street stood trying his best to answer their questions without saying anything about Chris.

"There are some personal issues outside of work that I need to sort out" The team nodded, most of them assumed this was related to his mom somehow, "and I've talked to Hondo, Hicks and Cortez and we all agree this is for the best. Its temporary guys, once I'm back on track, I'll hopefully find my way back."

"You friggin' better man, you are breaking up our family" Luca said hugging him.

"You'll always be 20 David to me" Deac said hugging him.

"I'll walk you out" Tan said. Street nodded at him, as he moved off with Tan he glanced at Chris, her huge sad eyes looked back at him. He hated all of this, but what else could he do?

"Chris, gotta a minute?" Hondo asked, he had noticed her standing there all shut down. He could see she was angry and upset. He knew that she needed to work out whatever it was with Street, He didn't want to push her too far. He turned and placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Are you ok?" he said watching her closely. She blinked slowly and turned up the corner of her mouth,

"No, that's my fault" she said taking her eyes from Street and Tan who were walking away and flicking them back to Hondo. He could see her pain,

"Wanna go get a drink and talk?"

"Nope, not really" she said. Dropping her glance away.

"Ok, if you're not ready to talk to me, that's ok I get it, but please find a way to talk to him" Hondo said quietly. "I dunno what has happened between you too, but whatever it is you need to work it out." Chris nodded at Hondo with a sad smile.

"Night boss"

"Night Chris" Hondo said as she walked away. Hondo stood there hating how his team was broken.

Chris sat in her truck, a few blocks from HQ. She had started to drive home, when the tears came. She pulled over at sat on the side of the road crying. "What the f# K have I done…...I've ruined this now…. For real…. He is gone…. I've bloody lost him…... I can't go home like this". She sobbed heavily and cried for a while. Her phone dinged on the seat beside her,

Kira: "Hey…. I just got home… Where are you? are you ok?"

'shit… I didn't even tell them about today, just took off' she wasn't in the right head space to answer it. She tossed her phone back in her bag and rested her forehead on the steering wheel.

She decided to take a stroll down near the pier. She drove to a parking bay, climbed out of her truck and walked out onto the sand. She stopped for a while just watching the waves and listening to the ocean. It was so calming. She breathed in the ocean air and sighed. 'This is just shit, Hondo's right, I have to try and fix this'.

She wondered a little way along the beach towards the pier. Before stopping and sitting down. 'I wonder where he is now?' 'when am I gunna be able to talk to him?' she thought. He must friggin' hate me. She pulled her fingers through the sand and closed her eyes, before grabbing her phone and typing,

"We have to talk…...I mean really talk" and hitting send,

Her stomach had a million butterflies. But she knew she needed to let him know that she wanted to try and fix it. Street had agreed to go get a beer with Tan, when they left. Tan had taken him to the same bar on the pier that they had been to before. He was sitting outside on the edge of the pier waiting for Tan to come back with their beers when his phone dinged. He pulled it out of his pocket and swallowed hard when he saw her name.

Reading her words his heart skipped a few beats. She wanted to talk. Really talk. Was she ready to open up, had she now realised what she was doing to him? Or was she just pissed he had made a decision without her approval?

"Hey, are you ok? You know I'm willing and ready to talk about this whenever you are. Just say the word" he sent back.

She was wiping more tears away when she saw his reply. It made her sob more. 'How could he still be so f# king perfect and lovely after I have just taken his team off him?'

"I dunno if I will ever feel 'ready' to talk but we 'need' to. This can't continue, I'm sorry for all of this" she typed.

Tan had come back and sat down, "You know, I like Benny and all," he said looking at Street, "but it's gunna feel wrong, it's gunna feel wrong until you come back man". Street smiled and nodded,

"Thanks Man…. I'm gunna miss you all too, I just gotta get my head in the game and sort this shit out, before it affects my work"

Tan eyed him closely, "Yeah, I'm not gunna pry and ask why moving teams will help. But I just hope it is only a few shifts and you get it worked out…." Tan was kinda beginning to piece things together and wondered if it had had something to do with Chris. Street felt his phone vibrate in his pocket, he knew it would be Chris, "Thanks Tan" he answered, "I just gotta go to the bathroom…."

He stood in a cubicle opening her message. He didn't want Tan to see, "Where are you? I will come to you" he typed,

The wait for her reply felt like an eternity. His pulse was racing, and hands were sweaty.

"I'm on the beach near that new bar at the pier"

Street stared at it, she was just near here. He knew he had to get outside and find her.

"Stay there… I'm in the bar…. I'll come find you" ….

First, he had to say goodnight to Tan, who would think he was rude. Street made his way through the crowd back out to Tan, "Hey I ah…. I've gotta go…... I ah" Tan smiled and nodded at him, "I think I know why" Tan motioned for him to look, down on the sand maybe 75yards away he could see Chris walking towards them carrying her shoes. She hadn't seen them, but Street knew he had to go to her.

He swallowed hard and gave Tan a knowing look. Street went to spin around, and he bumped into someone walking passed. The drinks she was carrying spilled all over them both. As Tan and Street both apologised profusely looking up, they realised the girl was Molly Hicks.

"Oh my god…... Tan, Street" she laughed hugging them. "I am so sorry"

"No no… that was my fault" Street said. Grabbing some serviettes from their table.

As Street desperately tried to help clean up the mess, Tan headed inside to find more serviettes and get the girls some new drinks. Tan was walking across the room when he saw Chris. She had just stepped inside and was glancing around.

"Hey Chris," Tan called out. He saw her reaction when she saw him, it was an 'oh shit!'

He made his way through the crowd to her. "You're looking for Street," he said as he reached her. He could tell she hated that he knew that. She nodded chewing her lip. "He is out back, he was about to come find you when he spilled some drinks and …." Chris patted Tans arm and didn't wait for him to finish. She walked to the door at the back and looked through them.

Her heart sunk as she stood there. She could see him at the first bench. He was standing there with Molly Hicks. Molly was laughing and very touchy feely with him, she kept touching his chest and arms, she was practically throwing herself at him. Chris watched Street laughing and, in that moment, the way she felt, so messed up and fragile, she just couldn't go out there.

"Maybe he is better off with her" She whispered and turned walking back out of the bar to the beach.


	10. Chapter 10

~ Chapter Completed with assistance and inspiration from fellow writer Chris Cody~

Tan swung the back doors to the bar open and walked out carrying a tray of new drinks. He looked about confused.

"Where's Chris?" Tan said, frowning at Street.

"Oh, the whole team is here?" Molly asked,

"No uh…... I was just going to meet her to …." Street fumbled glancing around at the beach not seeing her.

"No, she was just in there," Tan said pointing back to the bar, she was headed out here to find you, I thought she'd be out here with you?" Tan looked confused.

Street frowned and shook his head, knowing she must have seen Molly and him laughing before and again she must have ran.

"Sorry… I ah… gotta go…" He said pushing passed Molly and Tan and heading for the front of the bar. She wasn't inside and he couldn't see her when he got out front. He pulled out his phone and dialled her number, glancing about as it rang, she didn't answer. "Shit" he cursed

He text her, "Where did you go? I am out front looking for you, I wanna talk Chris" He knew she must have parked down the beach further, so he started running in that direction.

Chris had walked out of the bar and headed back towards her truck. She was angry with herself, and if she was honest jealous of him and Molly in there laughing and flirting. He didn't look real upset, she said in her head as she walked. She had ignored his call when he rang, but as she saw his text, she stopped to read it.

'Chris… talk to him…... you have to talk to him… you are pushing him away again… you are running…. Where is the fearless Chris that goes after what she wants?' her inner voice taunted her. She sighed and sat down on the edge of the garden bed that lined the footpath. Her phone in her hands she began typing back

"I didn't mean to interrupt you and Molly… we should do this another time" She slid her phone back in her pocket and stood up continuing to her truck. She swung her door open, climbed in and started the engine.

Driving away she felt a tear fall. She felt like he had already moved on, 'hmmmm, maybe that's why he really moved teams today, he wanted to get away from me?' she thought …Was he trying to forget her? 'Maybe this is for the best' she told herself. 'Maybe this is how things are supposed to go with him? Maybe we were never meant to be?' She thought sadly.

Street had run as far down as he could. He couldn't find her. He stopped, puffing… pulled out his phone and saw her message 'me and Molly' he whispered, 'fuck'. He kicked the ground and stared up in the night's sky. Chris had seen him, laughing with Molly, she had jumped to the conclusion that he was on date with her or something, that maybe he was moving on, forgetting about her.

'Fuck, I've stuffed this up" he shouted at himself. 'She's gone now, she has run off again upset and angry' Shit… she must hate me right now' he stood with his hands on his hips catching his breath, trying to work out his next move. Should he go get on his bike and ride to her … 'No, I can't' he thought, 'she would be heading to Ty and Kira's…... I can't go banging on their door at 10 o'clock at night"

He sat down on the garden wall and pulled out his phone,

"No Chris…please…...I was not there with Molly, we just ran into her a few seconds before you came, and I spilled her drinks… and … shit Chris please! … I wanna talk to you"

Chris heard her phone ding as she drove in a trance towards Ty and Kira's. She wondered. 'Is that gunna be Ty and Kira worrying about where I am…...or is it him?' she thought. 'Chris… just get home, go to bed and clear your head' her inner voice said. She pulled into the garage and walked slowly up the stairs. She let herself in and immediately Kira was racing towards her,

"Oh, thank god Chris, there you are… we were so worried!" Kira said throwing her arms around her. Ty walked to join them, his strong arms holding both of them, he gently kissed Chris's forehead. It made Chris smile. They could both see she was tired, emotional and a bit of a mess.

"Do you wanna talk?" …. Kira said looking up into Chris's eyes, "When we got home and you weren't here, we flicked on the TV and saw the news and figured you went in to help, are they all ok?"

Chris's nostrils flared as she tried to look back at Kira without letting her see, what she was feeling.

"Yeah, they are all ok…. a few bumps, cuts and bruises, but all ok now" she mumbled, fidgeting and struggling to maintain eye contact.

Chris exhaled and looked down. They thought she was late because of the explosion the team had been in, she felt that flush of guilt again though, knowing they had no idea she was late because she had been struggling with her own feelings. The feeling that were screaming at her that she didn't love them, that she had fallen for someone else.

"Yeah it was a rough day…... I ah…. I'm sorry guys …... I just wanna go to bed," she said forcing a smile at them. Ty walked passed putting his plate in the sink and hugged her again, kissing the top of her head. It felt nice. She closed her eyes as she felt his touch. But then she realised she was wondering if it compared to things Street had made her feel that night. 'Shit…. Shit…. Stop it Chris' she cursed.

She said her goodnights and went to her room. Sliding into her bed she sighed seeing her phone. She knew there was an unread message, should she read it? Answer it? … was it Kira and Ty seeing if she was okay or was it him?

As she picked it up to open the message, the phone began to ring. Streets name appeared on the screen. She closed her eyes and dropped the phone to her chest. He was trying, he was trying to reach out to her, he really was, but she …. she didn't think she was ready. She was angry about him with Molly, laughing and flirting, she was angry that he had gone, and swapped teams and she was more than anything else, furious with herself that she had been the cause of it all. She hated that she was driving him away and "…...fuck…... "she stopped her herself "I need to get a grip." She whispered but she began to cry as her phone stopped ringing. She lifted it up and opened the text message. It was Street. She read it threw her tears,

"Chris…. I was not there with Molly …. please … I just wanna talk to you", reading it she turned up the corner of her mouth, he had sure seemed happy to see Molly though, she said as she pulled up her covers.

Should I text him back and say night? She lay looking at her roof for a bit

"Sorry, they were waiting for me, I had to go, I didn't mean to interrupt you two… we will do this another time." she read it a few times and hit send. She tossed the phone further down the bed next her and rolled over. She lay there for a while crying. The immense guilt and frustration she felt was suffocating her. She hated that she had hurt him this much, pushing him away, she hated that she knew deep down inside that she really really wanted him, and the thing she hated most of all, was her realisation that Ty and Kira were not for her, that she had to find a way to end it with them, they were not what she wanted and she couldn't keep pretending.

Street had begun to wander back to the bar, he felt defeated and his heart was still shattered. 'Why did she keep running from him? Keep hurting him? Keep pushing him away... why won't she just talk to me?' he whispered to himself.

"Ding" He read her message. Closing his eyes, he sat down on the bench nearby. He lowered his head into his hands and felt tears in his eyes.

'Another time? When?' he thought. 'I don't wanna push her, but I want her to know I want to talk this out'

"Hey, I'm sorry Chris…. I really am. Please know that I didn't do what I did today, transfer teams I mean, to hurt you or upset you. I still really want to talk to you about this, I want us to make the time to fix this…... You are important to me"

He hit send and walked back to his bike. He could not face Tan and Molly in there, he just straddled the bike and rode off home.

Chris was still awake, she had stopped crying, but couldn't get her brain to stop and she couldn't sleep. She sat up and moved to the window seat, looking at the city around her.

"Ding," she jumped a little as her phone flashed on the bed. She knew it would be Street. She tiptoed back over to the bed and opened it. As she read his words the tears began to flow again. 'If only you knew how important you are to me too" she whispered holding the phone up and tapping it on her chin. Her inner voice screamed at her to tell him, call him, text him, something. But she shook her head. 'I can't… I can't just do that now'. She sat and stared blankly out the window for a bit, before taking herself back to bed and closing her eyes.

The next morning Kira came into her room early, she bought her toast and a cup of tea in bed and sat next to her. "Hey…. How are you feeling today?" Kira asked caringly.

Chris smiled, Kira was so sweet, so pretty and then that guilt hit her again. She didn't deserve to be treated like this. Kira deserved to know the truth, but Chris couldn't bring herself to face that mess today.

"Yeah, just a bit tired and drained" Chris answered, "I'll be fine though"

Today was the LAPD annual family picnic. Everyone was going and bringing their significant others. She had already organised Ty and Kira to be on some of the stalls and a part of some of the teams throughout the day. She knew that telling them she wanted out right now was a not the right move.

"What time do we need to head over today?" Kira asked her

"Um…. About 10…. I'll go shower and get ready" Chris answered shifting to the edge of the bed. Kira stood and moved to stand in front of her. She placed her hands around Chris's neck and looked into her eyes.

"Are you sure you are okay?" She asked

Chris smiled at her "Yeah, I promise". Kira leant into her and kissed her. Chris felt bad for kissing her back when her feelings were so all over the place.

Arriving at the park a lot of the guys were already there. Chris walked in pulling a cooler and Ty walked beside her with his arm over her shoulders. She couldn't deny she liked him, it felt really nice when he held her, or was intimate with her, but when she compared how she knew deep down that she felt for Street, she felt so guilty and bad. She knew she felt like she was just faking it with them.

"Hey hey…..." Luca came up to her and Ty, he hugged Chris and then hugged Ty, which kind of took Ty by surprise. "Do you need a hand bringing anything in?" he asked

"No…I um… Think" he said turning to look "Kira…" he said pointing "has the last box"

Luca pointed out where they should set up and Chris walked with them both across the grass. As she got closer, she saw a sign that said 20 David on the table and then glancing around over the other side of the seating area she saw one that said 50 David, and a wave of yesterday's emotions swept across her. She found herself wondering where he was, was he coming? Would he sit with 50 David now?

Chris swallowed hard as she stopped and placed her things on the 20 David table. She chewed the inside of her lip and Tan who had been plugging in an electrical lead saw her.

"Hey Chris" he said eyeing her

"Hey" She said glancing away

"U ok?" He asked stepping towards her.

Chris didn't reply verbally, just nodded. Tan read the emotions that were there. He knew what he thought last night at the pier was right. He knew that something was happening between her and Street. He could see she was hurting. Tan had gotten a text from Street last night that read

"Going home, couldn't find her!" from that he knew that this, this situation whatever it was bad. Bad enough that if he didn't help them fix it, he may lose a team mate, a friend to another team.

As Ty and Kira went to find their first task for the day Chris began to fuss with organising the prizes for the kids. She figured keeping busy would help keep her mind off him, would hopefully help her get through the day.

"Aunt Chris!" Lila came running across the grass to her.

"Lila!" Chris exclaimed seeing her and giving her a big hug. "How are you?"

"Good" Lila answered. "What are you doing?"

"I'm organising the prizes for later" Chris said raising her eyebrows and tickling Lila.

They both laughed and she hugged her tightly. Standing up to see Annie and Deacon and baby Victoria coming over. Chris felt a bit awkward. The last time she had been around Annie they had had a fight about her choice to be in the Thrupple. Chris didn't want to go into that again, especially not now with how she was feeling.

"Hey" she smiled at them "How is she?" she said softly, pointing to baby Victoria all snuggled up in her capsule.

Annie smiled at her, "She is doing really well", Deacon placed the capsule on the table and told them he was going to help Hondo unpack his car. Chris stuck her head in the capsule,

"Hey beautiful girl" she said tapping her finger on baby Victoria's nose. Annie placed her hand gently on Chris's back.

"Chris…" she said looking at her as Chris stood up, "Look I am sorry…. I need to apologise…...I shouldn't have reacted like that at the fundraiser, you know I love and respect the hell out of you. I was emotional and over judgemental." She said.

Chris smiled, it felt nice to hear that. "Annie" she said stepping to her and hugging her, "I love you guys…. It's gunna take a lot more than that to push me away" she smiled.

As Chris talked to Annie, she saw him, her heart stopped for a second and she felt butterflies in her stomach. He was walking across the park on his own towards the tables.

She continued to make small talk with Annie, but her eyes watched him as he came closer. Stevens met him on the grass and Street stopped to talk to him. Chris hated seeing him talk to Stevens. She didn't want Stevens or any of 50 David to try and claim him as theirs. Then she felt silly and childish.

She tried to focus on what Annie was saying, but her thoughts were so preoccupied!

"Heads!" Chris instinctively ducked and covered Annie and Victoria. A stray football from Rocker had landed just feet away.

Chris looked up at him shaking her head. He playfully put up his arms, and she looked at Annie

"Give me a minute" she said, and Annie nodded.

"What the hell, Rocker?" she yelled striding out towards him, "What was that?" She held his football up and tilted her head playfully. Street had stopped talking to Stevens as soon as he heard her over the noise. He turned and watched her in her tight white jeans and stripy mid drift top stroll dominatingly towards Rocker. Rocker held up his hands playfully as she stared him down.

"Can I have…..." Rocker started pointing at the football

"Oh this" Chris said playfully holding it up. She raised her eyebrows and nodded to Luca who was behind Rocker. She kicked the ball up in the air and Luca caught it, they both took off running and laughing to the end of the field with Rocker and Benny in pursuit. As Luca sat the ball down for a touchdown Chris collapsed on the grass laughing, the others followed.

"Shit…" Rocker said. "I love these days" he laughed. Chris smiled and looked at the clouds. That was fun she thought. As she lay there blinking at the blue sky and fluffy clouds, she flinched. Flinched when she saw Street standing over her.

"You should have been a pro player" he said playfully offering her his hand to help her up.

She hesitated a tad, before taking it. "Thanks" she mumbled as she got to her feet.

"So," Luca started... "Street which team are you today? pick a side?"

She saw Street frown, before answering "I'm 20 David…. All the way today"

Chris felt an involuntary smile grow on her face. Then she looked away trying to hide it. 'Get it together' she said to herself.

The day's festivities were soon underway. There were set challenges, task and games to complete for points. Points that would add up at the end of the day for the trophy. Chris was keeping as busy as she could. She didn't want him to try to talk to her here, today with Ty and Kira around. But she found herself glancing around all morning trying to see where he was.

As she had a break in her schedule of activities, she stood drinking a cool drink in the shade. Molly came and stood at her side. Chris immediately felt a surge of uncomfortableness hit her.

"Hey Chris," she said smiling, "How are you?"

"Good …." Chris answered quickly, eyeing her.

"How is it all going so far?"

"Okay I think," Chris answered.

"I love these days" Molly said. "I remember coming to them as a kid with mom and dad and it was always such a blast".

Chris nodded, she felt a bit awkward right now…... "So, are you playing in the football match?"

"Hell yeah" Molly answered. "Dad has signed me up to help with lots today… I'm really liking my decision to move back"

Chris swallowed hard. She wondered if part of that liking it so much had anything to do with Street?

"Molly" The Commander called as he approached them.

"Commander" Chris said nodding at him. He nodded back, before shifting his attention to his daughter. "Can you go and help get the kids footy teams sorted out and practicing?"

"Sure dad, where are they?" she said

"Over near those trees, where Street his, he needs a hand" the Commander said eyeing Chris as Molly walked off. Chris had glanced to the trees and saw Street surrounded by about 30 kids. She smiled watching him try to gain control of them.

"You ok Alonso?" Hicks asked.

She dropped her gaze to the grass, wondering what he already knew.

"Yeah… been a big few days though" she said

The commander nodded, "yeah… Is all okay with your team, with this temporary switch?"

Chris again swallowed hard and her nostrils flared. "Guess so, it is only temporary right?"

"Yeah, I hope so" Hicks said. Cortez walked up behind them and asked for a hand with some tables she was setting up.

When they were done Chris looked back to where Street was. She closed her eyes and exhaled deeply as she saw him tackle Molly to the ground and lay next to her laughing on the grass.

As Chris stood there watching them, trying to fight back her tears and get control of herself Hicks stepped to her side. He was watching them too.

"Molly seems to have settled into LA ok" She said motioning to her and Street. They began to help each other up and as she found her feet, she hugged him. Chris felt a wave of jealously fly through her.

"Yeah…... she seems happy" Hicks answered watching them

"Happy with Street" Chris couldn't help herself.

Hicks grinned and looked at her. "yeah maybe… I was quick to judge him early on, but now I see that he is a really decent guy… and if he makes my Molly happy…... I think I'm ok with that"

Hicks words cut her like a knife. She choked back tears as Hicks wandered away. She glanced back at them, still laughing and fooling around with each other. She couldn't stand here and watch this any longer. Chris put down the folder in her hands and walked briskly back towards her truck. As she rounded the corner to the carpark she bumped into Tan.

"hey…. hey... what's wrong" he said as he caught her in his arms, and she began crying.

She shook her head and cried, whilst Tan stood there holding her, not knowing what to do.

"Chris, hey…. What happened? Talk to me?"

She stood there with her forehead resting on Tans chest for minute whilst she pulled herself together.

Tan placed his hands on her arms and pulled her back…... Studying her closely he said

"Is it Street?" Chris hated that Tan knew her that well right now. She couldn't answer him, she swallowed hard to hold back the tears.

"Hey… come on Chris… I can't help you if you don't talk to me?" Chris pulled back and looked at him through her teary eyes.

"he is out their all over Molly" she managed and began to cry again. Tan wrapped his arms around her. "Hey…. It's okay Chris…... Come on"

"No…. it's not even Hicks thinks they are a good couple" she said thumping Tans chest in frustration. "What have I done?"


	11. Chapter 11

~ Chapter Completed with assistance and inspiration from fellow writer Chris Cody~

Tan stayed with Chris for a while. He knew she needed the company. The help, the comfort right now. He stood there holding her as she cried…

"I got you… its ok" he said quietly as she cried.

"I'm sorry, shit…. I'm a mess" she managed wiping her tears and pulling away from him.

"I'm not gunna try and pry Chris, but you obviously are in a messy place with him and you both clearly, feel things, I know that… and you two really need to sort this out"

She dropped her head and stared blankly at the ground in front of her and tears fell, "I hate myself" she mumbled. Tan put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her in to hug her.

Back at the kids' games area, Molly had begun to organise the kids into teams for a game of baseball. She was showing a little girl how to swing for the pitch and Street watched her laughing. "The blind leading the blind" he teased as he wandered passed her.

"Ohhhhh" she said playfully, as she picked up a foam ball off the ground and threw it at the back of his head as he walked away. He ducked, and then glanced back at her with a grin,

"Better luck next time", he said in a smart arsey tone, she laughed and shook her head.

As the kid's game got underway, Street wandered between the stalls, glancing about the park.

"Hey" Molly said, noticing him as she packed up some boxes. She smiled when she saw him.

"Oh hey…" he answered still looking a little distracted.

"Who or what have you lost?" she said eyeing him

"I ah… no … nothing" he said trying to smile at her. She raised her eyebrows and squinted at him "coulda fooled me" she said,

"Well …. I was um… looking for Chris" he said glancing at the ground "I um…. need to …. we need to…. talk…but…"

"Oh…" Molly nodded…. "It's one of those situations"

Street didn't look back up at her, he kicked his foot t on the ground.

"I um…. Has it got something to do with the bar last night? When you ran out after her?"

Street raised the corner of his mouth "Yeah…. I …ah… we are in a complicated place and I need to apologise to her and talk to her, but I can't find her"

Molly could hear the sadness and pain in his voice. She could see how much he cared for Chris. She may have only known them both a short time, but she could see this needed fixing and he needed to find her.

"Hey," Molly said touching his arm for him to look at her. Molly's hand on his skin made him snap out of it. He glanced up at her, "I'll help you look for her" Molly started…

Street shook his head… "It's okay ... I …. Should maybe give her some space…. She is here with Kira and Ty so….."

Deacon had been sitting with Annie when he saw Tan holding Chris near the carpark. He tilted his head to one side in confusion and stood up, kissing Annie's cheek he told her he would be back in a minute. As Deacon approached Chris she was still sobbing,

Tan gave Deacon a knowing look and pulled her back from him. "I need to get this tray to Bonnie, will you stay here with Deac, while I'm gone?" Chris suddenly became aware of Deac's presence beside her.

"Hey" he said reaching out and hugging her. "Come on" Deac said pulling her into him and holding her.

"I'm…... I'm okay" she protested, suddenly embarrassed by all of this, she started wiping her eyes and blew out a breath. "I'm not crying…... I'm…"

"Sweating from your eyes?" Deacon teased, Chris chuckled a little, "yeah…...something like that." She smiled, as she broke away from him. Deacon knew what was going on. He had seen enough to know that she and Street were in an awkward place and that she needed someone right now to help her see a way forward.

"Deac, I'm fine. I just …... I promise I'm fine." Deacon looked at her, before glancing over his shoulder to where Street and Molly were. Chris had turned away from him and wandered back to the nearby bench and sat down, putting her head in her hands. She stared down at the ground. Deacon wandered over and joined her,

"Hey…. I um…. am probably not the only one who has noticed" he looked at Chris knowingly but with compassion on his face.

Chris nodded slowly "Tan's aware of the situation" she said almost in a whisper.

"Chris…look…..my best advice is…you really need to make the effort to sort this out with Street…soon!"

Chris hated this and she knew she couldn't lie to Deacon.

"Everything Deac…... all of it" she mumbled "It all is my fault. The awkwardness the last few days, him deciding to transfer to 50 David! It is all on me… all because I made a dumb decision the night of the fundraiser and went and kissed him." She glanced at Deac and suddenly realised she didn't want to see his reaction. He had a look of shock and maybe a hint of disappointment on his face. She swallowed hard and continued,

"I… I really hurt him after that Deac….. He tried to get talk to me….. to apologise, and look it wasn't even his fault, it was mine… I was the one who did it, but …I was scared….scared of what he made me feel and I told him that 'we can't even be friends anymore Street, we are teammates nothing more' I ….know I really hurt him, I saw his heart shatter on the floor and ….I ….shit…I know he needs me as his friend right now, to support him especially with this stuff with his mom … but I just can't get passed that I cheated on Ty and Kira! And that part of me wants to do it again! That's not me Deacon! I am not that girl! ….I feel like shit! I am riddled with so much guilt…Fuck…...what have I done?" She shuffled her feet on the ground and glanced sideways at Deac. He inhaled deeply and was chewing his lip as he listened to her, things were a lot more broken that he had thought….. He hadn't realised things had gone that far between them. Chris could see Deac thinking, she knew he hadn't worked out what to say yet and she continued,

"He has tried Deac!" Chris put her head in her hands…... "He has tried so hard to get me to talk to him but …...I… I always run and never talk to him. I've been bottling it all up in here" she said pointing to her heart "…...and then when he starts to get a bit closer to me again, I go and push him away." She paused and swallowed hard. "Now I've gone and pushed him so far that he has swapped teams and ran right into Molly's arms." Chris gestured over to where Street and Molly were. Deac looked up and saw the two of them laughing and helping the kids play games.

Deacon sighed and turned to face her. "Ok look….I know you care about him Chris, that's not new….you have always cared about him…Look how you fought like hell for him to re-join the team…... I could see this between the two of you back then! and hey…... I know it broke your heart seeing him transfer teams yesterday, but can't you see why he did that? That was a grand gesture on his part to try and begin to fix things with you. Speaking up to Hicks and swapping teams like he did is huge for him, you know that Chris come on! You were the one who made him grow up and change to be the amazing guy he is today. He did all of that for you! It's his way to make you see just what he is willing to do for you! And I know it hurts now…. seeing him on a new team, not being next to him on shift, but he is trying to be happy Chris, he is trying to hold himself together, yes he is over there laughing and fooling about with Molly, but …. you walked in here in Ty's arms, had Kira kissing you before over there, don't you think all of that in his face is a little unfair." He paused and eyed her closely. Chris swallowed hard. She blinked back a tear and inhaled deeply, Deacon was so right. Why could she flaunt Ty and Kira in his face but then go crazy if he looks at another girl.

"You need to decide if you want to be with Ty and Kira, or if you want to be with him….Trust me Chris," Deac continued "he deeply cares for you! You have to know that…. I would bet my house and 2 mortgages that there is no way in hell he is even considering moving on or leaving you behind." Deac placed his arm around her and hugged her, she glanced at him.

"Wish I had your confidence in that Deacon? Look at them. He isn't missing me, hasn't come to find me or tried to speak to me once today."

Deacon looked at her, "Chris. Trust me. He's not running away from you. He's hurting too, seeing you with them, knowing how much he wants you and can't have you right now, he would know you are guilt ridden and that you want to try with Ty and Kira so he is giving you that space, he is trying to be happy, for you." Chris gave him a confused look. "He's trying to be strong, for you, for the team and his mother. The kid is trying to fix his life all at once, and most of the pieces aren't in the right spot yet." Chris knew Deacon was right. She looked over at Street and Molly. 'That should be us' she whispered and Deac nodded.

Just then, across the grass she heard Hick's phone. Cortez came running across the grass and Chris knew something was going on. Deacon looked back at Chris,

"Come on somethings up."

They made their way back to the group. "50 David! Let's roll" Rocker shouted and was already running towards the row of black SUVs, the guys all grabbed their bags and took off after him.

Street flew into motion, leaving Molly running the games. Kira left her stall and came over as she saw the teams moving,

"You ok?" she asked putting an arm around Chris tenderly.

"Yeah…... Just nervous for them" she replied as she looked over to where Street was, only to see him stop as he ran passed and give Molly a hug before joining 50 David running to the SUV. She felt tears welling and glanced away hoping Kira wouldn't see.

Deacon smiled at Chris knowingly, "Come on, we'll listen to it on the radio." She nodded and walked with Kira and Deac back over to where Hondo and the rest of 20 David were standing. 'Please be Okay Street. I'm not done talking to you.' Chris thought to herself, as she sat down with the rest of the team and Kira listening to the radio. Kira placed her hand on Chris thigh and squeezed her leg reassuringly as she rested her head against Chris's shoulder. Chris smiled, she couldn't deny she was attracted to Kira, she kissed the top of Kira's head and thought to herself 'I really want to be around her and Ty, they make me feel good!' but Chris really hated herself for feeling like this….. for wanting to still try and give this relationship with them a real go but still wanting to have him too. She was being selfish and she felt ashamed.

'_All Metro units responding to the Officer help call at 567 Nora Ave, be advised, on scene units are requesting SWAT assistance. Multiple heavily armed suspects. Units are pinned at this time.' _Street's heart started to race as he suited up and jumped into the truck. Rocker grabbed the radio.

"50 David to Central, notify on scene units that their SWAT backup is 3 minutes out." He briefed the team on the details he received from Command and the units on scene. Everyone was on edge. They knew it would be an all-out war. The air in the truck was heavy as they rode to the scene.

"Stay liquid everyone." Street said. They all looked at him and nodded. Rocker laughed a bit but spoke up as they got closer to the scene. They could already hear the cracks of shots.

"Alright guys. You know the deal. Assist the Uni's on scene and neutralize the shooters. They aren't gunna come peacefully."

As they pulled up, they were greeted by the Field Sergeant. "What's the situation, Sergeant?" Rocker asked, as the rest of the team made sure they were ready to go.

"3 or 4 shooters inside the building. I have two officers confirmed hit, and at least three others trapped. Shooters are on the catwalk overlooking the ground floor. My officers are getting lit up in there." Rocker nodded and spoke to his team.

"Street, Stevens. You two are on officer extraction. There's at least two officers hit, and another three pinned down." They both nodded and headed towards the building. Within minutes, Street and Stevens had extracted one of the injured officers, and all 3 of the trapped ones. They re-entered the building and made it to the last downed officer. The rest of the team was being led by Rocker, clearing the second floor. Street radioed in. "56 David to 50 David."

'Go ahead Street'Rocker answered as he searched the floors above.

"3 shooters pinning us down in the Northeast corner. 3rd floor catwalk. Far Eastern corner."

'Roger that Street. Get that officer out of here_.' _Street looked over at Stevens, then the officer.

"Don't worry man. You're going home to your family. I promise." The officer nodded. They were almost out, when they were ambushed with more fire. They returned fire and kept moving seeking cover, as bullets peppered them. "Stevens! We gotta move fa-" Street yelled as he fell backwards onto the ground.

Back at the picnic, the 20 David team was listening closely to the comms. Everyone's heart stopped when they heard the next transmission. '52 David to Command! Officer Down! I repeat Officer Down. 56 David is hit!' Chris felt her heart stop and she gasped loudly leaning closer to the radio. Kira was jerked off her and sat blinking watching Chris so distraught. Chris glanced up the team. They all held their breath as the radio crackled.

'52 David to Command, 56 David is down. I need medics now!'

Chris closed her eyes, and lowered her head. She saw flashes of him in her head, smiling at her, that kiss, the way he had looked at her heartbroken in the kitchen at HQ. All of the memories played like a movie reel. She was praying in her head to hear something… anything…. For him to be ok…

Kira rubbed Chris's back. "You ok?" she whispered leaning in to her and hugging her.

Chris couldn't answer her, she looked at her with tears beginning to well in her eyes. Kira saw the fear on Chris's face and hugged her.

'52 David to Command…... Street has taken multiple slugs to the vest, I repeat, the vest caught them all." They, all sighed a bit of relief when they heard his voice. Chris shook her head as if to shake away the emotions, she wiped her tears and Kira hugged her. 'Thank God he's okay.' She thought.

"God," Kira said still holding Chris in her arms "I dunno how you all do this every day?"

Chris heard her words but found it hard to respond. 'Fuck… you have to stop this and just talk to him. No more stalling, you could of lost him just then.' She said to herself blinking back tears 'You also have to tell Kira and Ty, you have to be honest about what happened with them, stop dragging this out' Chris thought silently as she held Kira in her arms. The team kept listening,

Rocker and the rest of 50 David raced to the section of the building where Street and Stevens were. Street heard another burst of automatic gunfire, then Rockers voice "50 David to Command, shooting is Code 4, all suspects down." EMTs were waiting at the doors and rushed into Street who lay winded on the floor. Street began to sit up and high fived Stevens. He was soon up on his own feet walking to the back of the ambulance to be checked over.

"Thank god!" Luca muttered loudly, "If he got himself killed out there without us…."

Hondo patted his arm….. "He is all good man".

"You alright?" Kira asked Chris as she looked up at her,

"Yeah…. am now" she forced a smile at her. "How's the stall?" she asked wanting to deflect the attention from Street.

"Good, busy" Kira answered waving at Ty. "I should probably go help him" she said,

"Yeah I'll come too" Chris said, Kira held her hand as they walked back to the stall.

"Wow," Kira said as she reached Ty. "You should have heard that… what these guys do every day is insane" she said still holding Chris's hand and hugging her with the other.

"Why? What happened?" Ty asked, as he walked passed Kira to get a box. He noticed Chris was quiet and upset. She had let go of Kira and was leaning arms folding on the table at the back of the stall kicking her feet.

"Jim went with 50 David on a call out and got shot in the vest…. It was crazy we could hear all these calls for an officer down, but thank god he is ok!"

Ty turned to Chris, seeing the upset on her face even though Chris was not returning his eye contact. He stepped to her. "Chris," he said hugging her into his chest "Are you okay?"

Chris nodded slowly without looking up at him. It was nice when Ty held her like this. She always felt safe and calm in his strong arms. Then she felt the guilt again and couldn't look at him.

"I know you and Street are pretty close… I'm worried about you" he said.

'hhhmmm if only he knew' Chris whispered in her head.

Chris stood holding Ty for a bit, before kissing Kira and heading back to the team. Deac and Tan had been watching her with them,

"When do you think she will tell them it's over?" Tan asked glancing sideways at Deac.

"I dunno, but she needs to tell Street the truth ASAP! I can't deal with this" Deac answered.

A while later the three black SUVs pulled back up near the tables. Chris swallowed hard seeing them, she wondered if Street was in there or had Rocker made him go in the ER to be checked.

She smiled as she saw him climb out of the truck and begin walking back into the picnic. She could see for the way he moved that he was sore. She got up to go to him, she at least needed to let him know she was happy he was ok.

She began striding across the grass towards him. He looked up and saw her, he smiled at her and waved, she smiled and waved back at him, before she dropped her gaze, a little embarrassed, her cheeks were flushed and going bright red. 'Get control Chris' she muttered. As she went to look back at him, she saw Molly running for him. Molly hugged him tightly, causing him to grimace a bit in pain, before they both were again laughing, Chris could hear Molly apologising "Oh sorry…. I'm just so glad you are ok"

Chris instantly felt her stomach sink and she turned away. She began walking quickly back toward the carpark again. Cursing at herself for even trying to talk to him.

She had seen Street hug Molly back, she hated it. She hated feeling guilty and jealous all the time.

Street looked up to where Chris had been, as Molly let go of him, but he couldn't see her he began glancing around. 'Shit…. Not again' he thought,

Molly stopped and looked at him "What?"

"Chris… was just there and now…" he fumbled glancing around the park.

Chris had walked passed Kira and Ty's stall and briefly explained she just needed to go get something and would be back in a bit…... then she had continued to bee line it for her truck. Kira and Ty had watched her go, they knew she was upset, but had no idea why or what had happened.

"Hey…" Tan called as he saw her "Chris…Stop"

He caught up to her and stopped her. "Hey…... stop running…. You need to"

Chris held up her hand at Tan…... "I just gotta … I can't…..."

Stay here "I'm going to get him…. you gotta sort this out! wait there ok"

Chris wasn't planning on standing here waiting for him to come back, she walked to carpark and unlocked her truck. She was just opening the door when she heard him,

"Chris…..." Street called loudly as he ran around the corner. He saw her beginning to climb into her truck, she stopped and lowered her foot back on to the ground as she heard him. She closed her eyes. She kind of wished he hadn't come, that she could of run… but what would that achieve she thought. That wouldn't help fix this, fix them.

'Thank god' he whispered to himself as he saw her stop and turn to face him. He got to her, stopping a few feet from her, huffing he said,

"Chris…. please…. don't run… not again…" he said. She could hear the pleading in his voice. She knew he wanted to talk to her, wanted to begin to fix this. She didn't say anything at first just blinked and nodded at him.

"I'm…. I'm" she bit her lip, she felt tears again and didn't want to cry this time. She glanced away, "I'm really glad you're ok!" she slowly looked back at him and he stepped a bit closer.

"Chris…... I …. I really wanna talk to you…. here and now if need be…...I don't want you to run away scared anymore…..." he stepped closer to her again, watching her carefully for any sign,

"Chris laying on that foyer feeling my own body for wounds, all I could think about was you, was being ok for you" he said.

"I'm not running" she said, almost a whisper as her voice shook.

Street lifted his hands slowly and gently traced his fingers down her arms, "I need you to just let me talk to you". She heard his words but struggled to even look at him right now. "Can we go somewhere and sit?" he said. She glanced at him and nodded and began walking down the path that led to the beach. She walked next to him in silence over the sand dunes. Reaching the warm sand, she sat, he looked at her. She was so beautiful. 'If only she could let me in, let me love her' he said to himself. She closed her eyes and breathed in slowly. He traced his eyes over her and thought about what to say. After a few quiet moments she turned to him,

"I'm sorry" she said quietly, he raised his eyes to hers, she closed her eyes and exhaled before, dropping her gaze to the ground in front of her. He could see how much all of this was hurting her.

"I'm sorry, I pushed you away, and have been so cold and such a bitch…" a tear rolled down her face and she let it fall. "You did nothing to deserve any of this" she said bringing her eyes back to his.

"Hey…" he started as he reached out for her hand…...

"Let me finish…" she said, he nodded. "I am heartbroken" she sobbed and shook a little as more tears fell. "I am the reason you are losing it all and …. I can't …... I can't live with myself…."

Street shuffled to be a bit closer to her. He slowly placed an arm around her shoulders as she cried. "Chris…." He brushed her hair from her face with is other hand and nudged her to look at him. "Hey…" he said as her sad eyes met his. "I… I'm not angry with you… I'm not blaming you for any of this…. both of us were there when we started this train rolling, so both of us have to now strap in for the journey"

She closed her eyes as a few more tears fell. He took his arm from around her and gently wiped them from her cheeks. "Chris…. you know where I stand…... no I'm not dating Molly" he growled. She heard the hurt in his voice as he said it, "hey… I might not have said the things I want to say to you yet…...… but you have to know and see how much I care about you…... deeply care for you!" he reached out and took her hand, she glanced at him, locking eyes, she felt that rush, that surge of adrenaline he made her feel. Those tingles and butterflies that that night had led to this,

"you know that I want something with you more than anything …... and hey I get the other stuff, I do... I know you are with Ty and Kira, I know you wanna try and make that work, I know work complicates this, I know you don't wanna go down that road because of your policy about dating cops, I know you are worried that if we try and things don't go to plan that things will be forever broken…... but Chris if I can be honest for a minute?"

He looked at her, her eyes struggled to meet his "Chris…." he squeezed her hand and she looked back up at him,

"I want to do this with you" he said, "You make me feel things that I've never felt before and I can't get you out of my mind… that's why I am here…. That's why I had to do what I did… I couldn't come to work with you every day, seeing you, not speaking to you, not looking at you… It was killing me, and I was terrified it would compromise me on a mission and I'd get someone else killed."

Chris swallowed hard. She knew he was right, she knew that the way things had been the last few days was toxic. She placed her head on her knees, he watched her as she shook… he knew she was still crying… he gently rubbed her back and felt his own tears. Seeing her like this was torture, he could feel it crushing his heart.

"I wish I knew how to fix this" he whispered as she cried. "I desperately want you to be okay, for us to be okay…..."

She slowly lifted her head. She remembered the words she had written in that letter. She knew she loved him. There was no denying that. She knew she didn't feel as strongly for Ty and Kira, yes, she was attracted to them, liked them, maybe she loved them… but not on the same level as she felt she maybe loved him. She was no where near ready to admit that to him though. If she was thinking of telling anyone about that stuff it should be Ty and Kira first. They deserved to know she had kissed him, maybe even started falling for him. If she was being honest, Street had had her heart for a while. It had just taken a bit for her to see it.

Chris lifted her head and looked at him. His soft brown eyes were locked to hers. She could see how sad he was, how awful he felt, she wanted to fix this too. She just didn't know how.

"Wanna take a walk" he said, breaking the silence. She shrugged,

"yeah" he helped her up and they walked side by side around to the shore line of the park. They walked in silence for a bit, as they wondered along the shore an enormous wave crashed in, and the water raced towards her, she jumped quickly to move out of the way, she had leapt close to him, close enough that her arms had grabbed him for support and they both stumbled back. He stood up laughing a little "are you ok? Ow… ouch" he said as he stumbled and clutched at his side.  
"ohhh... sorry" she replied, trying to find her feet, remembering he was sore and bruised.

She was standing right in front of him, feet to feet as she looked up at him, again that surge of the most amazing feeling swept over her. It was intoxicating. This is exactly how she had felt that night before she kissed him. 'Chris…... don't you dare… don't you dare try to kiss him …. Remember Ty and Kira are just up there in the park…. Snap out of it" her head screamed. But her heart, it was chanting at her, "kiss him, kiss him, kiss him".

She was lost, staring at him, lost in his eyes. He lowered his head until their foreheads met. Their noses were almost touching.

"Chris…." he whispered breathlessly, "I …. I'm not gunna do this again and put you in that position…." He closed his eyes and exhaled before sucking in a deep breath and opening his eyes to stare back into hers "I … want to kiss you right now… I do… I really do…. but…... shit" he cursed as he lifted his head away from hers "that is not what we need right now…. we need to find a way to make things ok between us, other than this, just stolen moments, moments when we are both upset, worked up and do something that then leads to what we face each day now."

She closed her eyes knowing he was right. She slowly lowered and rested her head on his shoulder, she nuzzled her forehead into his neck a little. The smell of him, of his leather jacket was so intoxicating, she felt shivers all up her spine. "I'm…... I'm sorry…... I" she pulled back from him.  
"I'm sorry…..." She turned away, knowing what she was doing right now was still not ok in terms of Ty and Kira. She felt a flush of guilt sweep across her, just like she did that night and she was so tempted to run. Run from him. But she stopped herself. She looked back at him.

"I'm trying not to run away…... I know I want to talk this out with you" she said, finally feeling a little more in control of her own emotions and thoughts. "Can we sit up there?" she said pointing to the rock wall up the beach a bit "Yeah" Street said motioning for her to go.

She sat next to him on the wall, she placed her hands next to her on the rocks as a way of steadying herself and her emotions. She breathed in deeply before glancing sideways at him. He was looking at his feet and kicking the sand. She could see he was a little uncomfortable, she had just put him in a bad position again. She felt guilty.

"Street, I …... um… I need to be honest with Ty and Kira about this. About us about what keeps happening about how I feel about it all, and hey I don't know what that means or what that will look like but they deserve the truth and if I am being honest I have been hoping that things with them would overtake this, how I feel around you, but…... sometimes it just doesn't measure up with them and I find myself thinking about you. Lying to them and stringing them along, just because I was with them first, before I felt these things is not okay. I know we both feel things, please correct me if I'm wrong, we both want to someday, someway, explore those things, but …. I can't be that person. I can't be that girl who commits to something and then does this" she said looking at him.

He nodded and looked at her. A small smile on his face. Chris had just admitted that she felt things for him…. That was a huge start… he thought.

"I need to sort me out, before I can even work out what to do with this…" she said. Street smiled at her…

"I will give you all the time and space you need…. I just need you to know that I am serious about this, about working stuff out with you so we don't keep going down that destructive road…... Please understand Chris that I didn't ask to transfer yesterday to be dramatic or upset you, I truly felt that I was gunna stuff up at work, because of how we had been. You wouldn't even look at me, most days, you avoided me at every chance, and I could not focus."

"I… I hate that I've put you in this position Street" she said glancing at him.

"Hey…... Like I said before we both started this, we both have to work it out". He patted her hand and she let his fingers interlock with hers. She closed her eyes as she exhaled.

"I…..." she paused and looked at him "I'm gunna have to be honest with Ty and Kira" she said frowning. "I know that now." Street nodded at her silently.

"Do whatever you feel you need… you know I will be here for you, I will be here if your hurt and broken, you know I will" he said squeezing her hand. "I hate seeing you like this….. and don't you dare tell me 'not your problem Street'" he said,

It made her laugh a bit, that is what she had said to him the last time he told her he didn't want to see her get hurt or heartbroken to be exact. Chris felt bad though, she felt like even sitting here talking with him, was cheating on them.

"You should…..." he said, "You should go back to them and …."

"Tell them? … "she said looking at him,

"I'm not gunna rush you Chris" he said squeezing her hand. "You do you and sort that all out, just know I will still be here, here for you whenever you are ready..." she gazed into his eyes and shit she desperately wanted to kiss him. He was such an amazing guy, she felt herself in that moment falling even deeper for him. She closed her eyes. Trying to get control again.

Street stood up and stepped in front of her, pulling her up to him, "Hey" He waited for her to look at him, as she opened her eyes and looked at him,

"I'll see you out there, 20David V 50 David is coming up?"

"Yeah" she smiled gazing at him….love struck.


	12. Chapter 12

"Okay…... Come on guys" Hondo said standing up from the table. He pointed at Luca… "Let's sort this team out. We need to round up the rest of our other players…. Tan, where are Chris, Ty, Thomas, Deac and Street?"

"On it boss" Tan said walking away. He began glancing around the park looking for any of them. He knew Street had gone to find Chris in the carpark and hopefully they were talking and trying to sort out what was going on between them both, but Tan hadn't seen them for a while, he frowned wondering where they had gone. As he began to walk across the park, he saw Ty and Kira and headed for them. Maybe they had seen Chris come back.

"Hey Ty" he said approaching the stall.

"Oh hey" Ty smiled as he placed out some boxes,

"Hondo is rounding up the football team if you're ready man"

"Yeah, sounds like fun…." Ty answered before turning to Kira. "Are you ok here for a bit?"  
"Yeah" she smiled as she leaned up and kissed him, "I'll come watch you guys in a bit"

"Ok" Ty nodded

"You guys seen Chris?" Tan asked. He was a little nervous that Chris and Street maybe had been gone for a while, maybe they had been gone a little too long and were really working it out? Tan was a little worried that he was about to drop them in it?

"No, she um…. came by before and said she had to go get something, but I haven't seen her for a bit" Kira answered,

"Oh, there she is" Ty said pointing over Tans shoulder seeing Chris walking back across the park with Street at her side.

"Ok then…" Tan said feeling a bit relieved. "Let's go" he said patting Ty's arm.

As the team, plus Ty and Chris's cousin Thomas gathered around Hondo, Tan gave Chris a glance as if to ask if she was ok. She raised the corner of her mouth at him and nodded as if to answer "yeah", but Tan sensed there was still a way to go. He smiled at her and shifted his attention back to Hondo.

Hondo sorted the team and assigned them positions and they took the field for the game. Chris watched Street as they all stretched it out and warmed up, she smiled at him and he looked up and saw her smiling at him. He grinned at her and she quickly dropped her glance away embarrassed. As she kicked the ground and cursed herself for again getting caught staring at him, she hoped they had made some ground and that they could continue to build on things the right way.

Rocker lined his team up and they all eyed the opposition. Chris noticed Molly in their line up and glanced sideways at Street out of the corner of her eye to see if he was looking at her. Molly was watching him, but Street was busy talking tactics with Luca and Thomas. She shook her head 'Stop it Chris…. For god's sake …. Stop it!'

Hicks signalled for the game to begin and they all sprang into action. Chris felt good about letting all of the drama go for a bit and just have fun with the people she cared about. At half time the scores were locked. Rocker's side huddled at one end, and Hondo spoke to the team.

"Ok so, these hero's think they have us all worked out…. BUT…. I've saved a little something' something for this half, Luca you are on Rocker, Deac you got Stevens, Thomas go for Benny, Ty you take Neill and Street and Chris you are with me!"

He explained his secret play and signalled for Chris to be ready for her role in it as Hicks blew the whistle,

"Come on we ain't got all day" he called

The last play was in motion, Chris slipped between Stevens and Benny who were distracted by Thomas and Deac, Hondo threw the ball up to her and she ran backwards watching it sail through the air. Street was shadowing her, as she caught it in her arms and ran for the line, Street ran with her, watching her run up the field in those tight white jeans and bare mid drift made him a little distracted though. She crossed the line and scored a touchdown, dancing around a bit as Street hugged her, Luca soon followed knocking them both to the ground. Chris landed in Streets arms and he held her around her waist as the team laughed and piled on top of them, rolling on the grass. Chris was very aware of Streets hand caressing her bare skin and she felt those amazing butterflies as she lifted her head to look at him, he looked down to her and smiled and laughed as the team began to climb up. He released his hold on her and helped her up as she turned to hug Ty and Thomas and the rest of the guys.

Molly walked over to Streets side and put her arms around him hugging him. "Great game Jim! Nice play there at the end!" she said a little breathless. Street laughed but felt a little awkward with Molly this close to him with Chris just there,

"Thanks" he smiled at her, he knew Chris had seen him with Molly already today and that she was upset by it, Tan had mentioned that when he told him to go find Chris in the carpark earlier. Chris heard Molly's voice and looked over her shoulder, seeing Molly's arm around him made her feel that sinking feeling in her chest and stomach. She inhaled deeply and told herself 'to stop it…. just look away Chris… ignore it… you are being silly'

As she walked back to the benches to get a drink, Ty walked with her. He slid his arm around her waist, and feeling his touch made her remember what Deac had said. It would be enormously hard for Street to see her with Ty and Kira, just like she hates seeing Molly near him. She stood near the bag drinking from her water bottle and looking over to him. He was still talking to Molly and smiling. Chris glanced away at the ground. She was so sick of feeling the way she did. She was being selfish, she wanted Street. She knew deep down in her heart that she loved him. But she didn't feel ready to do this with him yet…for the consequences to her everyday life that that would bring. Chris knew she wanted to give her, Ty and Kira a real go first. She knew she had to know whether it could work, but could she do it? She glanced back at Ty, he stood up and smiled at her. "You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah" She smiled and hugged him. As she watched Ty walking away, she sighed. 'I need to give this relationship with them a real go…..I need to stop sabotaging it….I need to give Street a chance and maybe the space to work himself out too, he isn't in the right place now to do this….to understand and live with the consequences that it would bring. He is still in a messy place, with his mum, his string of failed relationships and whatever he and Molly are or aren't…' She sat on the bench and looked at the grass. 'If I'm gunna try this with Ty and Kira a bit more and be serious about it, I gotta be honest about kissing him …... I can't keep hiding that. It is killing me inside' she thought.

That night Chris sat on the lounge watching Ty cook. She sighed and chewed her lip, she wondered if tonight was the right time to talk to them. To own up about what happened with Street and be honest. She wanted to know what she would be to them after the wedding, they kept saying she was an equal part in this relationship, but it didn't feel like it at all. Why were they getting married if she was an equal, why was she getting left out of that marriage? She felt as if she would just be the third wheel, a prop or a weird add on.

Chris dropped her eyes and stared at her feet. Had Street been right? Was this whole thing wrong for her?

Kira was working on her laptop at the table as Chris's eyes danced between them both. Kira looked up and saw Chris fidgeting, looking at Ty and could tell she was deep in thought, so she slowly pushed out her chair and walked to Chris. Chris glanced at her as she approached. Kira was smiling at her but gave her a concerned frown as well.

"Hey…. You okay?" Kira asked sitting next to her and squeezing her knee.

"Hey…. Yeah…. I …" Chris fumbled to find her words. She still couldn't decide whether to say anything or not. She glanced up at Kira nervously, she could feel the guilt building inside her, she could take the easy road and brush it off and say "I'm fine… nothing's wrong…" but this sick feeling in her stomach just wouldn't go away.

She bit her lip and sighed "I…... I need to talk to you two" she said. Her eyes showed her sadness, Kira could tell Chris was upset, Chris wondered if they had noticed her fear and guilt.

"What's wrong?" Kira said placing her hand on her shoulder,

Chris exhaled and blinked slowly, "Ty…... Can we…... can you come and sit with us for a minute?"

Ty turned and looked at her. Seeing her serious expression, he put down the spoon and turned off the hotplate before, walking around and sitting on the coffee table opposite them. He studied her face closely, seeing that something was upsetting her.

"Chris…. What is it? What's wrong?" he said, glancing nervously at her then at Kira.

Blinking slowly and drawing her eyes up she turned up the corner of her mouth into a frown. "I…...I…God…" she said looking up at the celling

"Hey…... whatever it is Chris… you can tell us" Ty said leaning forward to her and patting her leg. Chris forced a smile and closed her eyes for a second.

"I don't wanna upset you guys" she said quietly glancing at them both….

"Why? … why would you?" Kira asked confused.

"because … I am …. I've been thinking and I guess…...kinda questioning this" she blurted, biting her lip again and bracing for their reactions.

"What do you mean?" Kira said, with concern and kindness in her voice

"This…. what I actually am in this….in this relationship…" Kira went to speak, and Chris held up her hand. "I know you say I'm an equal, but as your wedding approaches I …..." she glanced down, and Ty squeezed her knee…. "I feel like I am … I feel weird about it"

Kira smiled and put her arm around her, "Hey…. it's ok…. Thanks for being honest with us Chris…"

Chris brushed Kira's arm off her and stood up. "I…. I feel like the third wheel in this" she said turning to the window away from them…. "I feel like some freaky add on and it doesn't feel right"

Ty glanced at Kira before looking at Chris and standing up. "Hey…." He said approaching her…... "we don't want you to feel this way Chris, we are not trying to force you into anything…... or"

Chris continued to face the window and stood arms folded and eyes closed. She was listening to their words but at the same time, she felt like their responses were just them saying what she wanted to hear.

Chris spun around and looked at them…... "If I am an equal in this" she interrupted gesturing her hand between the three of them "then tell me again why you two are getting married and I'm just the third wheel"

As soon as she had said it the tears fell from her eyes. Kira stood to move to her, but Chris held up her hand for her to stop and walked briskly off to her bedroom, "I need a minute" she said as she walked away…. letting the door slam behind her.

Ty and Kira stood a little shell shocked by the window… "I get what she is saying…." Kira began as she looked at Ty, Ty frowned and exhaled "Give her a minute and I'll go and talk to her" He said walking back to the stove.

Chris sat on the edge of her bed. She was shaking and emotional. She wasn't sure if she was angry, guilty or sad or a combination of them all. 'That didn't go to plan' she cursed at herself 'get a fucking grip…. you can't run from this…from them you gotta get back out there and face this…' She closed her eyes and began counting her breaths. Once she felt calm again, she stood up and began to move to the door. She hesitated as she extended her hand to open it. 'Shit…what am I doing?' she said closing her eyes. 'Come on…...you gotta talk to them…. stop hiding Chris' she told herself as she opened the door and walked nervously back out to the living room.

Ty had finished cooking and was standing at the bench watching Kira pace by the window.

"I'm sorry" Chris said quietly as she approached the bench. They both turned to her.

"Hey" Kira said moving to her, stopping just in front of her…. "Chris, honey…. you are allowed to be upset, nervous, whatever all of this is…. we just want you to talk to us and we can sort it out"

Chris turned up the corner of her mouth and nodded at Kira, "I…...wanna talk to you about it, I …I just let it get the better of me, then and….….and …I got upset…..I'm…..sorry" Ty put his arm around her, and she stopped talking and looked up at him.

"Chris, come on, sit… we need to talk" He said guiding her to the couch.

Chris sat fidgeting with her fingers and looking at her hands. As Ty and Kira sat down, she glanced up at Ty. "I…I need you guys to know something, before we start to talk about this between us"

"Ok" Ty said nodding and eyeing her, before glancing at Kira who was frowning nervously at Chris.

"I want you guys to know that I wanna give this relationship a shot. Yes, I am as nervous as hell as to what this will even be once you two get married, but I wanna see where this goes, I care about you both." Chris paused and swallowed, eyeing them. Ty smiled at her and Kira placed her hand on Chris's leg.

"We care about you too" she said squeezing Chris's leg gently. Chris smiled at her and then frowned scrunching her eyebrows a little as she tried to form her words.

Chris glanced to the window, her big brown eyes showed her fear at what she was about to say, her heart pounded inside her chest. She nervously bit the inside of her lip as she flicked her eyes back to them. She rubbed her hands together "I … I gotta tell you something…and …. I…. need you guys to know this"

Ty and Kira glanced at each other, they knew that whatever this was it was a big deal to Chris and had to be important for this type of talk to be happening.

"Do you guys remember when I went AWOL the night of the fundraiser?" she began. Ty nodded at her,

"Yeah" Kira said tilting her head a little confused "Why?"

"Well I need to be honest about something…." Chris exhaled and blinked slowly before continuing, "That was the night I decided I needed to move in with you guys and give this a real shot…...but I never explained to you why, or how, I came to that decision, and I think you guys deserve to know that, before we go further with this".

"Okay" Ty said …... "You are kinda scaring me a little" he said eyeing her.

Chris smiled a little smile at him and nodded "I'll start at the start…I was excited for you guys to hang out with and meet my SWAT family, but one of them was MIA."

"Right" Kira said … "Jim wasn't there"

Chris nodded, pursing her lips a little "yeah… Luca told me he had dramas with his mom and wasn't coming. I was a little upset…...I mean…...Ty" She said gesturing to him "Had met him before but I wanted you" she said looking at Kira "To meet him too…he is my best friend and really important to me" Kira glanced nervously at Ty before looking back at Chris.

"Okay" Kira answered a little unsure as to where this was going ... "You know we loved meeting your SWAT family…. They are amazing…. But…...what…. I mean where is this…"

Chris swallowed hard and shuffled to sit up, leaning forwards on her elbows she patted Kira's knee "Let me…." She continued. "After I introduced you guys, I got into it a bit with Deacon's wife Annie. Annie is amazing…. She is a saint… I love her to bits…. But their daughter Lila was asking about you guys and I was trying to be honest and explain that you are my boyfriend and girlfriend and that I love you both when Annie got upset with me. She didn't want me to be exposing Lila to this… she said it was a lifestyle that she felt was 'immoral and wrong'. I got really upset …...she wasn't the only one to express concerns about this…. most of my team has at some point…... they are all worried I'm gunna get hurt…. anyway…I stood at the bar…. feeling awful…...I glanced around and saw you guys laughing and having a blast without me, which made me think about their doubts. I felt lost and sad, and awful and I decided I needed to talk to Jim about how I felt. I always have… he has always been my sounding board and confidante. He listens and helps me work my head out all the time….so I took an uber to find him." Chris glanced up at Ty and Kira, though she didn't really want to see their reactions. They both looked scared, worried about where this was heading. As her eyes met Ty's he smiled a strained worried smile at her.

"I found Jim at Luca's place. He was upset about his mom being missing and we sat outside drinking most of the contents of a bottle of whiskey and talking for a few hours. It was nice, I was able to help him feel better about his mom and he helped me kinda figure out what to do with this, with us…." Chris paused and closed her eyes, god this was the part she was dreading the part where she had to be honest and tell them that she had kissed him, caused all this mess and drama…as she sat there with her eyes closed briefly, she relived that kiss. The magical way she felt…. The way Street made her feel. She opened her eyes and continued "As I got ready to leave, I hugged him…I've hugged Jim a million times… but that time…. Something was different… something clicked and as my head rested on his forehead…..." Chris could feel herself getting lost again thinking about it.

"I kissed him" she blurted.

Kira dropped her eyes to the floor and Ty squeezed Kira's knee as he gave Chris a sad look.

"I'm …..I know I crossed a line…..and I've felt guilty about it ever since….I'm so sorry….I didn't plan on it happening, and as soon as it did I left and went and sat on the beach until I came back to you guys…..the whole thing…made me realise that I needed to commit to you guys 100% and give this a real go…..and stop being scared of what everyone says and thinks."

Chris looked at them…... both Ty and Kira seemed to still be shocked, Chris could see anger in Kira's eyes, but Ty looked sad and concerned for Chris.

"What I did, …...I know it was wrong of me…...It has kinda ruined my friendship with Jim, and it has also made me feel sick with guilt about doing that to you guys. I want you to know that I really am sorry" Chris bit her lip feeling tears in her eyes. She blinked and closed them, trying to stop them from falling.

"Chris…." Ty began, he shuffled forwards and took her hands in his "Hey" he said waiting for her to look at him. Chris didn't want to look at him. She felt so awful. She flicked her eyes sideways to Kira. Kira had tears in her eyes and was glancing out the window. Chris dropped her eyes back to the floor…...she was sad she was hurting them right now. She slowly glanced up through her eyebrows at Ty. He was watching her closely.

"Chris…... hey look at me" Ty said. She blinked her tears and wiped them away before looking up at him. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset…... but I do understand…. I mean I see what happened, why it happened ….and I am glad that you could be honest and talk to us." Chris smiled a small smile at him. Ty was so sweet, understanding and caring.

"Do you have feelings for him?" Kira said, turning to look at her, an angry tone in her voice and her eyes red from tears. The words hit Chris like a fist. She swallowed hard. Licking her lips.

"Yeah" she said dropping her head…. "I think maybe…if I'm being honest…I've felt some of those things for him for a while, but you need to understand that Jim and I can't go there….It …..it just isn't right…..for either of us…way too complicated and messy…..and since that night I've made it crystal clear to him, that I am in this…with you and Ty and that what happened won't happen again".

Kira stood up, shaking her head and walked to the window. She stood arms folded. Chris knew she was hurt and really upset right now. Chris blinked and looked down at the floor before standing up to go to her… "I'm sorry Kira" she said with softness as she approached her. "I never meant for this to happen…. honestly" Kira didn't turn to look at her, she continued to stare out the window, arms folded.

"When I sat on that beach for the rest of that night …... all I could think of was how much I hated myself for doing that to you guys…...how stupid it was and how unfair it was. It made me realise that I wanted to and needed to commit myself to you guys. You have made me the happiest I've ever been in any relationship." Kira glanced at her, anger still on her face …. "Please know" Chris continued "I didn't intend to hurt you guys and do that, I was scared, emotional, maybe even a bit drunk…I am really sorry" Chris touched her arm. Kira unfolded her arms and turned to look at Chris. She licked her lip

"So, you moved in because you felt guilty?"

Chris closed her eyes and exhaled "No, Kira please…. I knew after what happened that I wanted to do this with you guys and that I needed to stop holding back and just make the commitment…" Ty stood and moved to them both. He placed an arm around Kira and kissed the top of her head.

"So, you still want this then?" he asked looking at Chris

"Yeah…...I want this" she said smiling "If you both can forgive me, I want to see where this goes"

Chris glanced at Kira, the anger was slowly fading, and she managed a small smile back at Chris.

Chris reached for Kira's hand. "I know this hurt you Kira, but please…...I want to see if we can do this…. if this can be what I need and want" Chris said.

Kira smiled and nodded slowly at Chris. "You know I want this Chris…. You know we both want you" she said gesturing from herself to Ty. "Are you sure you want this with us…. not him?"

Chris smiled and closed her eyes, she knew deep down in there that she did want that with him, but right now, at this point in both their lives…..It just wasn't the right time for them. Chris had to know whether this thing, this thrupple could work and could be for her.

"Yeah, I do, I want to give this everything I have" she smiled, and Kira and Ty hugged her.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

When Chris woke up the next morning and opened her eyes, she smiled seeing Ty still sleeping next to her. She lay there watching him. He was a great guy, sweet, caring and compassionate, she couldn't deny she liked him. Chris turned her head to look at Kira, but she must have already gotten up as that side of the bed was empty. Chris frowned and slid out, careful not to wake Ty and went to see where she was. They had all slept in each other's arms, trying to reconnect and comfort each other after the powerful events of last night.

Chris felt a lot better about things this morning and was singing in her head as she came down the stairs to find Kira sitting on the window ledge drinking coffee.

"Hey" She said softly walking to her and kissing the top of her head. Kira smiled and hugged her down to her.

"Morning" she replied kissing Chris's cheek.

Chris sat down next to her, watching her carefully. "Are you ok?" Chris asked cautiously…sensing that Kira was still a little hurt and upset. Kira swallowed her coffee and looked back at Chris,

"Yeah, I guess so" she replied as a forced smile formed on her face.

Chris knew by her tone and body language that this had really hurt Kira. She reached out her hand to Kira's, "Hey…. I ah…I ….I'm sorry …..I know it is gunna take some time to …."

"Chris….." Kira interrupted…. "It's okay, we are moving forward…..I'll be ok just give me a minute to process all of this please…"

Chris pursed her lips and nodded, dropping her gaze to the floor. She let go of Kira's hand and stood up. "Yeah, okay….I …..I better go get ready for shift"

Chris walked away back towards the stairs feeling sick inside, she had really hurt Kira and no matter how she tried right now, she wasn't getting the warmth and love back from her that she was used to. Maybe Kira was right, and it would just take a bit of time for her to heal that wound.

As she got to the top of the stairs, she was a little startled by Ty. He was coming towards her and pulled her into hug her. "Hey" she said with a smile as he held her

"Hey yourself" he said kissing her forehead…. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah….I uh…just gotta start getting ready for shift" Chris said motioning to the bedroom.

"Oh, are you going in early today?"

"Yeah…. I might give you guys some space" she said tilting her head side to side "you know"

Ty nodded, and blinked slowly as if to say he understood and would talk to Kira. He could read between the lines and see that Kira must still be giving Chris a hard time. He let her go and watched her walk to the bedroom, Chris chewed her lip a little as she walked away, pondering in her head if this was right, was she doing the right thing, was she actually ok with it?

She dressed quickly and grabbed her gear, before descending the stairs to say her goodbyes. "I'll be home around 7 tonight" Chris said approaching Ty, who had started making an omelette.

Ty turned and hugged her, "ok, I'll be in about the same time…" he said as he kissed the top of her head. "Wanna make pizzas tonight?" he said with a smile, knowing Chris loved cooking with him. She smiled up at him "Yeah, I'd like that" she said as she leant up and kissed him.

She turned to Kira who was still sitting by the window "Is she ok?" Chris asked with a frown leaning back on the cabinets.

"Yeah" Ty answered flipping his omelette, "she will be fine, just give her the day to sort her head out"

Chris inhaled a deep breath and began to walk to her. As she approached, she could feel the iciness a little. "Hey, I'll see you tonight" Chris started "Ty and I are gunna make pizzas, if you will be home for dinner?" Chris watched her. Kira was gazing out the window. She turned and smiled a sad smile at Chris…. "I'll be home a bit later, but you enjoy" Kira reached up her hand for Chris to come closer and she stood up to hug her.

Chris drew back and kissed her cheek, looking at her sad eyes, "I'm sorry Kira"

Kira nodded and smiled "I know…. Now go Chris…I don't want you to be late"

As Chris drove into HQ and parked her truck in the garage, she drummed her thumbs on the steering wheel thinking. She was worrying that Kira would not be okay with this and that this would be the end of it all. She worried that Ty would not be able to talk it out with her and that she may not get the chance to see where this could go and what it could be. As she sat there in a trance thinking, she was startled by Luca banging on the back of her truck…..

"Morning Chris" he called

"Oh Hey….." she said snapping out of it and opening her door.

"You ok?"

"Yeah just lost in my head… no biggie, why are you in early?" she asked grabbing her bag and walking in with him.

"Just wanna catch up on some paperwork…. you?"

"I …ah…." Chris didn't want to tell Luca that she had come in early to let Ty and Kira talk about her kissing Street that night, so she replied "Gunna do a workout before shift" Luca nodded.

Hondo, Benny, Deac and Tan were already in too. Hondo and Deac were sparring in the ring and Tan and Benny were racing each other on the bikes.

Chris went straight to the locker room to change, she decided to get on the treadmill and do a run, so she pushed in her earbuds, turned on her favourite music and headed back to the gym. As she started the treadmill, she could feel eyes on her, she wondered if it was Tan watching her…she wondered if she should look up. She blinked slowly and decided to just focus on herself. She began jogging as the treadmill picked up speed. Her eyes were on the screen in front of her, but she could see Tan and Benny out of her peripheral vision. Tan was probably wondering how things were after the messy day at the picnic. Chris turned up the speed and began her run, tuning out to all of that around her and focusing on her breathing as her feet hit the treadmill and she found her rhythm. She had covered almost 3miles when she was startled by Hondo tapping the treadmill in front of her. She instantly flicked the earbuds out and jumped her feet to the edge to stop running,

"Sorry Boss" she said panting,

"We got a situation unfolding…. I'd go gear up", he said with a serious tone.

Chris nodded without a word and stopped the treadmill. Grabbing her towel and walking quickly to the locker room. As they all filed in, readying themselves, Hondo began explaining the case.

"This is our best chance to apprehend this crew. The intelligence is solid, and 50 David are already there keeping eyes on the warehouse. We need to make sure that we have all avenues covered and keep that net tight around the block"

Chris sat next to Benny as they rode in Black Betty. She couldn't help but feel weird that Street wasn't there next to her. It made her sad, but she felt a little smile form when she thought about seeing him at the location. She then shook her head and stared at the floor. 'Focus damn it' she told herself.

"Rolling up in 10" Luca hollered.

Chris grabbed the handle above her head and swayed as Black Betty came to a holt.

"Let's do this" Tan said

"Fill the gaps…." Hondo said nodding at him

"Stay liquid" they shouted as they piled out.

Commander Hicks was standing near the mobile command trailer and waved them over, as Chris fell into a gap between Luca and Benny to listen to the update, she bit her lip inside her mouth to stop herself from smiling as she noticed Street walk up and stand opposite her. He looked straight at her and nodded at her with a smile. She blinked and nodded at him, before suppressing that smile and tuning into Rockers voice. She felt eyes on her, and instinctively knew Street was likely still watching her. She glanced at him, he smiled at her again and she widened her eyes nodding at Rocker as if to tell him to stop it and listen, before she flicked her eyes back to Rocker.

Street grinned and sighed. Usually he would get a grin, or small smile but today she seemed distracted and a little cold. He wondered what she was thinking as he watched her, before he turned back to the screen.

Rocker and Hondo assigned them all roles and Chris couldn't help but inhale deeply and kinda frown a fraction when Hondo and Rocker mixed up the teams, Rocker said "Chris, you and Street will be in the Charger on the 2 side". She kinda didn't want to have to be in close quarters with him today. If he started to talk to her again, she wasn't sure what she would say. As she stood there cursing in her head she thought, 'maybe it could give me a chance to be clear with him though …. to tell him that I've decided to try and do this with Ty and Kira'. As she listened to where the rest of the team was heading, she found herself thinking, 'what if Kira decides she doesn't wanna do this?' it made her swallow hard. Her thoughts swirled as they all began to move off. She turned and headed for the charger.

"Hey" Street said, jogging up and matching her stride to walk beside her.

"Hey" she replied with a shortness to her voice, which she instantly regretted. She knew Street had done nothing to deserve that… she was upset with herself, about stuff that wasn't anything he did, and she hated that she seemed to always lately take that out on him.

"You driving?" he asked holding the keys up and eyeing her. Chris grinned a little, she knew that that was him extending an olive branch a bit…..whenever they went anywhere together before, when he was her partner, he ALWAYS drove. She looked out the corner of her eyes at him with a smirk,

"No, go ahead" she said as she opened the passenger door, waving for him to get in a drive as she slid in. She watched him walk around the car, she took in a deep breath 'Keep it cool Chris' she said to herself as his door opened and he dropped in.

"You good?" he asked as he clipped up his belt.

"Yep" she said looking straight ahead, she was focusing herself and telling herself to keep it professional. Street eyed her and frowned. Ice queen Chris was seemingly back. 'This could be uncomfortable' he said to himself as he started the car and shifted it into drive. He positioned the charger in the alley just where Rocker had said and glanced at Chris. She hadn't returned his gaze and was looking out her window as Street hit his radio.

"56 David to 50 David"

That sprang her back to reality and she closed her eyes briefly as he said it. Another reminder about things, about him being on another team, about that being her fault. She closed her eyes and rested her head back.

"Go ahead Street" Rockers voice came back

"24 David and I are in position on the 2 side"

"Roger that, sit tight"

Street slowly breathed in and glanced at her. She was still sitting there with her eyes closed and head back against the head rest. Gosh she is beautiful he thought. 'Should I say something?' He pondered, 'what should I say?' he hated this awkwardness.

Chris was trying to centre herself and find a way to open her eyes and sit here with him without making them both uncomfortable. She blinked slowly sitting up a bit and glanced at him. He was fidgeting and tapping the wheel before he felt her gaze and glanced at her…"you ok?" he asked scanning her face as she looked at him.

"Yeah… I….I'm ok" she answered, still not sure how to broach the subject with him. He scrunched his lips and nodded, knowing that she wasn't ok, but if he pushed her to talk, she would shut him down and that would be that. He returned his gaze to the front window and sat in the thick air.

'shit…' Chris thought. 'I need to talk to him…. just say it…this is beginning to get weird again'

She cleared her throat and wriggled a little in her seat. "I um…" she began sliding her eyes to him. He met her eyes and held his breath wondering what she was going to say next. "I um…. So…" she began as she glanced away from him. He kept his eyes on her, noting her nervousness and heavy breathing…

"I um spoke to Ty and Kira last night…" she said quietly as she stared out her window. She couldn't quite bring herself to look at him right now. She was vulnerable and scared.

"Oh" Street said rubbing his sweaty palms on his trousers. "How…. how did that go?" He had no idea what to expect or where this was going…his stomach was doing summersaults and he found it hard to focus.

"I…. I had to be honest" she said, flicking her eyes to him. Street inhaled and nodded at her, glancing away for a second and then back to her.

"and…."

"I told them what I did that night" she said swallowing hard and watching him.

He swallowed and nodded looking down at the floor as he scrunched his eyebrows a little. "How did that go?" he asked cautiously.

"Well bottom line…" she said looking at him then glancing away…...shit this was hard. She knew this would hurt him…. she knew he didn't want her to be with them…. But she knew deep down that she really had to try it with them and know if it could work.

"I've…. um …...decided for now that I need to and I want to try and do a relationship with them and give it a shot…I need to know if it CAN work"

Street felt a sharp pain shoot through his heart. He looked away out the window without saying a word. She could see she was hurting him again and that killed her. She too turned away and looked out her own window.

"I'm sorry" she said quietly, slowly looking back at him. He sat looking away from her, she could feel the sadness, frustration and maybe even anger coming off him.

Street nodded, "I get it" he said. Not giving her his eyes.

"Jim, I …. I …... I don't want to hurt you…. I" she paused as she watched him, 'Fuck' she screamed at herself…... she could see his heart breaking all over again. 'Why do I keep on doing this to him?'.

Street continued to look out his window, "I need to know if …. if I stop sabotaging it can that with them actually be anything real, I really feel like I have to try" she said.

He again swallowed and nodded.

"and hey…" she continued, "I think its best if I give you the time and space you need…...you know some time to work yourself out". She watched him closely as she spoke. She felt like her words were killing him, but deep down what she was saying was the truth. She didn't want to rush into a serious relationship with him like things were. His mom, his dating life, swapping teams… it was all so messy. She licked her lip and closed her eyes, "Look…. you have a bit of a mess in your life at the moment and …. if I'm being honest with you, I don't think you're ready for that type of relationship we talked about Jim. Something that serious and the impact it would have on your life …. I need to give you the time and space to work yourself out first…. not more complications because of me."

Street felt his heart fall to pieces as she pushed him away yet again, couldn't she fucking see how much he loved her, didn't she understand how much he so desperately wanted her. He would move heaven and earth for her, he could handle it all right now if she would let him try. God, it was killing him that again she was closing that door though and squishing his hopes of them working it out. He felt tears welling and noticed his hands shake a little as the emotions tore through him.

"50 David to 54 David" Rockers voice pierced the heavy atmosphere of the Charger.

"56 David go ahead" Street replied. Chris heard the shake in his voice, and it broke her heart. She bit her lip and blinked a way her tears as she looked out the window.

"any movement on the 2 side?"

"negative, nothing going on here at all" Street said, frowning at the irony of that statement. Chris winced a little and let out a small audible sigh as she sat with her eyes closed chewing her lip. She felt so awful, hurting him was killing her. She knew though that Deac was right when he said that Street was trying to figure it all out, that none of those pieces were in the right spots yet… Chris felt like she needed to give him that space to begin to sort it out. Not more complications.

Street drew in a breath through his nose and tried to listen to his thoughts that were swirling and raging inside his head. Firstly, there was anger. She was being selfish and unfair. She knew how much he wanted to do this with her. No, he may not have told her he loves her in those words, but she knew how badly he wanted a relationship with her. Then there was sadness, why was she pushing him back and saying he isn't ready? Was that just a convenient excuse so she could justify trying a bit more with them and being able to push him away and torment him? Then he shook his head… 'no she isn't really that awful' he thought. 'Chris knows about the mess with my mom, she knows about my awful dating history and the misadventures and I know how bad she felt about me changing teams. Maybe she is just scared of all of that. Chris gets like this when she is scared'. He said in his head as he sat there broken again.

The air was thick, Chris couldn't look at him and he couldn't look at her. He lowered his window to get some air as he felt himself suffocating.


	14. Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

"30 David to all D teams" Deacons voice broke the iciness of the charger, "We have a van pulling in on the 3 side. This maybe the drop and deal we have been waiting for, be ready".

Street sat up in his seat and fidgeted with his vest, Chris breathed in slowly and looked at him out the corner of her eye,

"What?" he asked, feeling her eyes on him. He didn't look at her, he sat kinda ridgid in the seat. Chris blinked slowly looking at him as Deacons words from the picnic raced through her head. '_He's trying to be strong, for you, for the team and his mother. The kid is trying to fix his life all at once, and most of the pieces aren't in the right spot yet.' _She exhaled, "Street…...look…..I'm sorry…. I …."

"Hey" he said, holding up his hand to stop her, again without looking at her, "Stop apologising, I get it, it's your choice and I'm not gunna get in the way of what you want or feel that you need" he said.

Chris sighed, she could tell he was upset and she really hated the awkwardness between them. She knew he was turning away from her to protect himself but her heart really ached from hurting him. She licked her lip "…I hate …. that this …..that I'm hurting you" she said quietly as she looked from the floor up to him,

"Not your problem Chris…...I'll be ok." He answered with a shortness to his voice as he looked away from her again. Chris closed her eyes and shook her head, and kinda couldn't help but smirk a little, he had just turned her own words on her.

"…. like you said" he continued "I should get my shit together and find something to focus on like my mom, my career…...You do you and I'll do me."

Chris swallowed hard and stared back at the floor of the charger, he was pushing her away now. She wanted so desperately to be one of those pieces in his life, to fall into the right spot and be his. But…. She wanted to do it right if she was gunna do that with him. She wanted them both to feel ready, sorted and sure. If they rushed it and leapt in and it didn't work out, then …. It would kill them both…...losing each other after a failed relationship would be horrific. Chris ran her eyes over him as he intently watched the warehouse and avoided her gaze. She knew he was pushing her away as it was his defence mechanism… to protect himself from more hurt but, shit now she knew how he had felt… all of those times when she pushed him away and was so cold to him…. it hurt, it really really hurt. She swallowed hard and felt a little teary now realising the pain of being turned away from.

Chris inhaled and blew out her breath slowly. Blinking her eyes to force back the tears, she turned to look out her window. Street slowly turned to look at her…... he felt bad as he sat there seeing her so upset, he hated that he had just been so short with her, but he knew deep down that he needed some space to get his thoughts together. She glanced at him feeling his eyes on her and he nodded at her as if to say "You good" …she nodded back, with a sad smile, before turning away again. He saw she was hurt, but so was he. He was a little angry and frustrated with her. He wanted to say something, something to fix them… but he needed a minute. Chris knew she had just caused a set back again with him, again things were tense and awkward, but she hoped he had heard what she said…. Really heard that she wanted him to sort out his stuff so that one day…. down the road maybe they could give it a go.

"Jim" she said softly still looking out her window. Street closed his eyes, hearing the pain and sorrow in her voice. 'shit' he thought 'we can't, shouldn't go in there like this….'

He turned to look at her, she could see his eyes were a little teary, so were hers.

"please don't think I'm doing this to …..."

"I know" he interrupted. He swallowed hard and lifted his hand to cover hers which rested on the side of her seat. As their hands made contact he smiled sadly at her, his eyes showed his care and emotion. "Chris, look, you gotta do this with them and try… I know that….so, don't worry…...let me sort my shit out…hell…that will take some time…. it's a lot" he chuckled, Chris smiled and chuckled a little too "and…. Hey, you are probably right, I've still got some growing up to do and I get what you said…I do." he finished squeezing her hand.

She was staring at their hands, god she wanted to hold his hand and tell him how much she wanted to do this all with him, but she knew she couldn't…...not right now anyway…... this was not the right time.

"Jim, I hate this. You are, were, no, are? Shit…...I dunno where we are now" she said sadly looking at him questioningly and then looking away before he tried to answer, "you've always been my best friend and I hate that that is kinda broken." A tear rolled down her cheek and she turned her head so he wouldn't see.

"Chris, hey….I will always be here for you….no matter what…...I get that maybe, right now we both need to go, live our own lives for a bit and sort ourselves out like you said…." He squeezed her hand a little and smiled a sad smile at her. "Let's let life take its course and see what happens."

Chris inhaled and forced a smile back at him, "I just want you to be happy" she said quietly, glancing down at the floor, secretly hoping inside that he would only ever be truly happy with her.

"Chris…..." he began as he took his hand away from hers, "I'm eternally grateful for you, for everything you have done for me. I owe it to you to sort my life out and find what makes me happy while you go do the same. You were the one who made me grow up the first time I stuffed up, now… again…..I can see there is still a ways to go"

"No…." she whispered and shook her head "You are an amazing guy right now."

He chuckled, "I'm a work in progress".

"You still are and always will be important to me" she said smiling at him,

Street smiled back at her, remembering the first time she had said that to him in the firing range at HQ. It made him think about the things he had written to her in that letter in his locker. He had written down his thoughts, inner most feeling and explained to her just how important she was to him. He just hoped he would one day actually get that chance to tell her in person all of those things…. And not for her to have to find out by one day losing him and only having his letters. His heart was racing thinking about the words he had written, not just in that initial letter but a few others he had written and added after moments they had shared. He was suddenly so nervous and flushed all he could manage to reply was …

"Same"

"20 David to all D Teams…. we have eyes on the exchange, go on my signal" Hondo's voice quickly focused them both on the mission. "Go…...go…...go" Hondo's voice said as Street swung the Charger to block the warehouse doors and they both jumped out rifles pointed and ready as they moved together.

"Go… Go" Street said to Chris as they entered the side door and began to sweep the area. Commotion exploded in front of them as Black Betty busted through a door on the opposite side of the warehouse and 4 armed suspects began running their way.

"20 David to Street and Chris…. multiple rabbits coming your way"

"Roger that" Chris answered

Street signalled for her to take the left side and he would take the right.

"LAPD, down…drop it" Chris shouted as 2 armed men ran towards her. The man on the left began to lift his gun, without hesitation Chris's muscle memory allowed her to fire a single round bringing him down and within a fraction of a second her rifle was aimed at the other guy. She stared at him as time around her slowed "Don't" she yelled as his hand went behind his back. He lifted his hands up and dropped to his knees.

"On the floor" she yelled "Down" and moved to him, forcing him down and securing his hands tightly behind his back with her cuffs. She had just fastened them when she heard a volley of shots in quick succession behind her, her mind raced, 'that came from where Street was'. She was crouched pressing her knee in the suspects back as she glanced up looking for Street. "Street" she called, fearing the worst as he was out of view. The fear and concern for him evident in her voice. The silence and lack of a response back was deafening. Time seemed to slow down as she knelt there…. She could not see him or hear him, no movement at all from that direction. Her senses were heightened looking for any sign of him. She was on her feet about to radio him and move in his direction when she heard,

"26 David to D team… 2 suspects down, southern corner" his voice pierced her radio as he came into view between the pallets. She exhaled with relief, an obvious sigh and big smile on her face seeing he was okay. He smiled back at her and nodded as he approached her

"I'm ok, I'm good" he said patting her arm and helping her walk her suspect to the door to hand him off to a uniformed officer.

As she turned back and motioned for him to continue the sweep, she noted a small grin on his face. She knew he had seen the worry she had for him back there. She rolled her eyes at him and motioned her hand again. He smirked at her, it made him realise she really actually cared despite the mess they were in right now, he knew she really cared about him.

"Go" Chris said, kinda giving him a shove, Street gave her widened eyes, as if to say 'ok ok' and began sweeping the warehouse again. They weaved between pallets and cleared the storerooms down the western side,

"50 David to all D teams, we are code 4," Rockers voice came over the radios and they both high fived each other. Another successful mission done. She followed him from the warehouse as the teams moved to gather outside. They unpacked their equipment and gathered around the command trailer to listen to the debrief. Standing there knowing he was across from her, she kept her gaze down and avoided looking his direction. Chris's head raced with so many thoughts. She felt the strongest urge to glance up at him, but closed her eyes, breathing deeply she stopped herself. 'Chris…come on…. you have to give him space, let him get comfortable with that distance and get his life together, you can't keep giving him false hope through these silly looks and glances' she told herself. Instead she focused her attention onto Rocker and Hondo and breathed in and out deeply trying to clear her head.

Street stood almost opposite her, he pursed his lips and stared at the ground as he struggled to keep his attention on Hondo's voice. He felt like a mess inside, happy they had had a chance to talk again, sad and kinda sick that she was choosing them over him. He was also scared, scared that if she went off and did this with them that she may never come back to him. He sighed and thought to himself 'come on Jim, you even said it yourself, you need to focus on you, get your shit together, show her you've grown up, let life take its course. There may be other plans, other things before we get that chance. Just let go and stop overthinking it all'.

"Okay, good job" Rocker said, "Let's head back to HQ". As 50 David began to head off together, she lifted her eyes to him, he did the same and gave her a small nod. She smiled a small but sad smile back at him as he turned and walked away. She too turned, to follow Tan though in the opposite direction back to Black Betty, she couldn't help but think of the significance of that as they both went their separate ways.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15.

Today's shift had been a long one. Chris was exhausted, mentally and physically. Her body was tired, her arms and legs ached and her brain felt so clogged up, that it was hurting trying to think straight. As she closed her locker and sat back on the bench adjusting the laces on her shoes, she pursed her lips and frowned, thinking about the way she had faced Street today. The interaction they had had and the way it had left her feeling. If she was honest, it hurt, she felt sad. She was in a complete mess about what her relationship with him was right now and what it would ever be or not be. It hurt in her chest when she wondered if their friendship would ever get back to where it had been?

On top of the emotional dramas today, she had completed two gruelling missions, finished and filed all of the paperwork and helped Luca clean out the vehicles before the end of shift. She sighed loudly and stood up looking around as she realised she was dreading returning home to Ty and Kira. It was the uncertainty of the situation that was worrying her. Had Kira come around yet and come to terms with what had happened? Would Ty still be ok about it all? She was lost in her thoughts with a sad and drawn expression on her face as she left the locker room and walked towards the garage.

"Hey" Deacon said coming down the stairs to her left and matching her pace "Are you ok?"

Chris nodded and blinked "Yeah, just tired" she answered as Deac eyed her. He tapped her arm, "Hey" Chris stopped and turned to him looking a little annoyed.

"Look…" Deac began, holding his hand up at her, "I know you have had a rough shift and you've got a bit going on right now, but I'm worried about you Chris"

She smiled a small smile in the corner of her mouth. "Thanks, I'm ok" she mumbled with a frown, nodding her head slightly. "You ah… are not very convincing right now" Deac answered, smirking at her. "You wanna chat...I'm willing to listen" he said as he motioned for her to keep walking with him to the garage.

She sighed and walked with him, he looked over at her. "So, how did earlier go in the charger with Street?" Deac knew when Rocker assigned them that task together that could either go really well, or really bad. Chris closed her eyes and exhaled, looking away from Deacon. Thoughts of Street sitting there in the charger hurting from her words and her choices swirled in her head. Her stomach had a sick feeling and she felt a little teary. She turned away from Deac and chewed her lips trying not to cry or show her emotions. "Ok …I guess" she answered.

"You guess?" Deac said raising his eyebrows at her and frowning as he stopped near her truck. "Chris….. Come on….. talk to me. What is going on with you two now? Are things sorting themselves out? I mean, he is still on a different team right now…so"

The words hit her ears and felt like someone punching her in the chest. Deac saw her swallow hard and look up away from him. He could see she was hurting, sad and confused and he desperately wanted to help her. Chris blinked slowly a few times, before turning back to Deacon. "We um …talked and….." she blew out a breath and looked at the ground, kicking her feet.

"Look Deac ….I explained that I want him to be happy and do whatever he feels he needs to do to be happy". She glanced back up at Deacon before continuing, "and I guess….If that means him finding someone else or focusing on his career, helping his mum… so be it. I just don't feel like either of us are in the right spot for anything else right now." Deac nodded at her with a frown. Chris continued as she turned and placed her bag in the back of her truck. "I told him that I am going to focus on Ty and Kira and try to make that work". She slowly turned and looked back at Deacon who had a sad expression on his face. "Street still has some growing to do….. and I am just complicating his life otherwise, not helping"

"Chris" Deac stepped a bit closer to her and licked his lips thinking, he put his hands on her shoulders gently. "Are you ok? I mean is that what you really want?"

"Like you said at the picnic Deac…..the pieces of his life aren't in the right spots yet and if I rush something there with him….." She turned away and shook her head….."If I did that and it didn't work out and we lost each other for good" She turned back to Deacon with tears welling. She closed her eyes and turned up the corner of her mouth, "I … I need to give him that chance Deac, I owe him that. I've messed up his life enough already" She said flapping her arms in frustration. "I need to" She exhaled and paused briefly….. "I need to let him go and let him sort his life out."

Deac dropped his hands and nodded as he watched her, "Ok…" he said folding his arms. Deac could see she was hurting and that maybe deep down that is not what she really and truly wanted at all. He didn't want to push her too far though, "Hey", he said. Chris looked back up at him "you know the saying about …If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." She smiled sadly as he said it. "yeah….. maybe" she nodded. "I better get going, I promised Ty we would cook together tonight" she said. Deacon could read her vibe though that she wasn't too excited about the situation, about heading home to him, but he had to let her do what she thought was right.

"Ok, look just promise me you will follow your heart Chris" Deac said smiling at her gently,

Chris smiled back, "I'm trying to" she nodded as she climbed into her truck. "See you tomorrow"

"Yeah" Deac said closing her door and watching her drive away.

As Chris drove she thought about it all, about what Deacon had asked her. _"Is that really what you want?" _ His question replayed and swirled around in her head. She knew she wanted to try and make this relationship work with Kira and Ty, she cared about them and wanted to know if it could be something amazing … she also knew though deep down that she still cared about and wanted those things with Street. She turned up the corner of her mouth and tapped her thumbs on the steering wheel in frustration, she was desperately trying to tell herself to just stop it and let him go.

She pulled into her car space and walked up the stairs to the loft in a daze, as she flung her bag down and kicked off her shoes onto the stand, Ty's voice filled her ears

"Hey Chris is that you?"

"hey… yeah… sorry, I'm running a little late" she mumbled rounding the corner to the kitchen. Ty stood at the counter kneading dough, flour all over the floor, him and the counters.

"Wow" Chris said laughing as she saw the mess.

"What?" Ty chuckled shrugging his shoulders

"You might just need adult supervision" she teased as she picked up the tea towel and flicked it playfully at him.

Meanwhile, across town Street had ridden home to Luca's. Opening the door to the dark and quiet house, he sighed 'What a day!' He placed his helmet down and hung his backpack on the hook. His mind was still racing with a thousand different thoughts. He turned and glanced about wondering where Luca was. Frowning and walking to the kitchen he inhaled deeply and tried to clear his mind. His stomach was churning and he couldn't decide if he was hungry or just feeling uneasy. He contemplated dinner, should he cook something? Order in maybe? He wandered to the fridge and took out a beer. Flipping the cap off, he flopped down onto the lounge and closed his eyes, resting his head back.

Images of Chris, her teary eyes and shaky voice filled his thoughts. He felt pain in his chest when he thought about what she told him. He didn't want to just move on and focus on other things. He didn't want to let her do a relationship with them. He knew they weren't right for her. He felt it in the depths of his heart. He knew though….that he had no choice but to listen to her and to let her do it if that is what she wants right now. _"You need time to focus on you… to sort your life out, find something to make you happy". _ He thought about her words. Maybe she is right, maybe we need to just have some space, maybe I stay 50 David now. Maybe I need to just focus on me.

He sat there for a bit, eyes closed just thinking. His thoughts were drifting to things he could and should maybe focus on now. He was so lost in his deep thoughts that he hadn't heard Luca's truck pull up in the drive. Luca opened the door,

"Hey man…. you look beat"

Luca's voice snapped Street out of it… he opened his eyes and sat up, blinking and rubbing his face. "Hey.. yeah… hell of a day".

Luca wandered through to the kitchen to grab a beer from the fridge, "you hungry?... wanna order something?"

"Yeah….. kinda" Street answered still not sure if that feeling in his stomach was hunger or the unease from his interaction with Chris.

"What's up man?" Luca asked eyeing him and sitting on the arm of the lounge near him, "You look like stuff is really weighing on you…. Is it your mom?"

Street squinted and tilted his head ... "yeah kind of… it's ok man… just gotta work my head out and really decide what I want to do"

Luca picked at the label on his beer bottle and looked back at Street "Is this stuff the reason you are still on 50 David man?" He stood up and moved closer to Street sitting on the lounge, "Man…. you know we all want you back don't you…."

Street smiled in the corner of his mouth and nodded "Yeah I know but Luca …. man there are reasons I swapped teams and I don't feel like I've worked those reasons out just yet… I gotta fix a few things, fix myself… and get sorted before I come back across…. I promised Hondo I would…..and I know I'm not ready yet"

"Fix yourself how?" Luca looked at him confused.

Street chuckled "come on man, you've seen my life and the trainwreck it is."

Luca chuckles a little, " ok yeah but what are you gunna do? What do you mean?" Luca said looking at him a bit confused.

Street picked up his phone and opened it. He turned it to show Luca a folder on his screen "Dating Apps" it read.

"I'm gunna start here" he said "I'm deleting all of them" he said as he started tapping the screen. Luca eyed him and smiled….. "really… wow man… that's huge for you" …..Luca patted Streets shoulder approvingly,

"I mean I'm proud of you….but why though, why now?" he asked curiously,

Street exhaled and watched the unistall status bar slowly move across the screen…..

"Luca…. Come on….. I'm never gunna find anything good on there…. Honestly…..I want the kind of relationship that is more than that… that lasts longer than one or two nights… you know… and I wanna focus on work too…. so less destractions…I guess….I just really feel like I need to pull myself together and sort my shit out"

Luca nodded, "ok I see you man…." He held up his hand to high five and fist bump Street.

"And….today between missions Rocker told me about some new certification training that's coming up… I think I might try and focus on that and maybe go for a few you know"

Luca smiled and stood up to walked to the kitchen, "man where the hell has this new Street come from?" he teased.

Street laughed a little…. "I guess, I just gotta wake up and grow up sometime" he called back and shrugged to himself.

The next morning when Chris woke up she lay in bed staring at the roof. She hadn't seen Kira last night at all. Her and Ty cooked pizzas and had a few beers but then Chris went to bed before Kira came home. Chris darted her eyes around and fidgeted with the sheet thinking, did Kira come home at all? Was she ok? Should I get up and go see?

The apartment was quiet, as Chris wandered out to the kitchen. She noted Kira's bag on the counter. Glancing towards their bedroom she frowned….. her chest hurt, she really really wanted to know if her and Kira would be ok.


	16. Chapter 16

~Chapter Completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody ~

Chris began making a coffee and sighed heavily as she waited for the machine to heat up. She was fidgeting with her coffee cup and chewing her lip as she stared out the window. "Morning" …. the sound of Ty's voice behind her made her jump.

"Oh... Morning…" she replied a little startled as she glanced behind her.

"You sleep ok?" He asked as he walked up behind her and leant around her to grab the milk.

Chris smiled a little uncomfortably as she stepped back to allow him to grab the jug. "Yeah…. I ah…. I did", she answered and darted her eyes from him to the coffee machine. Ty could feel her unease, just as he had sensed last night when she had gone to bed early.

"You ok?" Ty asked stepping to her and placing his hands on either side of her shoulders.

Chris blinked and inhaled, "Yeah… I ah…." She hesitated a little and blinked slowly, tilting her head to the side. "I'm just anxious about Kira…. Is she okay?"

Ty smiled and squeezed her shoulders "Yeah, she is ok. She got in pretty late and was tired, but she seems ok, she should be out of the shower soon if you hang about". Chris smiled a strained smile and sipped her coffee. She stepped around Ty and went back to her room to get dressed for shift. As she grabbed her backpack off the bed, she frowned at herself in the mirror. 'Maybe I should just go into work and give her some space' she thought. 'I don't wanna rush her'. Chris walked out to the entry way and put her bag down near her shoes. As she stood up and turned to head back to the kitchen, she saw Kira coming out, reading from a file in her hands. Chris paused and bit her lip, hesitating a little. She swallowed hard and began to walk towards her.

"Hey", Chris said softly, watching Kira closely. Kira looked up from the file in her hands.

"Oh hey" she said smiling and glancing back down at the file briefly, before closing it and looking back at Chris. "Sorry I ah…... missed dinner last night…. Work is crazy and …."

"It's ok" Chris interrupted… "I …. ah…. I get that stuff here" she said motioning between the three of them, "is a little awkward…...right now…. you know"

Kira smiled in the corner of her mouth and nodded "Yeah, I ah…. I'm working through it" she said patting Chris's arm as she motioned for her to sit at the bench. Chris carried her coffee in both her hands and sat nervously on the stool watching Kira as she walked around to the fridge. Ty had gone to shower and as she sat there bouncing her knees up and down a little, she watched Kira for any sign that this was going to be ok. Kira took the juice out and poured a glass and looked up at Chris who was watching her. Kira grinned,

"What?" she said shaking her head a little…...

"Oh…. I" Chris was a little startled "Sorry I didn't mean to be staring at you… I was thinking" Kira smiled and walked around the bench to stand in front of Chris. She inhaled and looked at the floor, before slowly bringing her gaze up to meet Chris's.

"Chris…...look" she began as she placed her hands on Chris's knees to steady them. Chris smiled and closed her eyes, Kira always knew how to make her feel better. "I think you are amazing, and you know how much I want this to work", Chris watched her scanning her face trying to work out where this was going.

"But?" Chris asked frowning and squeezing her hands.

"No, no but." Kira said smiling and squeezing her hand back…. "I like you and I guess I was just really jealous that you have feelings for Jim and kissed him….and…. ok now is the but…. BUT I am trying to work through that all… to not throw this away" she said waving her hand around the apartment. Chris felt a small wave of happiness hearing Kira say those words. It made the smile grow across her face and she tugged Kira into her to hug her. Kira smiled and squeezed her tight, drawing back as Ty's voice startled them both.

"Hey…. I'm glad to see you two smiling with each other again". They both turned and smiled at him.

"Yeah, Look…. I gotta go or I'll be late" Chris said as she stood up off the stool and smiled again at Kira. Kira chewed her lip a bit and smiled back,

"Ok… see you tonight" Kira said, and Chris leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Be safe out there" Ty said walking to her, and she leaned up and kissed him too.

"Always" she replied… "Bye". As Chris walked down the stairs to her truck, she smiled… wondering if things were actually getting back on track with them now. She drove in singing to the radio and feeling good about her day to come. As she pulled into the garage at HQ, she saw Streets bike and all of 50 David's vehicles still there. It made her purse her lips a little and sigh. If she was being honest…it worried her seeing him again after the way their last encounter had been. It still made her feel sad when she thought about it. He had been her best friend and closest person for so long… now all of a sudden, they barely spoke. It really made her chest ache and stomach hurt. She sighed and tilted her head to the side, telling herself to suck it up and get moving as she swung open her door and climbed out. Walking into HQ and turning down the corridor to the locker room she was met by Deacon and Luca.

"Hey" Deac said nodding at her,

"Morning Chris" Luca chimed in as they both fell into pace with her heading for the locker room.

"Hey" Chris replied with a smile.

"How are you?" Deac said studying her a little.

Chris nodded slowly… "I'm okay" she answered slowly giving him a shrug.

"Really?" he asked raising an eyebrow. Deac put up an arm to stop her. "Hey Chris" he said softly stopping her as he nodded for Luca to go ahead and give them some space.

"Remember I am here if you need to talk" he said kindly, with a caring smile.

"Thanks" Chris said slowly letting out a sigh, "I'm okay…I mean I can focus on the job… I just dunno what is going on with the rest of my life right now". She paused and turned up the corner of her mouth into a frown. "I dunno if Ty and Kira are gunna work out and admitting that to myself, let alone out loud really hurts" She dropped her gaze and closed her eyes. "It's a mess, Deac" she laughed a little. "This time it is me who is a little screwed up" shaking her head and inhaling.

"Hey, come on Chris… you will figure it out…" Deac paused trying to find the right words. Chris looked at him and he could see the sadness in her eyes. He knew with one look that Chris was drowning a little, that there was so much going on in her home life that she needed a friend to talk it out with. Deac had figured from the current situation between her and Street, and the current iciness between them that they weren't there for each other like they used to be and so he gently held her shoulder. "How about you come around home for dinner tonight and we can talk then?"

Chris raised her gaze a little shocked, "Um…. I ah"

"Not taking no for an answer Chris… You need this" he said swinging open the door to the locker room.

Chris shrugged "yeah I don't want to intrude….I "

"After shift… No buts!" Deac said pointing at her.

She was chuckling a little and smiling as they entered the locker room. Chris's smile and happy chuckle were short lived as she rounded the corner to see 50 David all in there milling around. Her gaze instantly landed on Street and he turned to look at her at the sound of her laugh. She swallowed hard and nodded at him, a small smile in the corner of her mouth as she made her way to her locker and turned away from him. Seeing him again right now, the way her thoughts were, the mess her life was in, was not helping. She felt tears stinging in her eyes and so she busied herself with getting ready and tried to ignore his presence and gaze on her.

The locker room banter restarted,

"Stop" Street laughed as Rocker pointed and nodded at Luca.

"I'll ask Luca if it's true then, huh?" He teased

"Go ahead" Street replied with a slight chuckle, motioning to Luca. Chris frowned not sure what was going on and looked questioningly at Street then at Rocker.

"What?... Ask me what?" Luca laughed turning to Rocker.

Chris glanced sideways at Luca, then the other way at Street who was smiling a little embarrassed, head down placing things in his locker.

"So, our little playboy Street here, has deleted all the dating apps and is truly done with them huh? …. What will the single ladies of LA do with all their broken hearts now?" Rocker said ruffling the back of Streets hair. Street chuckled and swatted at Rockers hand. Chris couldn't help but smile a little and bite her lip. She liked the idea of him being off those apps and away from those women she had seen him have a string of one night stands with, but she hid her face in her locker and pretended to feel indifferent.

"He did" Luca said nodding, "I watched him do it". Luca moved passed them and patted Streets shoulder "I am proud of you man". Chris again couldn't help the smile on her face, but she didn't look at him, she kept her head down in her locker.

"Oh oh oh.. well there it is" Rocker laughed, and Deacon smirked nodding approvingly with a smile at Street.

Street took his shower bag from his locker. And flung a towel over his shoulder. "Yeah yeah… keep going…" he laughed with Rocker.

"No man…seriously" Rockers tone changed from the teasing banter to a serious leader. "All this change, the hard work you are putting in here, the new attitude…", he placed a hand on Streets shoulder, "People are noticing and I am really proud of you….." He smiled at Street and Street nodded back with a small grin. "Just don't think this means I'll go easy on you with those new certifications that you are after though" he added as he turned to leave.

"Oh, I know it" Street called as Rockers chuckle echoed down the hall.

Chris swallowed hard and breathed in deeply. She was happy hearing that Street was making those changes in his life. She never really expected him to actually do it. As he turned to move to the showers, he ran his eyes over her. She glanced sideways at him and for the brief moment their eyes met smiles grew on each of their faces. Time slowed and she felt that connection she had been missing so much. Her smile made him happy, she blinked slowly with a nod at him and he knew that that was her little way of approving what she just heard. He blinked slowly back at her and she was sure for a second she could feel him almost telling her without a word that he missed her. Her smile and gaze dropped, and she closed her eyes with a sad expression. Street could see she was struggling, he wanted so badly to help her…. But he knew that was not what Chris had said she wanted. He was fighting an internal battle as to whether to say anything to her when the moment was interrupted by the clunk of the door as Tan and Hondo entered.

"Hondo, Tan" Street said smiling at them with a nod.

"Hey man" they answered as Street headed around the corner to the showers.

Several minutes later, Hondo was beginning to go over some drills they were going to try out during their down time, when their phones all began beeping in a chorus.

"Oh…. What's up" Luca and Deac asked first looking at theirs.

"Hostage situation, downtown…Let's go" Hondo said frowning.

As Chris and Becker grabbed their bags, Street came around from the showers, towel around his waist,

"50 David are joining you, we have it too" he said holding up his phone.

"Must be serious" Becker said nodding at Chris for her to go ahead of him. Chris couldn't help but pause and bite the inside of her lip seeing him standing there in just a towel. Her eyes blazed over him briefly before she met his eyes and quickly added

"See you out there" turning away, grinning a little to herself as she exited with Becker. As soon she turned into the corridor, she could she that something was up inside of HQ. The place was buzzing, people almost running, loud voices and worried faces. Chris glanced at Becker with concern,

"You seeing this?"

"Uh – huh" he nodded as they both matched the pace of the others and almost ran to the situation room. Rounding the corner Chris's eyes began scanning the room, Rocker, Hondo, Deacon, Stevens, Luca & Tan were all in there, as well as several detectives from the major crimes squad. Their faces showed the worry they all felt and Deacon through Chris a worried frowned.

"What's up?" She asked moving next to him as her eyes began to watch the monitors. She recognised the building downtown and was listening to Hondo and Rocker talking to the detectives over her shoulder, when Stevens stepped next to her and Becker,

"We have 23 hostages being held by his guy", he tapped the monitor, "Julian Rohleder, number 1 most wanted by major crimes. He has them on the 3rd floor and has already shot one of them when LAPD tried to enter the building"

Chris nodded with a frown, "What's his story?"

Stevens held up his finger at her with a grin knowing Chris was anxious to be up to speed.

"Rohleder, is wanted for 4 kidnappings, 6 homicides and is linked a range of armed robberies and weapons smuggling cases. He had been in hiding until spotted today Downton, detectives think he was trying to get to his sister, Michelle Moon." He pointed at the woman's picture. "She works here in the legal aid offices" Chris opened her mouth to speak when Stevens added "Hicks daughter works there and is one of the 23 hostages" Chris looked up the hostage pictures and instantly saw Molly. "Hicks has already headed down of course and we are about to roll out to work beside the negotiators" …..

"ok….This is family…..Let's go" added Deacon. As Chris turned to follow him, she almost bumped right into Street. Her eyes raising to his and he looked at the monitor, she could see the worry on his face. She patted his shoulder, with a nod,

"Come on, let's go" She said, he forced a smile at her and turned to follow her and Stevens out.


	17. Chapter 17

~ Chapter completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody ~

"hhhhhh…..hhhhhhh" Street puffed arriving at the top step. They had already cleared the 1st and 2nd floors of the building and located 18 hostages locked in a room.

"…. give me two" he called to Stevens and Becker as adrenaline coursed through his veins, rounding the last corner of the hallway.

"Two two" Stevens, patted his shoulder and Street swung instinctively into the open doorway, to see the suspect Rohleder, through the glass windows pacing back and forth behind the board room table brandishing a rifle. Several workers were cowering around the table and two women stood facing away as he aimed his gun at them, yelling something inaudible.

"56 David to all D teams"

"50 David go ahead Street" Rocker answered,

"We have eyes on the suspect on the 3rd floor, Eastern boardroom, count 5 hostages" Street said

"Roger that, 20 D teams are on your six hold tight".

Stevens, Becker and Street found a vantage point each and crouched down watching the events unfolding before them. Street recognised one of the women standing in front of Rohleder, it was Molly Hicks. He signalled to Stevens who reciprocated his concerned frown.

Hondo, Deacon and Chris came to the doorway and crouched between them.

"So, what's the latest?" Hondo asked.

"5 workers plus our suspect, 2 are mobile, 3 seated near the north wall. Suspect has at least two rifles and a handgun" Stevens explained. Deacon exchanged concerned glances with Chris and Becker as Hondo inhaled thinking.

"Ok…. Chris, I want you to see if we have eyes from the vent. Street, Becker and Stevens with me to the roof for a window breach". They all nodded, and Chris swung her rifle over her shoulder as she turned and headed with Deacon towards the air vents.

"Ok," Hondo began…... "let's go." They made their way quickly to the roof, unpacking their descent gear and preparing to go over the side of the building. Chris removed her rifle and passed it to Deacon as she climbed into the tight opening and began slowly sliding silently along to the vents in the conference room.

"24 David to 20 David" Chris's voice was a whisper through the radio.

"Go ahead Chris"

"I have eyes on Rohleder and the 5 hostages, suspect facing west. 3 hostages seated against the north wall and 2 hostages standing at the table facing east towards the windows."

"Roger, we go on your signal Chris" Hondo spoke quietly nodding to Street, Becker and Stevens to begin their descent. They held position just above the windows out of sight. Chris positioned herself next to the vent and prepared to drop down as the team came in the windows. Deacon moved to secure the hallway entrance and Chris inhaled steadying her nerves before signalling to Hondo that it was time to go.

"26 David, on my mark"

"Roger Chris"

"3 …. 2….. 1…. Breech"

Glass shattered in all directions as Becker, Street, Stephens and Hondo repelled down through the shattered windows. Chris landed on the table behind the hostages, amid the panic Rohleder grabbed Molly by the wrists and spun her to shield him from their shots, as the room was filled with shouts,

"Get down NOW, drop it!"

"LAPD SWAT on the floor NOW"

Deacon signalled for the 3 hostages sitting against the wall to crawl to him and he ushered them down the stairs. Rohleder stood frozen, eyes wide. Holding Molly tight in front of him and brandishing the rifle. Becker and Stevens were able to safely secure the other female who had been standing with Molly and escort her out as Chris, Hondo and Street stood rifles aimed at Rohleder and Molly.

"Let's just take a second here" Hondo began in a calm firm voice as he inched a fraction closer to Rohleder.

"STAY THERE" Rohleder shouted waving his rifle at them and hiding behind Molly.

Molly was terrified but silent. Rohleder's grasp on her was deathly tight. She maintained eye contact with Street. Her eyes pleading with him to help her. Chris saw Street smiling at her a little and telling her with just his eyes that "it's ok... help is here now". It was the first time she had ever seen him look at or talk to, without actually talking, another girl like that. She felt a lump in her throat as she thought to herself "that's our thing".

"Hey…Look….take it easy here. We want to all walk away today" Hondo began. Rohleder looked at him and tightened his grasp on Molly, making her wince. "Ok… We know you came to see your sister, Michelle." Hondo continued

"Shut up!" Rohleder shouted, "You don't know me…. You don't know anything"

"Michelle is downstairs, and if you let her" pointing at Molly "go safely we will take you down to see her"

Rohleder laughed… "What do you think I am some kind of idiot? Huh?" He stepped back away from Hondo and tugged Molly in even tighter. "You bring Michelle to me and then we will talk!"

Chris glanced sideways at Hondo, she could tell he was trying to find a way out of this. "Ok, let me talk to my team and see what I can do" Hondo nodded knowingly at Chris and Street as he turned and headed for the doorway behind them.

Street continued to keep Molly focused and calm while Chris attempted to make small talk with Rohleder, to distract him. When Rohleder glanced away briefly out the window, Street and Chris, in sync like old times, made their move. Street signalled for Molly to drop down as Chris leapt from the table and knocked Rohleder to the ground. Street pulled Molly free and ushered her out and down the stairs as Chris began fighting to disarm Rohleder.

"Oh my god, oh my god!" Molly repeated as she held onto Street as he guided her down the stairs.

"Hey… it's ok, I got you" Street said holding her waist and hand as they descended several flights. She grabbed the railing and stopped for a second…..breathing heavily. "It's ok… you are safe now" Street comforted her, lightly rubbing her back. Molly spun around without warning and threw her arms around his neck hugging him tightly. Street was a little shocked and slowly raised his arms to return the hug.

"Hey… It's ok" he chuckled a bit nervously. "You are safe now Molly…come on, let's get you downstairs" he pulled back to look at her, tears ran down her face. "Hey… come on…your dad is waiting….it's ok…. just breathe" He said calmly. She drew her eyes up from the wall to look at him. "Thank you Jim.. I mean it.. I am so glad you were there to save me…..Thank you". Without any warning she leaned up and kissed his cheek. A firm, long and slow kiss. Street was speechless… frozen for a second…. not sure what to do or say when behind him he heard Rohleder's voice as Chris bought him handcuffed down the stairs.

"Ha… look at that bitch… " He hissed as Chris shoved him passed Molly and Street. Chris kept her eyes forward on Rohleder. She knew that if she looked at Street in that moment, he would see the pain that she was feeling watching him and Molly. She shoved him again, "Ok ok… no need to be so rough"

"Shut up and move" Chris said… anger filling her voice. Though it was not Rohleder that she was angry at. She rounded the corner and met Stevens as they both marched Rohleder out to the waiting vehicle to transport him to lockup.

"Great job Chris" Stevens said patting her shoulder, "Thanks" she replied…... but she couldn't help feel like her stomach was in knots over seeing Molly kissing Street's cheek and hugging him. Chris removed her helmet and began putting things away in Black Betty when she saw Street and Molly emerge. Molly running to Hicks and Hondo patting Streets back. She looked away and climbed in.. cursing at herself for feeling like this, when she had just a few days ago told him to go find other things to make him happy.

"What am I doing?" she asked herself as she sat there with her head back against the head rest. She closed her eyes and tried to wash her thoughts, when Tan climbed in with Luca,

"Ok ok… Hey.. Nice job in there Chris…"

"Yeah way to go Alonso" Tan added holding up his fist for her to fist bump it. Chris leaned forward with a slight grin. "Thanks…. But it was a team effort" She added bumping Tans fist.

"Hey…" Luca said pointing out the window… as Chris's eyes followed his finger and drew across to see Street and Molly arm in arm next to the command trailer.

"What's the story with these two?" Luca asked as Molly hugged Street tightly against her and was looking up at him like a lovesick puppy. Tan swallowed hard knowing where Chris stood on the matter of Street and Molly.

"Oh well … he was her saviour today… so I guess she is feeling grateful" Tan tried calmly and nonchalantly as he eyed Chris. She sat in the back eyes closed and head back….. but Tan saw the grimace of pain on her face.

"hmmm…. She looks mighty thankful ….lucky bugger…..dating the bosses daughter… maybe he is actually that ballsy" Luca laughed.

Chris breathed in and out deeply and tried to ignore the conversation. After all she had been the one to push him away and tell him to get on with his own life. On the ride back to HQ she sat silently. Eyes closed or looking at the floor. She didn't want anyone to read her or see how she was feeling.

She made a quick exit once team debrief was through and was glad that she had not had to speak to Street since. She sat in her truck in the garage and sighed… would things ever feel ok between them again?

….

A few weeks passed by and Chris focused on rebuilding things with Kira and Ty. She tried to avoid Street and any mention of him as much as she could. She was driving through downtown to pickup take out on her day off when she stopped at the red light and drummed the wheel as she watched the people going about their Friday night.

Her breath caught in her throat and her stomach lurched when she saw Street walking down the sidewalk hand in hand with Molly. She sat frozen staring at them, as they stopped in front of an apartment building. A sharp pain shot through her heart as she watched he and Molly laugh before Molly pulled him in for a deep, passionate kiss. Chris closed her eyes and looked away feeling tears welling up. As she glanced back, she saw Molly enter the building, blowing him a flirty kiss over her shoulder as Street stood waving and smiling at her with a goofy grin on his face.

Chris swallowed hard and flicked her eyes back to the road just as the lights changed to green. She drove away, glancing back in the mirror… watching him walk away and seeing him smile and glance over his shoulder to the door Molly just disappeared through.

"Fuck!" Chris blinked and muttered. "Why does it hurt so much?". The rest of her errand trip to grab dinner was a complete blur as she drove in a daze back to Ty and Kira's. Soon after arriving back with the food, she told them both she had a bad headache and wanted to go to bed.

She lay in her bed crying for a while, trying to pull it together. She knew though in her heart that she would never actually be over him. That this pushing him away just wasn't working like she hoped. She was glad he seemed happy but was devasted that he might actually be happy without her.

When the alarm sounded the next morning, she lay in a daze watching the shadows on her roof. She dreaded having to see him at HQ. She also dreaded seeing Ty or Kira out there and having to make small talk. She hated that that's how it felt right now. Swallowing her pride, she lifted herself out of bed and prepared to leave for shift.

"Morning, you feel better?" Kira asked as Chris emerged from her room and wandered into the kitchen.

"Hi, yeah I am ok.. time to solider on", Chris replied with a forced smile as Kira hugged her from behind.

"Well, hopefully we can all spend some more quality time together tonight" Kira said ducking under Chris's arm to stand in front of her. Chris smiled, "Yeah I'd like that" she said kissing Kira's forehead before turning around.

"I gotta go, I'll see you tonight"

"ok, be safe out there Chris" Kira said.

"Always" Chris replied kissing her softly and exiting to her truck.

That shift was pretty standard for Chris. A few warrants served, several bad guys arrested, and some time spent in the armoury. She was preparing to pack up for end of shift when she heard Tan and Street talking in the hall.

"So… another date with Molly tonight?" Tan asked with a playful tone.

Street chuckled a bit "No not tonight…. Just a quiet night in, you know me and Netflix. Luca has a hot date though"

Chris frowned and pursed her lips. She found herself imagining curling up on the couch with him to watch a movie. The smile was involuntarily spreading across her face when she was startled by his voice.

"Hey" he walked into the armoury and rested his hands on the table.

"Hey" she answered avoiding eye contact and busying herself with packing away the equipment.

"You ok?" he asked furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yep…I'm good" Chris answered… maybe a little too fast.

Street turned the corner of his mouth into a frown and his dimples quivered as he bit his lip, "You sure? cause it kind of….." he fidgeted nervously, "kind of feels like you are avoiding me".

Chris felt annoyed…. mostly out of embarrassment. She didn't say anything just gave him a look. A look that screamed "Are you serious?". She stood looking at him as he looked back at her…. Like he was waiting for something else…

"Ok…. Look I'm sorry…. I just…. I "

"You just what?" She blurted with a shortness to her voice.

"I miss you" Street said softly as he drew his eyes up to hers.

Instantly, Chris felt awful. She dropped her gaze to her feet and placed her hands on the table, before slowly looking up at him. "I am right here…. I see you almost every day". Her head tilted to the side questioningly… like she was clarifying what he actually meant.

"Yeah… but no …. I miss our conversations and connection" he stopped and glanced away. "you know what?" Street remembered Chris's words from the Charger, that he should just let go and get on with his life. "look….I'm sorry I should just go". He tapped his fingers on the table… "See you" and he turned to leave.

Every cell inside her wanted to tell him to stop, but as he began to turn to walk away, she felt a piece of her heart slide to the floor and shatter into a million pieces.

"I …..I…." Chris started as she lowered her head and held the table. He paused and turned, watching her struggling to find the words she needed. He stepped back inside the armoury a little closer to her than last time. She didn't look at him but managed "I miss you too" as her eyes gazed at the table.

Street felt a little smile, as a small part of her wall seemed to fall. "Then talk to me Chris" he said, stepping a fraction closer. Chris swallowed and breathed in. "I just did"

Street smiled and chuckled a bit…"Ok…I get you" he chewed his lip and nodded. "You know you need to work on this 'talking' thing… cause your rubbish at it"

Chris grinned and looked away. "Yeah ok" she answered shaking her head… a lighter tone in her voice.

"Can we be friends?" he asked with a shake to his voice. Chris closed her eyes and lowered her head to the table before standing up and looking him in the eye.

"I will always be your friend, even if there's a distance sometimes. I will always be here" She said as her smile grew. Street bit his lip a little and smiled. "Good, because I need you" he said.

Chris nodded and smiled. "I …. yeah I need you too". Streets smile grew bigger and he stepped forward arms wide offering her a hug. Chris reluctantly let him hug her, and if she was being honest, savoured every milli second of it.

"We good?" Street said pulling back with a smile.

"Yeah, we are", she smiled back.

"Ok…" He let her go and stepped away, turning back with a smile, "see you tomorrow" he said.

"Yeah, I'll be here" she answered with a smile, as she watched him walk away. Slowly closing her eyes and exhaling as her head swirled.


	18. Chapter 18

~ Chapter Completed with Assistance for fellow writer Chris Cody ~

The headlights of her truck lit up the garage wall as she pulled in, turning off the engine she grabbed her bag and climbed out. Heading up the stairs, Chris was humming to herself. She was in a good mood…..maybe because of her exchange with Street perhaps? She found herself smiling as she thought about his arms around her and that hug. She closed her eyes telling herself to stop it as she stuck her key in the lock and swung the door open, dropping her bag on the stand and kicking off her shoes.

"Hey guys" she called out….. "I'm home".

As she walked around the corner to the living area, she instantly knew something was wrong. Kira was standing by the window, Ty sitting on the couch and by the mood and feel in the room she knew what was coming was not going to be good news.

Chris's steps slowed as she took in the look on Ty's face and the body language of Kira as she stood looking away from her out the window.

"Is …um…. everything ok?" Chris asked cautiously still moving slowly toward them. As she stepped to lean on the side of the couch, Kira turned, her cheeks were covered in tears and she stepped towards the coffee table reaching for a piece of paper that lay there. Chris instantly recognised it and felt her breath catch as adrenaline flooded her veins. It was the letter… the letter that she had a while ago written to Street when she took that sick day. 'Oh fuck' ran through her head as Kira tossed the paper at her.

"Care to explain Chris" Kira said with hurt in her voice. Before Chris could answer Kira held up her finger and continued to speak. "I was trying to surprise you today you know…. I wanted to move some of your stuff to redecorate and make a new bedroom closet space for you when I found this". She crossed her arms and shook her head. "Were you ever gunna tell us that you are in love with him?… that you want to be with him?... or were you just going to keep stringing us along for fun?"

Chris's eyes went from the page to Kira, and then to Ty. Ty sat motionless with almost an expressionless look on his face as he stared at the rug. Chris flicked the page in her hand and started

"Look, I wrote this a while ago. I wrote it to him yes, but it was a way of getting my feelings out and helping me sort through it all"

"Yeah, you made it pretty clear in there that you LOVE him more than us" Kira yelled as she motioned to Ty.

Chris sighed "Kira…please…. let me explain".

"How about you start with 'Honesty', like you said in there" she hissed as she shook her head. "So that kiss was a lot more than just a drunken silly onetime thing". Kira turned away and went back to the window.

"No…. I …. Ah…. I have been working through a lot and yes I wrote that, I felt those things but that was then…"

"So, you feel differently now?" Ty asked slowly with a querying look on his face. Before Chris could answer Kira stepped back to them, standing in front of Chris.

"Yes Chris…. look me in the eye right now and tell me the truth…Do you still have those feelings for Jim?" Kira stood arms folded, in front of Chris, watching her face intently.

"Kira, please…" Chris shook her head and sat on the couch. She motioned for Kira to do the same. Kira pulled away from Chris's hand and shook her head.

"I'm taking that as a yes!"

"Stop, please let me…"

"Let you what?... lie to us again? No… no not this time Chris. You clearly still do have those feelings and you really don't want to be here… do you?"

Chris exhaled, closing her eyes and glanced slowly down at the rug. "Kira…Jim and I are best friends"

Kira began to laugh as she turned and walked to the bench shaking her head. Ty frowned and rubbed his hands on his legs. "Chris, we know you and Jim are close. But what we both wonder is, do you want to be with him…..in a relationship? Do you love him deeply like you said in there?"

"Ty" Chris began sitting forward, "Jim and I have a complicated history" She raised her eyebrows slightly and tilted her head. "I do care about him deeply yes, but a relationship like that with him just doesn't seem to be in the cards".

"You are unbelievable!" Kira slammed her cup on the bench. "You want it to be, though don't you? you clearly still LOVE him Chris… not once have you actually tried to deny that! You need to just admit it Chris!"

Chris swallowed hard and sighed, maybe Kira was right. She closed her eyes and stood up. "I'm sorry…..I should just go" she said as she turned and headed to her room.

Kira went to Ty and cried while Chris packed her things.

An hour later and Chris was sitting in her truck on the side of the road, with her suitcase, two boxes of belongings and no idea what to do next. Tears fell down her face as she looked at the letter sitting in the box next to her.

There was no way she could face Street now…. Nor anyone on the team. So, she texted Hondo.

_Hi Boss, Can I take a few personal days? _

Hondo got the text as he climbed out of the shower. He wrapped a towel around his waist and frowned reading it. He dialled her number.

"Hey …. Chris .. what's up?"

Chris closed her eyes and swallowed before answering him. "I ah…" there was a noticeable shake in her voice.

"You ok?"

"No…. some personal stuff boss, I just….ah…..need a few days.. to sort some stuff out"

Hondo knew not to push too much and said he would organise it with Hicks. But she needed to stay in touch. Chris said she would get out of town for a bit, but she would be back by the weekend.

Starting the truck again she exhaled….and wiped her eyes pulling away and heading south down the interstate. Chris drove until she reached a small seaside town. Pulling her truck into the parking lot of the motel by the ocean, she booked a room and climbed into the bed exhausted. She passed her days, sleeping, walking along the sand, hiking through the trails and just being alone.

As the days passed, Street noticed that whenever he saw 20 David at HQ Chris was nowhere to be found. At first, he shrugged it off and didn't give it much thought. But by the third day his mind was constantly wondering where she was. When 50 David rolled back into HQ after a mission and walked back through the gym, Street stopped seeing Tan by the bikes.

"Hey"

"Oh, hi Street" Tan answered as he finished tying his laces. "Good shift?"

"Ah... yeah… ok I guess" Street answered

"Oh, I heard you smashed those certifications yesterday!" Tan said patting Streets arm. "Way to go man! Getting those specialisations on your file is huge!"

"Thanks, I ah… I'm glad it is over for now" Street said trying to form his words to ask where Chris was. "Hey, I ah, I have been pretty busy and side tracked with all that stuff and I was just thinking though that I haven't seen Chris about this week… she ok?"

Tan sighed and stood up closer to Street. He spoke quietly as he knew Chris wouldn't want things broadcast around HQ. "Uh…... all I know is she asked for some personal leave. I've texted her… but radio silence for now"

Street closed his eyes knowing that for her to just take off like that and give everyone radio silence, something must be happening that is pretty big. He immediately wondered if it was Ty and Kira related. He nodded slowly at Tan.

"I hope she is ok" he said... "If you hear from her let me know?"

"Yeah sure man" Tan said as Street turned to walk away.

Meanwhile Chris sat alone on the top of the sand dunes watching the boats out at sea on the horizon. She knew she had to go back today, and she was desperately trying to work out what to do next and how to fix her life. Slowly reaching into the front pocket of her hoodie she pulled out the letter, the damn letter that had landed her here. Part of her kind of regretted writing it. Part of her knew her heart was still aching for him. As her thoughts turned to Street, she closed her eyes and laid back in the warm sand. She wondered if Kira was right. If Kira could see how much she actually loved him and truly wanted him…. Why was she so determined to fight it?

"Ding"

The noise of her phone made her sit up, she reached into her bag and pulled it out. Her heart pausing for a second as she saw his name on the screen. 'Shit…what does he want? Does he know?' raced through her head. She unlocked the screen and opened his message.

"_Hey, haven't seen you around the last few days. I heard you took some leave. Hope you are okay? I know we have been a bit distant, but I meant what I said, and I do really miss you, you're my best friend"_

Reading it, Chris felt her heart ache. She closed her eyes and tears welled. 'Should I respond?' she sat pondering. 'What the hell would I say?' Deep down she was embarrassed that Ty and Kira had fallen apart so quickly after she was so adamant that she wanted a relationship with them and not him.

She tossed her phone back in the bag and stood up. She took one last long look at the ocean and inhaled deeply before she turned and headed to her truck. Driving back up the interstate Chris watched the mile signs getting closer as the lights of LA began to peek over the horizon. She pulled into the next gas station and stood filling up her truck. Her mind wandered as she watched the traffic go by. "Where the hell am I gunna go?" … the realisation began to hit her that she had in fact nowhere to go. Chewing her lip as she paid for the gas, she got back in her truck and pulled into the parking bay. As she sat there, she couldn't fight it any longer, she leant over and reached for her phone. Opening his message again she began to cry. 'Shit I've really screwed this up' she muttered to herself. 'I just really need to hear his voice, tell him I'm not ok'….. and before she could stop herself, she had dialled his number.

She closed her eyes as it began to ring. Slowly opening them and resting her head back with a long inhale as it rang…. She was holding her breath, waiting for him to answer. "Hey, you've reached Jim Street…. ahh…honestly you're better off texting me". Chris closed her eyes and tears fell as she thumped the wheel. She sat on the side of the road for a while crying…. swallowing hard thinking about how he might be with Molly right now and that she may just have left this all a bit too late and have lost him for good.

As the sun completely disappeared and darkness fell Chris wiped her eyes and pulled her truck back out onto the Interstate. Rain began to hit the windshield as she drove, and Chris felt like she was miles away… her head such a mess. Almost as if on autopilot, she drove straight to Luca's. She sat frozen though when she pulled up, seeing Streets bike parked in the drive. Moving her eyes from the bike to the house and back again, Chris was arguing with herself about what to do. She contemplated driving away and just staying in a motel somewhere but a part of her wanted to see him. She finally managed to summon the courage to open the door and get out. The heavy rain soaked her clothes as she slowly wandered along the path to the front gate. She tentatively undid the latch and pushed open the squeaky gate. Slowly she began walking towards the front door, her eyes still on his bike. Her feet stopped, "shit…. I can't" she whispered as she began to turn around. She didn't get far when the noise of the front door swinging open made her look back up. Street stood in the doorway looking at her… a look of confusion or maybe shock on his face. He had heard the front gate unlatch and came to see who was in the yard.

Chris couldn't speak in that moment. She just stood in the pouring rain looking at him. Tears were beginning to run down her face as she dropped her shoulders and shuddered. Street exhaled. Instantly knowing without a word what was happening. His heart was breaking looking at her standing there broken, soaking wet and so vulnerable. He began moving to her without a word. He held out his hand to her. She blinked slowly at him; her sad eyes seemed to be screaming at him that she was sorry. Sorry for being here right now, sorry for everything that had happened. She closed her eyes for a moment as more tears came and Street careful to keep his distance and not push her again offered her his hand. She carefully and slowly raised her hand to his. Just that small gesture of his hand taking hers and the warmth of his skin made her heart sing. Neither of them said a word as he tugged her to him and hugged her in the pouring rain, softly kissing the top of her head.

"I got you….come on…let's get you out of this rain" He said softly as he pulled back. Chris swallowed hard and with her hand still in his she followed him up the steps and into the house. As she undid her boots, Street fetched her a towel and put her bag in the bathroom. He came back and stood looking at her as she dried her dripping hair. She couldn't look at him, her eyes darted around the floor as she bought the towel down from her head.

"Thank you" she said folding it neatly and holding it against her. Street closed his eyes and exhaled.

"Chris….." there was a sad desperation in his voice. She slowly looked up at him through her hair. Street was contemplating asking her what exactly had led to her being on his steps in the dark and the pouring rain, but he decided instead to leave it and just make sure that she felt safe right now. "Why don't you go shower and I'll make us some tea?" Chris nodded and waited for him to move before she slid sheepishly down the hall. As she wandered back out a while later Street was sitting on the couch with two cups of tea on the coffee table.

"Come on…. sit" he leant over and patted the other end of the couch. Chris paused, hesitating a little, she didn't say anything just slowly moved to the couch and sat down. Street watched her, he had never seen her like this before and that terrified him. He had no real idea of how he should be acting or what he should be saying right now.

"You ok?" he asked quietly as she stared at the TV. Her lips made a painful grimace and she glanced away. Street knowing that she was trying to hold back tears. "Hey…..." he started with a whisper "I'm here". She bit her lip and nodded. "Thank you" was barely a whisper escaping her lips, as she could no longer hold in the tears. She shuddered and sobbed, covering her face with her hands. He moved closer and pulled her into him. "I got you…... it's okay" he whispered as he held her. Slowly she regained her composure and Street shifted back to his seat. They sat in silence, as she slowly leant forward and took the tea, clutching the warm mug and curling herself up into a ball as she sipped her tea and watched the news.

"Are you hungry?" Street asked after a while looking at her. She kept her eyes forward and shrugged, before slowly turning her head to meet his gaze. "A little"

Street nodded and stood up, passing her a blanket off the back of the couch. "I'll go whip us up something. You rest." He moved about the kitchen, making them both a bowl of pasta. As he carried it back into the living room, he smiled seeing her curled up fast asleep.

He quietly put down the bowls and gently took the mug from her hands, pulling the blanket up over her. Street sighed to himself. Seeing her this broken was killing him. He slowly sat back on the coffee table looking at her as he gently reached out and stroked her hand.

"I wish I could fix you right now" he said as he watched her. The quiet moment was broken by Luca coming through the door.

"SHHHHHH" Street stood up and hushed Luca.

Luca's eyes immediately falling on Chris asleep on the couch. Luca frowned and tilted his head at Street.

"What are… um? What's going on?" He said looking back at Chris.

"She showed up here about an hour ago and was standing outside in the rain. She hasn't spoken much." Street answered

Luca nodded slowly, "Ty and Kira drama?" he said sighing

"yeah….I'm guessing so" Street nodded.

"So, she is gunna sleep there all night?" Luca said looking at Street questioningly.

"No um, she can have my bed… I'll take the couch. Can you pull the covers back…. I'll carry her in?"

Luca nodded and went into Streets room pulling back the covers and making sure the bed was ready for her. "Good to go….. I'm gunna hit the shower"

Street nodded as Luca disappeared and he bent down, gently lifting her up off the couch in his arms, her head falling against his chest as he carefully carried her in and laid her on his bed. He tugged up the covers and whispered "Goodnight Chris" as he slowly closed the door.

The next morning when Chris woke up it took her a second to remember where she was. As it slowly dawned on her that she was at Luca's she realised she was in Street's bed. She glanced at the other side of the bed untouched and smiled. Rolling over, she pressed her face into his pillow….. smelling the scent of him and closing her eyes. She bit her lip and thought about how he must have put her here last night. Chris couldn't stop the broad smile that spread across her face as she thought about how lovely he was.

Looking at the clock she realised she better get up and get ready. She promised Hondo she would make it to shift today. Pulling on her clothes she wandered out to the kitchen. Chris swallowed hard before turning the corner. She was a little embarrassed and awkward. She felt butterflies and that familiar surge as she looked up seeing Street making his breakfast, shirtless at the stove.

"Hey…" he smiled seeing her paused in the doorway "you sleep okay?".

"um…..Yeah… I did …" Chris tried to hide her flushed cheeks and giddy smile. She stepped into the kitchen opening the fridge…

"I um….. have made you some muesli" Street offered… holding up a bowl for her.

Chris felt really self-conscious but smiled at him. "Thank you" she said softly as Street eyed her. Chris carefully took the bowl and moved to sit at the table. She could feel him watching her.

"I um…." she slowly looked up at him "hey….I'm sorry for just showing up last night.. I um"

Street walked around the counter and pulled out a chair to sit next to her. As she continued to speak, he couldn't help but interrupt her.

"Hey, It's ok…you needed a place and we are always here" he said kindly.

"yeah…..Where is Luca?" Chris said looking about.

"He ahhh, headed in already…he had to stop by and drop something off for Kelly this morning." Chris nodded as she took a spoonful of muesli.

Both of them sat in a comfortable silence as they finished their breakfast. He was conscious not to push her. "You on shift today?" Chris asked after a while, as she stood up and placed her bowl in the sink.

"Yeah in a few hours" Street answered.

"Ok, well I should get going now. Don't want to be late" Street nodded at her and watched her grab her gear. As she opened the door, he stood up, walking to her. He reached out his hand and placed it over her hand that held her overnight bag. Before Chris could look at him or pull away, he said,

"Hey, leave that", Chris furrowed her eyebrows at him, and widened her eyes.

"No, no…It's ok" She shook her head dismissively, starting to pull back "you've already done enough…this mess of mine is not your problem"

Street smiled and interrupted her. Not moving his hand from hers. "Chris, stay here while you get back on your feet... even Luca says you should." Street said…. almost pleading with her.

Chris smiled, she felt embarrassed. She closed her eyes and sighed before slowly nodding. "Okay, just a few days" she said with a smile.

"That's fine" he answered smiling, taking her bag and waving her out the door. "Now go…. I'll see you in there soon".


	19. Chapter 19

~ Chapter completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody ~

"Hey…. I missed you" said Luca elbowing Chris as he walked past her to his locker. He was glad to see her back on deck.

Chris smiled, "yeah… it's good to be back, and …. ahhh ….. thanks for letting me crash at your place last night" She sighed knowingly, tucking her hair behind her ear. He stopped and patted her arm.

"Of course, you are welcome as long as you need it" he added, "and hey…you can help me keep an eye on Street…. so….I won't say no" he started to laugh and Chris did too.

"He giving you grief?" she added playfully

Luca rolled his eyes, "Street is always…..well…..Street" he laughed as Deacon, Tan, Becker and Hondo soon filed in.

That shift Chris was kept busy. 2 major cases for 20 David came in one after the other and as knock off approached she was feeling tired. Preparing for the end of her shift she passed Street in the hall, smiling at him.

"See you later at home" he said with a smile. Chris grinned a little a nodded "Yeah …..stay safe"

"Always" he winked at her. Leaving her stomach doing somersaults.

Chris drove to Luca's and surprisingly, she didn't feel too weird about calling it home for now. Luca was in the kitchen beginning to cook dinner and he explained he wanted to eat early as he planned on heading out to see Tuanna. Chris helped him cook as they chatted about lots of topics but avoided any talk of Ty and Kira. Soon after, Luca had gone, Chris stood alone in their living room. Tapping her leg and looking about she decided to fold the laundry and stay busy tidy up and cleaning while she waited for Street to get home. It felt a little weird, but kind of right to be doing these everyday domestic things. When Street pulled in and opened the door a few hours later he found Chris sitting on the couch holding a beer.

"Hey" she said looking up at him.

"Hi…. smells amazing in here" Street smiled as he dropped his bag and took off his jacket.

"Luca and I made dinner earlier cause Luca was heading out…. It's keeping warm if you are hungry, I'll grab us a plate each?"

Street couldn't help but smile. Having her here like this. Coming home to each other, her making him dinner, waiting to eat together, relaxing on the couch side by side and just hanging out. It felt….. almost natural and so easy. For the next few nights Chris and Street hung out like old times. They spent their down time together at Luca's, laughing, watching movies, playing games, cooking and mucking around. Both of them feeling how good it felt. Street went to sleep each night, smiling at having her back like this and Chris hadn't even begun to look for a place of her own. She didn't want to. She felt so good here and didn't want to be alone.

Friday night arrived and Street sighed as he looked at his phone. Chris wasn't home yet, her shift meant she could still be a while. He had a date planned with Molly, so he lifted himself up off the couch and began getting ready. Soon he found himself looking in his mirror as he buttoned his shirt, thinking. He knew he really liked Molly. She was kind, caring, beautiful, smart and made him feel wanted and loved. She had been the distraction he needed after how things had turned out with Chris. He was finally getting his life back on track. Things at SWAT were going well on 50 David and he had even managed to add some qualifications to his credentials. His mom was doing well and he was beginning to feel stable and happy… but then…..well now…. Chris had suddenly reappeared in his life. He didn't hate that… he honestly loved that…. but it was making him feel like he didn't really want to go out with Molly tonight. He sighed to himself, 'If I am being 100% honest…..I'd rather just hang out here with Chris and Luca.' He knew that tonight with Molly meant he had to not talk SWAT or the job. She hated it when he did that because her father was always putting SWAT first. He knew he would have to put effort into connecting with her. He shook his head as he sprayed his cologne and gathered his jacket and keys. Straddling his bike, he looked up and stopped still as Chris pulled in the drive next to him in her truck.

"Hey" he said as she climbed out… looking exhausted.

"hi, you are heading out?" Chris asked eyeing his nice clothes, knowing that he was off to see Molly.

"Yeah, date night" he smiled awkwardly.

Chris nodded, looking down and closing her eyes for a brief second, "Have fun," she added as she walked past him up the stairs. Not waiting for a reply as she knew she felt jealous and she didn't want him to see. Chris headed inside and closed the door. As it clicked shut, she leant on it and closed her eyes as she heard him start his bike and ride away. A piece of her heart felt like it broke a little, knowing he was going to see another girl.  
As Street navigated his way to Molly's he thought about having Chris back, just like old times. The things he was feeling having her around, like seeing her laugh and be so happy again was making him doubt this whole thing with Molly. He told himself to stop it. Chris had been pretty clear about anything between them not being right for now. He couldn't help but wonder had that slowly changed? Or would that ever change?

He arrived at Molly's and parked his bike out the back. Walking up the stairs, he nervously tapped his leg and chewed his lip before knocking on her door. She opened it slowly, making Jim smile as she stepped out in a beautiful dress, her hair curled nicely, and she smelled amazing. He slid his hand into hers and they walked hand in hand to the restaurant nearby. But throughout the date Street knew he was distracted thinking about Chris. Molly excused herself to go to the bathroom and Street took the chance to text Chris.

'_Hey, I hope you are ok Chris, I'll text you when I'm on my way home". _He was rereading it...Contemplating whether to even send it when Molly's arm around his shoulders made him jump.

"Oh hey" he said shutting off the screen and dropping his phone to the table.

"Hey" Molly replied. She had seen him typing that to Chris and she decided to confront him about her.

"So," she began sliding into her seat "you and Chris" she said nodding to his phone….. "What exactly am I missing?"

Street was caught off guard. He rubbed his sweaty hands on his jeans. "Molly, Chris and I are ….. are like best friends.. you know.. she has always been there for me"

Street knew that Molly was jealous. In that moment watching her eyes almost scowl at him he decided not to tell her that Chris was actually staying with him and Luca at the moment after breaking up with Kira and Ty.

Molly just nodded and kind of turned up her lips raising her eyebrows like she didn't quite believe what he had said. He knew that Molly was upset, so he changed the subject.

He took her to a movie, held her hand, kissed her and cuddled her, but he couldn't help but feel like something about their relationship was suddenly a bit off. Street walked her home and hesitated when Molly invited him up.

"I um…. no, I can't… I've got an early shift tomorrow" he said with almost a grimace. Molly was clearly hurt and annoyed as he left.

On the drive back, his thoughts swirled around how much he would rather be with Chris. He couldn't deny that he had always wanted to be with Chris. But was she feeling that too? He parked his bike and walked inside wondering what the hell he should do. As he opened the door, he saw the couch was empty and the house was quiet. She must have gone to bed. Street found himself frowning. He put down his helmet and tiptoed up the hall. Peeking into his room he saw her asleep on top of the bed and he smiled. She must have fallen asleep reading. He knew right then, standing there watching her, that his heart belonged solely to her. He had no friggin' clue though what he should do about it. He felt so overwhelmed, he knew Chris needed him right now as her life had fallen apart, he just wished he knew what she was feeling.

Carefully, he crept in and pulled up a blanket over her, he paused and brushed her hair from her face tenderly and took the book out of her hands. What Street didn't know though was that Chris felt his touch, though she didn't open her eyes, she was awake. As he stood looking at her, he sighed and whispered

"I'm here Chris, I'll be here for you as long as you will let me. I know I need you in my life…..I just hope you will let me be a part of yours". Chris felt butterflies fly throughout her body as she lay there. She didn't move a muscle but listened to him head out and shut the door with a "Good Night Chris… sweet dreams"

She felt her heartbeat racing. Her head in a daze trying to make sense of that and what he meant by those words. After a while of biting her lip and smiling like a schoolgirl she rolled over and went back to sleep. His tender touch and emotional words making her heart explode and ache.

The next morning as the sunlight woke her, she lay there slowly grinning as she remembered last night. Chris couldn't stop thinking about him. Being here with him was exactly what she really wanted. Deep down a part of her knew she should be looking for her own place and leaving him be, just like she told him in that charger. However, her heart was winning the battle right now and she had no idea what to do about it either.

During shift the next day, 20 David and 50 David worked almost side by side, training and running drills together between the odd warrant run. Street had taken Chris on with a few of the drills and they were back to old ways exchanging banter and teasing each other. As the sun began to set, Chris's shift was ending. She had some paperwork to turn in to Commander Hicks, so she headed to his office. The Commander was pacing behind his desk on the phone when Chris approached his door. She stopped and waited, flipping through the documents in her hand, making sure one last time they were all in order. Hick's slammed the phone down and sighed. "God Damn". Chris hesitated knocking but tapped softly on the glass.

"Now a bad time Sir?"

"Oh Alonso….. no no… come in" he waved his arm motioning her over. "You ever want to be Commander?" he raised his eyebrows at her. Chris smirked a little….

"Ah…. No… well not right now anyways". They both chuckled and she continued with asking for his signatures. As she was preparing to leave there was another tap at his door. They both turned and Chris's stomach tightened seeing Molly standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, I'll wait" she said stepping back out.

"No.. come in I'm just….." Chris said turning back to the Commander and taking up the last page from his desk "heading out".

Chris realised in that moment that she couldn't look Molly in the eye. She gave her an awkward nod and quick "Hi" as she slid by her. Walking back down the corridor Chris closed her eyes for a second and grimaced. Was she feeling guilty, because she was hanging out with Street again and starting to feel things again that she couldn't deny? Chris slid into the bathrooms and sat the files down on the sink. She placed both her hands on the basin and slowly drew her gaze up from the floor to look at herself in the mirror. 'God, what are you doing?' she asked herself. Seeing Molly was a harsh reminder that 'Street is off the market, yet here you are spending all your time wanting to be with him'. She splashed water on her face and patted it dry. Sighing to herself. She really hated this drama in her life. After inhaling a deep breath, she headed back to file the paperwork and go home. As she turned the corner to the locker room, she saw them. Her stomach immediately dropping. Street was standing there with Molly. She was hugging him and smiling, saying she couldn't wait to see him again on Friday night, as she leant up and kissed him. Watching him kiss her back, Chris dropped her head and exhaled. Making a quick entry into the locker room to grab her bag and head home, she just really needed to get out of here.

"Home" she whispered… tilting her head…...her thoughts wondering if she should not go to Luca's tonight but put some space back between them again. She took out her phone and was about to text Street to say she was staying elsewhere tonight when Luca came in.

"Hey, are you heading home?"

"I …. ah… um… was thinking that I might actually go stay with Uncle Sasso tonight, I'd love to catch up with them, and then you know I think I need to start finding my own place, you know 3's a crowd and everything" She said pursing her lips.

"Hey… "Luca said turning to her surprised…. "No… no … no way, you promised to stay for a while…why the change of heart?"

Chris was doing her best not to let Luca see the real reason she wanted to go anywhere else.

"I just…. I feel bad for intruding and crowding you… it's your place Luca. It was never gunna be long term anyway"

"Well, yeah, but tonight at least you and me are gunna BBQ before Street gets home and then play some ball with Temo….I've already set it all up…. So please don't disappoint me and the kid". Luca gave her his puppy dog eyes and crouched in front of her pleading, "Please"

Chris laughed and shook her head, shoving him playfully. "Fine… tonight… but I will start looking for my own place tomorrow."

Back at Luca's an hour later, Chris helped Luca carry the supplies to the basketball court across the street. He handed her a beer and she sat back on the seat as he turned on the grill. It was nice just sitting doing this. But, deep down Chris was dreading seeing Street when he got home. She knew she needed to distance herself from him… that being here and letting things go back to their old ways was dangerous.

"You ok?" Luca asked watching her. Chris seemed miles away.

"Yeah" She replied nodding… "Just been a big day". Luca nodded and patted her knee as he grabbed the tongs. He was like a big brother and he always had a way of making her feel better. Luca knew not to push Chris…. If she wanted to talk about everything then he would listen.

"Hey…Temo" Chris called as she saw him walking across the road.

"My man" Luca said hugging him a little as he came to sit with them.

"Where's Street?" He asked "We can't play 2 on 2 without him"

Chris smiled and Luca chuckled…. "He should be here any minute"

"Come on… we will get some practice in" Chris said tapping his shoulder and bouncing the ball as she moved to the court to go one on one with Temo. She was having so much fun that she didn't even notice when Street came into the court and stood with Luca. He was watching her and Temo and smiling as Luca asked about his shift.

"Yeah so so" Street said turning up his lip and taking a sip of his beer. Luca tapped his arm.

"So, she" he said nodding at Chris, "is gunna start looking for her own place tomorrow…she thinks she is crowding us or something" Luca said.

Street looked back at Luca. A little confused… as he thought that she was happy and enjoying being there.

"Oh…." He scrunched his lips and frowned a bit… "Why the sudden rush? Did she say"

"Na not really but I sense something is up with her…maybe you should try and talk to her" Luca said.

Street nodded looking back at her, thinking through the possible reasons in his head that she was suddenly so determined to run away from him again. Was she going back into the "You live your life and I'll live mine" thing? As he sat watching her, she looked up. Her eyes landing on him. She felt that rush but swallowed hard to suppress it. 'Nothing good can come of this' she said to herself.

After they all sat and ate, they played a game of 2 on 2 before Temo's mom came and called him inside. They helped Luca pack up and then he went inside to make a phone call…. leaving them alone but nodding for Street to try to make her talk to him. Street nodded back and passed Chris another beer from the cooler.

"You okay?" he asked as she took it from him.

"Yeah" but she didn't look at him. He slid himself up onto the table next to her. The air was tense, and Street flung his words around his own head as he tried to decide what to say.

"Chris, I um…" he glanced at her. "Can I just be honest here?" He finally said as he fiddled with the bottle in his hands and tried to break the ice.

Chris bit her top lip and looked at the ground. "Yeah, I guess". Her own head was raging with a thousand thoughts.

"Luca said you were gunna start looking for a place tomorrow. That true?" he said, turning to look at her, his eyes tracing over her and trying to read her.

Chris exhaled and nodded slowly. "Yeah…. I um…. never meant for this to be long term" she added. Street clicked his mouth and traced the lines of the basketball court with his eyes as he formed his words. When something was bothering Chris, he knew she put up big thick invisible walls to try and keep everybody out and not let them see what was really going on with her. He knew he needed to try and get her to let him in a fraction if he wanted to see behind her wall. Scrunching his lips, he began,

"I um… It kind of took me by surprise is all" he twirled the bottle in his fingers, staring at it. He had seen her during shift that day and she had not had this wall up at all. Street knew something must have happened between the drills earlier and now for Chris to suddenly be like this. "I thought we were all going okay with this arrangement and that it was good for everyone" he said slowly.

Chris closed her eyes briefly and then turned to look at him. "So, can I assume then Molly is okay with it?", she blurted.

Streets eyes widened as he caught a sharp breath. He suddenly realised why Chris was doing this, "Um…she... ah…."

Chris rolled her eyes a little as she looked away from him. His hesitation confirming what she already suspected. "She doesn't know I am living here with you, does she?" Chris said curtly, glancing at him sideways. Her eyes cold. God, why did she have to feel like this. She knew the things that she felt deep down for him were becoming an issue. She knew she shouldn't be taking up this much of his time…. That that belonged to his girlfriend, Molly. She also knew that if Street was not being 100% honest with Molly about this then that was going to become a problem. She didn't wait for him to respond, slowly tilting her head side to side and saying,

"I um… look," she glanced at him noting his worry and unease as she swallowed hard knowing the words, she was going to say were going to hurt him. Chris could already feel it, the tension in the air building. She hated hurting him and pushing him away, but Chris knew deep down that she had to. That this current arrangement, while it was amazing and felt so perfect, was leading to dangerous territory for them all. She was terrified but she knew what she needed to do.

"Look, I can't be here complicating your life again. You have been doing so well sorting out your stuff and I don't want to screw that up. You are with Molly Jim and … and I …. I shouldn't…..." she shook her head as if wrestling with the words and stood up from the bench, not making eye contact as she picked at the label on her beer bottle. "I shouldn't be around so much…...I think it's best if we go back to, just being work colleagues and not seeing each other outside of work." The words flew out and she immediately regretted how harsh they sounded.

Street felt them hit him hard. He traced his eyes over her as she leant on the table looking out over the horizon. Chris had been the one who pushed him away and told him to go get on with his own life and find things to make him happy, so he did. But over the last week or so…it seemed that she wanted to take that back and go back to the old way they used to be, and they had…... almost until this moment right now. All of a sudden Street had flashes back to the Kitchen in HQ, where she had shattered his heart the first time. Street swallowed hard and blinked slowly, he was confused and hurt. He didn't want to lose her or for her to start pushing him away again, but this going back and forth, hot and cold had him so messed up.

"Chris…" he started….. "why this? why now? why all of a sudden the cold shoulder again?" he continued to watch her closely. "I thought we have been having fun and getting back to being … friends, you know like …..well the old us?"

Chris dropped her head and put down her beer. "That's exactly the reason….." she inhaled and blinked slowly "I realised today that, I ah…." She paused, tears were beginning to well and her voice shook a little. She needed a second to regain her composure. She stood upright from the bench and sucked in a breath as she turned away from him a fraction.

Street licked his lip and sighed knowing she was struggling, "You realised what?" he asked softly.

The care in his voice made this harder on her. She could feel that he was scared she was going to run again….. but as Chris stood there thinking about Molly and him earlier, standing there in each other's arms, she knew she needed to clear the air and fix the situation.

"I saw you and her today….. at HQ" She continued to stare off into the distance not looking at him and her words slowly came out. "and it um…made me realise that" she bit her lip and paused as she felt teary. "That I shouldn't be staying here". She swallowed hard to fight back tears and turned away from him to toss her empty bottle in the bin.

Street closed his eyes and looked away for a second, "Chris, I thought we had agreed to put all of that beside us and be friends again" he said slowly looking back at her. Chris frowned and leant down to pick up the cooler. As she stood back up, she met his glance briefly. Street could see the hurt in her eyes. "Yeah, maybe, but I shouldn't be here….now…like this….feeling like….."

Street tilted his head wondering what she was trying to say. He saw her pause and stood up, stepping towards her.

"Like what?" he said stepping closer and placing a hand on her elbow. Chris froze. Having him this close again, opening up to him like this. She was terrified that what happened last time would happen again. Street could see the tension on her face, but as she looked up at him, he could also see the hurt.

"Nothing…..I just" she shook her head as if she was trying to shake away the feelings. "I just gotta sort out my own shit". She moved to take a step to the gate, cooler in her hand. When Street spoke again,

"Hey, Chris…..please". He reached out for her arm. She glanced slowly at him, not saying a word. Standing there looking at him silently for what was only seconds but almost felt like hours.

"Don't run on me now please….." He stepped a bit closer, both his hands on her arms. "I can't go through more of us not speaking for months and all of that awkwardness again. Chris it killed me not having you to laugh with and be… well us" he said. Street could see the pain in her eyes as he spoke. She didn't want to push him away again either, but she was certain she should. "So, yes you saw me with Molly today…Yes, we are dating, you knew that though" and those words, kind of broke a piece of her heart. She was shocked at the sudden emotion she felt. She turned as a tear fell and she swiped it away, but he saw…

"hey, come on Chris. You were the one who told me to go find something to make me happy…..you pushed me away. You told me that we" he said gesturing in the air between them "that we couldn't be anything, that you didn't want that right now." He stopped and sighed watching her. She wiped another tear,

"Chris…. you know that in a heartbeat I would change all of that…..if you just said the word… you know what I really want, let's not beat about the bush and try to pretend this is something that it's not." Street flapped his arms a bit as he tried to explain how he was feeling.

She looked at him, with tears on her face and knew that this, everything she had done was so unfair to him. She pushed him away. Told him to move on. Told him she wanted Ty and Kira, but then when all of that turned upside down, she ran right back to him and now had him so confused and messed up. She knew she was hurting him again, right here and it was all solely her fault.

"So, look….no, I haven't told her you are staying here, and well, yeah, I guess we both know why I haven't". He paused and exhaled, Chris looked at the ground closing her eyes. He was being really honest here, she went to speak, to apologise for it all when he added

"Molly and I, well she was what I needed when I started to put my life back together. Do you know how hard it was for me to lose you, to be so broken? She was the distraction and the person I needed when you were gone".

"and now?" as soon as those words flew out of Chris's mouth, she regretted saying them and opening that door. Street sighed and put his hands in his pockets. Chris blinked back tears and turned away. She knew she couldn't wait for that response, or maybe she shouldn't wait for that response.

"I … I'm sorry…...Good Night Jim" she said taking the cooler and moving to the gate. As she unclicked the lock he pleaded,

"Chris….no… please…wait"

She momentarily stopped. She didn't look at him. She couldn't …. They both knew what was behind all of this tonight. They both knew they each held those feelings…. Feelings that were messy, complicated and maybe still not quite right for right now.

"What?" she softly answered

"Now…. You said, 'and now?' so right now, right here…I know I honestly…don't want you to run away again." He paused and stepped closer. "please don't leave me again….. not like this… not after us starting to rebuild things"

She looked at her feet… almost willing them to walk away and carry her out of this situation. Tears filled her eyes, and her stomach was in knots. She was terrified to lift her gaze to look back at him, terrified of the feelings and what she might do. As she slowly glanced back to him her eyes fell on his face, she was watching the way his lips moved as he pleaded with her, she was watching the way his dimples flared and eyes blinked…..she was lost in that moment….. her heart was screaming at her to not ruin this again. As she snapped back to reality he said,

"I need you in my life Chris, I need you as more than just a quick 'Hi' in the hallways at HQ. Or a brief smile in the locker room. I need you as that person I can always count on, talk to, share things with, laugh and muck about with and just be myself around. Chris that has always been you and will always be you"

Chris felt a smile beckoning to emerge on her face as she stood with her eyes closed. But then she remembered why she had decided to move out. He was still trying this with Molly, and she didn't want to get in the way of that after she had basically pushed him to her. She slowly turned to look at him.

"I…. I respect you Jim" she started, noting the fear in his sad eyes "I respect you enough to give you the space you need to make things work with Molly." Chris finished as her own words were killing her on the inside. "I will still be your friend, but …we need to keep those boundaries…. Okay?"

Jim gave her a sad smile and nodded slowly. Chris sighed and motioned for him to head back to the house with her. A part of him desperately wanted to grab her in his arms and kiss her again, right there on the basketball court under the moonlight. He wanted to tell her he would end it with Molly right now, if she was willing to give him a shot, but he knew her well enough to know that would not help the way she was feeling right now. This was…. again…not the right time.


	20. Chapter 20

~ Chapter completed with assistance for fellow writer Chris Cody ~

Street hit the stop button on his watch. His running app telling him that this was his best time yet on that route. He had run hard, taking every single stride with all he had, letting it all out, and it felt good, he felt strong and in control. But as he stood panting, breathing in deeply looking out at the sunrise, he knew deep down that he was not in control at all. In fact, it felt like the opposite. That parts of his life were again, spiralling in the other direction. That run had been both his ticket out of the house that morning and the emotional processing break he needed. He had left before sunrise, before Luca or Chris had woken up. Street felt like he couldn't talk to Luca yet about what had happened last night. He still hadn't worked all of that out in his own head yet. Luca had still been on the phone when they came in last night, so Street took the chance and went straight to sleep on the couch, to avoid that, "Well, how did it go?" question from Luca.

He also had left early because he knew that he didn't want to have to face Chris again so soon. He felt so raw and like his heart was being torn in two. He exhaled and closed his eyes, knowing that …. well…. whatever this was… this thing he had with Chris… he knew he didn't want to just lose that and give up on her. And as his mind wandered to Chris he thought,

'My head is telling me to just forget about her like that, but…...' he looked up at the sky and sucked in a breath 'my heart is screaming at me to hold on and never let go of that hope…... and I have no fucking idea what to do'.

He closed his eyes and felt sad, angry, hurt and frustrated all at once. He knew he deeply cared for Molly, that she made him really happy and that he maybe even had started to fall for her slowly. He swallowed hard, because he knew that the things, he had thought about last night, like telling Molly it was over if Chris would just say the word. He knew that that was inexcusable, and it made his heart hurt that he could even consider treating Molly like that. As he leant against the wall fixing his shoelaces he thought about the guilt, and he knew that if he wanted this to work with Molly then he needed to start being honest. He knew hiding the fact that Chris had been staying there and that this wanting to be there with her all the time, laughing and mucking about, was something that was not healthy for his relationship. 'God, Molly deserves better than that!" he cursed at himself. He found himself questioning whether he did actually 'want it to work'.

He shook his head and headed inside HQ to shower before shift start. He was just walking out of the locker room, freshly showered and ready to go when his heart skipped a beat a little. Leaning on the wall, smiling at him, looking hot in a business suit and heels, holding two coffees and a paper bag was Molly.

"Hey there, you" she said a little seductively as she stood upright and smiled at him.

"Oh hey" he smiled, stepping over to her. She gently leant up and kissed him softly. He held her around the waist and returned the kiss, but felt the guilt bubbling away inside of him. "What are you doing here so early?" He asked. "Your dad's not even in yet"

"No" she chuckled a little "I um, have a court case at 8, and needed to pick up this file" she said holding it up "So I figured I'd surprise you." She held up the coffees and handed him the paper bag containing a few pastries.

Street smiled and sighed, "Thank you" he said as he leant down and kissed her cheek.

"Everything ok?" Molly asked, with a slight frown as he drew back. "You seem a bit off lately?"

Street closed his eyes briefly and nodded, "yeah...I've just had a bit going on, you know and my heads a bit of a mess and…"

"hey, Jim" Molly said gently touching his arm. "Talk to me, what's up?"

"Oh, it's nothing…... I will work it all out… I've just been a bit distracted and all over the shop…" he paused looking back at her worried face, "hey" he reached out and hugged her to him. "It's ok…. I'm sorry... I shouldn't be taking that out on you and making you feel bad… you deserve"

"NO!" she pulled back and placed both her hands on his chest looking up at him. "Don't you dare say I deserve better Jim Street…." she almost glared at him, holding up a finger in his face. "I am your girlfriend and I signed up for it all… so please let me in and let me help." She looked up at him, and he could see the worry on her face, her hands still resting gently on his chest. "Please… even if it's just SWAT stuff… don't shut me out babe"

Street nodded and blinked at her. "You're right, I'm sorry Molly"

She smiled and hugged him. "Mmmm, you smell good" she giggled as she looked up at him and let him go slowly.

"Thanks" Street chuckled, smiling down at her. His dimples showing. "So do you".

Molly smiled and motioned for him to walk with her. "So, can we grab dinner soon? I mean what's your roster looking like?"

"Yeah um… of course we can, how about I text you later and set up a time" he smiled at her.

Molly bit her bottom lip a little and smiled at him, "I'd really love that Jim". He smiled back at her, pulling her in to kiss her again before she turned and headed out.

"Stay safe babe" she blew him a kiss as she pushed open the door.

"Yeah of course" he answered smiling like a goofy school kid at her.

As she disappeared from sight, he couldn't help but feel the dreaded guilt come sliding back in.

"Ok Street… enough romance…... time to shine" Rocker said walking up behind him and guiding him to the situation room, as he handed him a file for a new case.

Street had little time to focus on his personal life dramas that day. The case kept him busy and focused on work. But as he clocked off and carried his helmet out, he realised he still hadn't seen Chris since last night. Part of him was happy about that and part of him was thinking the longer he left it to talk to her again the worse it would be. He rode home formulating a plan in his head to talk to her that night. To make sure she was actually ok and that they could continue to be friends again. As he climbed off his bike in the drive however, he noted that her truck wasn't there. He pulled his phone from his pocket, thinking he should text her, when he closed his eyes and scrunched his face. Molly's name was on the screen. She had messaged him. 'SHIT… I forgot to message her' he muttered to himself.

'_Hey, don't forget about that date, can't wait to see you on Friday xxxxxxx'_ it read.

He inhaled and looked up at the dark night sky, trying to think what he should reply. He stood for a moment tilting his head side to side before deciding to do it later. He was anxious to find out where Chris was and make sure she was ok. He put his phone back in his pocket and headed inside.

"Hey" Luca called as he opened the door.

"Oh hi" Street replied placing his things down and heading into the kitchen. Luca was packing away some groceries.

"How was your shift man? I heard 50 David had a hectic one?" Luca asked

"Oh yeah, it was um okay, I guess. Pretty busy though" Street added.

Luca passed him a beer and started to cook, as Street sat at the counter.

"Chris not joining us for dinner tonight?" Street tried to ask nonchalantly. Luca grinned a bit before he turned around. Chris had questioned him too as she left asking what time Street would be home? He wondered what was up with these two and then he remembered the talk Street had had with her the night before.

"She um, found a place today and has gone to her Uncle Sasso's to organise the move tomorrow". Luca turned around studying the look on Streets face. Luca could see the sadness in Street. "So, I um am guessing the talk last night didn't change her mind?" he added.

Street sighed and took a sip of his beer. "Well, guess not" he said standing up and heading to the pinball machine. Luca watched him and wandered over placing his hands on the side of the machine.

"Hey, talk to me. What happened? Why is she so determined to move back to her own place?"

Street blinked and tried to work out a way of telling Luca that Chris didn't want to be near him right now and that it was his fault.

"She um, just needs time to sort herself out I guess." He replied as Luca watched him. "She said she needs some space to 'sort out her own shit'."

Luca nodded, seemingly accepting that answer, but still a little worried about the sadness he could see on Streets face. "Are we crowding her?" he asked.

Street turned up the side of his mouth into a sad smile, "I dunno, she seemed determined to just have her own space again… I mean I thought we were all having fun, but you know Chris, once she makes up her mind"

Luca nodded and patted Streets shoulder, "yeah, she's stubborn" he chuckled a bit. They both played pinball for a bit, ate dinner and watched some TV, before Luca headed to bed.

"Night man" Luca said heading down the hall.

"Yeah Night" Street called back. He looked around the room. His mind a mess as he thought about what to do. He knew he still wanted to speak to Chris and make sure everything from last night was still ok, and that she wasn't going to push him away again. He was worried he had said too much last night and frightened her or made her guilt or sadness worse. Then his head went back to Molly. 'Oh Shit! I still didn't text her' he grumbled as he pulled out his phone opening her message and beginning a response…

'_Hey, Sorry. It was a crazy shift today and I haven't really had a second to get back to you. How about we plan on 7pm Friday. I will pick you up and we can go to that…' _as he was typing the door began to open.

"Oh hey, sorry. I hope I didn't wake you" Chris said as she saw him sitting there, she turned and kicked off her shoes and wore a grimace on her face.

"Hey" Street answered as he dropped the phone down and looked up at her. "No no, I wasn't trying to sleep yet" he said.

Chris twitched her lips and scrunched her face a little as she stepped to lean on the back of the nearest armchair. "Good, and um, listen, you will have your own bed back tomorrow." She was glancing down away from him as she spoke. "I um, took the day today, to find a place, and am all sorted to be moved in tomorrow and out of your way".

Street sighed and looked at her, "Chris, you aren't in the way" he began softly. She shook her head closing her eyes.

"No, remember, we have been over this and it's sorted and I …"

Street stood up. "Hey, stop for a second" he said.

She swallowed and looked slowly up at him. "I know you are determined to move out tomorrow so, look that's ok, but I wanna, well I was hoping we could talk and make sure we are okay?" he said watching her. She inhaled and blinked slowly before looking back up at him and nodding.

"We are okay, I just need to have my own space back and chill out." She said looking at him. "and you," she gestured to him, kind of raising her eyebrows, "you need to focus back on making it work with Molly, which,", Street opened his mouth to interrupt her, and Chris held up her finger for him to stop and listen, "I know you won't do that if I am here and you think I am sad and need fixing or something. This way is best for everyone, okay?"

Street smirked a little, he knew she was right, and he had no argument to counter that right now. "Okay" he answered nodding. "It's just, I guess I know I will miss you, miss this" he said motioning around.

Chris smiled at him; she knew she was going to miss this too. It made a part of her way deep down happy that he would miss her. "I will still be about, just not as much. We need to keep those boundaries okay?" she glanced at him, raising her eyebrows. "I mean it" she added as he nodded at her, almost reminding her of a sad little puppy. She giggled a bit throwing her jacket at him. "Stop, with the eyes already, I gotta go to bed, got a big day tomorrow."

"Okay okay." He chuckled a bit. "But seriously, are we still ok? It kinda felt today, not seeing you and then dreading this chat, that we might be back at square one, and I hate that."

Chris smiled a little and blinked slowly considering her response. "Yeah, we are okay, I just need to take my own advice. I need to give you the space to figure yourself out like I said a month ago".

Street nodded. "Hey, listen I am not on shift tomorrow, if you want some help with the move?"

Chris frowned a little, "Um, Okay, I guess, I"

Street could see she kind of struggled a bit with him being around all day, "Look, just a friend trying to help because I feel bad. That I am the reason you are doing this and..."

"You are not the reason I am in this situation. I was the one who was so determined to move in with Ty and Kira and get rid of my old place, that I am the one who caused this predicament."

"You know what I meant." he answered.

She smirked a little, "Yeah… Night Jim," she replied and turned to head to bed.

"Night Chris" he answered, watching her head up the hall as he settled on the couch for the night.

As Street helped Chris's Uncle Sasso and her cousin Thomas unload the truck the next morning, he thought about telling Chris he wanted to be honest with Molly. Honest about the reason he didn't tell her that Chris was staying. Honest about their history, that kiss that they had shared. He wanted Molly to understand why he felt like he needed to be there for Chris. Why he felt so close to her.

He was, however, worried that it may lead Molly to the question, "Do you still have feelings for her?" Street knew if that happened, he wouldn't be able to lie. He would have to tell Molly that he did have feelings for Chris. He knew that may indeed be the undoing of this with Molly.

Chris appeared back at the side of the truck. She smiled at Street and said playfully, "Good thing you were keen to help, makes my day easier." As she leant on the truck shining her nails sarcastically on her shirt. Street laughed and rolled his eyes…

"Oh, I see what's going on here" he joked smiling at Sasso, "all I am good for is my muscular physique huh?" he said stroking his own chest. They all laughed, and Chris shook her head, flicking his arm…

"Okay settle down there Fabio"

She really loved that despite the recent events they still knew how to be like this. How to make each other laugh, how to have fun and how to be friends. As the day passed by quickly, Thomas and Sasso headed out for another load and to grab some food. Street helped Chris move a few boxes up the stairs and into the living room.

"So, are you hoping to unpack all of this stuff today?" he asked gesturing around the apartment.

"No, no.. just get it all in here and I'll sort it out piece by piece later" she said.

As Chris moved about placing things in rough spots he stopped and fidgeted a little. Chris could feel his unease and glanced at him.

"What?" she said in an impatient tone.

"Huh, what?" he answered shrugging at her.

She sighed and put down the box she was holding. Leaning on it as she looked at him. "Something is up, so spill it already" she said raising her eyebrows slightly.

Street exhaled in almost a nervous laugh. "I ah," he chewed his lip. "okay, but I am scared you're not gunna like it" he said, moving to lean on the stool near her. "I um, have been thinking about being honest with Molly"

Chris looked back at him, furrowing her eyebrows. "Honest? about what exactly?" she said dropping her glance. Feeling nervous about where this was going.

"About this situation, the circumstances surrounding all of this, you know all of it" he said. "Look, I know I should have told her straight up that you were staying with Luca and I. But I was scared of the assumptions she would jump to." He glanced at Chris who was chewing her lip a little and not looking at him. "I am thinking I need to tell her that, us, you know hanging out lately has been the reason I've been a bit distant and distracted."

Chris frowned nodding slowly, "I'm sorry, I never meant to…"

"hey, no no this isn't about you being in the way or anything, I just want her to see the whole picture. I feel this, shit." He paused and looked up at her. She returned his look and she could see the angst on his face. "I feel guilty that I am hiding stuff from her. She deserves to know what is going on and look if that ultimately means she doesn't want this anymore then I have to live with that. I can't build something with her based on lies."

Chris nodded and looked away. "I get that" she looked back at him, "I do but, I think it might not be a great idea to bombard her with 'everything'." Chris said raising her eyebrows at him. "It's a lot I mean and, in my opinion," she paused and sighed. "All of that stuff, that kiss, I kinda think that it's all in the past and is kind of just between us." She glanced at him pursing her lips. He was watching her intently, as she continued, "And anyway, what if all of that, you know what if she freaks out and it goes badly?"

"Well then" he began as he put his hands in his pockets "then I guess I have to deal with that if it happens." He sighed as he watched Chris who was frowning at him. "I just can't keep lying to her and not telling her things. It's getting messy and if she found out, I was keeping stuff deliberately from her….."

Chris nodded and exhaled walking past him and patting his shoulder. "Ok…".

"Hey," he began turning to face her as she walked away and kept unpacking. She went into to the kitchen and began unpacking the utensils into the draw. She wasn't looking at him. To be honest she felt these horrible sad feelings whenever he talked about Molly. He had said he wanted to be honest and try with Molly and the thought of him happy with her made Chris want to cry. But, when she checked herself, and took a minute, she knew he was right. She knew deep down that she needed to let him try that relationship. She had pushed him to grow up and fix his life and to his credit he really was trying to do just that. She just wished that that road had led him right back to her. Then she felt mad with herself because she felt guilty for being so selfish.

"Chris" Street placed his hands on the other side of the counter and sighed.

"What?" Chris said, trying to control her voice. She didn't want to sound angry; she didn't really want him to see that she was upset either.

"Remember how you felt" he said as he walked around the bench and leant at the sink right next to her, watching her. "when you were feeling guilty about that kiss and had to tell Ty and Kira?"

Chris swallowed hard and blinked without looking at him as she slowly closed the draw. She just nodded, "yeah, I get it" she said turning around to throw the empty box outside.

Meanwhile back downtown, Molly was stopping by HQ to see her dad. She also hoped she would run into Jim.

"Hey dad" she said knocking on his door.

"Oh, hi honey" he answered.

"We still on for steak night tomorrow night?" she asked as she leant in the doorway.

"Yeah of course" he answered smiling at her.

"hey um, are 50 David here, or out on a call?" she asked smiling at her father.

Hicks rolled his eyes and turned to her raising his eyebrows. "No, they are on a day off" he said, looking queryingly back at her, like she should know that.

"oh right" Molly answered, instantly feeling annoyed that Jim had not mentioned that to her. "I'll see you tomorrow night then" she said leaving. As she walked out, she frowned. Why had Jim not mentioned he was off today? and why hadn't he replied to her messages? As she drove out of the parking lot, she decided to call him. His phone rang out, as he had left in Chris's truck when they bought up the last load.

Molly hung up, not leaving a message. She was a little frustrated. As the signs to the freeway approached, she decided to head to Luca's to see Street. She wanted to talk to him about why he seemed to be avoiding her.

Her mood was not helped when she arrived at Luca's fifteen minutes later to see he wasn't there either.

"Oh, I was hoping to catch Jim." Molly smiled at Luca.

"Oh, he is um still out helping Chris move into her new apartment." Luca answered as he moved about the garage.

"Oh right" Molly answered, again not knowing any of this. "I didn't realise she was moving today" she added.

"Yeah well, she can't stay here in Street's room forever I guess." Luca said placing tools back into the toolbox. Molly's eyes went wide, and her blood ran cold for a second before Luca added. "I mean Street is a good guy, but he must have mentioned being sick of sleeping on the couch." Molly forced out a little laughed "yeah" she nodded. Her head spinning. Why had he not told her that Chris was staying in his room here? And he was sleeping on the couch? 'what the hell?' she muttered to herself as she said goodbye to Luca and got back in her car.

She sat for a second as her mind spun around. He had been almost ignoring all her messages, barely spoke to her when she ran into him at HQ, was sketchy about their next date and now she finds out that Chris has been staying here, in his room, for god knows how long, and he has been sleeping on the couch for her.

She inhaled and pulled her phone from her bag. Flicking up his name she again dialled his number. "Hi, you've reached Jim Street. Honestly, you're better of texting me," played in her ear as she tossed the phone angrily down on the passenger seat and drove home. She could feel tears in her eyes thinking about him being with Chris and so distant from her. She was sure that he was doubting their relationship and was sending her the signals for it to be over.

Back at Chris's apartment, it was getting late. "Ok, well I better make a move and head home" Street said as Thomas helped Chris lift the last box up into the storage cupboard.

"ok" Chris started turning around and wiping her dusty hands. "Thank you." She smiled at him. "I really appreciate your help" she said as he stepped to her and hugged her.

"Anytime" he answered. "Night guys" he said to Sasso and Thomas and headed out the door.

When Street arrived home and dropped his gear by the door, Luca smiled at him. "Hey, did Molly get a hold of you?"

Street frowned, "No, why?"

"Oh, she was here earlier looking for you?" Luca answered. Street froze, slowly turning around and searching for his phone in his bag. 'Oh shit' he muttered seeing the missed calls from her.

"Was she pissed?" Street asked cautiously.

Luca laughed a bit, "Man, remember when I said dating the bosses daughter was a stupid idea….."

"Luca, man, come on, I'm serious, was she pissed?" Street almost pleaded.

"Now, hang on, what have you gone and done to make her show up here for the first time, looking for you?" Luca said folding his arms and chuckling.

"Luca," Street sighed. "Man, this isn't funny" he said shaking his head at his friend who seemed to be enjoying this little predicament right now.

"No, look, she was okay. She was surprised you weren't here. You didn't tell her you were helping Chris today?" Luca answered.

Street frowned and dropped his gaze to his feet. "No, I kinda wanted to actually talk to her about some stuff and," he stopped and sighed looking up at Luca. "I bet she is pissed at me" he said.

Luca could see the worry on Street's face. "Then, I'd stop standing here with me and go call her back already." Luca said pointing to Streets phone in his hands.

Street swallowed hard and blew out a breath, "yeah, thanks," he said to Luca with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

Luca patted his shoulder as he wandered passed him, "best of luck my friend."

Street rolled his eyes and stepped out on to the veranda. He dialled her number as he sat on the picnic table.

"Hi" she answered. Street could already hear the tone in her voice.

"Hi Molly," he said. His voice showing his defeat as well as the fear he felt. "Listen, I'm sorry about missing you today" he continued cautiously, "I um, was helping Chris out, kind of a last minute thing and I meant to message you, but well we were kind of busy and,"

"Jim," Molly interrupted him.

"Yeah," he answered nervously.

"Look, we really need to talk about this all." Molly continued and Street could hear the sadness in her voice. "I stopped by HQ thinking I'd see you on shift as you weren't replying to my messages, you know like when you're busy, but imagine my surprise when dad tells me you were rostered off today. I felt like an idiot" she said. "Then I think okay I'll go see him at home, tell him I miss him., and well wow where do I start there" she said.

"Molly, please, I didn't mean to make you upset. This just came up late the night before and, "

"Jim, stop." Molly said. "You mean to tell me that the fact that Chris has been sleeping in your bed for the last few weeks, staying at your place, spending all of that time with you and you just forgot to tell me?"

Street could hear how pissed off she was. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Molly, you are right. But please, please listen to me. I was planning on coming to talk to you tomorrow. I know that me not telling you all of this, well it looks bad, but Molly honestly, I was planning to have lunch with you tomorrow and explain what has been going on. I don't want you to think that I am hiding this from you."

"But you are!" she said her voice rising. "You have had ample time to tell me what is going on Jim and you haven't. Jesus, you can't even manage to find a few minutes in your day, because you are so busy with her, to message me, your own girlfriend and tell me what's going on."

"I'm sorry babe" Street said with defeat in is voice. Molly was quiet for a minute and Street could hear her sobbing. "Molly, please listen to me" his voice was pleading. "I know I have really stuffed up here, and I am begging you to just,"

"Just what?" She sobbed angrily.

"Let me explain all of this to you Molly. I know I've upset you and I am really sorry. I didn't mean to do any of this like this" he continued.

"Jim, can I ask you something?" Molly's voice shook a little.

"Of course you can, I,"

"Are you trying to end this?" she sobbed a little.

"Molly" Street exhaled, looking up at the sky. "No, no way, definitely not. God. Molly I want this with you, please believe me. I am sorry I have been a shitty boyfriend lately. I really really am."

Molly sobbed silently for a while as she listened to Street telling her how much he wanted to continue their relationship and how sorry he was.

"Then you better start at the start and tell me it all" Molly finally said. "Why was Chris staying with you? why have you been spending all of your free time with her? what is she exactly to you?" Molly asked. "I wanna know it all and not look like an idiot again Jim." There was anger in her voice.

Street inhaled and began way back to when he first came to SWAT. He told Molly all about those early days when Hondo had asked Chris to show him what it meant to be a part of the SWAT family. He told her about his past, the dating apps, one night flings and how that, combined with the mess his mom made in his life had led to him being kicked off SWAT. Street was nervous but continued and told her about Chris fighting so hard for him to re-join the team. How she was, and well still is, his best friend. He told her how Chris was the one who made him grow up and was always there to put him on the right path.

His hands shook as he found himself at the part where he needed to explain to Molly about the night of the fundraiser, that kiss and then the fall out that had left.

Finally, he managed to tell her about Chris wanting to be with Ty and Kira, and himself putting his own life back together again. He explained that that all led him to her and that he was so glad she had come into his life.

"Can't you see Molly. I want this, this kind of relationship with you. And yes, I know I have been an idiot and stuffed up. But I really really don't want to lose you Molly" he finished.

"Jim," she said quietly again. "If you want to be with Chris, please just tell me"

"Molly, can we please just work this out?" he pleaded.


	21. Chapter 21

_~ Completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody~_

Molly sat on her sofa, holding the phone to her ear as she cried. "Look, Jim, I don't wanna walk away from this. I really care about you, I really like you and I want to see what we can be too, I'm just,"

Street swallowed hard, waiting for Molly to tell him that she can't do it anymore or something.

"I think, I should maybe just sleep on it," she finished.

"Ok, well, can I see you tomorrow, so we can actually talk." Street asked nervously.

"Yeah" Molly said, "How about brunch downtown?"

"Ok, I'll see you at 10, and Molly," he said with so much fear and emotion in his voice, "I am so sorry, I never meant for any of this. You are amazing and I really hope you can still give me a chance."

"You know I think you are an amazing guy too. We just need to both sleep and we will talk in the morning." She replied.

"God, Molly, I wish I could just hug you and kiss you right now," he whispered. She heard him crying.

"Jim!" she said closing her eyes as her own tears fell. "I'm still here, we are still here. Breathe."

He sniffled. "I'm sorry, I just," he sucked in a breath and pulled himself together. "I'm sorry I am such a screw up."

"Hey, please. You have made some silly choices yes, but I'm not giving up on you just yet." She almost giggled.

He smiled a little. "I don't deserve you" he said.

"Jim Street! Stop that right now. Get yourself together, sleep and I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

He nodded and frowned. "Yeah, okay. Good Night Molly"

"Good Night Jim," she answered hanging up.

He sat for a while in the cool air, before he figured she was right. He should get some sleep. He wandered inside and flopped into bed. Closing his eyes and laying there. He tossed and turned for almost an hour. His mind racing with how to fix things with Molly. After a while he sighed. 'Might just go for a ride and clear my head' he muttered.

He tiptoed out, knowing Luca was sleeping and rode off towards the hills. There was a lookout about halfway up the range that looked back over the city lights. He often rode up there and sat on his bike when he needed time and space to think. He sat there alone, with just his thoughts for what would have been a few hours. Before finally returning home and getting some sleep.

The next morning, Luca was getting ready to leave for his shift when Street wandered out rubbing his face.

"Hey, did you not sleep very well or something?" Luca asked.

"Yeah or something" he muttered, "tossed and turned a bit,"

"I heard you ride off late, did you go see Miss Hicks?" Luca smirked like Street had been out for a booty call.

"No, I did not go see Miss Hicks," Street said sarcastically back. "I just needed to clear my head."

Luca smirked and then looked at Street more seriously. "Is everything ok man?"

"Yeah, I hope it will be" he answered, "I'm gunna take a shower".

"Okay, see you tonight." Luca called as he headed off.

A few hours later, Street wandered through the square towards the café where he had agreed to meet Molly. He was a little early, because he didn't want to turn up late and keep her waiting. He took a seat at a table in the corner out the front and watched people come and go. Molly had taken a break from work and walked across the road, she could see him sitting there, fiddling with the glass of water in front of him. She noticed how nervous and tense he looked. As she walked around the small fence and entered the café, she smiled at him.

"Hey"

"Hey there" he said standing and kissing her cheek with a hug.

She smiled as he drew back. "How are you?" she asked studying his face.

He exhaled in a nervous chuckle. "Ah, honestly, a bit better now you're here. You look beautiful" he added.

Her eyes smiled at him as she sat down. "Thank you, Jim, you look good yourself," she replied as he noticed her teeth slightly trace her lip. He wondered if she felt as nervous as he did. He slowly reached across the table and took both of her hands in his.

"Molly" he said looking into her eyes, "I am really sorry about how all of that played out. I know I should've been more honest and open about all of it, but I let my stupid head and crazy fears lead me to make the wrong choices that ultimately hurt you."

Molly nodded with a small sad smile. "I just wish you had felt like you could have trusted me more." She looked back up at him as his thumbs traced the back of her hands. "If I had known about all of that with Chris that you told me last night…. I." She paused and glanced away as if she was searching for the right words.

"You would never have started this?" Jim interjected sadly.

She shook her head with a slow exhale. "No, I, I think I would have understood more about what was going on with you and why things felt like they did" she answered. "I want you to trust me Jim, trust me to handle more than you think I can."

He nodded at her, not sure what to say as the waitress bought out their coffee's. Molly paused and waited for the waitress to leave.

"Yes, all of that that you told me about, upset me. But Jim, most of what you told me about with Chris, happened before you and I got together, and I do understand that she needs a friend at the moment. But what was I supposed to think when you were off with her and hiding it from me?"

"I'm sorry Molly, I was so scared if you knew about that stuff earlier that you would never have given me a second look." He paused and looked down. "I've always been damaged goods" he mumbled.

Molly swallowed and took her hands back. "Jim". She waited for him to look up at her. He slowly looked up,

"yeah?"

"If you want this to work with us you have to start being open and honest with me. All the time." She added. "I'm not saying you can't go see Chris or hang out with her sometimes, but just don't hide it from me for god's sake."

Street nodded, but still looked sad and scared. She sighed and reached out for his hands again. "Look, if we can just trust each other a bit more and communicate, I'm sure we can work this out. I want to work this out Jim, I…" as she spoke, he had a little panic attack. Was Molly going to say 'I love you'… oh god what if I don't say it back?

"I… I really like you". She smiled.

Jim swallowed and smiled back. "I like you too Molly".

Molly's phone began to ring, "I've um, gotta take this" she said standing up and walking out on the sidewalk. Jim watched her and felt his heart racing. Why was Molly saying I love you such a big deal?

Molly returned several minutes later and explained she needed to get back to the office. Street stood, wiping his hands nervously on his leg,

"Yes, of course, I got this" he said motioning to the bill. "Go" he said.

She reached out and hugged him. "Thanks Jim." She drew back and smiled. "See you maybe tomorrow night?"

"I'd like that," he smiled and kissed her cheek.

As Street arrived at HQ for shift a few hours later, he nervously glanced about as Hicks walked towards him.

"Morning Sir," he smiled.

"Street." Hicks said quickly, giving him a nod as he walked right past. Hicks looked distracted and maybe a little uptight. Street wondered a bit what was up as he made his way to the storeroom to begin gathering the supplies to refill Black Betty. He couldn't deny that he felt a little weird, maybe guilty even, for the latest things that had happened with Molly. He went about his usual tasks thinking, 'am I doing the right thing pushing Molly to work it out? what if I can't say 'I love you' to her? Is that a bad sign?'.

Rocker walked past and paused. "Hey, Leave that. Come on, Hicks wants to talk to us all, let's go".

Street put down the boxes and followed him to the situation room.

Hicks and Rocker leant on the desk at the front as the rest of 50 David milled around. Hicks began briefing them on some policy updates and new procedures that were being brought in. As they discussed a change to communication procedures Hicks smirked a little looking at Street,

"Well, we are all smart enough here to understand just how essential good, open and efficient communication is."

Street dropped his gaze to the floor. "Did he know about last night and this morning with Molly?"

The rest of their shift was pretty busy and by late afternoon as they headed back into HQ Street was a little excited with his plan to go and surprise Molly and really try to fix things.

After debriefing, he was first out. He stopped at home to shower, then picked up a bunch of Molly's favourite flowers. Walking up to her office building he inhaled and tried to calm his nerves. 'Here goes' he thought. As he reached out for the doors, he heard a voice behind him.

"Hey, Mr. Warner!"

Streets blood ran cold and the hairs on the back of his head stood up. He didn't recognise the voice, but that name. Wow, that name. He spun around and saw a man in a black bike helmet leaning on the nearest pillar. Streets brain and training were in overdrive, how was he going to get out of this situation? Where was the nearest cover? Who was this guy? What did he want?

Sefton Warner was one of Street's old undercover aliases. He had no way of knowing who was under that helmet and what they wanted.

"Do I know you?" Street answered.

The man laughed and stood upright. "No, you don't but Mr. Pullbrook remembers you!"

Street held his breath for a second. It had been almost 8 years since he had been Sefton Warner. A low-level member of Jayden Pullbrooks drug crew. Pullbrook was a big fish in the drug trafficking game in Long Beach and Street had helped the DEA taskforce bring him down.

"I have a message for you." The man said walking a little closer. "Pullbrook says you have a debt to settle. An enormous debt." Street fidgeted and replied.

"Look man… I'm out of that world, I'm clean. I did my time and I'm done with it all."

The stranger laughed a little. "Ok there, Officer Jim Street" he said squaring his shoulders and stepping a step closer. Street felt his heart skip a beat. Whoever this guy was, he knew he was a cop. "Pullbrook saw you and that pretty young commanders daughter today over in the square…... What does her daddy think of her dating a screw up like you? How's your mom by the way? You must have come up in the world, huh Metro SWAT and all?" He wandered around in a curve as Streets body turned to follow him. "Your mum in that Rehab centre or even Miss Hicks, they could be valuable leverage."

"Ok, stop. This is not real smart on your end, considering I'm a cop." Street said stiffening his posture and his jaw, making his dimples flair a fraction.

"We've done our homework and know exactly who you really are and what you did to our operation 8 years ago."

Street was contemplating taking him down, but what would happen when Pullbrook didn't have him return and report back in? Would they go after Molly or his mom? Should he just let him go back to Pullbrook with a message of his own?"

"We have a big shipment in the works. You will keep the LAPD off the scent and play your part or you will lose more than you know." And with that a motorcycle appeared at high speed from around the corner, he jumped on the back and was gone.

Street memorised every detail he could and immediately called it into command. As he hung up, he rushed inside and up the stairs to Molly's floor. He raced into her offices and swung around from the reception area, seeing her standing there near the desk, she smiled at him.

"Jim? What are you doing here?" she began to walk to him smiling, as she got closer, she saw the panicked expression on his face.

"Jim?"

"Molly," he panted a little. "Can we go in there?" he asked as he pointed to an office. She nodded and frowned, "Jim, you're scaring me, what's wrong?" she pleaded.

He held her hand and led her inside. "It's ok Molly, you are ok. I will explain." He said closing and locking the door as he took out his phone and rang Commander Hicks. Molly watched him and listened intently as he explained what just happened, he was quick to assure Hicks that he was right by Molly's side and that she was safe. As he hung up, Molly was staring at him. He could see the fear on her face.

"Hey, I'm sorry for scaring you. You are ok, you are safe." He stepped towards her and hugged her.

"Jim," she sighed. "What… how…. I mean what happens now?"

"Your dad is sending a unit to take us to HQ, and we will work this out from there." He tried his best to reassure her, but she was visibly shaken.

"This is why dad always said not to date a cop" she whispered shaking her head. Street smirked a little at her trying to lighten the mood and calm her, "You couldn't resist my charm and good looks" he mocked himself. She slowly let out a small laugh. "Yeah ok" she nodded at him. Before hugging him again.

Not long after, the patrol unit arrived and escorted them both safely to HQ. Hicks was waiting in the motor pool as they pulled in. "Oh, thank god!" He said hugging Molly as she climbed out of the car.

"I'm sorry Sir, I never meant for…"

"Relax Street. This happens from time to time. But, mark my words they will regret messing with my family." He added sternly before turning and walking in with Molly under his arm. Street followed them. He felt a little like a naughty school kid and couldn't help but blame himself for unknowingly putting Molly in danger.

Once they reached Hicks office Molly stood that the window and reached out for Streets hand. He took it and hugged her.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head, feeling her hug him back and sigh.

"Ok," Hicks began, "I have sent a unit to guard your mom. But we need to get a head start and find out what they know and are planning."

Street nodded. "I want to help in any way I can."

"I appreciate that." Hicks said resting his hands on his belt and pacing, "but I do expect the two of you to stay here in HQ until this is handled."

"Thank you, Sir," Street said nodding.

"I have called in Benny to take your place on 50 David for now. You don't leave HQ, understood?" Hicks raised his eyebrows and pointed at Street.

"Yes Sir." He nodded.

"Rocker's on his way in and I already have our tech guys looking into Pullbrook. Let's go see what they have found." Hicks said motioning to Street. "Oh, and Molly… sit tight." He smiled fondly at her.

Molly nodded and turned up her mouth a bit. Street could see she was worried and scared. Before he followed Hicks out, he put his arm around Molly's waist and kissed her softly.

"Go," she said motioning for him to follow her father "just be safe," she added.

Street chuckled lightly. "I'm not leaving here remember".

She just shook her head a little and smiled. "Yeah, now go."

Within the hour, all of 50 David had returned to HQ and they were digging deep into the case. Street sat beside Stevens and Rocker explaining what had happened 8 years ago and identifying the members of Pullbrooks' crew that he remembered, when his phone buzzed. He frowned at the 'Private Number' and opened the message.

"_Taking Miss Hicks to SWAT HQ was smart. Sending cops to your mom…clever…. but you better start playing along, or you won't like our next move" _


	22. Chapter 22

~ Chapter completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody ~

Street's eyes were locked on the phone and he swallowed hard, taking a second to register what he had just read. "Uh, um," he slowly spun back to Stevens and Rocker. Not saying anything at first, just looking blankly at them. Stevens saw the look on his face.

"What is it Street?"

Street held out the phone and shook his head. "A taunt, or threat I guess." Rocker took the phone from Street and read it. Before tapping the tech analyst behind him on the shoulder.

"I wanna know everything we can about that text, like yesterday." He said, handing her Streets phone.

"Yes Sir!" she said walking away with it. Rocker followed her,

"I will go update Hicks."

Stevens stepped over and patted Street's shoulder, "Hey, remember you got this guy once, and took down his whole operation. And that was at Long Beach. Now your LAPD Metro SWAT. He is no match for us, we will get them."

"Yeah, but it's not us," he said motioning his hand around, "That I am worried about." Street said, heading out of the room. As he walked in a slight daze, his mind racing he heard Hicks behind him.

"Street?"

"Oh Sir, yeah?" he answered slowly and turned around.

"I hear you have done all you can for now." Hicks said as he stepped to him. "Now," his voice a bit softer, "Please go spend time with my daughter, I know she is scared for you. Rocker will come find you if they get anything."

Street clenched his jaw and nodded, "Ok, thank you Sir." He walked down the hall and pushed open Hick's office door. Molly was sitting in the armchair, holding her phone with headphones on. She looked up and smiled.

"Hey, everything okay?" she said, taking off the headphones and sitting upright.

"Hey, yeah… waiting for the tech guys to come up with something."

Molly blinked and nodded, glancing down. Before she stood up and moved to him. She reached out and took both of his hands. Looking him in the eyes and studying his face. "Are you doing okay though?" She asked softly.

He hugged her into him and wrapped his arms around her. "Yeah, I'm just worried and maybe scared for, for everyone else in my life. Not that that is too many people really but,"

Molly squeezed her arms tighter and looked up at him. "Jim, hey,"

He stopped speaking and looked down at her.

"You are doing everything you can. Everyone is helping and you just need to try and relax a bit." she said smiling at him.

He blinked and nodded slightly, "Yeah, switching off isn't easy when someone is threatening the people you care about."

Molly motioned for him to come and sit on the sofa with her. As he leant back, she rested her head on his chest and held him. He wrapped his arm around her and rested his head on the top of hers.

A few hours passed with no update or news. Street had sat with Molly the whole time and she had fallen asleep on him a while ago. He gently slid out from beneath her and covered her with the throw blanket. He needed to go see what was happening, he couldn't just sit there any longer.

As he slowly and quietly opened Hick's door and stepped out into the hall he almost bumped right into Chris. She was walking in, wearing her civvies, carrying a bag and heading towards the locker room.

"Oh crap, hey, sorry." He said as he stepped back and blinked at her, his voice almost a whisper.

"Hey," Chris said, looking at him, then the office door, then back at him with a confused look. She noted he was in his street clothes too and she wondered what he was doing sneaking out of Hicks office like that.

"What's um, up?" she said, squinting her eyes a bit.

"Oh, ah, Molly is sleeping in there and I need to go find Rocker and see if they found anything, so..."

Chris's furrowed brows and concerned look hadn't registered with Street. She reached up and touched his arm.

"Hey, what? Stop. What is going on? Did I miss something?" She said.

Street suddenly realised she didn't know what had happened. She was just arriving for a normal shift start.

"Oh, yeah, um, walk with me and I'll explain." He said as he motioned down the hall. As they walked, he explained about the guy in the helmet, the threats from Pullbrook and what had happened since he came back to HQ.

As they reached the doors to the tech lab, she stopped him. "Hey, are you okay?" Her eyes danced around his face as she tried to read him.

"Um, yeah. I just need to know what they have found and …" his words were cut off by Rocker opening the door. He had a look on his face that immediately sent Streets heart to the floor.

"What? What is it?" Street said nervously watching Rocker.

Rocker motioned for them both to follow him. "Pullbrook just made his play, but I don't think he knows we all know, so we gotta act fast."

Street tapped Rocker's arm, "Wait, what play?"

Rocker stopped and passed Street back his phone. Street looked at the screen, a video cued and ready to play. He tapped the play icon and stood glued to the screen, Chris at his side watching intently with him. The camera slowly moved up to show Buck Spivey tied to a chair in a darkened room. Street held his breath, swallowing with a gulp as his dimples flared and jaw muscles twitched. Buck was clearly injured, and he honestly didn't look to be in good shape. The video ended. It had no sound, no other message. Just the footage of Buck. Street's hands shook a little and Chris gently took the phone and squeezed his other hand. "Hey, Street," she said urging him to look at her. He slowly moved his eyes to hers.

"We got this," she said. The fear she could see in him scared the hell out of her. Rocker spoke again as he patted Street's shoulder.

"Come on, Hicks wants us to brief 20 David." He said nodding at Chris, "Both teams are on this".

Street couldn't remember walking up to the situation room with Rocker and Chris. His mind was a complete mess. He vaguely registered Deacon's hand on his shoulder as his voice snapped him back,

"Hey, we are all here for you Street. Whatever you need. You doing ok?" Deacon asked looking him in the eyes.

"Um, thanks and no not really. I want this son of a bitch. I want to be out there with you all. I…." He went to continue to speak, but Hicks voice made him pause.

"Ok, 20 David," Hicks began pointing to Hondo, who was busy talking with Rocker behind them, "You are on Buck. Tech has given us everything they can from the video message and Deac will walk you through what they have. 50 David your staying put for now, continuing to follow leads here."

Street's eyes darted around 20 David who had just assembled at the other end of the table, around Deacon and the iPad. They were all concentrating and listening to the information, but Chris felt his eyes and glanced at him. She turned up her mouth into a smile and nodded as if to tell him that they've got this. That it's ok. But she could see the fear and anger all over him and that scared her. When he was like this, he was unpredictable. He briefly returned her forced smile and motioned at her to meet him in the corridor when they were done. Chris again nodded and held up her finger for him to wait.

Street wandered out and leant against the wall. He was trying every trick he knew to remain calm and let go of the emotion. He knew that being all wound up like this was not helping anyone. As he lowered his head and closed his eyes counting his breaths, he felt her hand on his arm.

"Hey, you ok?" She said softly.

He looked up slowly and as soon as his eyes met hers, she had her answer. Even though things between them lately had been all over the shop and messy she could still read him completely in moments like this.

"Jim," She whispered, frowning at him. "I get it, I get your angry, scared and all of that, but Deac was right. You gotta let us and 50 David handle it. You have done all you can for now and we will do everything we can to get Buck back." Street glanced away from her, his dimples and lips twisted as the frustration showed on his face. "Why don't you go back to Molly and we will keep you updated?" Chris instantly hated mentioning Molly. It made a jealousy which she honestly hated to admit was there flare up. She closed her eyes after saying it and looked down briefly to regain her composure.

"Not as easy as just turning off a switch Chris." He almost hissed as he looked back at her. She sighed and tilted her head a bit.

"Yeah, I .."

"Chris let's roll… we got something…" Hondo's voice called and stifled her next comment.

She patted his arm and locked eyes again, as she stepped back and began to turn to follow Hondo.

"Chris, wait." He said reaching out for her arm. "Keep me updated…..please!" he begged her. She nodded and twitched her lips, and with that she was gone.

Street headed back inside the situation room to see what they had and where 20 David were off to. As he stood watching the screens and glancing about the information, Benny stood beside him.

"So, we found an address connected to Pullbrook in Hollywood. Uni's are watching the house. At least 4 suspects. No sign of Buck yet, but 20 David are checking it out now." He said pointing to the screen showing Black Betty on the map moving through the Streets of LA. "We are ready to roll if they need us." Benny patted Streets shoulder.

"Thanks man." Street nodded.

"Hey, Buck, is family for all of us here, but I won't pretend to know how you feel. I know he was like a father to you. We will find him. Try not to worry."

Street knew Benny was only trying to make him feel better. But if one more person patted his shoulder and said, "It's going to be ok, we got this," he was going to scream. He felt so useless. Rocker walked over and stood on the other side of him, handing him a headset.

"Let's see what they find." He said nodding to the bigger screen as he flicked up the body cam footage live from 20 David. Street could see Chris and Tan preparing to exit Black Betty as, Luca's familiar,

"Rolling up in 10," call came through the headset.

Street inhaled hard and blew his breath out slowly. Even though he wasn't out there with them, that adrenaline rush as a mission begins still hit him hard. He felt Rocker glance at him, like he was checking he was ok. Street ignored it and focused on the screen.

Hondo signalled the team to their places. Tan prepared to make entry through the front with the battering ram as Luca, Chris, Deac and Hondo lined up either side. As Tan went to swing the ram into the door the scene went crazy. Bullets flew through the front of the house as Hondo's voice to find cover, made Street flinch and hold his breath in fear. Suspects had opened fire on them, and they were scrambling for cover.

Bits of plaster, wood, glass and debris flew through the air and Chris's ears were ringing. Her and Tan had managed to crouch behind a nearby tree as they watched Luca take cover below the edge of the veranda and Hondo and Deac return fire as they moved back to the fence line and crouched behind the brick fence. Within seconds they had seen Hondo signal and as there was a break in the gunshots from the house, they made their move. Chris leant out from behind the tree and took out a suspect in the front room who stood reloading his gun. Several single shots came back out of the house as voices began yelling. Luca, Deac and Hondo covered Tan and Chris to move to the door and were quickly behind them.

"LAPD Metro SWAT!" Chris and Tan yelled as they entered the hallway and began to sweep rooms. Deac and Luca peeled off left and right.

"Chris! Gun!" Tan's voice echoed as Street, Rocker and Benny watched her go down.

She couldn't breathe. Her ears seemed to stop working, her brain struggled from a lack of oxygen and her chest was numb and not working properly. She lay gasping for a few moments as Tan was at her side,

"24 David down, I repeat I need an RA, Officer down!" He radioed in.

"Let me see Chris," he yelled. Street held his breathe and swallowed hard. His heart had frozen as he waited for more. He didn't really register Rocker place a hand on his shoulder.

"Ok, you're good, it just hit the vest, you're ok." Tan yelled pulling on her. "Get up, come on you're ok."

Street breathed a little relieved, but he could still see how it affected her. She could barely hold her pistol and move her feet as Tan almost dragged her along the hall.

"Put it down!" Luca's voice was followed by several shots as he fired at a suspect. Hondo was quickly at his side,

"On your stomach face down NOW!" Hondo yelled at the other suspect, who stood looking at his dead friend, he dropped his gun and laid down. Luca kicked it away and cuffed him, but by the time they had cleared the rest of the house, the other suspect was gone. Chris was trying to breathe; she shook her head and thumped a near by wall.

"Hey, we will get him." Tan said.

Chris didn't answer just frowned. Hondo helped her outside to the waiting ambulance and made her get checked out. Then he radioed it all in that there was no sign of Buck, but they had taken a suspect into custody for questioning and two others were dead.

Street handed Rocker the head set and walked out of the room. He needed a minute. Rocker nodded at him knowingly. Street walked, his body tense, towards the kitchen. He swung open the door, letting it bang loudly then close with a thud. He leant on the steel bench and dropped his head between his arms.

'This is all my fault. If I hadn't chosen to do that undercover work back in Long Beach, Buck wouldn't be in danger and Chris wouldn't have been hurt!"

He thumped his fist on the table and looked up at the roof. 'I gotta help, there must be something I can do.' In that moment he pulled out the phone in his pocket.

'Maybe I should go see Pullbrook. Set up a meet, try to fix this.'

Of course, he was not thinking clearly. He knew doing that was the worst idea ever. He knew that Hicks would kill him, he would be fired from SWAT, probably the whole department. His inner conscious voice was working and screaming at him. As he continued to argue with his own mind, Rocker came in to grab a water.

"Hey,"

"Oh hey," Street answered still leaning over the table.

"You know, Hondo would probably let you help question the suspect they are bringing in." Rocker said taking a sip of the water.

"Yeah, maybe." Street didn't look up. Rocker approached.

"I know this is driving you crazy not being out there 'helping' but you are helping, being here and giving us insight into Pullbrook and the crew he might be with. We will get to him."

Street suddenly remembered something. He looked up at Rocker and a smile grew on his face.

"You ah..." he began to turn and walk away. "You just reminded me about a journal I used to write in. Let me get it.. it might help." Street almost ran out to the garage. He grabbed the keys to a charger and drove out towards Luca's. That journal should still be in that old box he keeps. He was so focused on getting it, he didn't stop to think about telling anyone he was leaving HQ. Driving along the interstate towards his exit he hadn't even noticed the van that had tailed him since HQ. He got off at his exit and swung the charger down Luca's street. He pulled up, got out and ran inside. Rummaging through his cupboard he found the box. Flicking off the lid he saw the old journal,

'Yes!" he said to himself as he stood up and ran back outside. He unlocked the charger, opened the door, threw the journal on the seat and was about to slide in when he felt the barrel of a gun press against his neck.

"Shut the door, walk to the van and do it now!"

Street realised that this was Pullbrooks crew. That they must have followed him. He felt so stupid for coming alone.

"Okay, okay, I am." He said raising his hands and using all of his training to assess his options. As he slowly turned, he counted 5 guys. All with guns aimed at him. He knew he should just go with them. Leave the charger. They will find it and figure it out, he hoped.

One of the men grabbed his hands, while another shut the door. They pushed him towards the back of the van. The main thing worrying Street was how long until they noticed he was gone.

'Shit, Hicks will be pissed. He told me not to leave HQ.'

Street felt his phone buzz in his pocket. 'They can't have figured it out that fast,' he thought. He manoeuvred himself so that he could try and get it out without being seen. As he did, it began ringing. The closest man reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone.

"Who is Chris?" he said turning it to show Street.

"She um, is my partner. If I don't answer that she will know something is wrong and will be here any second looking for me. Let me tell her its okay and I'm on my way back."

The man scowled a little. "Fine, but I put it on speaker. No funny business!"

"The man answered it and held out the phone."

"Hey Chris, so listen can you let Hondo know that I am just about to leave Luca's with the book and head back into HQ…" he was talking fast and the tone in his voice instantly made Chris listen. She had stepped away briefly from Black Betty to call him and tell him about what happened here when she realised something was wrong. Why was he not still at HQ and what was he talking about?

"Oh ok, I will let the boss know," Chris said as calmly as she could walking up to Hondo, waving her hand at him for him to listen, she put it on speaker and held it out. She could hear the sounds of the traffic on Streets end, yet he had just told her he was still at Luca's.

"Thanks."

"Hey um, he will want to know how many reports you still have open?" She said hoping that Street would read into that question 'how many men are with you?"

"Five, just five, but they are the big ones you know." He hoped like hell that she would read into his answer, 'five heavily armed men'.

Hondo motioned for her to keep the line open as long as possible as Tan tapped away on the computer trying to ping the signal.

"Yeah, um ….. Which report is the biggest priority?" She asked hoping he could give her more.

"Ah, probably the one I was working on last. It's kind of pertinent you know." He chuckled. "I still need to chase up some leads, the vehicle, the black substance and the 15mile search radius."

The man holding Streets phone signalled at him to end the call. Street just hoped Chris new he was in a black vehicle within 15miles of Luca's.

"Ok, got it." Chris nodded as she saw Deac writing it down.

"Ok gotta go." Street said.

"See you soon." Chris said with emotion in her voice that told him to hang on they were coming.

Tan waved his hand showing them he had a location on Streets phone. They were moving south on the interstate, travelling fast.

"Get HQ to send as many units as they can and get me some eyes in the sky!" Hondo said climbing back into Black Betty and shutting the door.

Back at HQ, Rocker and Hicks stood deep in conversation.

"What the hell was he thinking?" Hicks said turning to Rocker and flapping his arms.

"He wasn't….no actually he was, but it was Buck, not anything else." Rocker answered, a bit of compassion filling his voice.

Hicks shook his head, he was clearly pissed, but also worried. "Now I've gotta tell Molly that her boyfriend has been taken by these guys and we don't know where he is".


	23. Chapter 23

~ Completed with assistance from fellow writer Chris Cody ~

The sound of Hicks footsteps echoed up the corridor as he approached his office. He clenched his fists a little, before reaching up for the door handle. He was anxious about telling Molly that Street was in danger right now. As his hand touched the handle, his phone began to ring. He reached into his pocket and answered it quickly, walking away from the door.

"Hicks," he answered, his tone was matter of fact and a little harsh sounding. Molly had been sleeping on the couch, but the familiar sound of her father's ringtone woke her. She could hear his voice in the corridor and slowly sat upright rubbing her face.

"I have both teams on it, Sir. 56 David contacted 20 David team members about 10 minutes ago and we are attempting to narrow in on his location now." Molly Blinked and moved to the door. She knew 56 David was Jim, but what was her father talking about.

"Of course, you will know when I do." He hung up, sliding the phone back into his pocket and turned back to the door as Molly opened it frowning nervously at him.

"Dad? What is it?" She asked slowly, taking in the concern of her father's face. Hicks scrunched his lips and clasped his hands a little, before motioning for Molly to go back in the office as he followed her.

"It's um…" He began nervously as he closed the door and Molly leant on the edge of his desk. He stepped in front of her and held her arms. "Jim," He paused, scanning her face. He could see the confusion all over it as he spoke. "He um…. left HQ a while ago, alone, without telling anyone." Molly dropped her shoulders, and Hicks could see the fear in her eyes as she raised her hand to her chest.

"He what? Why? Why on Earth would he do that?" She asked. A mix of anger and fear filling her voice.

"We think he went to go get some evidence he thought would help, and well in the process, he was um…" Molly lifted her hands to her face and her eyes scanned every facet of her father.

"Dad? He what? What happened?" she interrupted.

"Some men, we assume the crew we are chasing, took him at gunpoint."

"Oh god!" Molly closed her eyes and sobbed a little into her father's chest, before looking back up. "I am gunna fucking kill him, what was he thinking?"

Hicks inhaled and hugged her tighter. "He will be ok, we will find him," he said trying to comfort her.

Back in Black Betty, Hondo sat holding the tablet talking to a patrol Sergeant on his radio.

"Adam 50 to 20 David"

"20 David go ahead,"

"We have eyes on a black van matching the description moving south on South Vermont Avenue at high speeds. We have 4 units on route."

"Maintain eyes, we're on our way." Hondo radioed back. Luca swung Black Betty round the next corner and Chris would swear she felt it pick up speed as everyone held tight, riding out the swaying and skidding. She inhaled and looked at the floor. She felt like it was hard to breathe right now. She noticed her hands shake, so she grasped her rifle harder as she looked back up to Deacon who was watching her. There was a soft smile on Deacon's face as he looked back at her. He nodded a tiny nod and Chris knew that he was letting her know that she was okay, and that they were doing all they could to get him back. The sirens of Black Betty had never felt more deafening in her ears. Her heart pounded and she replayed the phone conversation in her head. 'What if that was the last time that I speak to him?' she thought. Before blinking the thoughts away. 'Come on Chris stop that; he needs you on your game' she muttered to herself.

Back at HQ Rocker, Hicks and Stevens stood in the situation room watching the camera from the police helicopter scan the area for the black van from above.

"Air Support to LAPD Metro,"

"Metro go ahead,"

"We have reports on a second black van moving west on West Florence Ave."

"Roger that," Hicks answered, gesturing to Rocker. "Send units now and get me vision." The situation room was a buzz, as they attempted to narrow down the location of both these black vans and where Street might be. Hicks turned and leant over the table asking Stevens.

"Any update yet on those addresses tied to Pullbrook in the vicinity?"

"Working on it, Sir," he replied.

Molly couldn't just sit in her father's office anymore, waiting for an update. She needed to know what was happening, now. She jiggled her knees up and down nervously before glancing at the clock on the wall. 'Oh, for god's sake' she muttered as she stood up and walked nervously towards the situation room. She needed some answers, anything to help this whirlpool going around and round in her head. She stood behind the mesh listening to the calls coming in. There was a lot of chatter back and forth between, Black Betty and local units.

"Adam 50 to 20 David."

"20 David, go ahead."

"The van has entered a warehouse in the 1560 block of St Regents Boulevard. We have a perimeter set up and will await your arrival."

Hondo motioned to Deacon, "How far out?" he whispered. Deacon held up 3 fingers. "3 minutes out." Hondo answered.

Molly was standing out of her father's sight, her hand intertwined in the mesh as she listened and held her breath. Suddenly over the radio came a mess of call signs and codes and what sounded like gunfire.

"Adam 50 to Central, SHOTS FIRED! I repeat shots fired! OFFICER DOWN! Multiple suspects, send RA and a supervisor now!"

Hondo nodded to the entire team as they rode along clipping up and ensuring they were ready to go as soon as they arrived. They all listened intently to the radio and the mix of call signs and voices.

"10 seconds out!" Luca called loudly. "Here we go!"

The peppering of bullets and automatic gunfire greeted them as they climbed out and found cover. Hondo signalled for Chris and Tan to take one side and for Luca and Deac to go the other while he took the front with other LAPD officers. After a brief firefight, 3 suspects were dead and 2 had been arrested. Hondo radioed in,

"10—4, situation under control." The team immediately moved to the back of the van. Hoping like hell they would open the door and find Street inside safe and sound. Hondo nodded for Deac to open it as the others stood with guns raised. The door swung back with a loud clunk to reveal a massive haul of cocaine, but no sign of Street.

"20 David to Central, no sign of Street," the regret and fear in his voice was evident.

Molly felt tears in her eyes. Where the hell was he? She began to cry as she turned and walked back to her father's office.

Back on scene, Chris's heart felt like it dropped to the ground and Hondo hit the side of the van with his fist. "Damn it." He spun around and marched back to the patrol car that one of the arrested suspects sat in.

"Get his sorry ass out of there!" He ordered the uniformed patrol officer. As the officer pulled the suspect out Hondo pushed him against the car and stood right in his face.

"Who the hell do you work for? and where is my officer?"

The heavily tattooed suspect laughed a little at Hondo's flustered agitated state. "I ain't know where your lost pig is at." He answered with an attitude. Hondo grabbed his shirt and stepped even closer, noticing the gang tattoo on his neck.

"If I find out you know anything later!"

"You'll what?"

Hondo pushed him back and walked away. "We got nothing," he said shaking his head at Luca and Deac. Tan patted Chris's shoulder as she frowned and scrunched her lips.

"We will find him, Chris we will." He tried to reassure her, but inside even he was doubting that right now.

"Let's get back over to HQ and find a damn decent lead, and find out what happened with the second black van?" Hondo barked. Deac and Luca nodded walking back to Black Betty with Chris and Tan. The ride back was quiet, almost sombre. The team all felt the weight of being no closer to finding Street or Buck.

Back at HQ Rocker and Stevens were walking with purpose towards Hicks in the situation room.

"Sir, we might just have something." Rocker said flicking a file from his iPad to the big screen. "We have found 5 possible addresses that tie back to Pullbrook and his associates." Hicks, Rocker and Stevens all looked up at the screen as the rest of 50 David gathered around.

"We need to narrow that down, what else have we got?" Hicks asked, stepping closer to the map.

"Well, Pullbrook has been seen pretty frequently just here," Rocker said tapping to a location near one of the warehouses, "it is owned by a lady who regularly visited him in jail. A girlfriend maybe?"

"What are you waiting for then? Get rolling and check out that warehouse." Hicks said, motioning for them to go.

Meanwhile at the darkened warehouse, Street was sitting on the cold floor, watching two figures down the other end of the vast space argue. He tugged at the handcuffs that secured him to the beam as he recognised one of the voices, Pullbrook. He slowly looked back up at the two armed men guarding him. Then back to the other men as they began to argue. He couldn't make out what they were arguing about, but Street figured it was because they had bought him back here. Pullbrook would know that now SWAT and all of the LAPD would be looking for them. He began marching towards Street as the other man followed him still talking.

"Enough!" Pullbrook stopped and yelled at him. "You are a fucking moron." He turned back to Street and smiled a sickly sweet smile. "So, we meet again Mr James Street. This time with no fake pretences to hide behind." He slowly stepped closer and Street smiled back at him.

"Hi, how have you been?" He asked in a smart arsey tone. Pullbrook gave a strained smile and raised his eyebrows a little.

"I think we have a score to settle. You and I." He said kneeling down closer to Street.

"Oh yeah? mmm interesting," Street said nodding slowly. "You know what I think?" He asked looking back at Pullbrook. "You," he said motioning down the other end of the warehouse where they had just been, "You have just realised how much trouble you are actually in here! I mean I give it maybe an hour tops, and you have SWAT knocking down those doors."

As Pullbrook stood up with a forced chuckle, Street thought. He still hadn't seen any sign of Buck and he began running every possible scenario through his head. How the hell was he gonna get out of this? Had Chris and 20 David worked it all out? Were they actually coming for him? Was Buck okay?

"Don't forget Mr Street. We still have someone you are very fond of as leverage here. And you, I mean, a SWAT officer must be a great bargaining chip."

Street chuckled a little. "You seriously think they are going to negotiate?" He shook his head.

"To save two of their own? I have no doubt about that." Pullbrook answered, striding away confidently. To be honest, Street had no real idea where he was or how he was meant to help himself other than stay alive as long as possible.

Outside 50 David was just pulling up. Rocker climbed out and the team gathered about.

"Stevens, I want you as eyes on the roof. Get up there and see what you can see for us." Rocker said as Stevens nodded and began grabbing his climbing gear. Rocker arranged the rest of the team to make entry on his mark once Stevens had reported what he could see.

As Street sat, straining to hear what they were discussing down the other end, slight movement caught his eye in the shadows on the floor. He looked up casually and saw Stevens in one of the sky lights. Street knew he needed a distraction to allow him to land on the gantry up there and get into a good position to save him and maybe Buck if they were holding him here.

"Hey, Pullbrook." Street called, nodding for him to come over. The men guarding him turned and looked at Street. Pullbrook turned too and then resumed what he had been doing ignoring Street. "Hey, come here. I have an idea how you can get what you want and so can I."

Pullbrook stopped what he was doing and looked at Street again. He shook his head and began moving towards Street. "Okay, I am listening." He said slowly.

"Let me get up and I will explain on that map over there how you can distract the police long enough to get your shipment and disappear."

Pullbrook paused and laughed. "Do you think I am an idiot? I am not letting you loose."

"Come on, you have 2 men with automatic rifles on me, plus you and this nitwit," he said motioning to the guy who had taken him at gunpoint. "What am I gonna do?"

Pullbrook sighed, "Ok, but don't forget your surrogate daddy depends on you!" He motioned to one of the men to undo him. Street glanced slightly up to see Stevens waiting to drop down. As the cuffs loosened, he rubbed at his wrists and stood up slowly putting his hands in the air. "We good?" he asked, looking at the men with their rifles aimed at him. One of them grunted at him and motioned for him to move to the map and get on with it.

"Ok ok!" Street said as he began to move slowly in that direction. Once he had Pullbrook on his own at the map and the other three men standing back at the table. He sneezed loudly 2 fake sneezes. Loud enough that Stevens would know what to do.

As several shots echoed through the empty warehouse, two men fell. Before Street knew it he and Pullbrook had begun to wrestle on the floor. The warehouse was soon filled with shouting and lights, stun grenades and more gunshots as 50 David swept in. It was hard for anyone present to really decipher what was happening or had happened in that split second, until an eerie silence fell over the warehouse.

"STREET!" Rockers voice rang out as he sprinted to the dimly lit end of the warehouse, watching Pullbrook flee through an office door at that end. Rocker couldn't see Street at all. He had heard gunshots, then saw Pullbrook running. He was fearing the worst as he rounded the bench near the maps on the pinboard to see Street slumped against the wall.

"Hey, Street, I'm here, we're here. You're okay."

Street let out a cough and blood spattered his shirt and hands. A bullet had nicked him in the neck and it looked like there was a second wound on his upper chest. Blood stained his shirt and face as Rocker ripped off his shirt and applied pressure.

"I NEED A MEDIC…. NOW" he screamed.

Stevens radioed in "54 David to Central, Officer down! I need a RA and supervisor now, I repeat 56 David is down."

Back at HQ, Hicks closed his eyes and silently prayed that Street was gonna be okay and they would fix this mess. He knew he would need to tell Molly he was hurt but he needed more information. Needed to make sure that an ambulance made it there and got him to hospital.

"How far out is that medic?" Hicks asked the technician standing next to him.

"4 minutes Sir" He answered. Hicks tilted his head side to side thinking. Before he began to walk back towards his office. As he rounded the next corner Molly almost bumped right into him.

"Dad, hey, you okay?" She asked, taking in his worried expression.

"Um," Hicks looked about and guided her to a quiet space. He held both of her hands and swallowed.

"Jim has been injured Molly," he started. Her eyes widened and she froze for a second. "He, um, was shot during 50 David's rescue."

"What? how bad? is he okay? will he be okay?" She blurted as tears built up in her eyes.

"I, um, I don't know. The medics should be with him right now." He said hugging her. Molly held her father and cried. Watching her cry and not really being able to help upset him. He pursed his lips and held his breath a little.

"Once I know where they have taken him, I will drive you to the hospital." He said guiding her towards Dr Wendy's office. As Hick's walked, he was praying for an update from Rocker, and to find 20 David and get them to the other warehouse to find Buck.

"Molly, I just need to get another unit deployed again, come and sit with Wendy, until we hear more." Molly didn't answer and just nodded. She was numb and scared as the tears stained her face.

"Come on dear, take a seat." Wendy said kindly.

"As soon as you hear Dad," she managed.

"I promise." Hicks said, nodding and closing the door.

Hicks returned to the situation room as 20 David came into sight across the gym. They had just returned and hadn't yet heard the radio calls or the news that Street had been found but was injured. Hicks walked out towards them inhaling hard.

"Sorry Sir, we got nothing. Did 50 David have any luck with ….." Hondo's words trailed off as he saw the expression on Hicks' face.

"You ah, all would have missed what just happened in the last few minutes. 50 David found Street."

Chris's eyes moved quickly from the floor back to Hick's and hope spread across her face.

"Yeah," Luca let out with a smile as he patted Deac and Hondo on the shoulders.

"But," Hicks started holding up his hand at Luca, "during the entry to the warehouse, there was a fire fight and somehow Street was hit,"

Immediately Chris's head dropped, and she was sure her heart had stopped beating too. The tone in the commander's voice had almost let her know that he was not safe and well at all.

"What? How?" Deac asked, letting out a sigh.

"I don't know what went wrong, but medics are there now." Hicks said.

"How badly was he hit?" Tan asked the question that Chris knew was at the forefront of her own mind. She desperately needed to hear someone say he would be okay.

"I have no idea, I am sorry. I will update you when I can."

Hondo looked across at the worried, pained and broken faces of his team. He too frowned and inhaled before leading them all to the situation room.

"We have a few possible sites to search for Buck. Here and here," Hicks said pointing to the map, "Is where I would start."

"Ok. We need more information on both of these addresses, what else….."

"50 David to Central" Immediately the sound of Rockers voice broke Deacon's words. Hicks responded without hesitation.

"Go ahead Rocker, 20 David are here."

"Street is on his way to UCLA Medical Center. He's alive but he's not good." They could all hear the weight of those words in his voice.

Chris swallowed hard and blinked trying to stop the tears she felt building. She looked away from the team and closed her eyes. Silently praying for him to be ok. Hondo's jaw twitched and he grasped the table harder.

"No sign of Buck?" Hondo asked.

"No, but we did find papers with a second address. I am sending it now."

"20 David are on their way there, roll out." Hicks said looking back at 20 David and nodding at Hondo.

As they moved off to head out again Hondo knew his team would be feeling this. Street was their family. They all still thought of him as a part of their team. As they approached the doors to the motorpool he stopped them all.

"Look, guys. I know we are all scared and worried for Street, but he would want us all to find Buck, to do everything we can to bring him back safe. Street is tough and he will put up a fight. Let's do this for him."

They all nodded, and fist bumped each other, but as Chris sat on the seat and clipped up her helmet all she really wanted to do was cry.


	24. Chapter 24

As the wail of the siren faded and the doors swung open, the EMT's dragged the gurney out and began rattling off the crucial information to the E.R doctors. Street lay motionless unconscious and bleeding heavily.

Several miles away, Molly sat silently in the passenger seat, as her father drove her towards the UCLA medical centre. She always knew the job was dangerous. Hell, she had watched her own father go through this stuff many times. But this, the uncertainty of not knowing if her boyfriend was ok, or would even survive his wounds, was killing her. She was too shaken and scared to even cry right now. Her body felt numb and she felt like she was in a dream. A bad dream.

As they walked in the front doors of the hospital, Hicks held up his badge. "Commander Hicks, LAPD Metro SWAT. One of my officers was bought here and…."

"Right through here Sir, I will get the Doctor." The polite middle aged nurse answered as she ushered them into a private room before hurrying away to locate the doctor. Hicks held Molly's hand and suggested she sit down with him and wait. Her father's hands were clammy, and Molly knew he was just as worried for Street as she was.

Meanwhile, 20 David were approaching the second warehouse location. Hondo set out a plan for them and did his best to keep their spirits high and their heads in the game. Piling out of Black Betty with the others Chris had her game face on. She was determined to save Buck, to do it for Street. Chris led Tan up the left side of the building and crouched next to the door as Hondo gave the call to breech silently. With her night vision goggles on and her rifle tightly gripped in her hands she began sweeping the aisles of boxes, making her way towards the lights in the centre of the warehouse.

"Hold!" Tan whispered with his fist up as they removed their night vision goggles and positioned themselves on either side of the last row. They waited for Hondo's count and on 1 they both stepped out taking out a suspect each in synchronised shots. To their relief, Buck, sat chained to the beam in the centre of the space. Alive and conscious, just a few cuts, scratches and bruises.

"Oh! Thank god, I wondered if you guys had any idea I was here." He muttered as Hondo and Deacon freed him.

"20 David to Central, we have Buck. Safe and Well."

A cheer erupted back at HQ and Hondo drew his phone out of his pocket to call Hicks. He picked up within a few rings.

"Hondo, talk to me."

"Sir, we have Buck. He is okay, a few small cuts and bruises, but seems fine. Any word on..."

"Good work! No no news, the Doctor is on his way down to talk to us."

"Ok, keep us updated." Chris was watching him intently, but as he slid his phone back in his pocket, he pursed his lips, shook his head slightly and frowned. "No news yet,"

Chris closed her eyes and blinked slowly. 'Damn it' she muttered to herself as she slowly held a hand to her chest, trying to will her heart to beat normally. She bent down and picked up the gear off the ground, again praying in her head that he would make it through this. He had to. He had to know that they saved Buck, because of him and it would all be ok now.

Back at UCLA, Hicks and Molly sat hand in hand as they watched the TV on the wall with blank, mindless stares. Neither of them really aware of how much time had passed or what was happening out there around them. Molly was lost in her memories of her and Jim. She wore a sad smile on her face as she thought about that first kiss. She had kissed him, knowing how nervous he was and that he wouldn't make the first move. Then he had stepped to her and kissed her back. She closed her eyes a little with a smile remembering the moment. The sound of the door opening made both of them sit upright, as a young doctor in a white coat entered the room.

"Good Evening, I am Dr. Fletcher," he began, as Hicks stood up and stepped towards him with Molly at his side. Dr. Fletcher held out his hand and Hicks shook it answering,

"Commander Hicks, and this is my daughter Molly."

"Nice to meet you both," he smiled, nodding politely at them.

"How is Officer Street?" Hicks continued. "What can you tell us?"

"He is still in surgery. He suffered two bullet wounds. One to the neck and one to his upper left chest. He was unconscious when he came in and had lost a lot of blood."

Molly exhaled and held her father's arm tightly as tears fell from her eyes. Dr. Fletcher smiled a small smile at Molly trying his best to seem comforting,

"Our best cardiothoracic team are working on him and I will keep you updated Commander." Hicks nodded and thanked the Doctor, before turning and hugging Molly into him as she cried.

Back at the warehouse, in the cool night air, Chris and Deacon walked Buck out to the waiting ambulance, as Hondo approached them.

"Hicks just called. Street is still in surgery, two bullet wounds and a lot of blood loss, but no news other than that."

Chris's face could not hide the pain she felt. "Where was he hit?" The shake in her voice was hard to disguise and Hondo sighed looking at her. He could see that she was terrified for him.

"Um, chest and neck," Chris felt her knees weaken a little and she looked down blinking back tears, "But, Hick's said they have their best surgeons working on him." Hondo said stepping towards her and placing a hand on her arm as he saw the impact of that news hit her. She swiped at a few tears and looked up at the sky, before forcing a smile at Hondo and heading off to busy herself with packing up the gear.

"Wait what? What happened to the kid?" Buck asked concerned.

"Ah, he was injured, but let's not worry about that, you need to be checked out and that's not negotiable." Hondo said firmly pointing at him.

The EMT had Buck lay back on the gurney whilst he examined his wounds,

"Can you take him to UCLA?" Hondo asked the other EMT.

"I don't need to go..." Buck began to argue. Hondo held up his hand.

"UCLA please, I want him checked over." He said glaring at Buck.

"Um, yeah, sure." The EMT answered, smirking at the two of them exchanging frowns and serious stares.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." Hondo turned and walked back to Black Betty where Chris was packing away equipment.

"Hey Chris, I want you to go with Buck." He said matter of fact.

"But he isn't…" she began to argue that he wasn't really injured enough for a trip to hospital. Hondo interrupted, giving Chris a slight shut up and listen look.

"They are taking him to the same hospital as Street. I want Buck checked over, but I also want you to go check on Street for us. He needs one of us to be there." Chris nodded and smiled a small smile at Hondo, as he ushered her into the back of the ambulance with Buck.

"Chris will join you, to keep an eye on you and update you on Street."

"Hondo," Buck called,

"Yeah?"

"Thank you." Hondo nodded and smiled, as the EMT closed the door and the ambulance pulled away. Riding along, Chris couldn't help but constantly think the worst. That she wouldn't make it to him in time. From the sound of his injuries, and the tone in Hondo's voice she knew it wasn't good. The realistic part of her knew that he was in bad shape and that he would be very lucky to get out of this one. As they arrived shortly after, Chris expected to find the Commander and 50 David all there, but there was no sign of them in the ER. 'Guess they are up on the surgical floor'. She muttered as she made sure Buck was ok before heading upstairs to find out what she could.

As she rounded the corner and approached the nurses station the nurse behind the desk turned and smiled at her.

"Good evening Officer,"

"Oh Hi." Chris had forgotten for a second that she was still in her full tactical uniform. She shook her head slightly before continuing. "I um, I am Christina Alonso, I am here for Officer Jim Street." She said nervously glancing about looking for the others.

"Oh, Miss Alonso I was about to call you. You are listed as next of kin. Come this way."

Before Chris could argue or ask why they thought she was his next of kin she was in a small empty hospital room in the recovery ward.

"They are bringing him in from surgery now, he will still be sedated a little and it maybe confronting to see him, but I will give you some privacy once I get him settled." The nurse smiled gently, opening the door as an orderly pushed the bed through the doorway. There he was. He almost looked peaceful, minus the tubes, and wound dressings covering him.

"I will take the intubation tube out and leave you to it for a few minutes." The nurse said as she carefully removed the breathing tube from surgery and adjusted the blankets covering him, before walking out and leaving the door ajar.

Chris stood frozen stiff. This was not at all what she expected. She hadn't really prepared herself to see him right now, to be the first to see him. She swallowed and looked at her feet. It was like they were frozen or glued to the floor. She slowly looked back up, forcing her eyes to meet the bed and then slowly Jim. Suddenly a wave of relief swept over her, he was alive, he was seemingly ok. Why was she just standing there like a statue? She shook her head slightly and closed the gap between her and the bed.

"Hey," She whispered softly, reaching out and placing her hand over his. His eyes flickered slightly at the touch, but he still seemed to be under the effects of the sedation.

Back downstairs, 50 David had joined Molly and Hicks in the waiting room. They sat about trying to distract each other from the worry. All of them stood up together as again the door opened and Dr. Fletcher stepped inside.

"Good Evening everyone, I am happy to report that Officer Street is in recovery and is stable for now." He smiled. Molly exhaled and cried relieved happy tears into her father's chest.

"Can I see him?" She asked.

"Yes, I will have the nurse come and find you. They are just getting him comfortable upstairs." Dr. Fletcher answered as he shook Hicks hand and left the room.

Hicks stepped out to the hall to call Hondo and let 20 David know the good news. As he paced back and forward updating Hondo, the middle aged nurse appeared at the door. She paused and smiled at him as he hung up the phone.

"Who would like to see him first?" she asked.

"Um, my daughter Molly," Hicks answered.

"You can walk her up, one visitor at a time though please." She instructed as she turned and walked away. Hicks opened the door and gestured for Molly to come. They got in the elevator and began riding up. Hicks phone rang as the doors opened to the surgical floor.

"Hang on," He said to Molly, gesturing for her to wait as he took the call. "Mayor Jefferson," He said giving Molly an 'I'm Sorry' look as he began talking. Molly paused and leant on the wall, waiting for her father, but as the call dragged on, she slowly began to wander towards the corner of the hall. Her father seemed distracted talking the Mayor threw everything that had happened. So, she took a few steps about to see if she could find Jim's room herself. She stepped around the corner and saw two rooms. One on the left and one on the right.

She slowly walked a bit closer, peering in the window trying to see if one of the rooms was where Jim was. Two more steps closer to the first door and she heard a familiar voice.

Chris.

"Hey, I don't know if you can hear me at all," she paused and inhaled before continuing, "I don't even know if you are aware that I am here. But I need you to know that we found Buck, thanks to you and what you so stupidly did!" She shook her head and laughed a bit. "Hicks is gunna kick your ass you know! But I guess the main thing is you made it ok and we have Buck back," she said in a soft voice.

Molly peeked in the door which was ajar. She could see Chris sitting on the chair beside his bed. Molly was about to step inside and say 'Hi Chris' when she noticed Chris's hands holding one of his. Molly watched Chris for a second. Chris slowly reached over and gently stroked his face as she spoke again.

"God! Jim you really fucking scared me." She whispered as she lifted his hand to her own face. Closing her eyes, feeling his skin on hers. "I, shit!" She dabbed at tears on her face. "I was really beginning to think that that phone call tonight, would be the last time I would speak to you." She stopped and stroked the back of his hand before looking back up at him, "and yes, Jim I know we have had our issues lately okay, but, you are still important to me." She paused and looked down and Molly could see she was crying. Chris wiped her face and stood up slowly. "Look, I should go, I am sure Molly and Hicks and your team will want to see you. I am really glad you're okay." She again gently touched his face. "I really am, I still need you." She added softly as she leant over and kissed his forehead. Before squeezing both of his hands and then turning to exit his room.

Molly closed her eyes and stepped quickly back around the corner. She had seen and heard enough. She wasn't stupid. She knew what that was. She knew beyond a doubt that Chris had feelings for Street. That what she had been wondering for a while now was true and that there was actually something between them. Something more than just friends. Maybe he was telling the truth and had not physically cheated on her, but Molly could see that bond and deep connection they shared.

Chris exited the same way she had come and didn't see Molly or the Commander. She stopped at the nurses station at the other end of the hall and asked where the rest of the team would be.

"Downstairs in the private waiting area. Do you need me to walk you down?" The nurse asked.

"No, no I will find it." Chris answered with a smile as she disappeared down the stairs taking her phone out to call and update Hondo.

Meanwhile Hicks was winding up his conversation with the Mayor, and he drew his eyes to Molly. She was leaning on the wall. Her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes staring at the floor. Molly was pissed. She felt angry, jealous, lied to and a whole gamut of emotions. Hicks hadn't really noticed though; he was distracted. He had just deployed 20 David again to find Pullbrook, who in the mess of the situation had slipped away from them.

"Ok, Sorry honey." He said walking to her and reaching for her elbow. "Come on let's go see him."

Molly walked with her father in silence. She was partly dreading seeing him. What if he woke up? She couldn't confront him right now with all of this. She needed to be the supportive girlfriend, but her head was a crazy mess. Hicks had assumed that her silence was because she was scared or nervous to see Jim like that, and yes, she was, up until the moment she had witnessed Chris with him.

Hicks pushed open the door to Jim's room slowly and motioned for Molly to go in. "I'll give you a few minutes. I'll be right out here." He smiled at her. Molly simply nodded at her father and then looked back at Jim on the bed, still unconscious, or maybe he was just sleeping. She inhaled, steadied herself and stepped to the bed.

"Jim? Can you hear me?" She said, as she sat on the edge of the bed and wavered before touching his arm. He didn't respond. She closed her eyes and scrunched her lips. "Jim, I, I am really glad you are okay. I just," She swallowed and hesitated even saying anything right now, cause saying what she was feeling out loud, might be something she would later regret or wouldn't be able to take back. "I just, wish you would open your eyes so I could talk to you." Molly sat looking at him. She knew what she had witnessed was nothing too scandalous really, but it was enough to make her see that Jim and Chris had something between them. That, like it or not, Chris probably held deep feelings for her boyfriend. Molly understood that it was likely Chris, who had been the one to put dampeners on any potential relationship right from the start, but it still hurt. It hurt knowing that the other woman who they seemed to fight over, maybe did actually have the same feelings for him in return. She pondered if she was just in the way. If maybe in a while, when he had recovered a bit, she needed to choose a time to talk to him about Chris. To really uncover how he actually felt about her. Molly didn't want to lose Jim, she had started to fall in love with him whether she was ready to admit that or not, and that is why she didn't want to be the fool who chased a man she would never actually have the heart of. She felt a tear building as she thought about the weight of it all. She wiped it away and caressed his face.

"Jim, I need you to wake up." She whispered as she leaned over and kissed his cheek.

"mmmmm," a groan escaped his lips. "Ow"

"Jim?" She frowned drawing back. "Are you awake? Can you hear me?" He nodded slowly and tried to open his eyes.

"Hey," Molly forced herself to smile at him, despite her current state of mind. "You okay?" she asked, then laughed stupidly at herself. "I mean I know you're not okay, but can I help?"

Street attempted a smile, "Water?" A faint whisper escaped his mouth, but she heard it.

"Here you go." Molly said passing him a cup and a straw as he took a small sip and nodded.

"Thanks." He forced his eyes open wider and attempted to sit up a bit.

"Hey," she said softly sitting back down, "Lay back, you need to rest and stay still."

He sighed and laid back. Looking at her. A smile growing on his face as he reached out for her hand. "Hi," he managed, as he felt her fingers intertwine with his, before a grimace of pain shot through him.

"Oh! let me get the nurse," Molly said standing up and walking to the door. Street was too weak to stop her. The nurse came in and checked him over, before administering a good dose of morphine.

"He should be more comfortable now." She smiled as Molly again sat back next to him.

Street reached up for her hand again. "I'm sorry Molly." He managed.

She scoffed a little. "Yeah, you ought to be. What on Earth were you thinking?" She frowned at him. Giving him an icy stare.

He blinked and dropped his gaze. "Buck." He whispered hoarsely.

Molly nodded. "Yeah, and thank god they found him, and he is okay,"

Jim closed his eyes with an exhale, "He's okay?"

"Yes, he is, but Jim. You almost got yourself killed." He heard the anger in her voice. He squeezed her hand and smiled at her.

"I am really sorry. I am sorry I scared you." He said softly. Molly looked away out the window. He clearly hadn't known Chris had been there and told him about Buck already, but she couldn't forget that she did. She slowly drew her eyes back to him. Part of her desperately wanted to be angry with him, to ask him what the hell was going on with Chris. There had to be more than just what he had told her on the phone and the next day at brunch. She wanted to know if he felt things for her too, and she was terrified to admit to herself that he probably did. That was undoubtedly why he had not been upfront about Chris living with him and Luca before.

All Molly could manage was a nod. Before he pulled her hands closer, "Come here, I mean it Molly. I am so sorry for all of this."

She moved closer and looked at him for a moment. "I, I know you are." Before leaning over and hugging him gently. But Molly felt herself throwing up a wall to him. She slowly drew back. Her hand lingering a little in his.

"I um, I should let the others come see you." She whispered as she began to slide off the bed.

"Molly? Hey? Don't go yet. Are you mad at me? I am sorry babe, I really am." Street could feel the vibe she was giving off and he was desperately trying to work out where it had come from.

"It's okay." She smiled a forced smile. "The others are waiting to see you," and before he could argue she was gone.


	25. Chapter 25

Walking slowly down the sterile corridor, Molly reached her father. She swallowed hard and put on her best smile. "Your turn Dad. Please don't be too harsh on him." She said gently touching his arm. Hicks nodded and hugged her.

"Yeah, you okay?"

"Uh huh, just glad he is alright." She answered as she stepped away and hit the button on the elevators. As the doors closed, she watched her father walk towards his room. She looked at her feet and turned up her mouth. She wasn't proud of how she had just acted with Jim, considering his injuries. But she couldn't turn off how she felt right now either. Her head spun in a heavy fog until Rockers voice snapped her out of it. She hadn't really even noticed that the doors had opened, and she had stepped out.

"Hey, how you doing Molly?"

"I'm, I'm okay." She smiled softly. For a while Molly hung out with 50 David waiting for her father to come back. When Hicks returned, he walked to her and held both her shoulders.

"Do you want to stay and see him again after the team?"

"No, it's okay. Visiting hours will almost be over and he needs his rest." She answered. "I just wanna go home and sleep too." As Hicks drove Molly home, he noted how quiet she was. She sat staring out the window for most of the ride and barely said two words. As he pulled into her garage, he looked at her.

"You know Jim is stronger and more determined than you might think Molly."

She closed her eyes and tilted her head. "Yeah, I know Dad." She answered. Hicks was still assuming her mood was because of how scared she was. He had no idea that the real reason was because his daughter had seen Chris with Jim and was beginning to question everything about her relationship.

Molly didn't sleep much at all that night. She tossed and turned as visions of Jim and Chris ran through her head. She picked up her phone a few times and opened it to type him a message, but then decided not to.

As the next day passed, 20 David hadn't been by to see him yet. Hicks had them on Pullbrooks tail for the last 26 hours, pretty much since rescuing Buck. When they had finally caught him, they were all so exhausted that they had agreed to leave a visit until the next day. Chris had sent a text to Street after they arrested Pullbrook. She wanted him to know that they had gotten him and that he was no longer a problem. Street had text her back, with a generic 'Thank you. I appreciate it. You guys rock!' and Chris had left it at that. She knew she needed to keep her distance and deep down so did he.

Molly had taken a few days off work to spend time with Street. She stopped by each day to see him and bring him things, trying to be a good girlfriend. She was doing her best just to focus on being positive and happy around him. If she was being honest though, it was so hard feeling like she did about the man she was slowly falling for, and she couldn't help but feel that deep down she shouldn't be letting herself fall for him. Molly was aware of the wall she was slowly putting up between them, and Jim had begun to feel the distance between them too.

Later that night, he sat on his bed thinking about the weirdness he was sensing with Molly. He couldn't work out why. Was she just scared? Was she having doubts? He knew he needed to talk to her but each time she came by the moment never felt right. He opened his phone and began typing.

'Hey you, I just wanna make sure that you are okay, that we are okay? It's just that it has felt a little awkward almost lately and…' he sat looking at the words and then hit 'discard'. Having that conversation via text was not the best idea if he wanted things between them to work out.

20 David had arranged to visit him the next day as it was their day off. Molly had arrived a bit earlier just before noon and bought him something nice from the café for lunch. She had just sat down next to him when the door opened. "Hey hey, you two lovebirds." Hondo said gliding in with a smile. "How is our handsome young patient this morning?"

Street couldn't help but laugh. "Ow, oh. It hurts to laugh," he chuckled. "But it's so good to see you, Boss."

"Enough with the Boss bit, how are you kid?" He asked, approaching the bed and patting Street's leg.

"I'm better. Feeling stronger each day. Doc thinks I can go home by the end of the week." He said hopefully.

"Now that's what I like to hear," Hondo nodded looking at Molly.

"I'll um, give you two some time to chat." She smiled walking to the door before neither Hondo nor Street could stop her.

"She okay?" Hondo asked with a frown looking back at Street.

"Um, yeah, I think this has really shaken her though." Street answered.

Molly walked down the hall and stared at the elevators in front of her. She needed some air. As the doors opened, she stepped inside, folded her arms and leant on the back wall. The tension between her and Street was beginning to take its toll. She wondered how much longer she could keep holding up the disguise of supportive girlfriend, when all she felt was upset, angry and hurt. As the chime dinged and the doors opened, she stepped out into the lobby to be met by Tan just coming down the stairs.

"Hi Molly," he called, waving at her, "How are you? How's Jim?" Molly was caught a little off guard. She already felt a little suffocated. Having to put on another act right now was killing her.

"Hey, he is um, okay. Laughing it up with Hondo right now." She answered, raising her eyebrows in a knowing nod.

"I'm just grabbing the team some coffees, want one?"

"Oh, I was just on my way there myself." She answered.

"Perfect," Tan smiled and walked with her to the café. They made polite small talk as they ordered and waited. Soon with trays in hand they both headed back to the elevators. "Hey, I know the team would love to see you." Tan said encouraging Molly to come and say hi. She winced a little inside at the thought. She didn't want to sit around making small talk with 20 David if Chris was in there. But she couldn't argue without looking rude and raising eyebrows.

As they walked into the waiting room Luca stood up and hugged her, taking the coffee tray and patting the chair next to him for her to sit. "Come on, tell us how he is doing?" Molly inhaled and walked to the chair. She had mentally noted Chris was sitting at the end of the room on her phone. Deacon and Luca began questioning Molly immediately about Street. As she began to answer their questions, she noticed Chris stand up and move closer.

"So, yeah, he isn't too bad. Just sore and needs to be pushed or persuaded gently to eat and rest,I think he is worried about how long the recovery might take."

Chris frowned hearing those words. It hurt knowing that he was struggling with it all and maybe even a bit scared and that she couldn't really be there for him, that wasn't her place. As she approached the chairs she smiled gently,

"Hi, how are you doing?" Chris asked as she took a seat one chair away from Molly.

Molly slowly sucked in a breath and tried her best to just be polite. "Hi, I am okay." She answered quietly not looking at her, slightly turning her body back towards Luca. Molly hated that she felt like this. Was she just being petty? She didn't want to talk to Chris right now. The feeling inside her made her feel almost a little sick.

"Thanks guys, I better get these back to Hondo and Jim," Molly said standing up and taking her tray of coffees. "We won't be long and you all can go in and say hi." She added looking up but avoided looking at Chris. Chris had noted Molly's iciness towards her but wasn't entirely sure why. She wondered if Jim had said something.

Soon, Hondo returned and told them all they could go in together and that he had to head out but would see them again next shift. Tan, Deac and Luca stood up walking towards the door. Chris held back, she hesitated a bit. Seeing him and Molly, together, she wasn't sure she wanted to go in there. But before she could argue or find a reason to slip away Deac had slid his arm reassuringly around her shoulders guiding her along with the rest of the team.

"Street will be excited to see you. I bet he is missing you." Deacon said softly as they walked along.

"Yeah," she exhaled with a nervous smile.

The guys entered the room and there was a chorus of loud hellos and laughter. Chris hung back, behind them. As Street smiled and greeted them all he noticed her apprehensively leaning on the empty bed. He wondered why she of all people was not smiling, hugging him and saying how happy she was that he was okay. Then he caught a glimpse of her glancing sideways at Molly and shifting uncomfortably looking at the floor. He briefly closed his eyes as he realised it was his fault that she felt like that right now. If he hadn't told her he was going to tell Molly everything, if he hadn't said all of that stuff on the basketball court that night. 'Shit I've made a mess of this' he thought. He peered between Deacon and Luca as they joked and laughed.

"Hey Chris," he said quietly with a small smile.

"Hi," she answered, gesturing her hand and giving him a nod. She could feel Molly's eyes on her, and she felt ridiculously uncomfortable right now.

There was a knock at the door and the nurse popped her head in to take the empty food trays. She seemed a little overwhelmed by so many people at first.

"Hi all, I'm nurse Jackie."

"Hi, I'm David, this is Victor, Luca and Chris, we are teammates of Jim's." Deacon said motioning for her to continue whatever she needed to do.

"Oh Christina, Nice to see you again." She smiled at Chris as she picked up the empty food trays and stepped to the bin to empty the rubbish.

"You know Jackie?" Asked Luca frowning at Chris.

"Oh, no, Christina was here to see Jim when he came out of surgery. I remember the name from the next of kin form."

Chris closed her eyes and felt a wave of regret sweep over her. She didn't want Street or Molly to know about that.

"Oh right!" Luca nodded.

Chris saw Street frown questioningly at her. He didn't remember her coming, He thought this was the first time she had been by. Then he realised he must have still been sedated when she came, as the only visitors he remembered having when he woke up were Molly, Hicks and 50 David.

Chris could feel the look Molly shot her, it was as cold as ice, and then Molly turned away to look out the window. Chris knew she was upset. She hated feeling like she was coming between them.

"Sorry about that, I'm all done." Jackie nodded politely, "I'll get out of your way now."

"Don't be silly," Deac said smiling at her. "We should be thanking you for taking such good care of Jim for us. The nurse smiled and exited the room.

Deacon, Tan and Luca went on talking about Pullbrook and telling Street how the arrest went down. Chris listened and fidgeted a bit. Occasionally smiling and nodding in agreeance to what the guys were telling him.

"Oh, and," Tan laughed "you should have seen the way Chris tackled him to the ground and had him in cuffs before any of us could reach her." He said turning and pointing at Chris.

Chris had put all that she had into making sure they arrested Pullbrook the night before. She felt the need for vengeance after seeing what he did to Street. And yes, she had absolutely been a bad ass during that mission to arrest him. But listening to the guys play it all out like that made her uncomfortable. Especially with Molly eyeing her over there and the vibe she was giving off.

"Yeah, he didn't stand a chance, you were a complete bad ass, weren't you?" Luca said, patting Chris's back and nudging her.

"Yeah, if you say so." She answered nervously, chuckling. Molly's eyes were almost piercing on her.

"Thanks guys. I mean it, thank you all for having my six and being there. It really means a lot." Street said looking at them all and noticing Chris squirming a little. They hung about and talked for a bit before Molly's phone rang. She stepped out to take the call and reappeared shortly after, to tell Jim she would be right back. She needed to take something down to her father.

As Tan, Luca and Deacon continued talking shop with Street, Chris decided she needed to make her exit before Molly returned.

"Look, I um need to get going guys, I have an early appointment tomorrow, so, um, really glad you're feeling better Street." She smiled, patting his lower leg as she began to move to the door. Street was a little confused. He didn't know why she was acting strange like that too, it seemed like something had happened with both Molly and Chris and he had no idea how to fix either when he was stuck in this damn hospital bed surrounded by visitors.

"I'll um stop by again another time. Bye."

And just like that she was out the door, down the stairs and making her way out into the parking lot heading for her truck. She had almost reached it when a familiar voice called her name.

Molly had been saying goodbye to her father when she saw Chris striding across the parking lot. She had to take that opportunity with Chris alone to talk to her. To ask her about what she saw.

"Chris!"

Chris closed her eyes and felt a wave of fear sweep over her. But she put on her best smile and turned around.

"Molly?" Chris managed.

"Sorry, I uh, I know you are on your way out, I just," Molly looked down and kicked at her feet. Chris knew something was bothering her and sighed,

"Is this about Jim?" Chris asked, "I kind of got the vibe back there that I had done something to upset you."

Molly nodded and slowly looked back at her.

"I thought so." Chris tilted her head and looked at the sky. "Are you upset that Hondo sent me to see him? That I saw him before you did? Because I didn't plan that. I just came into the hospital a different way and when I told nurse Jackie who I was, and who I was here for, she swept me into the room before I knew what was happening. I didn't mean to upset you."

"Yeah, no, I ah," Molly interrupted waving her hand. She couldn't work out why she was so nervous about asking Chris this. Maybe it was because deep down she felt like she already knew the answer. But then Molly remembered why she felt so sick and twisted inside. She had to know. Had to know for sure if there was actually something between these two and if she was just in the way.

"I just want to be upfront here, and wow, this seemed easier in my head." Molly looked about for a second as Chris just stood looking at her. Not sure what to say. She could see that this was making Molly just as uncomfortable as she was. "Well, ok, look I know you and Jim are close, and that you have been for a long time before I arrived in this picture. I respect your friendship, and I know that you have done a lot for him. But I um, I needed to clear the air and ask you something, woman to woman, because right now I kind of feel like an idiot."

Chris scrunched her eyebrows and licked her lips. She could feel her hands beginning to shake and she was dreading the next question to come out of Molly's mouth. "Okay?"

Molly inhaled. 'Here goes' she thought. Once she asked Chris this, she couldn't take it back and would have to face the ramifications. "I just want a straight and honest answer, because I feel like I have walked right into the middle of something, and that I am in the way and shouldn't be here."

Chris frowned as Molly continued. "Ok for starters, why are you his next of kin? I mean I probably should ask him that, but what am I missing in this picture?"

Chris blinked slowly choosing her words, "Molly, I um, I am assuming that he listed me as his next of kin around the same time that we became close friends. He had no one else. His mother isn't exactly reliable or around and the hospital would have pulled up his LAPD file and gotten that information. I am sure Jim would now happily change that to your name,"

"Yeah ok, but," Molly interrupted, looking at Chris like Chris had missed the point. "The night Jim was shot. I ah, I saw you in his room. I heard you talking to him. I shouldn't have stopped and listened. I know it was a private conversation, but I." Molly inhaled and slowly looked back up to Chris, "I have always been insecure about you and him. Especially after I found out he was spending so much time with you when you were at Luca's and he was kind of hiding it from me. I guess, what I am saying is, I need to know if you have feelings for him Chris? You know, romantic feelings?" Molly was a strong and independent woman, but Chris would swear she looked as if she was going to cry.

Chris closed her eyes and looked down. What the hell should she do now? She hadn't even really, honestly admitted this all to herself yet, not the full extent of how deep and big her feelings for Jim actually were. She knew way deep down that she did love him, that thought had crossed her mind a few times, but she wasn't quite ready to unveil that right now, not to Jim and definitely not to Molly. Jim was in a relationship. One that she had all but pushed him into after shutting him out. She couldn't just flip a switch and go to him now to tell him that she had changed her mind and wanted to do all of that with him. She had had that chance, and she chose to put both of their careers and her relationship with Ty and Kira before him. She couldn't just forget all those barriers. She wasn't going to stand here either and tell Molly that she was in love with her boyfriend. That wasn't fair. But she couldn't lie about it either.

Chris knew she only had herself to blame. She shouldn't have said some of what she did that night to him. She was just so scared of losing him, of never again getting the chance to tell him that she cared. That she had just let some of it all out. She knew Jim didn't know or remember but to her that hadn't mattered. How the fuck though now, does she answer Molly without lying.

"Molly, I am sorry." She began looking back up at her. "I see why you are upset, and I won't lie to you. I meant what I said to him. Jim is important to me, and I do need him in my life. But my role in his life and his role in mine is just as close friends." She saw Molly look away and shake her head like she didn't believe what she heard. Chris took a step closer. "You need to understand that I will not ever come between you and Jim like that. I promise you that. I respect you guys too much for that to ever be an issue."

She watched Molly purse her lips and cross her arms defensively, as she continued.

"Look, I have a few times now, steered him back onto the right path in his life and I wouldn't go and screw up the amazing guy he is becoming for anything. I know that Jim wants this with you Molly. I know he wants to make it work. He has told me how happy you make him and that he is ready for all of that. Please don't worry about me ever being an issue in your relationship." Chris tried her best to answer without lying.

As Molly went to speak again, they heard familiar voices.

"Hey you two, how's Jim?" It was Stevens and Benny walking up behind them.

"Hey guys," Chris smiled.

"Hi, he is, um, upstairs with Deacon, Luca and Tan." Molly answered.

"Ok, we bought him some, DONUTS," Benny laughed holding up a large white box as Chris's phone began to ring.

"Sorry, I um, I actually have to go." Chris said pointing to her phone, she looked at Molly, "I meant what I said." Molly pursed her lips and nodded.

"Bye guys." She called climbing into her truck. Stevens put his arm around Molly's shoulders with a wave to Chris. Chris watched them walk back towards the building as she started her truck and reversed out.

She was thankful deep down that she had found a way to get out of there. She knew Molly probably wanted to say more, but Chris needed time. As she drove her head was a mess. She saw a sign for drive through coffee, so she pulled in. Sitting there tapping the wheel with her thumbs as she waited in line, she wondered if Molly had spoken about any of this with Jim, or would she? She wondered if that was why Street had looked at her weird a few times. Chris hated herself right now. As she paid and took the coffee, steering out back onto the road she told herself that she wouldn't go by and visit again. She needed to stay away. Needed to give them both time and distance.

As the sun began to set in Streets room, the last of his visitors began to leave and he smiled at Molly.

"You okay? You seem really quiet?" He patted the bed next to him for her to sit.

"Yeah." She shook her head dismissively. "I am just tired; it's been a big day. I am gonna head home too." Molly began gathering her bag and putting on her coat.

"Hey, wait. Come here." Street sat up and reached out for her. Molly dropped her shoulders and wandered over to him. She stood in front of him as he reached up and brushed her hair back behind her ear.

"I know this has all been a lot to deal with Molly, and I am sorry for putting you through this." He began. She chewed her lip and looked at the floor. "If there is more to how your feeling though please tell me, I hate seeing you like this, you feel so distant and I know something is wrong." Molly inhaled and slowly drew her gaze up to his.

"I'm sorry Jim. I don't want to be like that, yes this scared the hell out of me. I was obviously terrified you wouldn't make it. I just," She looked away out the window. "I just am really tired and exhausted and need a good night's sleep."

Street nodded and rubbed his hands up and down her arms. "Okay, I understand. But please talk to me Molly. I don't want you to pull away from me." She looked at him and could see that he meant what he said. She contemplated bringing up Chris, and her conversation with her for a split second, but didn't have the strength right now to go down that road.

"I'll be back in the morning." Molly leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Jim."

He reached up and held her face. Slowly bringing her lips to his. "I am sorry Molly." He slowly let her go and whispered, "Night Molly," as she stood up and headed out.

Street sat on his bed thinking. The room had gotten dark. The only light came from the hall. He hadn't even noticed though. He was so deep in thought about Molly and what was going on. He was trying to piece together what on earth could have happened to make Molly so distant and cold. His thoughts led him to Chris. And why was she acting so weird? What had happened? He suddenly remembered how nurse Jackie had mentioned that Chris had been by when he came out of surgery. He wondered if something had happened then that had led Molly and Chris to both being like this now? Had Chris said or done something that upset Molly? Or had Molly said or done something to upset Chris?

'Oh shit! he thought to himself, 'the next of kin thing'. He closed his eyes and grimaced. He was sure that had something to do with Molly's mood. He sighed and looked at his phone. Should he call her and explain. 'Jesus, what a mess,' he muttered.


	26. Chapter 26

Jim lay there for hours watching the shadows dance on his ceiling. His thoughts kept dancing between why Molly was clearly upset with him, and to what had happened with Chris when she came to visit.

Nurse Jackie appeared in the doorway. "Trouble sleeping?"

He let out a chuckle and raised his eyebrows with a nod, "Somethin' like that."

"Can I get you anything?"

"Ah, no, I'll be fine, just need to switch off this head you know." He smiled.

She nodded and looked about, "Well, push the button if you need anything." Jim thanked her and rolled over. Eventually his eyes grew heavy and he succumbed to sleep.

Molly had been tossing and turning again too. She replayed that conversation with Chris over and over in her head. Dissecting the finer details of the words she had chosen. Molly was still convinced that Chris had those feelings for Jim. She had not actually denied that once, she had said how important Jim was to her, and that she cared about him. She had skilfully scooted around those words and then left at the first chance she had. Part of Molly again became angry that Chris had not just said, "No, I don't like Jim like that." That is all Molly really had wanted her to say. Instead she chose words like, "I will not interfere in your relationship." Now just further confirming in Molly's mind that she did in fact have feelings for Jim.

Molly had no real idea what to do though. Part of her was telling herself to just let go. To tell Jim this wasn't working. To protect herself and just walk away before she got hurt any more. But, a big part of her wanted to confront him. To ask him if he had feelings for Chris, to make him give her an answer and if need be to yell at him and let out what she was keeping in.

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Laying there calming herself down she counted the seconds in and out as her chest rose and fell. Her thoughts skipped to what Jim had told her about. The stuff about he and Chris in the early days. How he had relentlessly hit on her. How she had not just shot him down, but that she had taken the time to show him that she, like many other women out there, deserved respect and had their own values and boundaries. He had explained at length how he and Chris became friends after that. Each other's support person. Each other's sounding boards. How she was always there for him and he her. That was when the reality of the situation finally hit her, heavy like a tonne of bricks or a punch to the chest that steals your breath. This, whatever it was between them, it wasn't a new thing at all. This had been there the entire time and she had just like everyone else around them, missed it. Clearly, they both hadn't acted on those feelings because of their situation, well until that kiss, then, well now, they both obviously still have those feelings deep down. Molly felt like an idiot that she hadn't seen any of this all along. That she had pushed her way into Jim's life. Molly laughed at herself, 'I mean I didn't force him to date me, but it was probably just a welcome distraction from losing Chris like he explained,' she thought. 'And, maybe now, with Chris being single again and him being on a different team, well, maybe I am the one in the way?'

She knew she would need to talk to him, but the idea of it scared her. She didn't want to lose Jim. She was falling for him. As she slowly drifted off to sleep, her tears stained the pillow.

The next day, the doctors had Jim up and about on his feet. He spent the morning beginning to move his shoulder and arm to do gentle exercises with the rehabilitation nurse. He was almost finished when Molly stopped by with lunch. They ate together and sat for a while, making small talk. Jim noticed how Molly was still a little awkward though. He had to try and get her to talk. He grinned to himself that right now, she was a little like he had been before. Closed off and not being open and honest.

"Molly," he began turning to her, "remember in the café that day you told me to be open and honest and tell you things. That you can handle more than I think you can?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, are you honestly okay? I mean, this, I dunno tension I feel?" He looked at her questioningly.

"Yeah," she sighed, and reached over to hold his hand. "I am okay, I just," she shook her head a little as if deciding again not to bring up Chris. "I am just really glad you're up and about."

He looked at her and raised his eyebrows. "You know, honestly you seem far from happy right now and I am not an idiot. I sensed the tension between you and Chris yesterday, and I think I need to explain something that has upset you."

Molly looked back at him a bit surprised. "Okay?"

"Chris is listed on my LAPD file as my next of kin because when I joined SWAT and had to update everything, I, I honestly had no one else. She was really my only friend and the only person I could count on. I never listed her there as anything more, or to upset you. If I had thought about that earlier, I would have updated it and listed you, but…"

"Jim," Molly sighed. "I get that. I do. God, you make it sound so petty, but that's not why I was upset by that."

Jim looked back at her puzzled. "Then can you please tell me what upset you?"

"Maybe you should talk to Chris about her visit." Streets eyes went wide, as he scanned her face before she looked away from him.

"Wait, What? Molly?" He waited for her to turn back to him. He gently squeezed her hand. "What do you mean? What happened? You know I don't remember her coming at all. I was still sedated."

"Yeah," Molly nodded, "Well, I was waiting downstairs with Dad, all they had told us was you were in surgery and it was bad." She paused and looked at him. "Do you have any idea how awful that is? To sit in a waiting room, wondering if the person you love is alive or dead."

Jim blinked slowly looking down. He could feel Molly's anger was building a little. He was sad that she felt like this, again he felt like he failed her. Then her words finally sunk in and he smiled slightly. Did she just admit that she loves him? He decided not to spoil her train of thought so gently stroked her hand as she continued.

Molly blinked back a tear and fidgeted. "Eventually, I was allowed to come and see you but when I got to the door, Chris was in here. I might be just over reacting, but I saw her with you and I," she paused.

"You what?" He asked, almost holding his breath.

"I won't lie Jim; I didn't like what I saw and heard. Okay maybe I am just being a jealous crazy girlfriend, but, I," she stood up and turned away. "It felt like," letting go of his hand she stepped towards the window. "Like I am the third wheel here, in the way, standing between you two. And well I am starting to think that I am."

In that split second Streets mind went crazy. What exactly had Molly seen and heard when she came to see him? What did Chris do and say to upset Molly like this? For Molly to be thinking that she was standing between them?

"Molly!" Jim exhaled and climbed off the bed. Stepping to her. "Come here." He reached out to hug her, but she shook him off.

"No, I think I should just go and get home. It's getting late."

"Please," Jim gently caught her fingers in his hand. She looked back up at him.

"I, I'm sorry, I just can't say I like this all right now."

Jim looked down sadly. "Are you telling me it's over?"

"No, no Jim I am not, but I hate feeling like this. I know we need to work it all out and just be honest with each other, but I just, I can't do this right now." He reached out and grabbed her gently, hugging her into him. Molly closed her eyes and dropped her stiffened shoulders, resting her head on his chest.

"I'm sorry Molly." He whispered. "I'm sorry I'm such a shitty boyfriend and a screw up."

"Jim. No, you are a good guy. You just have some things to figure out." She watched his face, as he tried to decipher what she said. "Let's just get some rest and we can talk more tomorrow." Molly forced a smile, briefly looking up at him. Jim leant down and kissed her cheek softly, before she took her things and left. It felt like she was pulling away and it was hurting Street. He was so lost and confused.

Street sat by the window in a daze. His mind was racing with what on Earth Molly was referring to. What could Chris have done and said? He looked at his phone and wondered if he should text her. But honestly, what would he say? How would he ask her? It just didn't feel right.

Nurse Jackie came in and placed his dinner on the table as his phone flashed up with a message from Luca.

'Hey man, can we swing by and see you? Are you still up?'

Hmm, the team coming by, maybe it could give him the chance to talk to Chris. If he could make her stay til they all leave now Molly isn't here. He sat finishing his dinner, as he looked up to see Deacon, Tan and Luca at his door.

"Hey buddy," Luca said with a big smile, walking over and hugging him, with Tan and Deac just behind.

"Hey, so good to see you guys. Thanks for stopping by."

"Anytime man," Tan smiled hugging him.

"Hey where's Hondo and Chris?" He asked casually.

"Oh, Hondo had stuff with Hicks to finish up and Chris left early. But never fear! We are here!" Luca laughed. Street wondered why Chris had left work early and not come to see him with the guys. 'Was she mad at him? Staying away because of Molly? On a date?' He asked himself. The guys all hung out with Street for a while. Telling him about the latest cases and things happening at work.

Soon, they had said their goodbyes, and closed the door. Street sighed and looked at his phone. He really wanted to know why Chris hadn't come by with them. He decided to send her a text.

'Hi, hope I'm not interrupting your night. I was hoping you would stop by soon. I miss you'

Chris was sitting on her lounge, eating takeout when she saw her phone light up. She looked down at the screen on the pillow next to her. Shaking her head at the sight of his name. 'What does he want?' Seeing his words made a piece of her heartbreak and soar at the same time. She looked at it for a while. 'No, I can't reply. I need to give him space,' she mumbled. Ignoring it and heading to bed.

The next day, Deac watched her move about the locker room. He could tell something was up. Chris was not herself. She was really quiet and had been in 2 hours early working out.

"Hey, um, can I stop you for a sec."

"Mmmm, What?"

"Well, that poor defenceless punching bag took quite the beating this morning." He saw her smile a fraction. "What's going on with you Chris? Wanna talk?" Chris shook her head and sat on the bench. Holding her towel and looking at the floor.

"Hey," Deac slid next to her and watched her intently. "Chris, I am worried about you? Is it all the Street stuff? You're worried about him?"

"Kinda, it's um," she chewed her lip. "I had a run in with Molly."

Deac sat back widening his eyes. "A run in? What do you mean?"

"You know how Hondo sent me to the hospital when Street was shot? Well I went in the back entrance and up to the surgical floor. When I told Nurse Jackie who I was and who I was there for, she took me straight to him and I saw him first, before Hicks and Molly."

"Ahhh," Deacon nodded. "So, she is jealous or angry with you huh?"

"Yeah, I guess jealous is the word, I mean, Deac," She turned slightly and looked at Deacon with sadness and hurt on her face. "She thinks I am," she again paused, and looked down frowning.

"What? She thinks you are what?"

"An issue in her relationship." Deacon sighed and looked at her. Chris's head hung low and Deacon could tell this was hurting her. He reached his hand out to her knee.

"You're not gunna like me saying this. But are you?"

"No!" Chris frowned and looked at Deacon shocked. "Street and I aren't involved. We are just friends Deac. And anyway, I would never intentionally interfere in a relationship like that."

"Chris, hold on, no, I am not saying you and Street are cheating or anything, but your friendship is a pretty damn close one and well I am guessing to most women that that would be an issue. I'd also say that is why she feels threatened by you."

Chris nodded. "Yeah, ok, I guess you are right. I do honestly right now, feel like the issue in their relationship, and it's killing me Deac."

Deacon sighed and pursed his lips. "Then you need to talk to her. Talk to him. Talk to them both and work it out. If Street and Molly are gonna stay together then you can't keep going like this. Or you are going to lose your best friend."

"Yeah, thanks Deac." Chris said, smiling sadly at him. Deacon leaned over and hugged her. Maybe that was how it was just meant to be though.

"Hey, Molly is a decent, smart girl Chris. She can handle it, and you can too." Chris just sat nodding as Deac closed his locker and headed out. She knew she needed to deal with this. That continuing to run away from any mention of him or Molly and ignoring him was not really going to help at all. But how could she go about talking to him? For now, she decided to shove it all in a box inside her head and deal with it later. They had just caught a big case and she knew the next few days were going to be full on and demanding.

Wednesday morning quickly became late Sunday Night. Chris had been crazily busy at work and had pushed the Street and Molly drama to the back of her head as best she could. So when he text her to tell her he was being released she had just chosen to ignore it. 'Give them space.' She told herself. She had assumed that Molly would be right there, as she should be.

Wearily, Chris walked out of HQ towards her truck, rubbing at her tired stinging eyes she frowned when his name appeared on her phone. His text read,

'Hi, you got a minute?'

Chris scrunched up her lips looking up at the night-time lights of LA. She knew that she couldn't keep ignoring him. That Deac was right. She needed to talk to him. To try to start to sort this mess out. So, she typed back,

'Yeah, just about to finish my shift. What's up?' The next thing she knew her phone was ringing, his name on the screen. 'Shit,' she muttered, answering it and walking to her truck.

"Hi, how are you?" He asked.

"Tired." Chris answered.

"Big shift?"

"Big Shifts, plural." She sighed, getting in and closing her door.

"Look, I know this might not be a great time. I just, I can't keep sitting here each day in this damn room overthinking shit." There was a pause, but Chris didn't say anything. "Molly um, told me about your chat in the parking lot."

"She did? What did, what did she say?" Chris stuttered.

"That she told you she saw you when you came to visit me. That I should ask you about that visit, because it upset her a bit."

"Oh, right." Chris answered. Her mind racing.

"Chris, tell me what is going on with you please. I know you're not good with words. That talking stuff out isn't really your thing, but I can't exactly be there right now to pry it out of you." Chris smiled. He was right. He often had to push and push to get her to say things she needed to say. "And I know you're avoiding me, so come on, talk to me."

"Street, it's nothing I am just…. busy."

"Bullshit." He whispered, almost playfully. "You are like this when you are either uncomfortable, pissed off at me or upset? Which is it?"

Chris sucked in a long breath, nodded silently and blinked up at the sky.

"Molly and I did have a chat, yes. That's why I've been giving you space." She said slowly.

"Then tell me about it, please Chris." She could hear the fear in his voice. Chris closed her eyes and rested her head on the steering wheel. There was a silence for a while. "Chris?"

"Fine," Chris mumbled into the phone. "Bottom line, she feels like I am a threat to your relationship. And it's kinda just hit me that she is right. I am, and so I am staying away.'

"What do you mean you are?" He asked.

"Molly doesn't want me around you Jim. I know she feels like me being around you is an issue."

She listened to the silence on the other end of the phone. "Jim?"

"Fuck! This is a mess. I have stuffed it all up like usual. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into my shit. I, um…"

"Look, you need to talk to her. Be honest. Tell her everything you feel." Chris said, interrupting him. "I will give you space for a while, not because I don't care Jim. But because you two don't have a fair chance with me being around when she is clearly not comfortable with me being there."

"Chris, come on. You are my best friend and Molly is a smart enough adult to accept that."

"Yeah, but Jim," Chris sat back and rested her head on the headrest, she licked at her lips and hesitated before saying the next part. "If she knew EVERYTHING, which I am gonna guess she doesn't."

"What do you mean by everything?" Street interrupted. "I told her about the fundraiser night and how this all started to be complicated with you. I told her that we worked through it and agreed on living our own lives, but that we are still best friends, important to each other."

"I know, but did you tell her about that other night, at Luca's on the basketball court? What you told me before we went inside?" Again, silence on the end of the phone as she heard him exhale. Chris was holding her breath. "Or, did you not actually mean that?" She asked her voice lower, shaky and unsure.

"Chris," he whispered slowly as he closed his eyes. He felt the ache in his heart. She heard the silence again. This time she wasn't saying anymore. "Of course I meant it." He admitted. She would swear she could hear him start to sob. "You know how I feel. I…. I know that what I said was unfair on both you, and her. I …. I'm sorry."

"Look, you said she makes you happy. So, go talk to her, be honest, and I will give you two space to work it out. But I um, have gotta go."

"Chris. Wait, I am sorry. I…. I never meant to hurt you." There was an unmistakable sadness in his voice.

"Yeah, I know."

"Then, what do I do now?" He asked almost begging her to fix this.

Chris shook her head and looked out her window. "You gotta do whatever it is that you feel is right. I can't answer that for you. I can't be the bad guy all the time either." Chris's own voice started to shake a little too.

"God! Chris, you know that that is not how I think of…"

"I know, but it's kinda how it looks and feels. I am not going to walk around feeling like the other woman in your relationship."

"Chris!" There was a raw pleading in his voice right now. He hated that she felt like this. That she felt like this because of him. That this situation was such a mess.

"You need to talk to her. Work out what you really want."

Suddenly Jim felt the weight of her words. That what Molly must have seen and heard the other night was Chris showing him that she really did care, that almost losing him had pushed her to let some of that out. Even if it was only in a room with him unconscious, when she thought no one else would know. It made him momentarily smile, but at the same also made him feel a little sick inside that Molly must be holding onto a lot more than he realised.

"I, I want…." He paused and closed his eyes. Saying what he was thinking right now would not be fair. "I want to fix this Chris. No, I don't wanna hurt Molly, but I can't lose you either."

"Then I dunno." She paused. "You need to take some time. Talk to her. Make a damn decision. Until then I will stay away. I gotta go. Bye." She hung up.

She sat in her truck watching the other officers arrive for shift. Had she really just kind of given him an ultimatum? Fuck. Her hands were shaking. Her heart was pounding, and she was in a daze.


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER 27**

Street lay on the sofa at Luca's and aimlessly flicked through channels as his head tried to make sense of what just happened. Chris's voice echoed in his ears. 'Look you said she makes you happy.' In that moment he had desperately wanted to stop her, to tell her that she makes him happy too, but he knew what she meant. He knew she was doing what was right for her. When his phone lit up on the seat beside him, he looked at it hopefully. Maybe she had changed her mind and was calling back to talk it out more. But there it was. Molly's name. He felt himself let out an involuntary sigh. God, he should not be feeling disappointed that his amazing girlfriend was texting him. He opened her text which simply read.

"I'm on my way back now." Molly was out picking up take out and a few things he needed. She had been doing her best to try to get passed all the drama with Chris, and just help him recover. She had been amazing, but he knew that there was stuff she was holding in, bottling up and that this stuff with Chris was the main issue.

As the news bulletin started, Street saw a story about the big case 20 David had been on. He turned up the volume as he saw footage of Chris and Tan standing near Black Betty. Just actually seeing her made him think about what has happened. He really wanted, wants, this relationship to work with Molly, but, at the same time he knew he didn't want that to mean that he no longer had Chris in his life either.

Her comments played back in his head. "You need to take some time. Talk to her. Make a damn decision. Until then I will stay away."

Had Chris given him the signal to end it with Molly? Did she mean if he didn't, they wouldn't be friends? Did she mean if he did, maybe they could try something together? No, this was all a hell of a lot more complicated than that. He was so lost and confused.

Molly sat at the traffic lights, tapping her thumbs on the wheel. She puffed out her cheeks and blew out a breath, feeling physically sick, worried and torn up about how things were with Jim right now. 'I refuse to compete with someone else,' she muttered angrily. As she pulled into the drive and climbed out of her car with the bag of Chinese takeout, she was thinking about how to bring all of it up and actually talk to him. She knew that leaving things like this just because he was injured was not really going to help in the long run.

"Hey," he smiled from the sofa as she came in.

"Hey," she answered looking down and undoing her boots.

"Wow, that smells amazing, even from over here."

"Yeah, see I told you that Mr Lim's is the best Chinese in LA." She said as she walked to the coffee table placing the bag down. She paused and looked about. "Oh um, I'll grab us some plates and a drink each. Water or soda?"

"Oh, I can do that." He said going to get up.

"Jim," She looked at him sternly. "The doctor said you need your rest for the next few days. So, sit down." He huffed a little knowing she was right and just as, if not more stubborn, than him. "Water or soda?" She repeated.

"Uh, soda please."

He watched her walk to the kitchen and move about. He could tell that she was feeling a little weird and that she needed to talk. He figured that she was doing her best to just be happy and smile so that he wouldn't bring it all up again. But as he chewed his lip and eyed her, he knew that this limbo they were in couldn't last forever.

They sat an ate for a while in silence as they watched the TV.

"Wanna watch a movie?" He asked taking another dumpling from the tray with his chopsticks.

"Sure." Even her answer was quiet and short.

He frowned a little trying to think what to say to fix this. As he flicked the channels towards the movie channel, he momentarily passed another story about 20 David's big case. He stopped and watched for a few seconds. Molly looked from the TV back to him.

"Is this what the guys have been working on?" She asked, gesturing towards the screen.

"Uh, yeah 20 David have, I think. I don't think 50 David were involved though." Molly nodded quietly taking another mouthful of her food as she watched him watching the screen.

"Do you wish you were back on 20 David?" She asked between mouthfuls. Jim turned and looked at her surprised.

"No, I um, am happy where I am. Why?" He asked looking back at the TV and taking another bite, as footage of one of the scenes they were at played.

"You don't miss them? Hondo, Deacon, Tan, Luca and Chris I mean."

Street darted his gaze back to Molly. "I mean yeah, but," he paused and looked back at the TV. "I have, um, found a good thing with 50 David and I mean 20 David are still there for me, still my family too." Molly slid forward on the sofa and put down her plate on the coffee table. She nervously rested her hands on her knees as she turned towards him.

"Jim, we need to talk." She slowly turned to him drawing her eyes along his arm and slowly up to his face. Which told the truth about their current situation, his brows were slightly furrowed, and he bit at the inside of his lip as his left dimple quivered. He knew that what was coming was not good.

"Okay?" He slowly said putting down his plate and turning his knees towards her. He contemplated shuffling over closer, but she looked pretty tense. "You alright? Why does this sound like whatever is coming is bad? Like one of 'those' talks?"

"Because, Jim, this might just be one of those talks." Molly swallowed hard, letting him take her hand as she blinked and took a deep breath to steady herself. She dropped her gaze to her feet. "I just can't, I can't keep ignoring this." She tensed her fingers and pulled them back from him as she closed her eyes. "It's eating at me and I ..." a tear building in her eyes as she moved her body away from him slightly.

"Molly! Hey, come here please." He pleaded with her, reaching for her hand again, but she pulled them all the way back and almost growled at him,

"No, not until you start being honest like you promised." She stood up from the sofa and turned back to him. "You told me at the café that you would be open and tell me everything. No more hiding things. But it still feels like you are!" She flapped her arms in exasperation. Street watched her, clearly upset, clearly in a state and clearly finally ready to get this out in the open.

"Okay." He began to get up and move to her, his hands reached for her shoulders. "Molly, please can we sit and talk?" She didn't answer him, just let out a sigh, dropping her shoulders and nodded.

"Thank you," he said sitting down and waiting for her to sit. "Now start at the start and tell me why you are feeling like this?"

"JIM!" It flew out of her mouth before she had time to stop herself. It was angry, loud and aggressive. She looked at him and shook her head in disbelief. "Are you friggin' kidding me? It's all of it! Everything! The fact that you haven't understood that or that I have to spell it out?"

"I'm trying Molly." Jim said. "I really am. I am trying to understand." Molly closed her eyes and dropped her head into her hands.

"Hey, come on, please, I spoke with Chris about your chat with her in the parking lot, like you suggested. I asked her why you would be upset about her visiting." He offered.

Molly slowly drew her head out of her hands and looked at him. "You did? When?"

"Um, I called her while you were out. I wanted to understand, to know how to fix this mess."

Molly pursed her lips and nodded. She had to admit that she didn't like the fact that he had called her while he was out. She hated herself for that. But it made her feel jealous, and a niggling feeling burnt away inside her. "Ok, so did she explain why I was actually upset?"

"Um, not in detail, I guess. I mean she said she thinks you want her to stay away."

Molly scoffed and stood up again, turning away and pacing. "Jim, I am not a crazy jealous girlfriend. We aren't in high school here." Her furrowed eyebrows and raised voice conveyed her anger and frustration. "Ok, look I will SPELL it out." She raised her arms around clearly becoming agitated. "I was not upset because I heard her telling you how scared she was that she had lost you, that you were still important to her. I know that's what I should expect with how close you guys are. But!" She pointed her finger in the air and looked at him.

"I am upset about the way she kissed your forehead and stroked your face and looked at you. Let's just say that it didn't leave much room for me to question how she feels. And Jesus, yes Jim, it hurt." She exhaled and continued to pace the floor. Before taking in a deep breath and sitting across from him on the other sofa. "….and look, now that I have had some time to think it over, I realise that she feels more than 'best friends' for you Jim, and I think you…." She paused as if hesitating whether to continue. "I think you probably have those feelings for her too. So, look I think it might be best if you take some time and work it all out."

"Molly, please!" Jim stood up and moved closer. He went to put a hand on her shoulder, but she was stiffened and still giving off enough of a vibe that he just sank down on the seat next to her. She looked sideways at him without lifting her head. Rubbing her face, she inhaled.

"I know you told me about the kiss, that she pushed you away after and that things got messy between you two. But Jim, have you two actually talked about the bigger issue I am seeing and feeling here?" Molly looked at him, holding out her hands to emphasise the point.

"Yeah, we did, we worked it out. We agreed to just go focus on our own lives."

She again scoffed at him and shook her head. "Jim, can you really not see it? She might have told you to just go get on with your life, that she wanted to try with Ty and Kira. But, God, this frustrates me now that I see it. I can't unsee it. She is in love with you Jim!"

Street sat shocked. Part of him was still sure Molly was just feeling insecure and jealous and he desperately wanted to fix that. "Molly, no? What do you mean? She made it very clear to me that there was no hope of an 'us', a me and her."

She straightened her cardigan and turned her body to look at him. "Please answer this one question seriously and honestly and take your time to think about your answer." Molly paused as his eyes danced back and forth with hers. "Do you have those kind of feelings for her Jim? Do you love her?" He sat frozen looking at the floor. His hands on his legs as he slowly closed his eyes and swallowed hard.

"Molly, come on, you know that Chris and I have a complicated past." He slowly looked back up. Molly shook her head and scrunched her lips, looking away from him. Her face and body language showed just how pissed off she was right now. "Look, I know you don't like her being around and you think that she is an issue for us. But Molly. I am here with you. Not her. I want to do this with you. I want us to give this the best damn shot we can. I want to make this work."

"JIM!" She shouted, "For God's sake!" She interrupted, her voice rising. "Just answer the damn question! DO YOU LOVE HER? YES or NO?"

Jim let out a breath and dropped his head. He couldn't look at her right now. He felt like the biggest pile of shit. He knew the time to be honest was here and he had no way of not hurting one of these amazing women. He pursed his lips and nodded slowly.

"Yes, I do." Came out but was almost a whisper. He felt Molly stand up. "Molly, please, talk to me, let me talk this through with you and,"

"Jim." Molly inhaled slow and hard. She stood with her eyes closed for a second. When she spoke again her voice was firm, but soft. "I am going home now. I am giving you space to think. Time for you to decide what you want in your life. I will not sit here doing this with you when another woman already has your whole heart. I am doing this for us both." She took her purse and turned back to him as he stood up and stepped towards her. "When you know what you want call me or text me and let me know." Molly reached for the door.

"Hey, wait," Street pleaded.

Meanwhile Luca and Chris drove down the block, chatting about all that had been happening at work lately. As she pulled her truck into Luca's driveway he commented,

"Oh, look Molly's still here. That means I won't have to chase after the invalid today." He laughed jokingly. Chris grimaced and nodded.

"Yeah!"

"Hey, you know, I really really appreciate this Chris. My old girl is gunna need a bit of work I guess."

Chris smiled, deflecting Luca's attention back away from any talk of Street or Molly. "Yeah, it's okay I don't mind. Rest in peace." She giggled crossing her heart. "That old truck of yours has had a good life." They both laughed and climbed out. Chris reached in the back of the truck to grab Luca's bags.

"I'll get Tuanna to give me a lift in in the morning. I won't ask you to travel out of your way."

"Yeah, no worries. You know I am happy too though; I was…." Her words were cut off by the door opening. She turned to see who it was. Praying that she would not have to see him, not right now, not after what she had just said on the phone. Chris's breath caught in her throat as Molly stepped out onto the porch.

"No! I am done. This is for the best. Goodbye Jim." She held up her hand at Street who was closely following her out the door.

"Please, Molly." He begged. They both stopped noticing Chris's truck in the drive. Luca hadn't seen or heard them emerge from the other side of the truck, so he continued teasing Chris, loudly calling,

"Hey, this would all be a lot easier if you still lived here with Street and I." Molly huffed and nodded.

"Perfect, see perfect." She mumbled walking briskly down the path to her car parked on the street. She got in and drove away in a hurry. Leaving Chris, Luca and Street all standing there in disbelief.

As Molly drove away, tears fell. She swiped at her eyes and thumped the wheel. Once she was a few blocks away she pulled over and sat crying. Her mind raced back to the LAPD Picnic. The day Jim had taken a bullet to the vest whilst out with 50 David. She remembered how he had been looking around the picnic for Chris. How he explained that day that they were in a complicated place and he wanted to fix it. Then she remembered the night at the bar, on the pier, when Street had spilled her drinks. She realised now that that had happened because he was rushing to be with Chris. Molly hated herself that she hadn't realised all of that sooner. She felt like an idiot.

Back in Luca's driveway, Luca kicked at the pavement and mumbled,

"Oh boy, well yeah, um?" As he looked at Chris, who stood shell shocked. Her eyes wide as she glanced back at Luca.

Street sighed, putting his hands in his pockets and looking up at the sky. Before turning back to head inside. He gave Chris and Luca a look as he opened the door. Almost a sad smile, mixed with frustration and regret.

Luca turned back to Chris. She still just stood there. "Um, ok." She mumbled as she dropped her gaze, not knowing what to say or do in that moment. She handed Luca his last bag. "I will, um, see you tomorrow."

"Oh, hell no! Chris, you aren't just leaving me with him now like that and going home." Luca said looking from her back up to the door.

"Yep I am," she answered opening her truck as Luca's phone began to ring. He held up his hand as if to tell her to wait. He spoke quickly and ended with,

"Okay, I'll be waiting. Love you too." Chris just looked at him and shook her head. Luca looked back at her pleadingly.

"I am sorry Chris. Tuanna is almost here to pick me up. I'm already late, and she has been waiting, if we miss Kelly's performance," Chris sighed and flared her nostrils a bit as her lips twitched. "Look, please just check he is ok before you leave." She again shook her head and a small smile appeared on her lips because she knew Luca was kind of enjoying the fact that he was leaving her with this.

"Okay, fine! Go." She said waving her hand at him as Tuanna's car pulled in the drive. Luca walked past her and hugged her,

"Thank you, Chris. I owe you."

Chris just laughed and nodded. Waving to them before turning back and looking at the door. She really did not want to go in there. She inhaled a big deep breath through her nose and wiped her hands on her pants. She glanced at her feet willing them to move. Slowly, tentatively. She took small steps up onto the porch. The boards squeaked a little under her feet as she made her way to the door. She paused and knocked. 'What the hell am I gunna say?' She thought to herself. There was no response to her knocks. She gently wriggled the door handle. It clicked open and she let the door swing as she peeked her head in looking about. There was no sign of him anywhere. The sofa was empty. The takeout sat on the coffee table. She hesitantly stepped inside and closed the door. Looking about she wondered where he went. 'To his room? Or out back?' She muttered, approaching the kitchen and back area. As she slid back the curtain and looked outside, she could see him through the glass, sitting on the picnic table. His head down in his hands. Slowly she opened the door and walked along the paving to the edge of the table.

"Hey," she said softly.

He turned his head looking at her surprised. "Hey? Oh, I thought you were Luca."

"He, um, had to go see Kelly's performance." She paused as he nodded and looked back down.

"So, he made you come and check on me huh? After the disaster you guys witnessed out there." He said motioning to the front of the house.

"Yeah, I guess, something like that." She mumbled.

"Well, you don't have to worry. Just go. I'm fine."

She could feel the iciness in his voice as she fiddled with her fingers. "I promised I'd make sure you were alright, so…."

"I'm not a baby Chris! I'm a fucking screw up!" There was a pause as Chris momentarily closed her eyes and lowered her head. It hurt hearing him talk like this. "Molly is, well, it's pretty much just over. I can't fix it this time." He continued.

"Jim," Chris took another step closer. "I'm sorry, I, shit, " she muttered shaking her head.

"For what?" He interrupted, looking at her.

"I don't really know what to say right now." She whispered. Street looked back down at the ground. "Just, ah, please don't do anything stupid." She added.

"Yeah." He nodded without looking at her.

Chris tapped the table nervously. "Ok, well. Night."

"Night." He mumbled briefly lifting his hand up in her direction.

Chris turned in the dark and walked back around the side to her truck. She paused as she closed the gate and blinked back tears looking up at the nights sky. 'How the hell did we get here?' She thought as she swallowed hard and tapped her hand on the gate, turning away. Part of her wanted to go to him and hug him and tell him she was sorry for her part in this. But she knew she still needed to give him space. Climbing in and reversing out, she felt tears run down her face. This was partly her fault and she felt like absolute crap right now.

Street sat on the table and stared blankly at the ground. He couldn't believe he had stuffed this up so badly. The pain he saw in Molly's eyes when he admitted that he loved Chris made tears flow as his body shook and shuddered. Whilst wiping his face, his thoughts turned to Chris. The woman he knew he loved unconditionally had just been there, right in front of him, worried and concerned for him and he had, for the most part, ignored her and pushed her away too. It made him shudder and cry again. He hoped though, that she would understand he wasn't trying to hurt her. That he was just in a crappy place and felt like shit for hurting Molly like that.

The next day, Chris woke up to the perfect cliché. Birds singing, the sun shining and happy music playing on her radio. She raised her eyebrows and rolled away from her window wondering, 'Why the world was so happy today? and she felt like this.' Her best friend and if she was being honest, the man she had undoubtedly fallen in love with, was hurting, in a mess and seemingly didn't want her around either. She tugged up the covers tighter as she thought about seeing him again. Probably not for a while. He wouldn't be back at work for a few weeks. Dread was filling her stomach. She felt anxious. Part of her wanted desperately to talk to him, to make sure he was ok, her mind continually asked 'Should I try and text him? Apologise maybe? Say something, anything to him? Or should I just leave it? Let him take the lead?' 'No,' she muttered to herself. "I told him I would give him space, so I will."

Streets day so far had been uneventful. He didn't mind too much though. It had given him the chance to focus on some physical therapy. He liked that. He was alone at Luca's. No one to ask questions about why he was so quiet or anything. He got to try and forget about everything and just get on with recovering.

He paused a few times that morning and thought about calling Molly though. Or texting her. He knew he should probably have a conversation with her soon. He needed to tell her he was so sorry. That she deserved better. To make sure she knew she should just move on and forget him. As he looked at the return to work paperwork on the dining table, he noticed the highlighted section that asked for the Commanders signature following the Doctors recommendation. He soon found himself wondering if and when Molly would tell Hicks what had happened. He closed his eyes and exhaled leaning on the table. That was probably going to be something he would in some way pay for. Maybe the Commander would assign him shifts of crappy stocktakes or worse. But really, he only had himself to blame. The others had warned him not to date the bosses daughter.

'Maybe I should tell the Commander first? Own up, be upfront? No, God no.' He whispered quickly dismissing that thought. That would only piss Molly off more. But he desperately wanted to know her plans for telling her father. As he placed the pages back down, he asked himself, 'Do I want to try to fix things with Molly? Or should I just let it go? Can she, or we, ever get passed the me still loving Chris thing?' The thoughts swam around and around in his head like a whirlpool.

Meanwhile back across town, Molly was busy at work. Her phone hadn't stopped ringing today and the cases seemed to be coming in thick and fast. She was thankful for that. It didn't give her time to sit in pity wallowing. She had made a conscious effort this morning with her outfit and appearance and loved the confidence boost it gave her. During her lunch break she sat outside in the courtyard of her office building. She was reading over a case file when out of habit, sirens made her look up. A few LAPD cars flew by and it made her instantly think of Jim. She frowned and blinked. Begging herself not to cry. She glanced at her phone. He hadn't called or sent a text and she assumed his silence was an indicator that it was definitely over between them.

As the next few weeks passed by, Chris stayed busy at work and helped her Uncle with his business in her days off. Chris had stuck to her guns and not contacted him. She had though been asking Luca regularly how he was doing. Deacon had been extra watchful, as he knew something big had happened just from observing Chris's behaviour.

Jim had listened, done what both Chris and Molly had told him. He had taken some time. To just be by himself. To think about what he really wants. After a week and a half of coming to the same conclusion each time, he text Molly. He asked her if they could talk. Just talk. He explained that he wanted and needed to let her know somethings. He had realised that after Chris told him to "go get on with his own life," that he had been putting too much focus on just succeeding at things. Trying to prove to himself that he was not a failure or a screw up. So, when Molly had asked him out, he saw a chance to prove to himself that he could build a real meaningful relationship with a woman, and for a while there he was doing well with that. Well, until Chris appeared that night in the rain on his doorstep. He admitted to himself that he and Molly, just didn't have that spark, that chemistry that he had with Chris though. He knew he needed to be honest and tell Molly that he was sorry. That he never meant to hurt her. That she was an amazing woman, and any guy would be lucky to have her. Molly had been hesitant when she had received his text. She had left it for a day before agreeing to a Friday lunch meet up. In the meantime, Jim was focused on his recovery and finally getting the clearance to return on light duties. He honestly was in a mess though about going in to get the Commander's signature. It made his stomach knot up and his hands start to sweat.

Molly had thrown herself into work and hanging out with her girlfriends again and would actually say she was doing ok, considering. She was sad yes, still a little heartbroken and raw yes, but she knew deep down, inside, that this was for the best. She had agreed to meet Jim as she needed a form of closure, or maybe just wanted to hear his explanation or whatever it was that he needed to say.


	28. Chapter 28

Thankyou to Lalez for your inspiration and motivation with this chapter, I hope you like it.

~ Chapter also completed with assistance from Chris C ~

**Chapter 28**

The raindrops ran down the window as Molly stared blankly at the street below. Friday morning had arrived quickly. She was trying her best to snap herself out of it. She wondered if she was really ready to see Jim again. Pausing briefly, she leant on the window frame with her arms folded and contemplated texting him to call their lunch date off. 'Maybe I could just say that I have an unplanned meeting and it will have to wait?' She pondered the idea before sighing, 'No, that's not fair, and plus a little part of me wants to hear him admit how much of a douche bag he was.'

She had watched the clock all morning, dreading hearing him tell her that she was right, that he was in love with Chris, and it was over. As angry as she was about how he had acted and behaved, she couldn't deny that the thought of hearing one more guy tell her, "You deserve better Molly, you are amazing, but just not for me." Hurt. The rejection hurt. No matter how they worded it.

As 12 noon approached, she sat in a booth near the back window, fidgeting with her blouse and straightening her skirt as she again picked up her phone and aimlessly looked through her emails.

"Hi." His soft voice broke her from the absent daze she was in. She slowly looked up and forced a polite smile.

"Jim," she answered with a tinge of coldness. She hadn't expected her heart to ache again when she saw him.

"How are you?" He asked nervously as he glanced at the empty side of the booth.

"Okay, you?" She asked holding up her defences as she gestured for him to sit. She was adamant that she would not show him any part of her weakness. She would not cry, not tear up, and not get overly emotional.

"Glad you agreed to meet me, considering." He answered sliding into the booth. Molly didn't respond. She knew she couldn't say anything right then that would not cause her defences to crack.

Street watched her carefully as he nodded at her silence and continued, "Look, I know you must be really," he glanced about as if trying to choose the right word. "You must be really hurt and angry Molly, but I, well no I wanna say we, we couldn't just walk away from each other without a proper goodbye, a proper chance to say what we needed to say."

Molly exhaled with a slight scoff and shook her head. "So, this," she motioned around the restaurant. "Is goodbye?" Her head was tilted at him and she had a frowned painted on her lips.

He shuffled nervously, closing his eyes briefly and inhaling. "Molly," came out with almost a sigh as he reached out for her hand. Her frown spread to her eyebrows as she moved her hands away from him and widened her eyes. "Molly, please I just think we need to clear the air here and I want to explain a few things that maybe, yes I know, I should have considered and dealt with back at the start."

Molly brushed her hair behind her ear and pressed her tongue against the inside of her top lip as she answered. "You think?"

"Okay, I get your angry, and that's my fault. You deserve so much better than how I acted and treated you." And there it was! The same line the last 3 guys she had dated had told her.

Molly could barely let herself look at him. The anger was simmering away beneath her skin as she felt her body temperature rising.

"I have been doing some thinking like you said, and I, well I guess I have worked out a few things." She silently gestured for him to continue as the waitress delivered some water and menus. "When you asked me out," he paused and looked at her. She briefly met his gaze before reminding herself not to fall for his dimples and gorgeous brown eyes. "I was speechless. I never thought that an amazing, smart, beautiful woman like you would even look twice at a guy like me. A screw up like me. I had just lost the best friendship I had ever had, I was devastated and hurting. Part of me was trying to find a way to prove to everyone and myself that I could actually be something and have something special."

Molly twitched her lips and nodded, as he continued. "So, I guess, that way deep down inside me, I saw 'us' as an opportunity to prove to myself and everyone else that I could have something meaningful and special with a woman and not screw it up." He let out a sad sigh with a shake of his head. "But I guess, I did in the end anyway." He sat quietly for a few moments staring at the menu in front of him.

Molly was trying carefully to word her response in her own head before she blurted out the rather harsh and choice words that flew into her mind. She slowly inhaled and calmed the anger that again surged within her.

"I, I understand that, but, Jim." She stopped and closed her eyes. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth in the beginning?"

"Come on Molly, you never would have gone out with me again if you knew the whole story of my screw ups on our 1st, 2nd or even 3rd date!"

Molly looked back at him, with her eyebrows raised as her voice began to portray her growing annoyance.

"Okay, hang on, so, let me get this right Jim. Your grand plan to build yourself up and be an amazing upstanding guy who was not a douche bag of a screw up at all," the sarcastic and frustrated tone in her voice was unmistakeable, "was to lie to this smart and beautiful girl until she fell in love with you? And then, what? You just go ahead and knowingly screw it all up anyway when the real woman you love walks back into your life?" Street immediately picked up the defensive and aggressive tones in her voice. Her words had a lingering venom of resentment.

"No, Molly, I never ever planned or thought any of this would turn out like it has. Chris had just thrown me away like a broken toy and told me I wasn't a good enough version of myself yet to build anything meaningful with anyone. I guess," he paused and swallowed hard. "I guess, if I am being 100% honest, in the beginning I kind of did want to prove her wrong."

"Prove her wrong so she would be jealous and see what she is missing, right?" Molly grabbed her bag and stood up. "So, she would come running back," she pursed her lips shaking her head and looking away. "Wow, just wow!" She took a step away from the table, and then turned back to him. "Well congratulations Jim, it worked!"

Before Street got his thoughts together and was able to clamber out of the booth after her, he sat shocked. Thinking how she had just gone from 0 to 100 like that. He realised how much of the way he had tried to explain it was actually like she said pretty douchey considering the circumstances.

"Molly, please, wait." He called as he jogged to catch up to her. As she headed out the doors, he reached for her hand. "Molly, stop! I'm sorry. I didn't explain any of that well and I,"

"No! Jim, What's the point? This was a mistake." She turned away and took a few more steps before he moved to stand in front of her on the sidewalk. He held up both of his hands in surrender.

"Please, I am sorry. I was an asshole back there the way I said all of that I get it but come on Molly. You know I am not good with words."

"YOU USED ME!" She was almost shouting. She took another step towards him. "You knew the whole damn time that your heart belonged to her and yet you pulled me along on a string and made me think we could have something. You let me fall in love with you knowing you didn't love me back." Molly closed her eyes and looked down, and then pushed passed him to continue walking.

Street closed his eyes and exhaled. "Molly, please stop." He jogged again to her side and reached for her arm.

"Go away, just leave me alone." She lashed back as she pulled her arm away from him and fought back a few tears that were building. He let her go and watched her walk away, dropping his shoulders in defeat as she headed quickly towards the nearby stairs, leading down into the park. As she disappeared from his sight, he figured he would give her a second to calm down. He moved closer to the stairs and watched her walk across the park and sit under a big tree on a bench, facing away from him. He knew he hadn't resolved anything and that she probably had been building that up for the last few weeks.

He watched her take out her phone as he slowly walked down the stairs with his hands in his pockets. He approached cautiously and slid down on the other end of the bench. Molly knew that the presence she sensed approaching, was him. She grimaced and closed her eyes as she felt the thud of his weight on the seat.

"I know you are angry, and I deserve that. Can I just explain more, please?" Molly didn't answer or look at him. But she didn't get up and leave either. As upset as she was at him then she knew they needed to end this properly for both their sakes. "I want you to know that I never, EVER, meant to hurt you. What I didn't explain back there very well was that whilst we were together, I didn't ever feel worthy of you. I was falling in love with you too Molly, I just never had the guts to tell you. I thought saying it would ruin it. I was scared you would never ever want to stay with someone like me." He looked at his hands as he leant forward on his knees. He swallowed hard and slowly looked at her. She sniffled slightly and turned further away from him. "And no, I never thought that Chris would let me try to rebuild our friendship either."

As Molly sat there, she felt her anger beginning to fade. If she was being honest, she had thought about everything he had just said. She knew that he was different from other guys, that he had a broken or at least cracked image of himself, which the macho SWAT officer side, helped to cover up to the outside world. Slowly Molly turned. As her eyes landed on him, she could see just how broken he was. She lowered her stiffened shoulders and blinked slowly.

"Jim," he looked up to her, hearing the softness to her voice. "You and Chris," she paused, and he knew that this was hurting her. He could hear it in her voice. "You two need to sort it out and get your acts together. I mean, these last two weeks, I have been so pissed at you, so angry and hurt. But, being alone and thinking by myself I realise now that you and her, have something special. A kind of connection and love that doesn't just come along every day."

Surprise covered Streets face as he watched her explain what she was holding in. Molly actually seemed to be calm and level-headed now.

"She may not have told you how she feels yet Jim, but Chris loves you. Just like you love her. And I guess, what I am getting at here is," she slid a bit closer to him and waited for him to meet her eyes. "I know this is the end for us, but I want you to see that you still are a great guy, you still can be something and have something. You were just trying to build that with the wrong woman. I know that now." He looked at her.

"None of this makes sense Molly, we won't ever be…." His words trailed off as she reached out and squeezed his hand.

"I know Jim, but that's why this, us walking away and you going after her, makes all the sense in the world. You love her Jim and she loves you. You should be together." Molly paused and sighed. "Yes, that makes me a little sad. I was falling in love with you, but I understand now that all of this was meant to happen. I was meant to show you who is right for you."

He didn't quite know what to say. He looked back at her with a blank expression as she chewed at her bottom lip and nodded slowly.

"Give me a hug," she said standing up. "I gotta get back to work, and you should go get that clearance form signed which I know you have been dreading."

He let out a small chuckle and stood up too. "Molly, I'm sorry, I.."

"Jim, honestly. It is okay. I understand. This is how it is meant to be." She opened her arms and he leant in and gave her a hug.

"Ok, I am sure I will see you around." She smiled as she drew back. He nodded,

"Yeah, as long as your father doesn't banish me to the basement for all eternity." Molly couldn't help but giggle and smirk.

"He will be fine; I have already explained the situation calmly and he holds nothing against you Jim. I am not going to trash your career, because we didn't work out."

He nodded and smiled. "Thank you." He muttered kicking at the ground.

"See you round Jim," Molly added with a friendly smile and a wave as she turned and walked away. He stood watching her. Well that didn't go exactly as he had planned but maybe it had turned out okay. Thank god Molly was a mature and sensible woman.

As he sat on his bike back in the parking structure, he glanced out at the skyline of LA. He had the LAPD doctors clearance to return to work, so he knew Molly was right. He should stop procrastinating and make that appointment with Hicks. He took out his phone and dialled Hick's number.

"Hick's." He answered on the third ring.

"Good Afternoon Sir, it's Street," He began nervously. "I uh, I need to make a time to come see you and have my return to work forms signed."

"Oh, right. Yes. Um, how about you come in tomorrow morning about 10am?"

"Sure, I can do that." He answered still trying to determine Hick's mood.

"Ok, see you then," and before Street could barely say thankyou and bye Hicks was gone. He scrunched his lips and put his phone away, telling himself not to read too much into that conversation. He started his bike and rode off towards the exit.

Sitting on the sofa as the sun began to set, later that afternoon, he threw his gaze one more time over to the paperwork that was taunting him on the dining table. Molly was right, he still wasn't excited to have to face Commander Hicks. Slowly, he swirled the whiskey glass in his hands and chewed his lip thinking.

'Should I call Chris and try asking her for her advice?' He shook his head in defeat and lowered it. 'Nope.' She would likely still be angry with him too right now. He hadn't spoken to her in the last two weeks. But then it kind of hit him.

'Maybe I should tell her about Molly? That I've dealt with that and….and…what?' He paused. Still looking over towards the papers, he remembered an emotional conversation with Hondo, a while back when he had been upset in the locker room. Hondo had told him,

"Straight out of the academy we are told not to wear our emotions on our sleeves. To bury them or box them up." Maybe that was how he had been justifying all of this. His own words that day about not facing their own shit head on were starting to haunt him. As his mind flashed back to the park, he thought about how Molly had told him with so much conviction that she believes he and Chris can work out. He had to admit that the thought of that, made him tingle all over.

As he placed down the glass and stood up to fetch the paperwork his phone buzzed. It was a text from Luca. Saying that he was going out with Tuanna and wouldn't be home tonight, but to call if he needed anything. Street nodded to himself as he tossed the phone back on the sofa and picked up the paperwork. He was really hoping that a visit to get this signed in the morning would be as pain free as possible.

He stood briefly looking over the documents in his hand, wondering whether he should just be upfront with the commander and apologise about what happened with Molly. But then again, the commander hadn't even mentioned it when they spoke briefly this afternoon. Street wandered back over and sunk down on to the sofa. He was trying to work out what the commander would say. Would he even bring up Molly? Or just ignore the issue? He tossed the pages down beside him and rubbed his face with both hands as he leant his head back and reached for his phone.

'Hi, I need to talk to you Chris.' He kept the message that simple. He was hoping and praying inside that she didn't hate him right now as much as he thought she did.

Chris was just stepping into her apartment across town when her phone buzzed. She assumed without glancing at it that it was just one of the guys. So, she took her time unpacking, sorting things and fishing out a frozen meal for her dinner before she finally opened her screen. She was standing in her kitchen in front of the microwave, with a fork in her other hand, about to stab holes in the plastic film on the top of her frozen meal, when she realised the message was from him. Slowly she put down the meal and the fork and stared at the screen.

It had been about 2 weeks since she had last heard from him, and their last few exchanges hadn't exactly been great. She swirled her thumbs and glanced at the ceiling trying to think what to write.

'Hi, okay I am here.' Was all she typed. She had barely settled her nerves and caught her breath when her screen again lit up,

'Can we talk tonight, if your free?'

She blew out a slow breath. Her mind raced and her heart pounded inside her chest like a hundred racehorses hooves. What was so important he needed to talk right now? Had he fixed things with Molly? Her heart sank and she felt like tears were building. She shook her head to shake them away and felt stupid. After all she had told him to just make a damn decision and let her know. Maybe he was just trying to lessen the blow when he returns to HQ and she hears the gossip or sees them together again.

'I'm not busy, was just about to cook dinner.'

'Luca is at Tuanna's can u come over?'

She tapped her phone on the counter.

'Okay, give me 20.'

By the time Chris pulled into the drive at Luca's, Street had already ordered pizzas and was waiting with two cold beers. He saw her lights pull in and opened the door standing in the doorway. Chris climbed out shutting her door and looked up seeing him step out of the door.

"Hi," he waved nervously with a smile. Suddenly, she felt that rush of adrenalin and her skin prickled like crazy. She blew a few slow, low, breaths in and out to calm herself as she answered.

"Hey." She began to take a few small steps to move up onto the porch towards him.

"You okay?" He asked watching her.

She glanced up to meet his eyes, "Yeah, just trying to work out why you so urgently needed to talk." He could sense the tension in the air as she got closer. He let out a sigh and held open the door for her.

"Come on," he said motioning inside. "I interrupted your dinner plans, so I got us pizzas." He said trying to lighten the mood and keep it easy. She smiled and nodded as she slipped passed him and stepped inside.

"I, um," he began as he followed her in and picked up a beer to pass her. "I needed to talk to you before I go in tomorrow to get my paperwork signed." Chris nervously removed her shoes and took the beer from his hands, sitting on the sofa.

"Okay?" She mumbled as she sat down picking up a slice of the pizza. She was starving. "Why?" She asked.

"Well," he began as he took his seat and took some pizza too. "I um, should probably go back and start at the start." Chris nodded nervously as she ate her pizza and took a sip of her beer.

"I did what you said." He slowly looked up at her after a mouthful. She returned his gaze with a confused frown. "I took some time to think, to sort out my shit."

"Oh, right." She nodded continuing to eat and nervously picking at the bottle label.

"I ah, I met up with Molly today." He continued swallowing his mouthful.

Chris was just about ready to stand up and walk out if he said they had worked it out. She felt a shake growing in her legs and frowned at herself for feeling like that.

"And?" She prodded, as she placed her bottle back down and continued to eat. Dreading his answer.

"Well, she was um," he paused and swallowed, "actually a lot more put together about this all than I had thought."

Chris threw him a querying look as she inhaled slowly.

"Okay you need to explain a bit more," she said tracing her fingers over the bottle as she watched him blurt pieces of what had happened not making much sense. It kind of made her smile on the inside. That was the bumbling fool she had fallen in love with. He continued to speak, and she traced her teeth slightly over her bottom lip and looked down. Reminding herself that nothing was going to happen there right now, he was still in a mess with all this Molly stuff and needed space to work himself out.

"Chris?" He said as he walked to the table.

"Uh, what?" Chris shook her head and looked up at him a little embarrassed. He smiled a bit and gave her a querying look.

"You weren't listening were you."

"I, um, I'm sorry, I got side-tracked for a second. Go on." She said sitting up and placing her bottle down on the coffee table. He walked a bit closer and sat in the adjacent chair.

"Molly and I," he continued leaning on his elbows as he looked at the floor. "We talked and well, she yelled a bit, which I totally deserved," he held up his finger acknowledging his mistakes. "But bottom line is we are both walking away on reasonably good terms, considering the train wreck I created."

Chris sat for a second shocked, her eyes moving over the man she desperately wanted to reach out and hug to her. He felt her silence and slowly glanced up. A bit nervous to meet her eyes. Chris's eyes briefly for a second found his and they sat staring at each other. The sound of a honking car horn outside broke Chris out of it. She cleared her throat nervously.

"So, ah, you ended it?"

He nodded without a word. His dimples quivered a bit as he watched her for a reaction. Chris felt the nerves building in her again. She was sure that sick feeling in her stomach was some sort of guilt for her part in this.

"Oh!" She rubbed her hands on her knees and stood up, moving about nervously. "I'm sorry, I."

"Chris," Street interrupted. "What happened, that decision. Wasn't your fault." He tried reassuring her.

"But, some of it was." She paced a little and glanced about. "I know Molly saw me as a threat, she pretty much told me that, and come on, she must blame me for what happened with you two."

He frowned watching her paced nervously. He could almost hear the cogs in her head spinning as she processed all of this. She turned away from him and walked to the back window. Looking out into Luca's back yard.

"I, ah," he began as he stood up from the sofa and walked towards her. "I wanted to talk to you, so you didn't just get all of this in bits and pieces tomorrow when I come into HQ."

"Are you back on full duty?" She asked slightly turning to him.

"I will be in a few days."

She nodded silently. "Well that's good."

He tilted his head and could still feel the uncomfortableness in the air. "Are we okay Chris? I mean can we still be friends? Like we were? Or,"

Chris grimaced a bit. She was split in two. Half of her was happy he and Molly were over. Half of her felt like absolute shit about it all.

"Or what?"

"Or did I screw this up too much this time for us to be okay on that level again?"

Chris closed her eyes and looked down. She tightened her lips and inhaled slowly. "Jim!" It escaped her lips like a whisper. She slowly turned to face him. How could he think that she would ever walk away and not be his friend? That hurt her. "I will always be your friend. But this, this," she waved her hand around a bit. "This weirdness, or awkwardness, I mean you need some time and so do I,"

Street swallowed hard and nodded. He knew not to push her.

"I appreciate you telling me, I do," she turned back away from him. "I just, we just, need to rebuild. You know?"

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled watching her.

Soon after Chris said good night and wished him luck for the meeting in the morning. She sighed as she pulled out of the drive and headed back to her apartment. She just couldn't hang around like she used to, playing games, watching movies, it just wasn't, it just didn't feel right right now.

The next morning Molly stopped by HQ to pick up some paperwork and see her father. As she exited his office and walked back down the hall a familiar voice behind her made her spin around.

"Molly Hicks? Is that you?" She instantly recognised the voice and turned to see her old colleague, Mark Layton, standing in front of her.

"Mark? What on earth are you doing here in LA?" She smiled giving him a hug.

"I am here on a case, consulting actually." He replied letting her go and nodding to the files in his hand. They stood catching up briefly and making small talk, as 20 David peeled around the corner in full tactical uniforms about to roll out. Chris's eyes instantly landed on Molly, and as she approached where they were standing, she looked down swallowing hard and closing her eyes. Tan too had noticed Molly and he had been watching Chris's curious reaction to seeing her. As they passed by, Chris gave Molly a small nod with her lips pursed a bit. He was surprised to see Molly give Chris a sad smile and then look away uncomfortably with a slight shake of her head. He didn't know what to make of any of it, especially with what he heard the man standing next to Molly say.

"How is LA treating you? You look great Molly?"

"Thanks, it's um, it's been a journey." She smiled

"Hey, do you have time for a coffee? Or dinner one night?" He asked. Molly chewed her lip.

"Sure, let's grab a coffee." She nodded, motioning for him to walk with her as they began to head away in the other direction. "So, how's Pittsburg? What am I missing?" She asked.

"Wow, well, a bit," he chuckled.

As 20 David continued towards the motor pool, Tan frowned trying to work out who that was with Molly and why Chris had reacted like that seeing her. He adjusted his stride to be back beside Chris. She was lost in her own head, not really paying any attention to anyone else when Deacon and Hondo's voices made her look up.

"Hey, Hey," Hondo laughed as Street walked into the building towards them waving the return to work paperwork at Hondo. "Can't wait to see you back around here."

"Good Luck Street," Deacon called, as Luca hugged him and patted his back.

Tan smiled and wished him the best of luck too as he noted Chris's reserved smile and weird awkward shoulder hug or pat thing she just did. Those two were not usually like that with each other? What the hell was happening?

As Street continued on his way and so did they, Tan tapped Chris's arm,

"Hey, you okay? Is ah, everything okay?" He asked quietly motioning behind them to Street or Molly or maybe both.

Chris lifted her eyes to him with sheer annoyance on her face, before she rolled her eyes a little and just answered.,

"Uh huh, let's go."

He sighed and watched her shut him down as she climbed inside and almost glared at him when she pulled the door closed. Tan scrunched his face as he walked to his door, he might not know Chris as well as Street or Deac but he knew something was weird right now.


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you to Lalez for your inspiration, assistance and motivation with this chapter, I hope you like it. **

**~ Chapter also completed with assistance from Chris C ~**

As Molly walked down the halls of HQ with Mark at her side, he continued to answer her question about how things are going back in Pittsburg.

"There have been a few changes at the office lately actually." Suddenly a lightbulb went off in his head. His eyes grew wide and he smiled. "Hey, you know what?"

"What?" She chuckled nervously looking at him.

"There is an executive level position opening up in a week or so and, well," he paused and tapped her arm for her to stop. "You should apply for it! Come back to Pittsburg." He said. "I mean I know you said you are kind of getting used to it here but come on. We all know how much you love Pittsburg."

Molly shook her head, instantly dismissing the idea. "No, no, I can't, I mean, I've only just moved back here and I am neck deep in cases and work and….."

"And what?"

"And," she smiled, "I wouldn't even get a look in to a position like that,"

"Yes, you would!" Mark interrupted. "Trust me the higher ups noticed you and your loss was felt. On top of that you are doing such amazing work here that this would be a fantastic promotion for you. A step up the chain. You should consider applying. You've worked hard and been through enough. You deserve it!"

'Been through enough... hell yes I have,' she muttered in her own head glancing away out the window.

"I'll think about it." She offered trying to get him to stop.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Street had just entered Hicks office and was nervously waiting for the Commander to finish his phone call as he sat in the chair.

"Ok, I will let you know as soon as I have that data. Thank you." His tone was a little annoyed as he placed the phone back down heavily and sighed.

"Been a day huh?" Street offered trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah," Hicks answered. "Damn paper pushers in their offices have no idea how we operate." He shook his head a little and sighed.

"Anyway, sorry, back to you. You have all the clearances I assume?"

"Yes, Sir." Street held them out to Hicks. "Just need your sign off and I am good to go."

Hicks nodded reading over the paperwork as Street nervously tried not to fidget. His heart was racing, and he kept wondering if the Commander would ask about Molly. Which again made his pulse rise.

"Ok, all looks good. Are you feeling up to being back on full duty?" Hicks asked looking up at him.

"Yes, I am, definitely." He answered with a nod.

"Ok, well, I am sure the guys will be glad to have you back. But listen Street, before I sign these, I need you to think about something." He briefly paused and Street felt his heart race a million miles an hour. "With these new policy revisions that are coming in, HR want me to have 50 David and 20 David Teams settled to permanent positions. That's gunna mean that I need you to decide which team you would like to stay on permanently."

"Oh." Street paused and he thought his heart had stopped beating. "Okay." He answered a bit shocked.

"I'll try to give you leeway of a few shifts to discuss with Rocker and Hondo if you need to."

"Yeah that would be great." Street answered a bit flustered.

As he closed the door and leant on the wall outside Hick's office, he rested his head back, closing his eyes and whispered to himself, 'Shit!'

Coming into get those papers signed, the worst thoughts he had were around the Commander mentioning Molly, which thankfully he didn't. But holy hell this was a curve ball he hadn't seen coming. He certainly never expected this. As he stood up and began walking down the corridor his mind was a mess. He had no idea what to do or say and just couldn't get his thoughts straight.

20 David had returned to HQ, after being stood down on the way to the scene of the call out. LAPD uniforms had managed to deal with the situation. Chris had a few errands to run so she had headed upstairs to grab the things she needed from the tech guys. She was on her way to grab the keys to the charger looking down at the iPad when footsteps made her look up.

'Should I find Chris and try asking her for her advice?' Street was thinking as he turned to head down the stairs looking at his feet.

"Hi."

Her voice almost made him lose his balance. She was beside him walking down with the tablet in her hand.

"Oh hey, I was just thinking about coming to find you."

"Oh yeah? Why's that?" She asked.

"Well, we need to talk Chris, it's, ah, important." He said as he almost walked straight into a neatly dressed man in a business suit at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was not paying..." his words trailed off as he looked up and saw Molly standing in front of him with Mark. "Molly," he almost whispered a bit surprised.

"Jim," she smiled before looking at Chris. "Hi."

"Hey," Chris answered not sure where to put her eyes.

"Oh, you all know each other?" Mark asked looking between Molly, Chris and Street.

"Yeah," Molly answered, 'You could say that,' she whispered in her head, noting Chris's awkwardness.

"Yeah, I um, I," Street babbled.

Molly chuckled a bit at his shock. "Mark, this is Jim Street, and this is Christina Alonso." She said lifting her hand to motion between them, "This is an old colleague of mine, Mark."

"Oh, hi, um, sorry about that." Street said extending his hand.

"Nice to meet you," Chris said politely, shaking his hand.

"No worries, and likewise." Mark answered shaking Streets hand and smiling at Chris. Street was wondering why this guy was here and how to explain knowing Molly and reacting like he did when Molly spoke again.

"Jim and Chris, are both SWAT officers here with my dad." She continued.

"Oh right, you must know most of the officers here." He said smiling a little at Molly like he wanted more clarification on how well she knew Jim Street.

"Yeah, SWAT is like a family." She answered looking back at Chris and Street who couldn't look more uncomfortable if they tried.

"Yeah," Street nodded trying to get his brain and mouth to work.

"Well, we better get those files and get going, I'm due back at the office in an hour." Molly said turning back to Mark.

"Yeah, and that coffee date." Mark spoke up reminding her.

Jim's eyes widened a fraction and he looked at Molly surprised. Molly blushed a little knowing how this looked. Chris was so uncomfortable she didn't know where to look or what to say.

"Yeah, let's go." She said shooing Mark. "Nice to see you both." She added over her shoulder as she walked away. But on the inside Molly was wondering what Street and Chris were so deep in conversation about, and part of her felt shitty that Chris obviously was punishing herself about all of this.

"Yeah, you too." Chris and Street both answered in a weird unison as they widened their eyes and smirked a little at each other.

Street stood for a second, trying to process all of that. Chris licked her top lip and gripped the iPad hard.

"Okay, well, that wasn't at all weird." She frowned sarcastically.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, that was probably my fault," he started.

"No, it's just what it is." Chris said watching them walk into the elevator.

"Hey, can we meet up later? I need to talk to you again."

"Um, yeah, I guess, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, but we need to talk about something."

Chris swallowed hard. It sounded like it was bad news. 'Maybe something had happened with Hick's?' She wondered.

"Okay well I will text you when I finish shift," Chris added as she gestured to the motor pool. "I've got errands to run for Hondo."

"Yeah, sure. No worries." He answered.

Later that day as the normal shift end time approached, she knew she would be running a bit late as the case they were working was taking a bit to wrap up. So, she text him.

"Hi, shift is running later than expected. I will let you know when we wrap it up."

"Okay. Stay Safe." He text back.

A few hours later as it approached midnight, she text him apologising.

"Sorry, we only just got back to HQ."

"Overtime huh? 😊 Don't worry. We can talk tomorrow. Go rest."

Chris drove home and laid in her bed wondering what the hell he wanted to talk about today. Then her thoughts flashed to Molly and that guy at HQ this morning. Her brain was so tired, and she couldn't think straight. As soon as she let her eyes close, she was sound asleep.

As Molly sat at her desk the next day, she looked at the file her mouse was hovering over. It was her CV. She swirled her index finger around the button beneath it, as she wondered if she should do what Mark had suggested and apply for the position just to see what happens. After tossing the idea around her head a bit she told herself that at least writing the application would be great practice for her CV, but she honestly did not for a second think she would stand a chance. She double clicked the file open and began typing her thoughts down. She had to admit it felt good actually listing out her accomplishments.

As Chris arrived for shift, pulling her truck into the garage at HQ, she saw Streets bike. Shutting off her engine she looked at it and sat thinking for a second. She felt bad for not going to see him last night and wondered if he would try to talk to her today, here.

As she made her way in, she was met by Luca and Tan walking towards the locker room.

"Morning," she nodded as they all fell in sync with each other.

"Hey, we are gunna road test some new recipes this afternoon with the food truck. You have to hang about after shift. Come on!" Luca smiled at her with is best puppy dog eyes. Chris raised her eyebrows and laughed as they stepped inside the locker room, she was wondering if Street would want to meet up though, when she looked up and saw him. His eyes fell on her too as she approached him and opened her locker.

"Hey," he said quietly as she placed her bag down.

"Hey," she answered back, quickly giving him a glance.

The others continued to move about exchanging banter as she unpacked and grabbed her clothes to go change. Before she turned to move away, she again looked at him. He looked back at her and desperately wanted to ask her to meet him again. But in here with all the ears around he just nodded and smiled.

"Hey, yo Street, you are gunna hang about for the food truck thing, right?" Luca called.

Street couldn't help but smile seeing Luca so excited. "Yeah, um sure," he smiled glancing back at Chris. "Count me in."

As Luca clapped, "Yeah… see, we will all be there." Street widened his eyes and shrugged at Chris who smirked. As she squeezed passed him, she whispered,

"See you there then," with a smile.

Chris's shift that day was fairly plain. She was tinkering in the armoury when 20 David got a call. Hondo assigned her and Tan to canvas the neighbourhood and Chris tried her best not to roll her eyes. She knew that he would keep bugging her about Molly yesterday and what was going on. It was maybe 4 houses later as they walked past and empty lot that Tan spoke up,

"Hey, ah, is everything okay with you?" He asked. She sighed and looked back at him. "Yeah, things are just a bit weird with everything right now."

"Meaning?"

Chris stopped walking and looked away down the road. "Street and Molly broke up." She looked back at Tan. He nodded and tilted his head.

"I kinda figured from what Luca said."

"Yeah and, well, after my visit to the hospital, when he was hurt and ..."

"And what? What does that have to do with anything? Do you blame yourself or something?"

"No," she said a little too quickly, immediately regretting blurting that out. Tan picked up on those defensive tones in her voice. She went to keep walking. "It's nothing."

"Chris, hang on." Tan said putting his hand on her forearm. "Talk to me, I know there was. Or, is, shit between you and him. He changed teams so you could sort it out, right? And it seemed like you were, but now, today, well I can see that there still is something going on and it's got you all wound up. I am worried about you."

Chris turned and glared at him. "If you don't wanna be out here with me just say it." She began walking again.

"No, no Chris." He reached out and stopped her again. She stood arms folded, looking down. "That's not what I meant at all. I am trying to help here."

Chris shook her head and slowly unfolded her arms.

"Ok, so, why is you visiting him at the hospital and them breaking up an issue, I mean I'm not follo…. Oh wait! Are you saying?"

"I don't know okay, I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

"Hey, you are his best friend, I am sure Molly knows, or knew that, and that had nothing to do with Street screwing it up."

"Yeah, well," Chris huffed and turned away. "Molly thought there was more to it obviously. She all but accused me of that outside the hospital. Do you have any idea how that feels?"

Tan dropped his shoulders and hugged her. He had noted tears welling in her eyes and felt her shudder a bit. He felt Deja vu hit him. Holding her crying over Street again.

"Please don't hurt me for saying this," Tan said as Chris began to pull back from his hug, "but this isn't the first time you are this closed off because of him. At the picnic you were, well I'd say jealous, because he moved on and now, you're what? Angry that Molly figured out that there may be, is, something more going on, maybe for both of you?"

Chris moved her head up sharply to look at him. Her eyes wide and her breath caught in her throat. Her brain was frozen. "No." Was all she managed to get out. Tan sighed and watched her.

"Chris," he began slowly as he leant back on the fence and patted a spot next to him for her to sit. "You and Street have this thing that we all see. Yes, you are best friends and all that, but I mean it wouldn't be a crime if that amazing friendship turned into more, would it?"

Chris stood looking at him, she closed her eyes and looked away. Tan seeing her like this almost confirmed in his head that she felt more. Chris didn't want to sit and talk about this right now, she was chewing her lip and hating that all of this was spilling out. That her teammates were noticing. That her heart aching for him was affecting her job.

"Look, I will let it go, if," he held up his finger and stood up. "If, you agree to talk to him and find peace with it all. Whatever that looks like."

Again, she looked at him and all she could do was nod.

"Okay let's go, before Hondo starts wondering where we are."

Soon, they had finished up and headed back to HQ. Chris was thankful Tan was in the front of Black Betty and could not throw her anymore pity filled looks. She knew deep down that he meant well and was worried for her, but she felt ashamed and guilty after saying all of that out loud.

As they piled out of Black betty in the quad at HQ, the divine smells of Samira's cooking filled their nostrils.

"Yeah, come on guys! Let's get this party started." Luca called as he walked over to check out what was happening.

After changing and giving herself a pep talk to just enjoy this for Luca's sake, she wandered out and sat on the table as Rocker handed her a plate.

"God this all smells amazing."

"Yeah, well that's Samira for you." Chris smiled giving Samira a wave.

The rest of 20 David and 50 David soon joined them, and Chris realised this was actually really nice. Just hanging out and laughing. No weirdness or pressure. Sharing a few laughs again with them all just like it should be. Even seeing Street, wasn't so bad. She was able to share a few laughs with him in the food truck as Samira attempted to teach him how to roll the pastry on one of her dishes. Chris had laughed so hard at his finish product that tears welled in her eyes.

Later climbing into bed, she couldn't help but smile. Having everyone back, and the family feeling again was perfect. She also smiled and bit her lip thinking about having Street back. They were taking baby steps yes, but each day things began to feel less weird and awkward and she knew they were on the road to recovery.

Commander Hicks was walking with purpose through HQ the next morning. He was on his way to meet with the mayor and negotiate some policy revisions.

"Dad," Molly's voice brought him to a sudden stop as he turned. She was running a little to catch him. "Good, I am glad I caught you." She huffed a little straightening her clothes as she reached him.

"Molly? What on earth? Is something wrong?"

"No, no," she waved her hand dismissively. "I just want to ask you for your help on something."

"Ok? Like what?" He said motioning for her to walk with him.

"Well, you might not like this, but I am writing a job application and I want your advice on it."

"A job application? For where? What job?"

"Well, now Dad," Molly said holding his arm. "I'm pretty sure I won't get it. It's an executive level position that is opening up at my old firm in Pittsburg,"

Hicks shook his head and sighed. "You're not moving back there, are you?"

"No, hold on, I just think it would be good practice." Hicks eyed her suspiciously.

"Okay," he nodded. Molly smiled and leaned up to kiss his cheek whilst handing him a folder containing her CV and the application.

"Thanks Dad, you're the best!" She smiled as he nodded and walked away.

As Molly turned, fastening the clip on her bag and beginning to head out she saw Chris across the gym. Their incidental meeting yesterday had left Molly feeling a bit shitty about it all. Molly didn't like that Chris was weird around her now and that she now assumed she thought the worst of her.

Watching Chris hop off the bike and head towards the locker room Molly decided to take a chance and try to fix it. She quickened her pace to catch up to her.

"Chris." She called as she approached the doors. Chris frowned a little as she turned. Recognising the voice, she had not expected to see Molly again so soon or for her to speak to her, considering. Molly approached and fidgeted a little with her fingers as she formed her words.

"Can I, ah, take a minute of your time, I mean can we talk. I, I feel like I need to say a few things and well you know, girl to girl stuff." Chris had never really been a girly girl at all. She twitched her eyebrows a little not sure what to expect.

"I, ah, I guess so." Chris answered hesitantly, as she motioned towards the kitchen. It was more private in there.

Molly walked silently as her head raced with what to say. Chris pushed open the door and made sure they were alone before closing the door again. She walked to the bench and put her bag up, turning back to look at Chris.

"So, um, how is Jim?"

Chris let out a little huff through her nose. "He is okay, I guess. I, well we haven't exactly been hanging out much or talking really." She answered watching Molly trying to determine her motives for this chat. "Why do you ask?" Chris winced a little noting to herself that sounded like a harsh "Why do you care?"

Molly nodded and squeezed her hands to steady herself. "Look, I, I want to apologise to you Chris."

Chris's brows furrowed and she tilted her head slightly. "What? Why?" Came out of her mouth before she could stop it.

Molly motioned for Chris to sit on the stool opposite. "Well, I guess, I, I had my blinders on in the beginning. When I came here and met Jim, I saw him as a ridiculously handsome, totally amazing guy who I thought was perfect. I really let myself get carried away picturing myself with him, and I guess, if I am being honest, I am used to getting what I want."

Chris was listening, watching her and yet so completely baffled. Molly saw the confusion on Chris's face and stepped closer. "Look what I am trying to say is, I didn't see what you and he have. I just saw what I wanted. But now, with hindsight, well I see the special connection you two have. The friendship, the care, the need for each other."

Chris's eyes danced all over Molly. She was a little thrown by this. Especially as she had assumed Molly hated her guts for ruining her relationship. As Chris stood silent, still clearly trying to fathom what was going on Molly continued,

"I need you to know Chris, that I do not hold any ill feelings towards you. What happened with Jim and I, it wasn't your fault. I realise now that Jim and I are not meant to be, as they say."

Chris remembered Streets words about Molly taking it all better than he expected. 'Hmmm,' she thought to herself. 'Maybe he was right.'

"Molly, I still feel like I should maybe apologise to you though. I have, I am," Chris closed her eyes and seemed to grimace. Molly could see how hard this was for her to say. "I have tried so many times to keep him on the right track. To make sure he is doing okay, but I guess when it came to you two, I, I just got in the way."

"No, stop." Molly interrupted. "Yes, I was jealous of you. The time he wanted to spend with you and all of that, but now. Now I realise that I was supposed to show him, and maybe you," she said pointing at Chris. "Who IS actually right for him."

Chris scrunched her face a little as Molly spoke again.

"I will let you get back to work, but Chris please know this. Jim needs you."

"I know that, and I will always be his friend," Chris interrupted with a nod. "But Molly he wanted to make a relationship work with you. To have someone to love, to not be a failure."

Molly smiled, "Yeah, and that someone is not me. I don't have his heart. You do. He told me that Chris. He said he loves you. Jim wants you in his life, not me."

Chris's eyes went wide, and she froze again as Molly stood up to leave,

"I'm sorry I didn't see that before. But I want you to know that I never meant to get in the way of what you guys were working out. He loves you Chris, with all his heart."

Chris was shellshocked. She couldn't manage to get her words out. Molly opened the door to leave. "Trust me Chris, you need to talk to him, be there for him, because that amazing man loves you."

As the door swung shut Chris looked down at the floor. Her hands were shaking a little. 'He told Molly he loves me?' She whispered confused. She was suddenly snapped out of her daze when the opposite door clunked open and Deacon came in.

"Hey,"

"Hey." She answered turning away to the fridge.

"You okay?"

"Uh huh, just went too hard on the bike," she puffed as she walked away out the door. The last thing she wanted right then was an interrogation from one of the team. She made her way to the showers and stood with her forehead on the wall as the water ran down her body.

"What the hell was that?" She whispered trying her best to process what had just happened. Part of her was in shock, a part of her felt angry, another part just confused.

'Why would he tell Molly he loves me? Why wouldn't he tell me that?' but she answered both of her questions before she finished thinking them, 'Cause I keep shutting him down and pushing him away. I all but told him that day in the charger that he wasn't good enough for me and that my career was more important.' She broke down crying. 'God, I hope he doesn't really believe all of that. I hope he sees I was just scared and throwing up walls.'

As she stood under the water, paralysed and numb, for what felt like forever, she began to go through a whole gamut of emotions. From a crying mess one minute, to smiling and happy because he had verbalised his feelings for her to someone else, to an angry worked up state the next, because she hated herself for how this had all played out.

Pulling on her uniform, she wondered how she would face him. A tiny bit of her was angry with him for telling Molly that. Part of her again felt guilty because that was undoubtedly the reason that Molly walked away from him. She knew he still wanted to chat about whatever happened yesterday, and now she wanted to know what the hell he was thinking saying that to Molly. But would she have the guts to ask him face to face.

She had just zipped up her shower bag and run the comb through her wet hair when her phone buzzed. They had a case. She grabbed up her stuff and hurried to the locker room. She was pulling her vest over her head when Stevens and Street came in closely followed by Rocker.

"We are joining you." Rocker said nodding at Hondo.

"Ok let's roll." Hondo answered clipping up his last buckle as he headed for the door.

Chris grabbed her things and closed her locker. She could feel Streets eyes on her. She told herself not to look at him as she fastened her vest and grabbed her helmet.

"Hey,"

His voice made her momentarily close her eyes. She looked sideways at him without a word. He kinda noticed her on edge, harsh demeanour.

"I'll just text you." He said quietly, and she turned tapping Luca on the back.

"Come on, or Tan is gunna steal your ride." She teased,

"Oh, hell no!" Luca laughed standing up and following her.

Street frowned a little, wondering what was up with her. She seemed off, and hostile almost. But he had little time to stand dwelling on it. Rocker had rounded them all up and soon they were following 20 David to an active shooter call.

Sitting in the back of the Gurkha, he couldn't deny he loved being back, but his head was all over the place with this decision. Seeing both teams again, he just couldn't decide. Having 20 David back, in a way would be amazing, yes, but the trade-off, that nothing would ever happen with he and Chris was a big price to pay. Part of him knew that if he jumped and decided without telling her first, that they would be back to square one, like when he moved teams to begin with. But bringing this up with her now? He wasn't sure it was exactly the right time. He knew though that even just staying 50 David didn't guarantee that it would happen either, he sighed. 'It is my only shot though, and plus, these guys are becoming my family too.'

"Rolling up in 10," Stevens called and snapped Street out of it. As they approached the location, they could hear gunshots ringing out. Their radios buzzed with chatter from the local units on scene. The doors opened and they piled out. Both teams taking cover as Hondo and Rocker retrieved details from the local units.

Soon they all had their assignments and Chris followed Tan up to the building on one side of the perimeter, whilst Street followed Stevens up the other. They crouched at the doors on opposite sides of the building waiting for the call to breach.

As they entered the ground floor, Chris focused and kept her mission in the front of her mind. Secure the ground floor and rescue the pinned uniformed officers. She followed Tan down the corridor. Keeping her head on a swivel, checking for suspects or danger behind them, as they swept through the rooms. They approached the end of the corridor and the opening to the lobby stood in front of them. Hondo was in their ears,

"20 David to all D teams. Two suspects on the catwalk above. Hold your positions. 50 David and I approaching above."

They crouched behind the corner as Tan signalled to Chris that he had eyes on Hondo above them. Chris could see Street and Stevens across the lobby. On Hondo's count they engaged the two suspects on the catwalk and Hondo and Rocker took them out. Stevens and Street took the chance to rescue the two uniformed officers who were pinned in the lobby.

As the operation wound up and Chris made her way out, Street saw her across the path. He jogged to catch up to her and walked back towards the Gurkhas next to her.

"Can you meet me at that bar near the beach later?"

Chris looked at him for a second. She was torn in two. Part of her wanted to say no and keep their relationship strictly professional. But she had been there before and knew how that went. Part of her desperately wanted to just ask him if what Molly said was true.

"Thought you were gunna text me?" She mumbled.

"I uh, well no, we were kinda busy." He laughed gesturing to the building.

"Yeah, okay." She nodded as she started to climb up the steps of Black betty. "After shift."

"Thanks," he mouthed at her as he headed back to the other Gurkha.


	30. Chapter 30

**Thank you to Lalez for your inspiration, assistance and motivation with this chapter, I hope you like it. **

Chris was a bundle of nerves the entire ride back to HQ and throughout 20 David's detailed debrief. She knew he would beat her to that bar as 50 David had left the scene before them and Rocker's debriefs were not as complex as Hondo's'. As she listened to her teammates talking, she couldn't get all of this with Street out of her head. So, as soon as he told them they could go, she changed into her civvies, headed for her truck and drove towards the beach bar.

By the time she arrived and pulled in she could already see his bike parked a little further down. She checked her appearance in the mirror before climbing out and walking towards the pier.

"Hi," she said, approaching him. Street was leaning on the railing looking out at the water.

"Hey," he answered as he stood up and turned to her. She stepped in front of him and without warning he leant into hug her. She smiled and frowned a bit at him with a querying look. Like a 'What are you doing?' as she tentatively hugged him back.

He nervously let her go and stepped back, "Sorry, I just," he shook his head and flattened his lips in a weird frown, not sure why he did that either. "So, how was your day?" He asked, almost on autopilot.

"Interesting," she nodded, eyeing him and then glancing out at the water too.

He looked over at her. "Oh yeah? Why's that?" Chris inhaled and contemplated what to say.

"No, you first. You asked me here. So, what is it? What do you need to talk to me about?"

"Ok, ok. Fairs fair. Wanna have a drink or take a walk?" He asked gesturing down to the beach or to the bar.

"Walk." She nodded reaching down and taking off her sneakers.

He followed her to the sand. Trying his best to calm his brain which was suddenly wondering if this was the best idea. If telling her Hicks wants a decision and that he needs to choose now what to do will only make this more weird and awkward.

As they took a few steps onto the sand Chris wriggled her toes and smiled at the feeling of the cool sand beneath her feet. They walked a little way in silence as Street tried his best to get his thoughts straight.

"I," the single syllable left his mouth slowly, and instantly Chris felt nervous. What the hell is he gunna say? What was this all about? Should she still ask him about what Molly said? Her mind raced too.

"Chris, I went to see Hick's this morning to….."

"Get the paperwork signed," they both said in unison and he then let out a laugh and she chuckled a bit gesturing for him to continue,

"Yeah, well, Hick's um, kind of threw a curve ball at me during that meeting."

"Oh, like what?" Chris mumbled as she looked across to him.

"Well," he frowned and stopped walking, putting his hands in his pockets and looking down.

Chris sensed him stop and stopped too, slowly turning to him. 'Oh, this must be something big' she thought to herself. For him to be like this. "Well what? You are gunna need to give me more than just that." She prodded raising her eyebrows.

"He, ah, wants me to pick a team permanently in the next two days." Chris shot her eyes to his. "HR are changing policies over and part of that," he continued looking over her shoulder and waving his hand nervously, "is that the teams need to be settled to permanent positions or something, so, he was saying that," he looked back at her and saw her drop her gaze away from his. She slowly closed her eyes.

"Wait." She held up her hand and turned away slightly. Holy shit, that had thrown her completely. The last thing she had expected him to say was that. Her mind swirled. She was still adamant about her way of thinking from back then, after she kissed him that night and the fallout that ensued. She was not going to let him trash his career for some hope of a 'them'. She would not let him lose the only family he has ever had just because of her. She slowly turned back to him as he stood frozen, watching her. He was terrified. Had he just blown things up more? She slowly lowered her hand, inhaling hard and just stood looking at him.

"What?" He chuckled slightly, trying to break her out of her daze. She swallowed hard and sat down on the sand, slowly patting a spot next to her.

"Jim, I, I can't be the reason that yo…,"

"Hang on," he said holding up his hand for her to stop as he sunk down next to her, "don't make your decision until you listen to me. I know you didn't love the idea of me swapping teams to begin with, so I want you to listen this time and be a part of this decision with me."

She didn't look at him, but she closed her eyes and exhaled nodding. She remembered that day at the hospital in the elevator when he told her he was swapping teams. She remembered how she felt. Sick, guilty, awful. Slowly she looked back at him as he continued,

"I swapped teams that day to give you space. To try to make you more comfortable and hopefully, fix our friendship. I still want that. I want," he paused and returned her gaze. "I want us to be okay. Bottom line. I mean I don't wanna make a decision here that sets us back or destroys this more than we already did."

Chris sat looking down at the sand for a moment. "I, look, I need you to understand something too. I can't make this decision for you." He would swear her dark eyes were almost sad as she looked back at him.

"Yeah, I know but Chris please, I just want and need you to be okay with this this time."

She looked away from him and he saw her jaw line tense. He knew she was struggling right now. He knew she wasn't good with words in situations like this.

"Chris?" He paused and waited for her to acknowledge him again. "Will you use your words and talk to me please?"

She scoffed lightly and shook her head a little. "Like I said, I won't be the reason you lose the only family you ever had."

He pursed his lips and nodded. "I get that. But 50 David actually aren't that bad, and I still see you guys almost every shift anyway."

She gave him a 'seriously' look. "They aren't us." She answered with a harshness to her voice.

"No, they aren't," he smirked a little. "But Chris, staying on 50 David wouldn't be the end of the world for me."

"I," she paused and looked down again. "Why did you ask me here to give my opinion if you have already made your decision?" She added looking back up.

"I ah," he began, "I didn't say that I had made a decision, I want your input, I want us to be ok again."

"Jim! You just said that staying 50 David wouldn't be the end of the world, it sounds like you have already made your choice."

He looked up at the sky briefly formulating his words. "Chris, it isn't that I don't want to go back to 20 David with you all, I…. I….. I just want to do what is best for us and allows us to fix this mess."

Chris shook her head. She was beginning to get a little frustrated here. "How can we fix us if you are on a different team from now on? and we lose that connection?"

He stood looking at her shocked for a second. "So, you want me back on 20 David?" He asked slowly. "So that we can spend all our shifts together, just like old times?

She looked away trying to get her own thoughts straight. "I don't want you to lose your family or hurt your career, just to fix us. And," she looked at him, "how can we go back to 'us' if you're not by my side anymore."

"Chris, no," he began as he slowly moved his hand to cover hers. "None of this is about any of that." She looked at him and could see the emotion and turmoil all over him. But as she sat there, she knew she was just as much of a mess right now.

"Then what is this all about, Jim?" She almost whispered looking at him for some clarity.

"I guess I need you to understand that me staying on 50 David would not be a bad thing. I would still be SWAT, still be doing what I love. Still have you all around me every day, and," he paused eyeing her, "it gives us the space of not being on the same team, side by side every day." Chris nodded a bit and then looked back at him.

"Why do you think I still want space?" She blurted, with hurt in her voice. There was a part of her head that was beginning to win this battle. That was beginning to convince her of what she needed to do here. What the only thing that would 'fix' them would be.

He sat back surprised and looked down for a second. "Chris, after it all, everything that has happened here," he said motioning between them. "I figured you still needed time,"

"Hmmmph!" Chris let out a huff.

"What?" He asked looking at her wearing a frown.

"Stop figuring and assuming for me damn it!" She almost growled.

"Ok, I'm sorry. I just, I." He paused and hesitated.

"What?" She glanced across at him.

He closed his eyes looking down. "I am trying like hell here, Chris. Trying to fix us." He slowly opened his eyes and looked back at her.

Chris nodded and looked down. She knew he was trying. She knew he didn't want to hurt her or them any further.

"I just, thought, assumed yes, you're right, that you might still need time to get passed my mess with Molly and rebuild our friendship."

"Is that it? The only reason?" She blurted.

He looked at her confused for a second. Not sure what to say or whether he should read into her probing question like his head immediately did. Before he could formulate his reply, she scoffed.

"And anyway, speaking of Molly. Don't you mean MY mess with Molly?"

He almost rolled his eyes as he looked away and then back at her. "Chris, Jesus, come on. Molly and I not working out was my fault. Not yours."

"Doesn't feel like it."

"Look, I screwed that up, not being honest and upfront with her. So, relax and please stop punishing yourself."

Inside Chris was fighting the urge to blurt out that question 'Did you tell her you love me?' She stood up and brushed the sand off her clothes. He watched her. He wondered what she was battling with inside. He knew her well enough to know something was eating at her. He wanted to make her comfortable enough to just say whatever it was. He stood up too and looked at her.

"You okay? Did I upset you?" She closed her eyes slowly, the pain showing on her face, as he spoke.

"Explain what you just said." She answered quietly folding her arms across herself, putting up that shield like she does when she feels vulnerable.

"What? The upsetting you part?" He looked at her confused.

She shook her head. "No, the not being honest and upfront with Molly. What exactly did you mean?"

He scrunched up his lips, "Right. Well, it's all the stuff you know though Chris. It all started to unravel when I wasn't upfront about you staying with us at Luca's. Then the drama at the hospital and it all kind of just came to a head from there."

Chris began to walk and nodded her head for him to join her.

"I know all of that, yes. But," She looked out at the ocean and paused. "Do you even know why I am upset and feel shitty?"

He stood looking at her as she looked back at him. He stepped closer. "Because I stuffed things up and dragged you into it."

"NO!" She almost shouted it in frustration, flapping her arms and turning away. "No Jim, that is not it." She began to walk back along the beach the way they had already been.

Street blinked up at the sky and chewed his lip shaking his head. 'God damn,' he muttered, 'why is she so hard to work out? To get to talk, actually talk about her feelings.' He thought as he jogged to catch up to her.

"Hey, Chris, wait." But she didn't stop. "I'm sorry." He called, but she didn't slow down. He adjusted his pace as he got close to her. Just behind her a stride or two.

"Tell me." He called. She briefly looked over her shoulder. "Tell me, what the problem is then?" Chris stepped onto the boardwalk and pulled her truck keys from her pocket.

"I shouldn't have to. Look, maybe this was just a dumb idea." She mumbled as she unlocked her truck and reached for the door handle.

He cautiously walked to the front of her truck. "Chris, please, what is on your mind? How do we fix it? Move forward? Get back to where we were?"

Chris looked back at him. She knew he was pleading and trying here. But she suddenly doubted everything she had been thinking might come out of this talk tonight.

"You just don't get it. Maybe we aren't ready to have this talk." She climbed in and reversed out driving away.

Watching her truck disappear he knew he couldn't just let it go. That he had been a clueless idiot and needed to fix this. He realised that she must blame herself for two things. Him swapping teams and losing his family, and for Molly walking away. He sat for a bit thinking, before climbing on his bike and riding towards her apartment. He was hoping the entire way there that she had driven home. That he would find her and be able to make her see that he didn't blame her, and she shouldn't blame herself.

Chris had not long gotten inside and thrown her bag angrily at the sofa. 'Why is he so clueless?' She mumbled angrily, as she stood with her hands on her hips. She was still so frustrated by him not seeing the whole picture here though. She moved to the kitchen and took a beer from the fridge, leaning on the counter as she sipped it and stared out the window. 'What now?' She asked herself. She had run away on him again. She had lost count of the amount of times she had done that. She knew inside that her walking away would have hurt him, would have frustrated him, that she had likely again, made things worse between them.

As she stood pondering what would happen next, how she would fix this mess, there was knocking on her door. She furrowed her eyebrows and wondered who the hell it was. The last thing she felt like was company. She put down her beer and walked around the counter to the door. Pulling it open she felt her heart stop as she saw him standing there, holding his helmet.

"Hey," he said, giving her a soft smile. "I know you're angry with me right now," he held up a hand to her, "and I am sorry. But I'm not gunna let you run away again; we have to work this out Chris."

She was still shell shocked, her fingers were shaking a little, so she clenched them slightly as she gestured for him to come in silently. He stepped inside and placed his helmet down on the floor as she moved away towards the kitchen counter. 'Why has he come here?' She muttered to herself, 'couldn't he just let it go?'

As he watched her walk to the kitchen, he knew he needed to offer an olive branch. "Can we just talk about this without either of us running away and shutting down please?" He asked softly. He saw her tilt her head in his direction, but she didn't turn to look at him.

"I only have a day or so to tell Hicks my decision, and I really don't wanna walk in there with you not speaking to me again." Chris felt a surge of annoyance or maybe even anger fly up through her. She turned to face him as she angrily closed a cupboard door.

"Then give me a real reason! Why is 50 David the better choice for your career? Giving me space is not a reason for career decisions." She paused and stared at him. He looked back at her with what she would swear was confusion and fear on his face. "Look, I'm trying not to get mad or shut down, but please," she looked at him and paused, "please just be honest." Chris almost cringed at hearing her own pleading and if she were completely honest, she was scared of his answer. What if what Molly had said wasn't true? While Chris's thoughts swirled in her head, she just kept levelling him with her eyes. Street had trouble to react to that. And so, he stammered out,

"I told you. I thought it would be for the best. So, we can fix us." He stopped when Chris visibly rolled her eyes at him as her annoyance grew even more.

"Why do you insist on making me the bad guy?" Chris finally exploded. She looked at him shaking her head. "I AM the reason your relationship ended. I WAS that other woman in it. It IS all because of me."

"Come on, that's not true." He tried getting her off that road but that was all he could get in word wise. Before Chris couldn't stop the question on the forefront of her mind anymore.

"So, tell me this," she answered looking at him. Anger evident on her face. "You didn't tell Molly you love me?" It flew out of her mouth and she could do nothing once it was said. She saw the shock on his face as his eyes widened. "Yeah, she came to see me the other day at HQ." Chris continued as she turned away to pick up her beer. "To have a girl talk, I guess." She opened the fridge and took another beer out, offering it to him as she walked back around the counter towards him. "She told me some stuff about you guys talking it out, and how I need to be there for you, be honest and talk to you, and then she said you told her you love me." She finished as she gave him the beer and looked up at him. She was waiting for him to say something, anything. But, as the silence echoed between them, she frowned and moved past him to sit on the sofa. He closed his eyes and lowered his head cursing to himself,

"Shit!" Before he moved to an adjacent chair and slowly sat down on the arm of it facing her.

"I'm sorry. I see why you're angry. That was something I shouldn't have said to her."

"You think?" She almost hissed, as she felt the uncomfortable silence.

She looked down and picked at the label on the bottle. He knew he had to derail that train she was on. He had to make her see that Molly and him being over was just the end of one chapter. That he was excited to see what the next chapters of his life will entail. That there is no need for her to torment herself like she is.

He looked at her. "Chris, you have got to stop punishing yourself for me and Molly ending it. It just wasn't gunna work out in the long run and we have both now accepted that. Yes, we talked it out and we agreed that it just wasn't meant to be, that we weren't right for each other."

In that moment Chris remembered more of Molly's words. "I don't have his heart, you do." Part of her felt her heart sing and swoon, and part of her was terrified and scared. She was sitting replaying all of it in her head when he moved in front of her and crouched down.

"I am sorry." He whispered. She struggled to meet his eyes though, keeping her head down. She nodded slowly, acknowledging him. "I just want to fix this. I can't lose you again." He said quietly.

"Can you tell me why you are so adamant to stay 50 David then? It has to be more than just to give me space?" She asked slowly looking at him through her dark hair. He watched her inhale hard and squeeze her eyes tight and sensed she was about to cry. So, he reached his hands out until his fingers met hers on the bottle. He took it from her and placed it on the table next to the chair with his.

"Chris," he slowly spoke, and he tentatively tugged her fingers until he held her hands. She swallowed hard and trembled. "I want to stay 50 David because, well, do you remember that day in the charger? Or that talk on the beach at the picnic day?" He paused and eyed her. She didn't look up, but she nodded. "Well, I guess deep down inside me, I will always still hold out a hope that one day, maybe, you will see how much I've grown. You will know in your heart that I AM ready for that kind of relationship, and more importantly you will understand how much I want that with you, and all that I am willing to do to make sure that it can happen."

Her emotions were all over the place. He felt the shake in her hands and heard her sob slightly, so he let go of her fingers and pulled her in to hug her. She closed her eyes as her head hit his shoulder. She felt tears escaping. His arms held her tight in silence for a bit. She could hear his heartbeat as her head rested on him. She bit at the inside of her lip to stop herself from crying more. She didn't want to make him let go, she didn't want to pull away. As she tried to summon the courage to sit back, he spoke again.

"And just for the record," he paused, "I was being honest when I said that to Molly. I DO love you."

She squeezed her eyes tighter and grimaced a little.

"Jesus, Jim!" She whispered as she pulled back slowly, wiping her face. She continued to stare down as she tried to summon the courage to look up at him. As she sat there still teary, not meeting his eyes, he felt like he had really ruined everything now. But deep down inside he knew that owning it was the right move.

"I'm just trying to be open and honest here Chris." He said quietly. "You can't actually be surprised by that? You had to know how I really feel about you. Why we've ended up like this?"

She slowly forced her eyes open and dragged them up to his. She couldn't even manage a word as his brown eyes stared back at her. He lifted his arms to hug her again, but as he drew her close, she held his gaze for longer this time. It seemed as if there was a part of her that wasn't ready to let that moment go. He looked back at her, and slowly lowered his arms to again hold her hands. She chewed her bottom lip a bit and closed her eyes briefly.

"What?" He softly whispered eyeing her. "Talk to me Chris." She danced her eyes around his face,

"I am not surprised, no, but that's a lot of pressure. What if?" She began as she swallowed hard. "What if I um?" She looked away from him as she summoned the courage to say the next part.

"Chris?" He whispered squeezing her hands gently, reminding her that he was here and listening.

"What if we take the chance and I can't live up to your expectations? What if it turns out differently than you imagine? What will happen then?"

He tilted his head to the side and his eyes widened a little.

"What do you mean?"

"I just am scared that, that we might stuff this up, and I can't lose you either," she mumbled softly.

He squeezed her hands and sighed. "Chris, you won't lose me. I'm not going to walk away from you. You are all I want."

She looked down again and inhaled slowly, trying to summon all her courage as she slowly nodded.

"What? Use your words?" He prodded, as she sat looking at their hands.

"Okay, well, what if I want to say, stuff all that. What if I am ready to maybe agree you stay on 50 David, so that you and I could," she traced her teeth over her lip and slowly glanced at him.

His eyes were still wide, and they were scanning every inch of her.

"So that you and I could, what?"

She smiled a little and rolled her eyes. "I gotta say it, huh?"

She saw his face beginning to smile too. _Those damn dimples._

"Maybe, you and I could, actually try this." She traced her thumbs over his hands, and she was sure her heart stopped as she watched him in front of her. He was frozen. He said nothing. Made no moves or attempt to answer her. The silence made her suddenly mutter to herself, 'shit good one Chris, you've gone and done it again.' She was about to force him back so she could stand up when, he squeezed her hands hard.

"Chris, are you, I mean are you sure? You want to take that risk on me now?" She could hear the disbelief in his voice.

"Look, I still don't like that you want to stay on 50 David but, I've realised something the last few days." She answered. "That I've got to stop fighting this. Stop hiding and just be honest here. So, um, Jim," she paused and wriggled forward closer to him. Her knees pushed into his legs and her hands nervously tugged at his shirt. "I guess I feel now, that it's not about me just thinking how risky this could be. It's more that, I kind of now think, it would be more risky for us both not to, not to actually see what this, what we, could be." Slowly she looked up at him as his disbelief faded into relief and then sheer happiness. His dimples grew as his face lit up, realising what she was actually saying. His eyes looked back at her and in that moment time around them seemed to slow down. As they sat there, with only a few inches between them, Chris felt herself slowly move her gaze to his lips. The skin on the back of her neck began to prickle, and her stomach started to flutter. Her fingers tightened on the front of his shirt as she tugged him closer, leaning up to slowly graze her lips over his. The warmth of his lips against hers made her let out a low exhale, almost a relieved sigh. He felt that rush too and moved his hands to her neck and jaw line, bringing her lips to his with a hunger that she had felt too, kissing her hard.

As they eventually drew apart for air she smiled, looking at him as he stared at her. The next few words wouldn't stay inside anymore. In that moment she just had to let it out.

"I love you too. I do."


End file.
